Discussion
Tell your mum not to drink. If she can go the day staying sober she may be ok. If she gets pissed then you could have trouble. Tell her how upset and worried all this is making you. She is acting very selfishly and maybe doesn't realise how it's making you feel. Or maybe she does and doesn't care. Tough situation op. Make sure you let us know what happens.
Thanks for all the input guys. It will all be considered and we will try and sort something.
I agree it is all a bit Jeremy Kyle, my mum was brought up in a council house so maybe thats it lol
Ideally I want her there but behaving but as has been said she is a bloody liability.
We have told her in the past that her and my dad are not my problem. It had got to the point before that every time I made the effort to see her it would just be an hour of her b
hing about my dad so I stopped going for a bit and she reigned it in until something else in the divorce upset her then back to moaning again.
My OH is mortified by the whole thing. She is a very quiet gentle soul and has never been spoken to like that. It pushed her past her breaking point though as we have had such ballache arranging things in this wedding to limit the strain on my mum that it has upset my OH on numerous occasions and when mu mum kicked off the other night my OH actually argued back. We have been together over 10 years and I have never seen her lose it, and I cant have gone 10 years without doing some pretty stupid stuff that would have set any normal person off
To people wanting to view the carnage live, we can offer tickets at £200 per person
The plan is for my OHs Dad and brother to pop n have a calm but serious chat with my mum tomorrow or sunday in the hope that an almost outsider telling her that her behaviour is unacceptable might get her to buck her ideas up. Failing that I might show her this thread lol. Haven't really got much to lose at this point.
I agree it is all a bit Jeremy Kyle, my mum was brought up in a council house so maybe thats it lol
Ideally I want her there but behaving but as has been said she is a bloody liability.
We have told her in the past that her and my dad are not my problem. It had got to the point before that every time I made the effort to see her it would just be an hour of her b
hing about my dad so I stopped going for a bit and she reigned it in until something else in the divorce upset her then back to moaning again.My OH is mortified by the whole thing. She is a very quiet gentle soul and has never been spoken to like that. It pushed her past her breaking point though as we have had such ballache arranging things in this wedding to limit the strain on my mum that it has upset my OH on numerous occasions and when mu mum kicked off the other night my OH actually argued back. We have been together over 10 years and I have never seen her lose it, and I cant have gone 10 years without doing some pretty stupid stuff that would have set any normal person off
To people wanting to view the carnage live, we can offer tickets at £200 per person
The plan is for my OHs Dad and brother to pop n have a calm but serious chat with my mum tomorrow or sunday in the hope that an almost outsider telling her that her behaviour is unacceptable might get her to buck her ideas up. Failing that I might show her this thread lol. Haven't really got much to lose at this point.
Good idea with the others going to see her OP, maybe she wont kick off or maybe it'll make her more determined to kick off.
Id show her the thread anyways and say this is what its come to, im seeking advice on a car forum.
I do like your comment on your OH loosing it though made me chuckle.
Id show her the thread anyways and say this is what its come to, im seeking advice on a car forum.
I do like your comment on your OH loosing it though made me chuckle.
RB Will said:
As ever, what is a wedding without a bit of drama! Fortunately its not from the other half.
Its my Mother.
The backstory...
My parents had been married for 30 years, not a happy marriage by all accounts with plenty of infidelity (all hidden from me)but anyway it finally came to a head 3 years ago when my Dad eventually left my Mum for a new woman.
As far as I'm concerned this is the best situation as my Dad is now happier than I have ever seen him and thanks to the divorce my Mum is set for life and not having to put up with my Dad buggering about any more.
So Me and Mrs Will to be are getting married in 29 days, been engaged nearly a year but been an item for over 10.
All parents on both sides are invited. Her family no problems. My Dad has taken a bit of coercing to come for fear of drama and initially there would have been nobody for him to sit with so we said he could bring his other half. She also expressed nerves about coming and both are worried about my Mum kicking off, there is previous for this. They have said they are happy to be tucked well out of the way and keep themselves to themselves for the day and I believe they mean it and wont cause a problem as they understand its a one shot day and it means a lot to me and my OH.
My Mum was never happy about this and demanded that if my Dad was bringing someone she should be allowed a +1 so we said fine and she is bringing her best friend so everyone is happy.
Both my parents have been married before I came along so I have a step bro and sis on my Mums side and 2 step bros and a sis on my dads side.
Initially it was just the bro and sis on my Mums side that were invited as they were the two I grew up with. Kids on my dads side being older or living with their mum and currently living further away so dont see them often.
