i wanna tell you a story.
Discussion
Whilst I can see why people may doubt the OP unfortunately these things do happen when one is involved with a partner with a significant personality disorder, judging by the OPs comment that she is doing all of this as revenege for not treating her in a way she perceives she was entitled to I would guess that he has had the very serious misfortune to encounter someone with narcissitic personality disorder. Of course I may well be wrong on the specific type of disorder but her actions as described and that statement point very much towards narcisstic personality disorder.
Dealing with the aftermath of that disorder is not something to be taken lightly. The abuser combines a total lack of empathy for others with an all consuming need to control & dominate the lives of others. Narcissists have the ability to be superficially charming and incredibly manipulative, it is the emotional and mental equivalent of being targetted by a psychopath, as such being subject of their abuse has terrible impacts on the victims and causes them to act in totally irrational and out of character ways.
OP - Whatever her problems are you need to break this cycle immediately before it does any further damage.
The material changes in your life are a clear sign that this woman has wrought devestation on your mental and emotional wellbeing. You need to realise that this is not love, it is a manipulative charade being perpetrared by a malevolent individual who most likely has a serious and unpleasant personality disorder.
I would advise you to look for help with a professional with experience of dealing with survivors of abuse but if you do nothing else at this point please read the quotes and the link below to help you see that this is not in anyway a failing on your part and that help is available to end this:
http://thenarcissisticlife.com/what-is-a-narcissis...
Dealing with the aftermath of that disorder is not something to be taken lightly. The abuser combines a total lack of empathy for others with an all consuming need to control & dominate the lives of others. Narcissists have the ability to be superficially charming and incredibly manipulative, it is the emotional and mental equivalent of being targetted by a psychopath, as such being subject of their abuse has terrible impacts on the victims and causes them to act in totally irrational and out of character ways.
OP - Whatever her problems are you need to break this cycle immediately before it does any further damage.
The material changes in your life are a clear sign that this woman has wrought devestation on your mental and emotional wellbeing. You need to realise that this is not love, it is a manipulative charade being perpetrared by a malevolent individual who most likely has a serious and unpleasant personality disorder.
I would advise you to look for help with a professional with experience of dealing with survivors of abuse but if you do nothing else at this point please read the quotes and the link below to help you see that this is not in anyway a failing on your part and that help is available to end this:
said:
Narcissism is defined as: excessive sense of self-importance over and above the needs of others; grandiosity; arrogance; absence of ability to empathize and experience reciprocity in relationships; intense need for admiration/attention to fill very low self-esteem; impaired relationships resulting in parasitic/predatory behaviors designed to fill one’s self-esteem in the form of narcissistic supply (DSM-IV).
said:
People with narcissistic traits are known for targeting intelligent, self-sufficient, empathic individuals as partners. They tend to lack core identity (Brown, 2013), and need narcissistic supply to fill their empty psyches. Narcissistic supply comes mostly in the form of adulation, adoration, and attention, but any sort of feedback allows the individual with narcissistic qualities to feel alive (including negative attention). These individuals feel a sense of challenge in targeting highly successful, attractive individuals who may already be in other relationships and/or who express a sense of vulnerability (i.e. having grief or depression, or recently getting out of a relationship).
said:
If you have encountered an individual who seems to display these qualities, or are considering leaving a relationship with a similar person, it is in your best interests to get yourself out of the relationship as quickly as possible. People with narcissistic characteristics may be prone to causing harm by invading personal boundaries, lying about future possibilities in relationships, engaging in abuse, and exhibiting no empathy or remorse for emotional harm they have done.
http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/blindsided-recovering-narcissistic-abuse-relationship-0607134http://thenarcissisticlife.com/what-is-a-narcissis...
HerrSchnell - that's all well and good but let's presume the OP had been a bit of a cad whilst they were together.
Surely revenge goes with the territory? A case of the biter, bit?
Of course I could be reading too much into what he has said - or indeed he could be exaggerating as selling a house and a business in he space of time mentioned is pretty good going.
Surely revenge goes with the territory? A case of the biter, bit?
Of course I could be reading too much into what he has said - or indeed he could be exaggerating as selling a house and a business in he space of time mentioned is pretty good going.
Thankyou4calling said:
She told me she planned it all to bring me to my knees as punishment for not showing her what she deserved during the time we were together.
She sounds like she needs mental help. If she was remotely comfortable in her own skin she wouldn't need to issue you a list of ultimatums to carry out before she felt validated, she'd find validation in herself. You need to cut her out of your life completely and move on. Easier said than done, I know, but that needs to be your focus. A good thing to concentrate on would be re-establishing your business, setting up home for yourself where you want, not in a dirty, overcrowded city full a flailing aspirers who pay silly money to rent rabbit hutches so they can boast about where they live at school reunions, and treat your own life as if it's your own baby - something to care for, nurture and protect. If this deranged woman told you to sell your own child you surely wouldn't, so don't sell your life. She sounds like someone who's desperately insecure - has to have endless proof from you that you love her, has to live in London so she looks successful, etc. Her whole ego is built purely on how others perceive her. If you ever complete her list she'll find more items to add as she has a personality disorder which needs addressing - it'll never end. Shrug off the s
t and live your own life.Blib said:
From the OP's previous posts, you may have diagnosed the wrong person with narcissism.
