Christmas Bad News
Discussion
Harry Flashman said:
Interestingly, whilst Lady F is an exercise addict and generally in good shape, now that the baby has gone, her body is revealing how punishing a pregnancy really is. She is tired, feels flabby and simply cannot do the sort of things she normally can
My wife's still going through this 3 months on from birth, it's natural but you can never really just say that as consolation/comfort. If yours is like mine, she just wants to be back to her old self. Actually, her new self - this is the thing with going through pregnancy, there's no going back to how it was, it's all new from here and it's taken my wife a while to realise you cant go back, equally you cant stay where you are, you've got to move forward. We talked a lot before our 12 weeks scan about how we could/would handle anything that might be wrong. We decided that if we had to make choices at that stage we wanted to have a small support network around us, immediate family knew we were pregnant the week after we found out. Everyone else we told at 13 weeks. We had a trouble free pregnancy and birth, but tried to prepare as much as we could for things not working out. No real reason, more hope for the best, plan for the worst til we knew things were on track.
I feel for you both, I really do, because the thought of what you had to go through and come out of, it must be completely heartbreaking. You dont have to explain it or rationalise it, it's just heartbreaking.
Hope that you find the head space to address it both together and in your own ways and I hope that you can each openly without judgement on the other just speak your mind about the issues, anger, sadness, regrets - I hope you've got the relationship where you can be that open and have the conversation, because you'll need each other more than ever to get through it.
Edited by andy-xr on Monday 2nd January 05:59
Thoughts are with you both.
Not quite the same I know, but we had an ectopic pregnancy and a miscarriage, but 2 healthy children either side, hope for the same for you.
Sorry about your hospital experience, maybe try a different one next time (sorry if it's been covered, not read the whole thread). Our friends have had horrible treatment in the next hospital to us, but ours have always been great.
Take care.
Not quite the same I know, but we had an ectopic pregnancy and a miscarriage, but 2 healthy children either side, hope for the same for you.
Sorry about your hospital experience, maybe try a different one next time (sorry if it's been covered, not read the whole thread). Our friends have had horrible treatment in the next hospital to us, but ours have always been great.
Take care.
Terrible news and you have my sympathy but thought I'd add a few lines as unfortunately I've had a few similar experiences.
My brother was killed a few years ago and whilst I understand that the Police / medical staff deal with this stuff everyday and harden up to it, I have one fond memory of the lovely woman at the Mortuary who had the compassion that was missing from everyone else - it really is undervalued in the NHS.
Close friends had a similar scan result to your wife but opted to carry on and after many tests, scans and induced birth, the baby only survived a few days which put them both through a much longer ordeal - I'm sure you made the right decision.
It turned out one of them had a genetic abnormality and it was 50:50 whether it would happen again but they decided to take the chance and now have a lovely, healthy, 2yr old daughter.
IME women never fully get over a miscarriage / still birth / termination so please bear that in mind in future months / years.
I'm sure there will be some junior F's in the future, naturally or not, it doesn't matter.
My brother was killed a few years ago and whilst I understand that the Police / medical staff deal with this stuff everyday and harden up to it, I have one fond memory of the lovely woman at the Mortuary who had the compassion that was missing from everyone else - it really is undervalued in the NHS.
Close friends had a similar scan result to your wife but opted to carry on and after many tests, scans and induced birth, the baby only survived a few days which put them both through a much longer ordeal - I'm sure you made the right decision.
It turned out one of them had a genetic abnormality and it was 50:50 whether it would happen again but they decided to take the chance and now have a lovely, healthy, 2yr old daughter.
IME women never fully get over a miscarriage / still birth / termination so please bear that in mind in future months / years.
I'm sure there will be some junior F's in the future, naturally or not, it doesn't matter.
We went for the advanced screening (12 week scan and blood work) for our second yesterday. We primarily did this because the wife's family has a history of miscarriages (off the top of my head, it seems like each of them has had at least two 
).The wife being american, similar ties to Utah and all that, meant I had your situation in the back of my mind throughout the ultrasound.
I hope you get the all clear soon and that her second pregnancy is completely uneventful.
