Christmas Bad News
Discussion
wiggy001 said:
An awful story and you have my deepest sympathies. Like others on here, my wife has suffered 3 miscarriages (one before our daughter, 2 since). With close supervision from an (in my opinion) excellent consultant we are now 15 weeks pregnant and hopefully past the previous "danger" period.
I've no idea if it would help but I can pass on the name of our consultant (he is based at Darenth Valley Hospital in Kent but also at a number of other clinics in the area). Also, as already alluded to, miscarriage and complications are far more common than you may realise. It was only after it happened to us a couple of times we realised just how many of our friends had been through similar experiences, and their listening ear was invaluable in helping us to get through things.
You and your wife will be going through every emotion under sun at the moment and over the coming weeks and months. Please talk honestly with each other about your feelings. We didn't talk enough and I can be honestly say it nearly destroyed our marriage.
And here comes the cliche - things will get better over time, that I can promise you.
To add a drop to that bucket, my parents had two miscarriages before i showed up. They were already getting involved with adoption, so i have a younger sister and brother, both adopted. (due to the time it took back then i still preceded my sister)I've no idea if it would help but I can pass on the name of our consultant (he is based at Darenth Valley Hospital in Kent but also at a number of other clinics in the area). Also, as already alluded to, miscarriage and complications are far more common than you may realise. It was only after it happened to us a couple of times we realised just how many of our friends had been through similar experiences, and their listening ear was invaluable in helping us to get through things.
You and your wife will be going through every emotion under sun at the moment and over the coming weeks and months. Please talk honestly with each other about your feelings. We didn't talk enough and I can be honestly say it nearly destroyed our marriage.
And here comes the cliche - things will get better over time, that I can promise you.
Eventually, things do go right.
Harry Flashman said:
A genetic test means that we will be able to determine if this was a freak chance, or if there is something wrong with me or Lady F. I would obviously like to know this, to save ourselves from all of this again if we can. However, the final genetic testing of the material from the foetus needs to be taken to Kings NHS before they close for Christmas at 5pm on Friday – there is no out of hours delivery. So I have to drive the tissue from our dead child over there on Friday afternoon or, if the procedure takes longer, keep it in my fridge over the Christmas period and deliver it next week. It may seem like a small thing, but that, on top of everything else, f
king sucks.
I rarely post on here, but I am really sorry for your situation.king sucks.In regards to the above, I'm not sure where you are, but it might be worth a call to your local Blood Bikes control room if you have one.
http://www.bloodbikes.org.uk/ should list one nearby.
Hopefully they would be able to arrange collection and delivery of the samples so that's at least one thing less to worry about.
AnimalMkIV said:
Harry Flashman said:
A genetic test means that we will be able to determine if this was a freak chance, or if there is something wrong with me or Lady F. I would obviously like to know this, to save ourselves from all of this again if we can. However, the final genetic testing of the material from the foetus needs to be taken to Kings NHS before they close for Christmas at 5pm on Friday – there is no out of hours delivery. So I have to drive the tissue from our dead child over there on Friday afternoon or, if the procedure takes longer, keep it in my fridge over the Christmas period and deliver it next week. It may seem like a small thing, but that, on top of everything else, fking sucks.
I rarely post on here, but I am really sorry for your situation.king sucks.In regards to the above, I'm not sure where you are, but it might be worth a call to your local Blood Bikes control room if you have one.
http://www.bloodbikes.org.uk/ should list one nearby.
Hopefully they would be able to arrange collection and delivery of the samples so that's at least one thing less to worry about.
You will want to spend time with Mrs H Flashman, not fighting stupid traffic.
I can only offer my deepest sympathy to you and Lady F. We went through similar twice, once, like you a few days before Xmas. sttiest Xmas ever.
Roll on 20 years and we have two amazing kids, one at Uni and one still at home.
It still hits Mrs21 at Xmas every year. We both have a cuddle and a few tears.
You never forget what could have been but keep looking forward to what will be.
ttiest Xmas ever.Roll on 20 years and we have two amazing kids, one at Uni and one still at home.
It still hits Mrs21 at Xmas every year. We both have a cuddle and a few tears.
You never forget what could have been but keep looking forward to what will be.
I just had to log in to comment.
My wife and I went through a very similar situation 5 years ago. Second scan revealed enlarged parts of the brain, prognosis was very low chance of a live birth, and certain brain damage. My wife gave birth to our daughter on the 4th December, and we had a funeral on the 23rd. Postmortem validated our decision but it doesn;t make things any easier...
Christmas is still a difficult time in the family, though we now have 3 boys to help us through it. Wishing you all the best.
My wife and I went through a very similar situation 5 years ago. Second scan revealed enlarged parts of the brain, prognosis was very low chance of a live birth, and certain brain damage. My wife gave birth to our daughter on the 4th December, and we had a funeral on the 23rd. Postmortem validated our decision but it doesn;t make things any easier...
Christmas is still a difficult time in the family, though we now have 3 boys to help us through it. Wishing you all the best.
Bungleaio said:
There are no words but I feel for you both.
I can only echo the above.Can not imagine how bad you must both feel but from what little I know of you I strongly suspect that you have the strength of character to look after Mrs F and yourself at this horrific time and move on with your lives when you feel it appropriate/possible to do so.
Gutted for you OP and for some reason this time of the year always seems to make sh!t like this harder.
Me and my other half went through something extremely similar earlier this year. I was able to put a practical head on and deal with it better than my other half who still finds it hard to accept 5 months or so later. It's not easy but it's for the best and there is a bigger picture.
That doesn't help as life is just a massive kick in the balls sometimes.
Me and my other half went through something extremely similar earlier this year. I was able to put a practical head on and deal with it better than my other half who still finds it hard to accept 5 months or so later. It's not easy but it's for the best and there is a bigger picture.
That doesn't help as life is just a massive kick in the balls sometimes.
Harry, really sorry to hear of the news, and of the general dreadfulness of various circumstances within the situation.
As you say, it f*cking sucks.
I suspect you sought some degree of catharsis in writing all that down, and I hope venting to us lot, and reading our replies has helped in even in a small way.
As others have suggested, don't forget yourself in all this, you'll be the rock for Lady F, but rocks crumble too, so take care.
As you say, it f*cking sucks.
I suspect you sought some degree of catharsis in writing all that down, and I hope venting to us lot, and reading our replies has helped in even in a small way.
As others have suggested, don't forget yourself in all this, you'll be the rock for Lady F, but rocks crumble too, so take care.
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