Sis on my mums side happy to come and be normal. My bro however showed a level of maturity I didnt think he had and said that he knows he can't trust himself around my Dad (they have had major issues in the past and my parents divorce has topped things off) so he said he wont come for our sake, excluding all of his family bar 1 daughter who likes me and my OH who will be coming with my sis.
After a while I thought its a long shot but I shouldnt just assume my other siblings wouldnt want to come based on their location so fired them invites and surprisingly 2 of them are coming.
My Mum has always got on well with them.
So fast forward to yesterday and I let my Mum know that other bro n sis were coming and that I am borrowing one of my Dads and his OHs cars at the moment for my stag do road trip as mine still has its engine out, its on my insurance and so if she could avoid vandalising it as it would be me paying and not doing him any harm.
I got the sttiest email I have ever had from her then unannounced she came to my house last night. I opened the door and she barges her way in and proceeds to scream the place down at me and my OH, good job it was only the dog that got scared and that we dont have any kids.
Anyway she seems to think that we are doing nothing but to try and hurt her, how dare I do this n that. My bro and sis on my dads side are now assholes who shouldn't be there despite having done or said nothing wrong, I shouldn't have the car and loads of other bks that she previously hasn't voiced a problem about.
Essentially there was no talking her round or calming her down. Every accusation she had against us we had a perfectly reasonable explanation for or she was just plain wrong with her accusation. Kept saying how she is sacrificing so much for this ,because apparently behaving like an adult and not ruining your sons wedding is too much of a sacrifice.
We told her that if her or her best friend kick off even the slightest they will both be ejected having ruined they day.
She thinks that no matter how much she kicks off we wont do anything and seems to find the idea of causing a scene or violence on the day quite funny and plans to get as drunk as possible (because my Dad is paying for the booze) then said if we do throw her out it will be the last we see of her.
It seems the only thing that may stop her being a monumental dick is if we tell my Dad's OH not to come but we still worry she will see red when she sees my Dad anyway as its been a bitter divorce although she has very much come out on top.
(I think she might have a touch of Stockholm syndrome as she never has anything nice to say about and will do anything to hurt my Dad and he has been an ass for the bast part of 30 years but she still loves him.
I personally think we should get her some counselling about this.)
After an hour she eventually ran out of steam and stormed off. I went after her to try and calm her down a bit and give her a lift home (in my OHs car) as she had walked over and it was dark and windy now but she wouldnt let me.
I did txt and call to make sure she got home ok, got no reply on the txt but when I caller her house phone it was engaged so she obviously made it and was probably on the phone to my sis. Not had a word from her today.
So apologies for the longest post ever but over to the wisdom of PH, anyone been here before?
TLDR;
Mum is threatening to ruin my wedding unless my Dad or a the least his OH are uninvited
What would you do? Tell my Mum not to show if she cant guarantee good behaviour? Tell my Dad or his OH they now cant come? Any other ideas welcome. Obviously any drama will be put on Youtube for the world to laugh at and maybe generate some revenue to recoup costs
As a bonus question. My Mum was supposed to be going on the OHs hen do next weekend. Should she be booted off that too if she even still wants to go as its going to be mighty awkward for my OH such a short time after yesterdays argument and probably a bit frosty with everyone else on the hen do as obviously they are my OHs friends and family.
Your mum clearly took someone's husband away and your dad's OH has done the same to her. Let everyone come, but write to them and let them know the situation. If everyone comes expecting her to be a dick and let's her be a dick all on her own with everyone silently watching, she will soon calm down and you can get on with your day. Do not uninvite her or tell her to calm down. Just let her be and she will be fine. If she makes a spectacle of herself be sure to video the whole thing for her to watch when she has calmed down. What's a wedding without drama after all. Its my Mother.
The backstory...
My parents had been married for 30 years, not a happy marriage by all accounts with plenty of infidelity (all hidden from me)but anyway it finally came to a head 3 years ago when my Dad eventually left my Mum for a new woman.
As far as I'm concerned this is the best situation as my Dad is now happier than I have ever seen him and thanks to the divorce my Mum is set for life and not having to put up with my Dad buggering about any more.
So Me and Mrs Will to be are getting married in 29 days, been engaged nearly a year but been an item for over 10.
All parents on both sides are invited. Her family no problems. My Dad has taken a bit of coercing to come for fear of drama and initially there would have been nobody for him to sit with so we said he could bring his other half. She also expressed nerves about coming and both are worried about my Mum kicking off, there is previous for this. They have said they are happy to be tucked well out of the way and keep themselves to themselves for the day and I believe they mean it and wont cause a problem as they understand its a one shot day and it means a lot to me and my OH.
