Christmas Bad News
Discussion
Thanks all. When I can't really talk to anyone about this, being able to vent on here, and seeing your messages, as well as knowing others have gone through this, helps more than you know.
As someone else said - if this is the worst thing that happens to us in our lives, that in itself is a blessing. But right now, in the middle of it all, this feels pretty awful.
In my head I am asking questions why "why am I crying about a child I never even knew", and "why is this loss of something that was nothing but a hope anyway such a sting". I think it is that - this was our first pregnancy, we're both healthy, so neither of us thought anything could go wrong, we started adjusting our lives and our expectations.
A year ago I didn't really know if I wanted children. Now, having lost the chance of my own (hopefully temporarily), there's nothing I want more. Human nature is a puzzle, eh?
As someone else said - if this is the worst thing that happens to us in our lives, that in itself is a blessing. But right now, in the middle of it all, this feels pretty awful.
In my head I am asking questions why "why am I crying about a child I never even knew", and "why is this loss of something that was nothing but a hope anyway such a sting". I think it is that - this was our first pregnancy, we're both healthy, so neither of us thought anything could go wrong, we started adjusting our lives and our expectations.
A year ago I didn't really know if I wanted children. Now, having lost the chance of my own (hopefully temporarily), there's nothing I want more. Human nature is a puzzle, eh?
Sorry to hear it.
We're just past the 12 week scan, and waiting for results of blood tests.
In the summer, we went for a private scan before the 12 week point, as wife was worried. Turns out she was right to be worried, and had had a missed miss.
My parents were staying with us at the time, having come over from NZ. I was ok until I had to tell them.
The one good thing that came out of it was that although I already thought my wife was pretty f
king great, it revealed a strength and depth of character that had only previously been hinted at.
Fingers crossed for you and your next attempt when you feel ready.
We're just past the 12 week scan, and waiting for results of blood tests.
In the summer, we went for a private scan before the 12 week point, as wife was worried. Turns out she was right to be worried, and had had a missed miss.
My parents were staying with us at the time, having come over from NZ. I was ok until I had to tell them.
The one good thing that came out of it was that although I already thought my wife was pretty f
king great, it revealed a strength and depth of character that had only previously been hinted at.Fingers crossed for you and your next attempt when you feel ready.
Harry Flashman said:
Thanks all. When I can't really talk to anyone about this, being able to vent on here, and seeing your messages, as well as knowing others have gone through this, helps more than you know.
As someone else said - if this is the worst thing that happens to us in our lives, that in itself is a blessing. But right now, in the middle of it all, this feels pretty awful.
In my head I am asking questions why "why am I crying about a child I never even knew", and "why is this loss of something that was nothing but a hope anyway such a sting". I think it is that - this was our first pregnancy, we're both healthy, so neither of us thought anything could go wrong, we started adjusting our lives and our expectations.
A year ago I didn't really know if I wanted children. Now, having lost the chance of my own (hopefully temporarily), there's nothing I want more. Human nature is a puzzle, eh?
Fella you've just got to keep at, I know the old phrase 'sometimes it's not meant to be' can ring hollowm but there is some merit to it.As someone else said - if this is the worst thing that happens to us in our lives, that in itself is a blessing. But right now, in the middle of it all, this feels pretty awful.
In my head I am asking questions why "why am I crying about a child I never even knew", and "why is this loss of something that was nothing but a hope anyway such a sting". I think it is that - this was our first pregnancy, we're both healthy, so neither of us thought anything could go wrong, we started adjusting our lives and our expectations.
A year ago I didn't really know if I wanted children. Now, having lost the chance of my own (hopefully temporarily), there's nothing I want more. Human nature is a puzzle, eh?
It took two years to conceive my lad, and a few months into the pregancy she started spotting blood and I got her in for a check up at the hospital. A quick blood test and yes she was still pregnant.
