Christmas Bad News
Discussion
Oh man, that's really awful, thoughts with you and your good lady.
The NHS. Hmmm. I've sometimes had the best experiences with these guys, sometimes the worst, and I know of other terrible scenarios with similar endings...where sadly friends had to bury their own baby who should have been born healthy. Sometimes they really are lacking any compassion at all it seems. I guess you are angry because you just seem so powerless in this all.
Now is the time for you to lean on your friends. Having to take the tissue over is not something you need to do...I'm sure any one of your good mates could go with you to the clinic...pre-arrange everything with reception, arrange any letters/forms/ID etc, leave what needs be left at reception and get your mate to look after the logistics whilst you get your lady home and looked after, and make sure there is someone there for you to cry on too.
If it's any consolation at all if this is the first time, bear in mind that many pregnancies fail so you're not alone here. The timimg sucks but it sounds like you are both being incredibly pragmatic about things. Treat Christmas 2016 as just any other day, looking on the bright side at least people are off work and can rally round you at this tricky time. Your friend and family will do all they can to help...don't be afraid to unload some of the unpleasant stuff on them.
Best of luck with this all, thoughts with you.
The NHS. Hmmm. I've sometimes had the best experiences with these guys, sometimes the worst, and I know of other terrible scenarios with similar endings...where sadly friends had to bury their own baby who should have been born healthy. Sometimes they really are lacking any compassion at all it seems. I guess you are angry because you just seem so powerless in this all.
Now is the time for you to lean on your friends. Having to take the tissue over is not something you need to do...I'm sure any one of your good mates could go with you to the clinic...pre-arrange everything with reception, arrange any letters/forms/ID etc, leave what needs be left at reception and get your mate to look after the logistics whilst you get your lady home and looked after, and make sure there is someone there for you to cry on too.
If it's any consolation at all if this is the first time, bear in mind that many pregnancies fail so you're not alone here. The timimg sucks but it sounds like you are both being incredibly pragmatic about things. Treat Christmas 2016 as just any other day, looking on the bright side at least people are off work and can rally round you at this tricky time. Your friend and family will do all they can to help...don't be afraid to unload some of the unpleasant stuff on them.
Best of luck with this all, thoughts with you.
Mate, that is just awful. I'm really sorry to hear that this has happened and the way that you have been so disgustingly treated, but this part just really shocked and upset me...
Harry Flashman said:
However, the final genetic testing of the material from the foetus needs to be taken to Kings NHS before they close for Christmas at 5pm on Friday – there is no out of hours delivery. So I have to drive the tissue from our dead child over there on Friday afternoon or, if the procedure takes longer, keep it in my fridge over the Christmas period and deliver it next week. It may seem like a small thing, but that, on top of everything else, f
king sucks.
That must be just so horrible for you on top of everything else. Please, if you need to chat at any time just drop me a message.king sucks.Awful news, especially at this time of year 
Had similar from the NHS documented elsewhere on here but like you found private healthcare impeccable, another level of compassion, actually knowing what they're doing and a whole lot better organisation (the NHS couldn't return calls and forgot to call me back in for emergency surgery!).
The genetic tests are definitely worth it.
I've never told anybody this so sorry if I waffle....the GF and I had a scare earlier this year resulting in a (thankfully all considered) very early-term miscarriage of what now looks like twins. Although normally heartbreaking it was good, she had, partially through lack of confidence/fear of the unknown been putting off genetic testing (both siblings suffer from fragile X), the scare made her get herself tested only to confirm that unfortunately she is a carrier with a fair number of mutations (not 100% chance of being passed on though I don't think, but still high).
Although awful I am so glad that we now know, seeing the effort taken, emotional stress and serious health problems her parents have been put through I'm not sure if it is something we could have coped with. At least we know know for the future and have a way of planning around it, the genetic testing gives you that
Again sorry for your loss, especially at this time of year
Had similar from the NHS documented elsewhere on here but like you found private healthcare impeccable, another level of compassion, actually knowing what they're doing and a whole lot better organisation (the NHS couldn't return calls and forgot to call me back in for emergency surgery!).
The genetic tests are definitely worth it.
I've never told anybody this so sorry if I waffle....the GF and I had a scare earlier this year resulting in a (thankfully all considered) very early-term miscarriage of what now looks like twins. Although normally heartbreaking it was good, she had, partially through lack of confidence/fear of the unknown been putting off genetic testing (both siblings suffer from fragile X), the scare made her get herself tested only to confirm that unfortunately she is a carrier with a fair number of mutations (not 100% chance of being passed on though I don't think, but still high).
Although awful I am so glad that we now know, seeing the effort taken, emotional stress and serious health problems her parents have been put through I'm not sure if it is something we could have coped with. At least we know know for the future and have a way of planning around it, the genetic testing gives you that
Again sorry for your loss, especially at this time of year
OP, I feel the pain and distress you must both be going through at this sad time. I can only offer commiserations and trust that you will be strong for Lady F to help her through it.