).The wife being american, similar ties to Utah and all that, meant I had your situation in the back of my mind throughout the ultrasound.I hope you get the all clear soon and that her second pregnancy is completely uneventful.
Thanks Jim - and to everyone.
Lady F unfortunately had some complications with the abortion, which means she really hasn't had a great January 2017. But her hormones are back to normal, her body is largely recovered and she seems largely herself again, which is great. She's back to her punishing exercise routine, so at least is getting back into her customary great shape. The downside is that I now have to go to the gym so as not to be ashamed. And I hate the gym.
It's quite bemusing when someone who is normally ultra rational becomes either sad or angry at the drop of a hat: you have to bite your tongue and realise that she enjoys it all even less than you do, and needs a hug, not an argument. Poor girl.
We have started doing some work for a local support group that helps people who go through miscarriages and worse, still births: NHS gives you a session of counselling, but that's it now, due to them needing money for more critical things: so these local groups/quasi charities have popped up and need volunteers. Lady F especially is finding it rewarding and constructive - I was scared it would make her dwell on things, but it hasn't, which is great.
I am helping by trying to buy another two seat sports car, as we are not having a kid just yet. This is most likely not actually helping at all, but Lady F is taking it all in good humour - I don't think she knows how serious I am about buying a good TVR Tuscan...
Lady F unfortunately had some complications with the abortion, which means she really hasn't had a great January 2017. But her hormones are back to normal, her body is largely recovered and she seems largely herself again, which is great. She's back to her punishing exercise routine, so at least is getting back into her customary great shape. The downside is that I now have to go to the gym so as not to be ashamed. And I hate the gym.
It's quite bemusing when someone who is normally ultra rational becomes either sad or angry at the drop of a hat: you have to bite your tongue and realise that she enjoys it all even less than you do, and needs a hug, not an argument. Poor girl.
We have started doing some work for a local support group that helps people who go through miscarriages and worse, still births: NHS gives you a session of counselling, but that's it now, due to them needing money for more critical things: so these local groups/quasi charities have popped up and need volunteers. Lady F especially is finding it rewarding and constructive - I was scared it would make her dwell on things, but it hasn't, which is great.
I am helping by trying to buy another two seat sports car, as we are not having a kid just yet. This is most likely not actually helping at all, but Lady F is taking it all in good humour - I don't think she knows how serious I am about buying a good TVR Tuscan...
Harry Flashman said:
I don't think she knows how serious I am about buying a good TVR Tuscan...
Good to hear everything is getting back to as normal a position as it can Mr F 
I'll just leave this here for you to peruse...............
http://www.pistonheads.com/classifieds/used-cars/t...
Not as pricey as most in the PH classifieds but does have a new top end on the engine and one of Dom's warranties on it
I read this at Christmas and it sent a shiver down my spine if I'm honest.
Fast forward 3 months or so, and it's real.
10' week scan today, no heartbeat detected. This is in addition to the wife having the severe form of morning sickness for the past 6 week and being off work, having to be admitted to hospital on a drip once.
She's not even sure if she wants to go through it again after this.
Now we have an evening of her running to the bog expelling what was meant to be our first kid in a few months.
I'm pragmatic about it. So is she to a certain extent. It's still f
king st.
Fast forward 3 months or so, and it's real.
10' week scan today, no heartbeat detected. This is in addition to the wife having the severe form of morning sickness for the past 6 week and being off work, having to be admitted to hospital on a drip once.
She's not even sure if she wants to go through it again after this.
Now we have an evening of her running to the bog expelling what was meant to be our first kid in a few months.
I'm pragmatic about it. So is she to a certain extent. It's still f
king st. princeperch said:
I read this at Christmas and it sent a shiver down my spine if I'm honest.
Fast forward 3 months or so, and it's real.
10' week scan today, no heartbeat detected. This is in addition to the wife having the severe form of morning sickness for the past 6 week and being off work, having to be admitted to hospital on a drip once.
She's not even sure if she wants to go through it again after this.
Now we have an evening of her running to the bog expelling what was meant to be our first kid in a few months.