Unfortunately the 'consultant' dropped the bomb shell of 'well of course at your age and under these circumstances the pregnancy rarely goes to full term' - I nearly dragged the consultant out of the room to smash his head against a wall. Especially because there was a lady in the next bed who had lost her husband to cancer and was on her very last chance of IVF, she was experiencing exactly the same symptoms.
Don't get too wrapped up in the medical teams treatment of the situation, they are dealing with this stuff all day every day and get desensitised to just how much it affects people.
Stay positive and try again, one day you'll be like me reading a thread like this 10 years down the line and remembering how the mid wife whispered in your ear 'Don't worry, you'll be fine with this one, he's one of the ones that has been here before.'
Best of luck to you both, it appears to have got a bit dusty here, I think I need a short walk to clear my eyes.
Sorry to hear this has occurred to you so close to Christmas.
A very close friend of mine and his wife had the exact same circumstances as you, a couple of weeks prior to Christmas, 2 years ago. Heartbreaking seeing them go through it, and they were certainly affected by it a lot at the time, made it really hard as they had been gearing up to announcing the news to us when they found out.
Looking back now, they said at the time how much the support of their family and friends meant to them and helped them through the tough time.
Pleasantly now, they have a healthy boy who just turned 1 last month, I wish you both well also and that this isn't the end for you.
A very close friend of mine and his wife had the exact same circumstances as you, a couple of weeks prior to Christmas, 2 years ago. Heartbreaking seeing them go through it, and they were certainly affected by it a lot at the time, made it really hard as they had been gearing up to announcing the news to us when they found out.
Looking back now, they said at the time how much the support of their family and friends meant to them and helped them through the tough time.
Pleasantly now, they have a healthy boy who just turned 1 last month, I wish you both well also and that this isn't the end for you.
A useless platitude I know, but I am genuinely moved by your situation and wish you all the best.
Clearly Christmas won't be the same, take some time to grieve, and importantly be together and support each other.
Echoing what others have said regarding how callus consultants etc can be. Having experienced IVF and being told what might not be throughout the experience, I think the consultants have to approach it from a very stepped back position, but it never comes across well in the consultants office.
Clearly Christmas won't be the same, take some time to grieve, and importantly be together and support each other.
Echoing what others have said regarding how callus consultants etc can be. Having experienced IVF and being told what might not be throughout the experience, I think the consultants have to approach it from a very stepped back position, but it never comes across well in the consultants office.
Edited by joestifff on Wednesday 21st December 16:12
Very sorry to hear your news
In 1988, the first Mrs. B. was four months pregnant when she was mugged for her briefcase and thrown to the ground. We lost the baby through a miscarriage days later.
Twenty eight years on and I've just returned from visiting our wonderful daughter's new flat. She would not have had a life had our first child survived. She is a great blessing to us.
I wish you and Mrs F. well in this time of great sadness. The pain will pass. All will be well.
In 1988, the first Mrs. B. was four months pregnant when she was mugged for her briefcase and thrown to the ground. We lost the baby through a miscarriage days later.
Twenty eight years on and I've just returned from visiting our wonderful daughter's new flat. She would not have had a life had our first child survived. She is a great blessing to us.
I wish you and Mrs F. well in this time of great sadness. The pain will pass. All will be well.
Truly awful,
I can only say I wish it is an unfortunate one off occurrence and that you and Mrs F one day have a child you can share your love with.
Terrible time of the year for anything like this to happen, I do hope in the coming days you both find a moment where the gravity of your situation leaves your mind and you can enjoy each others company over the festive period.
All the best for the future.
I can only say I wish it is an unfortunate one off occurrence and that you and Mrs F one day have a child you can share your love with.
Terrible time of the year for anything like this to happen, I do hope in the coming days you both find a moment where the gravity of your situation leaves your mind and you can enjoy each others company over the festive period.
All the best for the future.
Sorry for your loss so close to Christmas, 
My wife had four miscarriages before our daughter was born and another one after so all the feelings you have now I've been through.