Time really is a great healer, you won't ever forget the loss of your unborn child, but you will eventually get over it.
For now, seek the comfort and solace of your close family.
I hope the genetic tests turn out okay for you and that you go on to have a healthy happy child when you are both ready again.
When your anger and frustration at your treatment has subsided, consider getting in touch with the hospital to get them to improve their handling of delicate and unfortunate cases such as yours.
May I wish you both happier times, good health and better luck in the New Year.
Time really is a great healer, you won't ever forget the loss of your unborn child, but you will eventually get over it.
For now, seek the comfort and solace of your close family.
I hope the genetic tests turn out okay for you and that you go on to have a healthy happy child when you are both ready again.
When your anger and frustration at your treatment has subsided, consider getting in touch with the hospital to get them to improve their handling of delicate and unfortunate cases such as yours.
May I wish you both happier times, good health and better luck in the New Year.
I am so very sorry for you both. The timing is adding insult to injury.
For what it is worth, something similar happened to my wife and I about 5yrs ago. Fatal foetal abnormalities at 3 months leading to a termination. Not at Christmas but a day before my birthday so some coincidences of timing too.
It was and remains the worst thing that has ever happened to me/us. I realise that makes me quite fortunate in the grand scheme of things, but is of no help at the time.
The only advice I can offer is the usual platitude about time healing, or helping at least. It is trite but true.
A ghastly experience though it was, in the end it made our relationship stronger. Shared adversity and all that.
Be there for each other, be kind to your oh and accept her kindness in return. Don't expect to get over it in a week (or ever really tbh). But know that you will come to terms with it and get out the other side.
Your description of the moment you look at the monitor and realise that something is very very wrong took me right back. It's a bad, bad thing that has become part of me, for good and ill.
But I think it is facing and overcoming these bad times that makes us proper grown ups - it's life and that's all there is. KBO as Churchill said!
All the best to you and your missus.
Andy
For what it is worth, something similar happened to my wife and I about 5yrs ago. Fatal foetal abnormalities at 3 months leading to a termination. Not at Christmas but a day before my birthday so some coincidences of timing too.
It was and remains the worst thing that has ever happened to me/us. I realise that makes me quite fortunate in the grand scheme of things, but is of no help at the time.
The only advice I can offer is the usual platitude about time healing, or helping at least. It is trite but true.
A ghastly experience though it was, in the end it made our relationship stronger. Shared adversity and all that.
Be there for each other, be kind to your oh and accept her kindness in return. Don't expect to get over it in a week (or ever really tbh). But know that you will come to terms with it and get out the other side.
Your description of the moment you look at the monitor and realise that something is very very wrong took me right back. It's a bad, bad thing that has become part of me, for good and ill.
But I think it is facing and overcoming these bad times that makes us proper grown ups - it's life and that's all there is. KBO as Churchill said!
All the best to you and your missus.
Andy
Sorry to hear about your situation and my partner and I suffered similar and it was a freak incident and we successfully conceived sphortly after the flush procedure.
There is lots of help and support out there and I'm ashamed of my NHS colleagues at the unfeeling way they handled you and your wife, PALS (for your NHS issues)and Marie Stopes (for support) are very useful and recommend actively using both.
There is lots of help and support out there and I'm ashamed of my NHS colleagues at the unfeeling way they handled you and your wife, PALS (for your NHS issues)and Marie Stopes (for support) are very useful and recommend actively using both.
Chin up, its sounds horrible but it can only get better
My partner and I had two miscarriages, was horrible, in fact the second was almost routine. The first one I got a call at work that my partner was in a hospital 30 miles away, I drove over straightaway and spent a weekend where they couldn't give an answer what would happen, so we waited around all weekend, I then went to work Monday, sat at my desk for 10 minutes before my partner phoned me as she was in agony and losing a lot of blood, straight back to hospital and they confirmed a miscarriage.
As said the second was less painful and kind of routine
I thought I was "ok with it" but thinking back it subconsciously I wasn't. Me and the misses started drinking quite a bit, I remember after one session ended with the police trying to arrest me in my front room, even my tough as nails over confident dog was so scared he had jumped in a mop bucket to try and hide....
