Relationship Advice
Discussion
Hitch said:
Mumsnet for men? f
k that. Sow up your soppy mangina, dump Waynetta and buy a fast car which you can talk about on here and which attracts some hotties.
I should be a life coach.
Here here!k that. Sow up your soppy mangina, dump Waynetta and buy a fast car which you can talk about on here and which attracts some hotties. I should be a life coach.
My ex was lazy and it only didn't annoy as we had a cleaner who came in and sorted it out every day, but her mum was (imagine still is) a messy dirty hoarder (5bed Victorian house only 2 livable rooms as the rest jammed with rubbish) ... the warning signs were there and I believe little has changed
I don't think people can't change (if they really want to), but lazy people I would argue are less likely to change than any other negative personality trait
Well, there's lazy and there's lazy. If it's just a case of her not keeping her car clean, or doing less than her share of the domestic chores, that might be irritating but necessarily a relationship breaker. If she sits on her arse all day watching Jeremy Kyle etc wile you're working your arse off, then that's a bit different.
Yes, people can and do change, but they will only do so if they actually want to, not because someone else wants them to. Well, they might do it at a partner's insistence, but they will likely resent you for it, and it won't be good long term. I have learnt the hard way that you shouldn't want/expect a person to change from how they are - it'll either never happen or just make them unhappy rather than you. Take them as they are, if you can live with their faults/flaws/bad habits, then do so, otherwise move on before you get to the commitments of children, house, marriage.
You've already set the scene by buying a car for her - that just says to her that she doesn't have to earn/pay her way because you'll subsidise and bail her out. Lazy people are like sponges, they just soak up everything you give and do for them, and they're rarely grateful or give anything in return. The more you do for them, the more they think they're entitled to.
Yes, people can and do change, but they will only do so if they actually want to, not because someone else wants them to. Well, they might do it at a partner's insistence, but they will likely resent you for it, and it won't be good long term. I have learnt the hard way that you shouldn't want/expect a person to change from how they are - it'll either never happen or just make them unhappy rather than you. Take them as they are, if you can live with their faults/flaws/bad habits, then do so, otherwise move on before you get to the commitments of children, house, marriage.
You've already set the scene by buying a car for her - that just says to her that she doesn't have to earn/pay her way because you'll subsidise and bail her out. Lazy people are like sponges, they just soak up everything you give and do for them, and they're rarely grateful or give anything in return. The more you do for them, the more they think they're entitled to.
IME I've found that this kind of lazy stems from the fact that the person in question doesn't always 'get the point'!
Some people can't see a reason why everything should be like a show house at all times but will step up to the mark when they see a good reason to do so!
Give her a good reason, tell her it's affecting you to the point where she either changes or you'll call it a day.
Whatever the outcome, it'll be a winner!
Some people can't see a reason why everything should be like a show house at all times but will step up to the mark when they see a good reason to do so!
Give her a good reason, tell her it's affecting you to the point where she either changes or you'll call it a day.
Whatever the outcome, it'll be a winner!
Hitch said:
Mumsnet for men? fk that. Sow up your soppy mangina, dump Waynetta and buy a fast car which you can talk about on here and which attracts some hotties.
I should be a life coach.
I've seen your film.k that. Sow up your soppy mangina, dump Waynetta and buy a fast car which you can talk about on here and which attracts some hotties. I should be a life coach.
I think this can go either way.
I lived with someone when I was in my early 20s, we got on well and had a laugh but she was a nightmare to live with. Mainly because she was lazy round the house. She'd come in from work, get changed and the clothes would stay where they were taken off etc. Did my head in and after a few months that was the end of that.
My partner now though, made a conscious effort when moving in with me. I knew she wasn't as tidy as me but I am also well aware that I'm very particular in how I live. So we met in the middle. She works hard and is generally tidy although we do have the odd moment where we moan at each other but who doesn't.
That said, how someone keeps their car is not necessarily indicative of how they live indoors. I know a lot of people who's cars are disgusting inside, yet their house is nothing like that so the state of the runabout your bought OP, may not be a sign.