We felt the same way, at times, about the treatment from some of the staff but just accepted it's something they see every day and they must be a bit distant just to get the job done, if that makes sense?
My wife had four miscarriages before our daughter was born and another one after so all the feelings you have now I've been through.
We felt the same way, at times, about the treatment from some of the staff but just accepted it's something they see every day and they must be a bit distant just to get the job done, if that makes sense?
This is a horrible situation, I know what it's like, we lost a baby though Edwards syndrome back in May. We were treated much better by the NHS though. Treliske hospital is often slated by the press, but they have been absolutely brilliant with us.
We have a son who is 2 in January, so we already have more than others, and perhaps I was a bit complacent at the 20wk scan, I was pretty much asleep in the chair (warm room, late night before), thinking it was just a formality of finding out the sex, when I heard them say 'Okay, it looks like there are some serious abnormalities'. That lead to probably the worst week of my life. My wife and I have extremely supportive families and they really helped us. Both of us have quite scientific backgrounds and basically looked at is as something was seriously wrong genetically, nothing can be done. We treated it as a pregnancy that didn't make it, rather than an unborn child, so no funeral, no naming and I think that helped us.
Although Edwards and Pataus are supposedly rare, we have a couple of friends that have lost babies due to them. One of them has 2 other healthy children, the other one now has a healthy daughter and we're pregnant again, due in June. We've had a 12 week scan and also had the option to pay extra for a screening in the US, which has shown there is a less than 1 in 10000 risk for this one to have Edwards or Pataus. I'm sure we're going to be nervous going into the 20 week scan, but at least having that extra screening done has reduced the chance of finding the same outcome again. From what we were told, the chance of Edwards or Pataus happening again to the same couple is very small, but for the sake of a couple of hundred quid, we got the tests done.
We were offered counselling by the NHS and various groups, but didn't want to take them up on it. My cousin and his wife lost a baby a few years ago, went through all the groups etc and, in my mind, are still dwelling on it. I don't go on facebook a lot, but when I see something from him and his wife, it is always about lost babies, rather than something positive about their daughter. Each to their own, but I think looking at the positives is the best way. You know everything is working, making them is fun and a Morgan is better than an estate. It seems truly st now, but it will get better.
We have a son who is 2 in January, so we already have more than others, and perhaps I was a bit complacent at the 20wk scan, I was pretty much asleep in the chair (warm room, late night before), thinking it was just a formality of finding out the sex, when I heard them say 'Okay, it looks like there are some serious abnormalities'. That lead to probably the worst week of my life. My wife and I have extremely supportive families and they really helped us. Both of us have quite scientific backgrounds and basically looked at is as something was seriously wrong genetically, nothing can be done. We treated it as a pregnancy that didn't make it, rather than an unborn child, so no funeral, no naming and I think that helped us.
Although Edwards and Pataus are supposedly rare, we have a couple of friends that have lost babies due to them. One of them has 2 other healthy children, the other one now has a healthy daughter and we're pregnant again, due in June. We've had a 12 week scan and also had the option to pay extra for a screening in the US, which has shown there is a less than 1 in 10000 risk for this one to have Edwards or Pataus. I'm sure we're going to be nervous going into the 20 week scan, but at least having that extra screening done has reduced the chance of finding the same outcome again. From what we were told, the chance of Edwards or Pataus happening again to the same couple is very small, but for the sake of a couple of hundred quid, we got the tests done.
We were offered counselling by the NHS and various groups, but didn't want to take them up on it. My cousin and his wife lost a baby a few years ago, went through all the groups etc and, in my mind, are still dwelling on it. I don't go on facebook a lot, but when I see something from him and his wife, it is always about lost babies, rather than something positive about their daughter. Each to their own, but I think looking at the positives is the best way. You know everything is working, making them is fun and a Morgan is better than an estate. It seems truly s
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