So look out for yourself would be my advice , it hits you hard
We had a break on trying and moved area and jobs and tried again. The trouble with miscarriages is that it's not until you have two or three is they are investigated at least that was the case for us . After close supervision we had a lovely baby girl who is now two
I could write on and on about complications regarding my partners health since, but that would deviate from the thread, but just remember anything is possible and I bet you will go on to have a lovely family, no matter how tough it is. Ive seen families go through horrid traumatic births and miscarriages to end up with a lovely children
No matter how tough it gets , as Churchill puts it KBO: Keep Buggering On
My partner and I had two miscarriages, was horrible, in fact the second was almost routine. The first one I got a call at work that my partner was in a hospital 30 miles away, I drove over straightaway and spent a weekend where they couldn't give an answer what would happen, so we waited around all weekend, I then went to work Monday, sat at my desk for 10 minutes before my partner phoned me as she was in agony and losing a lot of blood, straight back to hospital and they confirmed a miscarriage.
As said the second was less painful and kind of routine
I thought I was "ok with it" but thinking back it subconsciously I wasn't. Me and the misses started drinking quite a bit, I remember after one session ended with the police trying to arrest me in my front room, even my tough as nails over confident dog was so scared he had jumped in a mop bucket to try and hide....
So look out for yourself would be my advice , it hits you hard
We had a break on trying and moved area and jobs and tried again. The trouble with miscarriages is that it's not until you have two or three is they are investigated at least that was the case for us . After close supervision we had a lovely baby girl who is now two
I could write on and on about complications regarding my partners health since, but that would deviate from the thread, but just remember anything is possible and I bet you will go on to have a lovely family, no matter how tough it is. Ive seen families go through horrid traumatic births and miscarriages to end up with a lovely children
No matter how tough it gets , as Churchill puts it KBO: Keep Buggering On
We could mirror your situation about five or six years ago, although just no heartbeat at the 8 week scan, but it still hit us. I could also rant about the treatment, sat waiting for further scans with happy parents, and the detritus you also see there who manage to breed.
However, we now have a 3 1/3 year old girl, and well, whilst not forgetting the feelings we felt, we are very happy now.
Hopefully, in a few years you will be in the same position. So, be brave for her on Friday.
I don't envy you both the tests, but think of the long game, and what great parents you will make in a happy future.
However, we now have a 3 1/3 year old girl, and well, whilst not forgetting the feelings we felt, we are very happy now.
Hopefully, in a few years you will be in the same position. So, be brave for her on Friday.
I don't envy you both the tests, but think of the long game, and what great parents you will make in a happy future.
fking hell Harry, that is an awful situation, made worse by the whole doctors being inhuman jackasses bit. I cant imagine getting such news at an echo...
I experienced about 10% of that when our second kid just didnt respond to asthma meds, x-ray showed a lump
, was absolutely terrified for her life for a few weeks, which wasnt made that much better when several hypotheses were proven wrong and they still had no clue what was wrong with her
My sincere condolences to both you and the wife, fingers crossed that its not something genetically persistent..
Best wishes, for all the good that does you
king hell Harry, that is an awful situation, made worse by the whole doctors being inhuman jackasses bit. I cant imagine getting such news at an echo...I experienced about 10% of that when our second kid just didnt respond to asthma meds, x-ray showed a lump
, was absolutely terrified for her life for a few weeks, which wasnt made that much better when several hypotheses were proven wrong and they still had no clue what was wrong with herMy sincere condolences to both you and the wife, fingers crossed that its not something genetically persistent..
Best wishes, for all the good that does you
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Not to diminish HFs plight, but personally the year was quite decent, got rid of the ex and much happier now, even if it is difficult with kids involved, and the house still hangs in the balance...For the rest of it, 2016 can go die in a fire, the world has gotten so much more f
ked up...An awful story and you have my deepest sympathies. Like others on here, my wife has suffered 3 miscarriages (one before our daughter, 2 since). With close supervision from an (in my opinion) excellent consultant we are now 15 weeks pregnant and hopefully past the previous "danger" period.
I've no idea if it would help but I can pass on the name of our consultant (he is based at Darenth Valley Hospital in Kent but also at a number of other clinics in the area). Also, as already alluded to, miscarriage and complications are far more common than you may realise. It was only after it happened to us a couple of times we realised just how many of our friends had been through similar experiences, and their listening ear was invaluable in helping us to get through things.
You and your wife will be going through every emotion under sun at the moment and over the coming weeks and months. Please talk honestly with each other about your feelings. We didn't talk enough and I can be honestly say it nearly destroyed our marriage.
And here comes the cliche - things will get better over time, that I can promise you.
I've no idea if it would help but I can pass on the name of our consultant (he is based at Darenth Valley Hospital in Kent but also at a number of other clinics in the area). Also, as already alluded to, miscarriage and complications are far more common than you may realise. It was only after it happened to us a couple of times we realised just how many of our friends had been through similar experiences, and their listening ear was invaluable in helping us to get through things.
You and your wife will be going through every emotion under sun at the moment and over the coming weeks and months. Please talk honestly with each other about your feelings. We didn't talk enough and I can be honestly say it nearly destroyed our marriage.
And here comes the cliche - things will get better over time, that I can promise you.
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