Relationship Advice
Discussion
Apparently this is the mumsnet for men, so here goes.
I've called on a break with my girlfriend due to the fact that I question our future together - it's not that I don't feel anything for her, because I do - a lot in fact. We argue every now and then, but what couples don't. The reason why I question my future with her is because she is inherently lazy - her immediate family are very lazy. I may sound like I feel that I'm too good for her, but it's not that, it's just the state she lives in irritates me, you can imagine.
Were both in our early 20's and I'm currently saving up the deposit to buy our own place, she says by then things will change, however by then it'll be too late by that point and make the break up more complicated - and how can I take her word on this when every bit of evidence points towards the opposite (she's lazy). For instance, I bought her a car, only a little run around, which now looks like a skip inside with food wrappers etc.
Has anyone ever found themselves in a situation like this and do they change?
I've called on a break with my girlfriend due to the fact that I question our future together - it's not that I don't feel anything for her, because I do - a lot in fact. We argue every now and then, but what couples don't. The reason why I question my future with her is because she is inherently lazy - her immediate family are very lazy. I may sound like I feel that I'm too good for her, but it's not that, it's just the state she lives in irritates me, you can imagine.
Were both in our early 20's and I'm currently saving up the deposit to buy our own place, she says by then things will change, however by then it'll be too late by that point and make the break up more complicated - and how can I take her word on this when every bit of evidence points towards the opposite (she's lazy). For instance, I bought her a car, only a little run around, which now looks like a skip inside with food wrappers etc.
Has anyone ever found themselves in a situation like this and do they change?
If there's any doubt, there us no doubt. Shackling yourself to a huge financial commitment with someone isn't a great way of making them change for the better. If anything, when women start to get their way in a relationship, it can make their behaviour all the worse. You need balance, but when you're ready to make the move with the right girl, you'll know.
The whole people don't change thing is bulls
t, people can change, but only if they want to change.
If she's perfectly happy been lazy as you put it then she probably won't change her ways. As others have said it will probably come from the parents.
It's up to you what you do. How has she reacted to this break up?
t, people can change, but only if they want to change.If she's perfectly happy been lazy as you put it then she probably won't change her ways. As others have said it will probably come from the parents.
It's up to you what you do. How has she reacted to this break up?
I've been with my OH for 10 years.
She can't believe she still has to nag me to put the bathroom foot towel away, put washing up in the dishwasher, put my clothes in the laundry basket... etc etc. I do try to do these things, but they just don't matter to me like they do to her, so sometimes it doesn't get done.
I'm not saying she won't change, but...
She can't believe she still has to nag me to put the bathroom foot towel away, put washing up in the dishwasher, put my clothes in the laundry basket... etc etc. I do try to do these things, but they just don't matter to me like they do to her, so sometimes it doesn't get done.
I'm not saying she won't change, but...
VAZ2107FanClub said:
The reason why I question my future with her is because she is inherently lazy - her immediate family are very lazy. I may sound like I feel that I'm too good for her, but it's not that, it's just the state she lives in irritates me, you can imagine.
Were both in our early 20's and I'm currently saving up the deposit to buy our own place, she says by then things will change, however by then it'll be too late by that point and make the break up more complicated - and how can I take her word on this when every bit of evidence points towards the opposite (she's lazy). For instance, I bought her a car, only a little run around, which now looks like a skip inside with food wrappers etc.
1) She may not be lazy.... just different priorities.... accept itWere both in our early 20's and I'm currently saving up the deposit to buy our own place, she says by then things will change, however by then it'll be too late by that point and make the break up more complicated - and how can I take her word on this when every bit of evidence points towards the opposite (she's lazy). For instance, I bought her a car, only a little run around, which now looks like a skip inside with food wrappers etc.
2) leaving a car like a skip ...... they all do that sir
3) You're early 20s .... don't worry about it .....if you don't like it change her out it's no big deal. She'll only get fat & ugly anyhow & go off sex, assuming she's not already
My ex was the same and i found myself constantly nagging like a bh. Neither of us were happy about it.
Finding a dirty spoon shoved down the side of the sofa cushion was the most annoying. Pure laziness, couldn't even be bothered to walk to the kitchen a few metres away.
The parents are an excellent indication of lots of things, i think the examples they set seem to have quite a big impact.
I was willing to put up with it because i loved her, and its not the reason we split up... but im a firm believer that people dont change I'm afraid.
h. Neither of us were happy about it. Finding a dirty spoon shoved down the side of the sofa cushion was the most annoying. Pure laziness, couldn't even be bothered to walk to the kitchen a few metres away.
The parents are an excellent indication of lots of things, i think the examples they set seem to have quite a big impact.
I was willing to put up with it because i loved her, and its not the reason we split up... but im a firm believer that people dont change I'm afraid.
chrisr29 said:
skyline501 said:
VAZ2107FanClub said:
For instance, I bought her a car, only a little run around, which now looks like a skip inside with food wrappers etc.
Sorry, but that describes all/most women.
so true. 
Went out with a girl who had a Z4 for a while. The sheer quantity of abandoned designer shoes inside it were collectively worth more than the car!
nailed it. Your in your 20's get rid and move on. MitchT said:
Went out with a girl who had a Z4 for a while. The sheer quantity of abandoned designer shoes inside it were collectively worth more than the car!
I know the feeling. Every time I go home no car has any fuel in. Every car has numerous pairs of shoes, a couple of coats, dog leads, lipsticks, nail varnish, apple cores, empty crisp packets & half eaten sandwiches.
You should be a double decker root master! 
Of course people change - you're not the same person as you were in your teens; I'm certainly not.
Will she change? Well that's up to you and her and how much each of you are prepared to compromise - relationships are about compromise (and not sweating the petty stuff.)
You shouldn't be having to issue ultimatums (like threatening to break-up) to get a degree of compromise on something that is reasonable.
Will she change? Well that's up to you and her and how much each of you are prepared to compromise - relationships are about compromise (and not sweating the petty stuff.)
You shouldn't be having to issue ultimatums (like threatening to break-up) to get a degree of compromise on something that is reasonable.
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