I'm pragmatic about it. So is she to a certain extent. It's still fking st.
Its a horrid time. Sorry.Fast forward 3 months or so, and it's real.
10' week scan today, no heartbeat detected. This is in addition to the wife having the severe form of morning sickness for the past 6 week and being off work, having to be admitted to hospital on a drip once.
She's not even sure if she wants to go through it again after this.
Now we have an evening of her running to the bog expelling what was meant to be our first kid in a few months.
I'm pragmatic about it. So is she to a certain extent. It's still f
king st. This is a time to pour love, affection and re-assurance all over your wife. She'll need it.
We lost number 1. Number two is the best thing ever. Hang in there.
Sorry to hear of your situation. You will just have to be there to reassure and keep a close eye on her to make sure she's coping OK. In terms of what's happening this evening, speak to her and see how she wants to handle it when it happens.
We never had the "not sure about going through this again" thoughts afterwards. I guess everyone is different. That was after my son passing away when 2 months old and then a M/c at 9weeks.
Had our 34 week scan today with number 3 (4inc the mc) so it shows you can keep going.
We never had the "not sure about going through this again" thoughts afterwards. I guess everyone is different. That was after my son passing away when 2 months old and then a M/c at 9weeks.
Had our 34 week scan today with number 3 (4inc the mc) so it shows you can keep going.
princeperch said:
I read this at Christmas and it sent a shiver down my spine if I'm honest.
Fast forward 3 months or so, and it's real.
10' week scan today, no heartbeat detected. This is in addition to the wife having the severe form of morning sickness for the past 6 week and being off work, having to be admitted to hospital on a drip once.
She's not even sure if she wants to go through it again after this.
Now we have an evening of her running to the bog expelling what was meant to be our first kid in a few months.
I'm pragmatic about it. So is she to a certain extent. It's still fking st.
We went through this 18 years ago. We still think about little Elvis and the life he/she never had. No idea why we called him/her Elvis, it just seemed to stick.Fast forward 3 months or so, and it's real.
10' week scan today, no heartbeat detected. This is in addition to the wife having the severe form of morning sickness for the past 6 week and being off work, having to be admitted to hospital on a drip once.
She's not even sure if she wants to go through it again after this.
Now we have an evening of her running to the bog expelling what was meant to be our first kid in a few months.
I'm pragmatic about it. So is she to a certain extent. It's still f
king st. Time will heal, but never completely. The Mrs was pregnant again a few years later and we now have a 15 year old boy.
And yes it is f
king st when it happens.princeperch said:
I read this at Christmas and it sent a shiver down my spine if I'm honest.
Fast forward 3 months or so, and it's real.
10' week scan today, no heartbeat detected. This is in addition to the wife having the severe form of morning sickness for the past 6 week and being off work, having to be admitted to hospital on a drip once.
She's not even sure if she wants to go through it again after this.
Now we have an evening of her running to the bog expelling what was meant to be our first kid in a few months.
I
I'm pragmatic about it. So is she to a certain extent. It's still fking st.
I am so, so sorry to hear this. Trust me, I feel for you both, big time.Fast forward 3 months or so, and it's real.
10' week scan today, no heartbeat detected. This is in addition to the wife having the severe form of morning sickness for the past 6 week and being off work, having to be admitted to hospital on a drip once.
She's not even sure if she wants to go through it again after this.
Now we have an evening of her running to the bog expelling what was meant to be our first kid in a few months.
I
I'm pragmatic about it. So is she to a certain extent. It's still f
king st. Anything I can do to help, even if it's just a chat on or off-thread, let me know.
We have not conceived since, but it does get less raw, really. If Mrs PP is anything like Lady F, she'll need some care and love right now - as will you. Help each other out: you'll come out even stronger than before if you can hold each other up through this, I promise!
Wishing you both the best during a rubbish situation.
Also PP, my wife also felt that she never wanted to go through pregnancy again after her rough first trimester. It has taken a while for her to even think about putting herself through it again. We're both still a bit scared of it all, to be honest, but are beginning to get out heads around it. The way you both feel now will change.
Edited by Harry Flashman on Saturday 25th March 00:03
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