Ah. The perils of taking the internets at face value while hungover.In which case ignore the above and carry on in your co-dependent nightmare OP until such time as it comes to a crashing end with one party banged up, sectioned or swinging from a light fitting.
With the caveat that God alone knows if this is true then a couple of thoughts.
1. Stay off the anti-depressants. They just make st worse down the line. Stay off the booze and anything else you might be into.
2. What did you do to prompt her to behave so abominably? I get the impression that this might be almost entirely your fault and guilt is making you do idiotic things. Reading between the lines I think I can guess. I got myself into a situation not unlike this in many ways some years back and eventually realized that it was just guilt and the need to control a situation I could no longer control that was driving my behavior. That is to say it was my control-freakery and narcissism that was the defining factor - not her capacity for cruelty. Took me far to long to notice. Much harm was done.
3. If you really are renting a place then move in there. st man, all you need is a mattress, a kettle, some tea and a mug. Soon you will come to associate the house with you and your swift return to form, rather than you and her, you can't stay at your mum's. That's just got to stop.
Also,
4. Stay off the anti-depressants. They just make st worse down the line. Stay off the booze and anything else you might be into.
And...
5. Stay off the anti-depressants. They just make st worse down the line. Stay off the booze and anything else you might be into.
It will pass.
Good luck.
1. Stay off the anti-depressants. They just make s
t worse down the line. Stay off the booze and anything else you might be into.2. What did you do to prompt her to behave so abominably? I get the impression that this might be almost entirely your fault and guilt is making you do idiotic things. Reading between the lines I think I can guess. I got myself into a situation not unlike this in many ways some years back and eventually realized that it was just guilt and the need to control a situation I could no longer control that was driving my behavior. That is to say it was my control-freakery and narcissism that was the defining factor - not her capacity for cruelty. Took me far to long to notice. Much harm was done.
3. If you really are renting a place then move in there. s
t man, all you need is a mattress, a kettle, some tea and a mug. Soon you will come to associate the house with you and your swift return to form, rather than you and her, you can't stay at your mum's. That's just got to stop.Also,
4. Stay off the anti-depressants. They just make s
t worse down the line. Stay off the booze and anything else you might be into.And...
5. Stay off the anti-depressants. They just make s
t worse down the line. Stay off the booze and anything else you might be into.It will pass.
Good luck.
HerrSchnell said:
Blib said:
From the OP's previous posts, you may have diagnosed the wrong person with narcissism.
Ah. The perils of taking the internets at face value while hungover.In which case ignore the above and carry on in your co-dependent nightmare OP until such time as it comes to a crashing end with one party banged up, sectioned or swinging from a light fitting.
Could also be hypomania. Easy to mix the two up.
"Of course to every story there are two sides and the truth lies between. Funnilly enough me posting on here is at her insistence so again I’m doing as told."
What's the other side of the story then? If your OH is making you post on here she'll surely want you to post up her side of the story?
What's the other side of the story then? If your OH is making you post on here she'll surely want you to post up her side of the story?
MitchT said:
She sounds like she needs mental help. If she was remotely comfortable in her own skin she wouldn't need to issue you a list of ultimatums to carry out before she felt validated, she'd find validation in herself. You need to cut her out of your life completely and move on. Easier said than done, I know, but that needs to be your focus. A good thing to concentrate on would be re-establishing your business, setting up home for yourself where you want, not in a dirty, overcrowded city full a flailing aspirers who pay silly money to rent rabbit hutches so they can boast about where they live at school reunions, and treat your own life as if it's your own baby - something to care for, nurture and protect. If this deranged woman told you to sell your own child you surely wouldn't, so don't sell your life. She sounds like someone who's desperately insecure - has to have endless proof from you that you love her, has to live in London so she looks successful, etc. Her whole ego is built purely on how others perceive her. If you ever complete her list she'll find more items to add as she has a personality disorder which needs addressing - it'll never end. Shrug off the st and live your own life.
Now, that's a very harsh indictment of a wonderful city. The way I see it, he has paid to rent a home in Clunge Central for a year and is a single man. He should be downloading Tinder and making the most of that upfront rent while taking time to plan where to move to and what work to do. t and live your own life.12 months with no rent concerns in a city absolutely riddled with slappers in a world where apps mean no faffing about wasting time. It's a bit of a golden opportunity, to put it mildly.
Of course the other side to the story could be that he's a raving lunatic stalking some poor girl.
Thankyou4calling said:
She told me to sell the house. So I did.
Told me to sell all the house contents. I did.
Told me to sell my businesses, so I did.
Told me to find a property in London for us to move to so I did.
Told me to get tested to show I was disease free so I did.
Told me to tell my family all I’d done so I did.
Told me to get a job in London. So I did.
Funnilly enough me posting on here is at her insistence so again I’m doing as told.
Assuming any of the above is true she's playing you like a fish - God knows what you did to make her act like that, but it must have been significant.Told me to sell all the house contents. I did.
Told me to sell my businesses, so I did.
Told me to find a property in London for us to move to so I did.
Told me to get tested to show I was disease free so I did.
Told me to tell my family all I’d done so I did.
Told me to get a job in London. So I did.
Funnilly enough me posting on here is at her insistence so again I’m doing as told.
So...she's getting off on you posting your humiliation on here - that means she's reading this too.
It's all too twisted for me to give you any advice - but good luck to you both.
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