Relationship Advice
Discussion
k that. Sow up your soppy mangina, dump Waynetta and buy a fast car which you can talk about on here and which attracts some hotties. 
VAZ2107FanClub said:
Apparently this is the mumsnet for men, so here goes.
I've called on a break with my girlfriend due to the fact that I question our future together - it's not that I don't feel anything for her, because I do - a lot in fact. We argue every now and then, but what couples don't. The reason why I question my future with her is because she is inherently lazy - her immediate family are very lazy. I may sound like I feel that I'm too good for her, but it's not that, it's just the state she lives in irritates me, you can imagine.
Were both in our early 20's and I'm currently saving up the deposit to buy our own place, she says by then things will change, however by then it'll be too late by that point and make the break up more complicated - and how can I take her word on this when every bit of evidence points towards the opposite (she's lazy). For instance, I bought her a car, only a little run around, which now looks like a skip inside with food wrappers etc.
Has anyone ever found themselves in a situation like this and do they change?
Why will they? What is stopping her changing now?I've called on a break with my girlfriend due to the fact that I question our future together - it's not that I don't feel anything for her, because I do - a lot in fact. We argue every now and then, but what couples don't. The reason why I question my future with her is because she is inherently lazy - her immediate family are very lazy. I may sound like I feel that I'm too good for her, but it's not that, it's just the state she lives in irritates me, you can imagine.
Were both in our early 20's and I'm currently saving up the deposit to buy our own place, she says by then things will change, however by then it'll be too late by that point and make the break up more complicated - and how can I take her word on this when every bit of evidence points towards the opposite (she's lazy). For instance, I bought her a car, only a little run around, which now looks like a skip inside with food wrappers etc.
Has anyone ever found themselves in a situation like this and do they change?
Yes.
No.
Laziness is usually a sign of underlying illness. Disease, minor or major, physical, oral or psychological, tires the body and leaves it less willing to do the normal everyday things, like tidying up. Before giving her the heave-ho, see if she has a problem with her teeth, bloods, periods, etc. A few trips to the doc could be transformative.
Ari said:
VAZ2107FanClub said:
Were both in our early 20's and I'm currently saving up the deposit to buy our own place, she says by then things will change, however by then it'll be too late by that point and make the break up more complicated - and how can I take her word on this when every bit of evidence points towards the opposite (she's lazy). For instance, I bought her a car, only a little run around, which now looks like a skip inside with food wrappers etc.
Has anyone ever found themselves in a situation like this and do they change?
Why will they? What is stopping her changing now?Has anyone ever found themselves in a situation like this and do they change?
Yes.
No.
The ability to change and willingness to change are two different things. Sounds as if she doesn't need/want to and isn't all that bothered about any consequences.
Yipper said:
Laziness is usually a sign of underlying illness. Disease, minor or major, physical, oral or psychological, tires the body and leaves it less willing to do the normal everyday things, like tidying up. Before giving her the heave-ho, see if she has a problem with her teeth, bloods, periods, etc. A few trips to the doc could be transformative.
"What are you doing love?""Just checking your molars, someone on the internet said it might be making you a lazy slob"
Yipper said:
Laziness is usually a sign of underlying illness. Disease, minor or major, physical, oral or psychological, tires the body and leaves it less willing to do the normal everyday things, like tidying up. Before giving her the heave-ho, see if she has a problem with her teeth, bloods, periods, etc. A few trips to the doc could be transformative.
Or, you know, maybe she just can't be arsed. I spent 2 years of a 4 year relationship thinking 'oh it will improve' (she wasn't lazy, just not the right person). Once responsibilities come along it will only exacerbate things.
Living together makes breakups about 10 times worse, trust me. You have to organise who's stuff is who's, financials, legal obligations, a new place to live, moving possessions etc...
You are in your early twenties. Get yourself on a plane and don't look back. I did and I'm having the time of my life in Oz!
It's one of the hardest things you'll do in your life and I wish you all the best.
Living together makes breakups about 10 times worse, trust me. You have to organise who's stuff is who's, financials, legal obligations, a new place to live, moving possessions etc...
You are in your early twenties. Get yourself on a plane and don't look back. I did and I'm having the time of my life in Oz!
It's one of the hardest things you'll do in your life and I wish you all the best.
People can change. My missus was a messy lazy sod when we met, 8yrs on shes completely different, tidier than me now, house always spotless, even the inside of her car isn't half bad. It might have been my nagging, or the fact the house is hers too now and we have children, but people can change. Just depends if you're willing to gamble on it.
VAZ2107FanClub said:
Were both in our early 20's
Move on FFS youre just a kid, if she pisses you off now she will continue to piss you off in 10 years people DO NOT change. Plenty more fish on plenty of fish. I hear dating is done online these days??!???!? Just swipe left or right based on a profile photo. Amazing.The first thing to do is to tell her how her laziness annoys you (with a bit of sensitivity).
And tell her that if it doesn't change by the time you're looking to move in together, she won't be moving anywhere because it would drive you mad.
Everyone can change but there has to be motivation to do so, if she's motivated enough to change by then - happy days. If she's not, she probably never will be so move on.
And tell her that if it doesn't change by the time you're looking to move in together, she won't be moving anywhere because it would drive you mad.
Everyone can change but there has to be motivation to do so, if she's motivated enough to change by then - happy days. If she's not, she probably never will be so move on.
Mobile Chicane said:
I suppose it depends what you mean by 'lazy'.
The odd dropped towel on the floor I could (possibly) live with. General slovenliness / unwillingness to get any kind of job definitely not.
I made the mistake of thinking tidiness wouldn't be much of an issue with an ex. However, when we moved in together it became a big issue and surprised me how much it impacted on my enjoyment of life. I admit I can be a little OCD in enjoying my home to be like a show house and everything being "in place", but living in bedlam with dirty coffee cups strewn around, clothing on the floor etc made for a miserable existence for me. I didn't think straight, I didn't feel like I could work professionally, I felt resentful at my continued efforts at nagging or trying to clean up to give me a semblance of sanity, only to return a few days later to find it worse. The odd dropped towel on the floor I could (possibly) live with. General slovenliness / unwillingness to get any kind of job definitely not.
It sounds a crazy thing to give up on someone you love for the sake of some untidiness but I came to the conclusion we were just too far apart for us to enjoy living together and, as such, there was no future. I remembering wondering if I was being irrational and shallow but, on reflection now it was the right thing to do as we would never have been happy living with that on a day to day level. Interestingly, it also seemed to have a relationship with our respective levels of drive. She was entirely happy with her lot, whereas I was always searching to improve on something or achieve the next thing. Not sure whether that was related or not and, whilst I respected her apparent satisfaction with her life, it was the cause of frustration on both parts in just not understanding one another. Great girl but can see now why it didn't work, as much as on paper it did externally.
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