I lived with someone when I was in my early 20s, we got on well and had a laugh but she was a nightmare to live with. Mainly because she was lazy round the house. She'd come in from work, get changed and the clothes would stay where they were taken off etc. Did my head in and after a few months that was the end of that.
My partner now though, made a conscious effort when moving in with me. I knew she wasn't as tidy as me but I am also well aware that I'm very particular in how I live. So we met in the middle. She works hard and is generally tidy although we do have the odd moment where we moan at each other but who doesn't.
That said, how someone keeps their car is not necessarily indicative of how they live indoors. I know a lot of people who's cars are disgusting inside, yet their house is nothing like that so the state of the runabout your bought OP, may not be a sign.
If you cannot accept her as she is, you should call time on the relationship. The negative feelings will only grow. If as you say her family are of similar traits then I seriously doubt she will change. Imagine that car you bought and paid for and the negativity it brings your way, now imagine how things will be if you throw in a mortgage/house or a child!
Do you actually love her? No offence meant if caused, just the words you choose say different. If you are not happy then there is feck all chance you make her happy and vice versa. Twenties is still young, too young to be buying houses with a women suffering dislocation of the arse..
:-)
Do you actually love her? No offence meant if caused, just the words you choose say different. If you are not happy then there is feck all chance you make her happy and vice versa. Twenties is still young, too young to be buying houses with a women suffering dislocation of the arse..
:-)
mjb1 said:
Lazy people are like sponges, they just soak up everything you give and do for them, and they're rarely grateful or give anything in return. The more you do for them, the more they think they're entitled to.
I agree with this. OP, if she's not right and you go ahead and get married, you're just a divorce statistic of the future. If you have children with her as well, do I need to say more. Internet forums are littered with agnst from people who want out of a relationship they always knew wasn't right. Don't be scared to go looking for a better fit.Yipper said:
Laziness is usually a sign of underlying illness. Disease, minor or major, physical, oral or psychological, tires the body and leaves it less willing to do the normal everyday things, like tidying up. Before giving her the heave-ho, see if she has a problem with her teeth, bloods, periods, etc. A few trips to the doc could be transformative.
In which case I probably don't have long to go, I've been feeling this way for decades. I'd go see a doctor but you have to make a phone call and they expect you to turn up but who has the energy for that.poing said:
Yipper said:
Laziness is usually a sign of underlying illness. Disease, minor or major, physical, oral or psychological, tires the body and leaves it less willing to do the normal everyday things, like tidying up. Before giving her the heave-ho, see if she has a problem with her teeth, bloods, periods, etc. A few trips to the doc could be transformative.
In which case I probably don't have long to go, I've been feeling this way for decades. I'd go see a doctor but you have to make a phone call and they expect you to turn up but who has the energy for that.
The end must be nigh for me too. My beautician says I need a housekeeper. Having bedding laundered and having a cleaner is no good. She says professional ladies have a housekeeper now. Someone who will clean and iron and cook an odd meal. I might look into that.
Do what I do, tidy all her stuff away in the cupboards they are supposed to be in, she will go insane not finding her stuff.
Mine used to get annoyed with me as I wouldnt help tidy when we had friends coming over... She would tidy for them, but not for me, she soon got the message after I left the place in the state I found it knowing that she had her friends at the weekend. Took her 1/2 day to tidy everything up, then she might have agreed 15 odd minutes a night was better than losing free time at the weekend.
Mine used to get annoyed with me as I wouldnt help tidy when we had friends coming over... She would tidy for them, but not for me, she soon got the message after I left the place in the state I found it knowing that she had her friends at the weekend. Took her 1/2 day to tidy everything up, then she might have agreed 15 odd minutes a night was better than losing free time at the weekend.
Ari said:
GT03ROB said:
I know the feeling. Every time I go home no car has any fuel in. Every car has numerous pairs of shoes, a couple of coats, dog leads, lipsticks, nail varnish, apple cores, empty crisp packets & half eaten sandwiches.
Bet she looks really really pretty though...
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