Things that shouldn't exist but do.

[john2443]

I know that this is a bit controversial, but -

Tea.

Horrible stuff.

When I'm Prime Minister it will be banned along with Marmite and any mention or advertising of Christmas* more than a month beforehand.

• Restriction also applies to other festivals, but in the UK C'mas is the worst one for starting 6 months ahead.

[anonymous-user]

TEA?!

Outside. Now.

[brrapp]

john2443 said:

any mention or advertising of Christmas* more than a month beforehand.

Moaning about advertising Christmas too early and you get in on the act yourself with just over 11 months to go. Maybe we should add hypocrites to the list ?

[jesta1865]

OpulentBob said:

IT "professionals" - if you did your fking job properly, you'd not be needed to tell us to "turn it off and on again".

you do know the support staff didn't write the software, and despite this fixing 90% of peoples issues on their machines and it being a bit of a joke, people still don't do it and moan about the software being slow / buggy / irritating etc.

back on topic.

i agree with tea, closely followed by celery and rhubarb.

[KrazyIvan]

OpulentBob said:

IT "professionals" - if you did your fking job properly, you'd not be needed to tell us to "turn it off and on again".

Users like you are the reason I left IT, too many morons who think they know it all and that the IT department sit around on their arse all day waiting to fix your fk up, all because you cant follow a simple instructions.

For me, it has to be "tv soaps", I am probably making the wrong assumption that most people who watch them get pretty depressed, as nothing good ever seems to happen.

I'll add cycle lanes as well, as they never seemed to be used so just make the road smaller.

Little dogs, I know this is going to be controversial, but I don't get them, I have cats for sitting in my lap and being stroked, and proper dogs for accompanying me a walk.

[anonymous-user]

jesta1865 said:

you do know the support staff didn't write the software, and despite this fixing 90% of peoples issues on their machines and it being a bit of a joke, people still don't do it and moan about the software being slow / buggy / irritating etc.

I didn't really know that, but its the first thing any of us do, and it's normally after 3 or 4 cycles that we resort to calling out the spods to come and tell us that it's a network issue or a licence issue or some such technobabble.

jesta1865 said:

back on topic.

i agree with tea, closely followed by celery and rhubarb.

Agree. Celery tastes like earwax and is the preserve of the Quinoa-eating, Hummus-loving hipsters.

[RizzoTheRat]

OpulentBob said:

Celery tastes like earwax

Either you've got weird tastebuds or weird earwax. I'd be hard pushed to say which tastes worse but I wouldn't say they tasted similar

[anonymous-user]

KrazyIvan said:

Users like you are the reason I left IT, too many morons who think they know it all and that the IT department sit around on their arse all day waiting to fix your fk up, all because you cant follow a simple instructions.

Users like me? My laptop, now, works perfectly, as long as the spods don't mess with it any more. I can follow a simple instructions [sic] thanks, it's as easy as writing in grammatically correct English.

I also know the IT guys have (soon to be "had") wrangled it so that their office is hidden out the back, with specific card-access so that senior mgmt. can't get in there, and that over half have recently had disciplinary proceedings started as they had bypassed the security filters to give their dept (and their dept only) access to Facebook and other "restricted" sites wrt end-user agreements.

(You find out an awful lot when your Mrs is the Company Secretary)

[MarshPhantom]

Westy Pre-Lit said:

Wasps

No, mozzies, the little fkers absolutely love me. Never been bitten by a wasp or bee.

[Europa1]

Following on from the thread in N, P & E: Lily Allen.

[Shaoxter]

RizzoTheRat said:

Dyson Airblade V hand driers, the standard airblades you put your hands in to work really well, so why make a single sided version that's crap and always mounted too high?

The V ones are better, after a while the original Airblades get pretty grimey.

[glenrobbo]

Small dogs that yap incessantly all day long: Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Tap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yao Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap Yap....

And their doting owners who think said yappy dogs are actually their own precious child...

FFS!!!

[jesta1865]

OpulentBob said:

jesta1865 said:

you do know the support staff didn't write the software, and despite this fixing 90% of peoples issues on their machines and it being a bit of a joke, people still don't do it and moan about the software being slow / buggy / irritating etc.

I didn't really know that, but its the first thing any of us do, and it's normally after 3 or 4 cycles that we resort to calling out the spods to come and tell us that it's a network issue or a licence issue or some such technobabble.

jesta1865 said:

back on topic.

i agree with tea, closely followed by celery and rhubarb.

Agree. Celery tastes like earwax and is the preserve of the Quinoa-eating, Hummus-loving hipsters.

you are very much in the minority then, the amount of users that are asked have you rebooted, despite them having it written in the welcome email, and not done it is easily north of 85% i'd say.

if you've restarted more than a couple of times and it's not working still then yes it's a visit* / remote session etc.

• recently had to visit and calm down a user who threw their toys out of the pram, complaining to management that it should have been fixed via a remote session. reading the call log notes, it turned out they were at a client site at the time, no wifi connected so no internet, but still couldn't grasp why it couldn't be done remotely.

not sure about celery tasting like earwax, it just tastes like soggy string to me, with the fibres etc.

also slugs and snails, little fkers go after my herbs all the time, leave it alone you slimy little creeps, it's bad enough when you get trodden on when i'm only wearing socks on a trip to the garage, leave my pathetic attempts at gardening alone.

[john2443]

brrapp said:

Moaning about advertising Christmas too early and you get in on the act yourself with just over 11 months to go. Maybe we should add hypocrites to the list ?

OK, you've got me there.

It could only be debated in parliament after 25/11 to avoid disappearing up its own orifice!

[stevesingo]

Morningside said:

brrapp said:

conkerman said:

Whole Chicken in a can.

Wow! Is that a real thing? Is it a chicken shaped can, or is it a big normal shaped can with gaps, or are the bones made flexible in some way so the chicken can be squeezed in tight ? I'd love to see this.

Enjoy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVza_AnhQ3E

That is pretty grim, but I find myself strangely intrigued.

Where can I get one?

[dtmpower]

Laughable that people think IT professionals / IT Security are redundant.

[ReallyReallyGood]

Homeopathy.
The 4-door Mini.

[anonymous-user]

dtmpower said:

Laughable that people think IT professionals / IT Security are redundant.

IT support - the "professional" bit was sarcasm - even the lowliest printer-ink changers call themselves a Project MAnager or Administrator or even worse, Engineer.

[Rude-boy]

KrazyIvan said:

Little dogs, I know this is going to be controversial, but I don't get them, I have cats for sitting in my lap and being stroked, and proper dogs for accompanying me a walk.

Try putting a cat that doesn't want to be stroked on your lap - it will take large strips of flesh from you. That is of course if you can find where the effing thing has gone, assuming it isn't a house cat which is just a waste of an animals life.

Now a small dog that doesn't want to be stroked, so long as it isn't one of those nasty northern terrier type scrotes and after 320 seconds even the most reluctant will start to go "You know what I like this. I love my master."

Likewise I have never seen even the biggest hardest cat try to defend it's owner from attack. I have seen the smallest fluffiest little dog look like it was about to rip your head off and piss down your neck when it felt it's owner was under threat.

[Pamoothican]

Rude-boy said:

Likewise I have never seen even the biggest hardest cat try to defend it's owner from attack. I have seen the smallest fluffiest little dog look like it was about to rip your head off and piss down your neck when it felt it's owner was under threat.

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