My Mum was never happy about this and demanded that if my Dad was bringing someone she should be allowed a +1 so we said fine and she is bringing her best friend so everyone is happy.
Both my parents have been married before I came along so I have a step bro and sis on my Mums side and 2 step bros and a sis on my dads side.
Initially it was just the bro and sis on my Mums side that were invited as they were the two I grew up with. Kids on my dads side being older or living with their mum and currently living further away so dont see them often.
Sis on my mums side happy to come and be normal. My bro however showed a level of maturity I didnt think he had and said that he knows he can't trust himself around my Dad (they have had major issues in the past and my parents divorce has topped things off) so he said he wont come for our sake, excluding all of his family bar 1 daughter who likes me and my OH who will be coming with my sis.
After a while I thought its a long shot but I shouldnt just assume my other siblings wouldnt want to come based on their location so fired them invites and surprisingly 2 of them are coming.
My Mum has always got on well with them.
So fast forward to yesterday and I let my Mum know that other bro n sis were coming and that I am borrowing one of my Dads and his OHs cars at the moment for my stag do road trip as mine still has its engine out, its on my insurance and so if she could avoid vandalising it as it would be me paying and not doing him any harm.
I got the s
ttiest email I have ever had from her then unannounced she came to my house last night. I opened the door and she barges her way in and proceeds to scream the place down at me and my OH, good job it was only the dog that got scared and that we dont have any kids.Anyway she seems to think that we are doing nothing but to try and hurt her, how dare I do this n that. My bro and sis on my dads side are now assholes who shouldn't be there despite having done or said nothing wrong, I shouldn't have the car and loads of other b
ks that she previously hasn't voiced a problem about.Essentially there was no talking her round or calming her down. Every accusation she had against us we had a perfectly reasonable explanation for or she was just plain wrong with her accusation. Kept saying how she is sacrificing so much for this ,because apparently behaving like an adult and not ruining your sons wedding is too much of a sacrifice.
We told her that if her or her best friend kick off even the slightest they will both be ejected having ruined they day.
She thinks that no matter how much she kicks off we wont do anything and seems to find the idea of causing a scene or violence on the day quite funny and plans to get as drunk as possible (because my Dad is paying for the booze) then said if we do throw her out it will be the last we see of her.
It seems the only thing that may stop her being a monumental dick is if we tell my Dad's OH not to come but we still worry she will see red when she sees my Dad anyway as its been a bitter divorce although she has very much come out on top.
(I think she might have a touch of Stockholm syndrome as she never has anything nice to say about and will do anything to hurt my Dad and he has been an ass for the bast part of 30 years but she still loves him.
I personally think we should get her some counselling about this.)
After an hour she eventually ran out of steam and stormed off. I went after her to try and calm her down a bit and give her a lift home (in my OHs car) as she had walked over and it was dark and windy now but she wouldnt let me.
I did txt and call to make sure she got home ok, got no reply on the txt but when I caller her house phone it was engaged so she obviously made it and was probably on the phone to my sis. Not had a word from her today.
So apologies for the longest post ever but over to the wisdom of PH, anyone been here before?
TLDR;
Mum is threatening to ruin my wedding unless my Dad or a the least his OH are uninvited
What would you do? Tell my Mum not to show if she cant guarantee good behaviour? Tell my Dad or his OH they now cant come? Any other ideas welcome. Obviously any drama will be put on Youtube for the world to laugh at and maybe generate some revenue to recoup costs
As a bonus question. My Mum was supposed to be going on the OHs hen do next weekend. Should she be booted off that too if she even still wants to go as its going to be mighty awkward for my OH such a short time after yesterdays argument and probably a bit frosty with everyone else on the hen do as obviously they are my OHs friends and family.
OP - did your in-laws have a chat over the weekend & if so how did it go?
For what its worth, its your future wifes big day & yours but to a lesser extent (its all about the bride) anyone else apart from the person conducting the ceremony is only there to watch essentially so if needs tell Mum to do one as harsh as that would be.
For what its worth, its your future wifes big day & yours but to a lesser extent (its all about the bride) anyone else apart from the person conducting the ceremony is only there to watch essentially so if needs tell Mum to do one as harsh as that would be.
It could have gone better but could have been worse.
Apparently everyone was calm and got their views across. My Mum has said she wont ruin the day but I'm mighty nervous on that front as she has shown time and time again that once she is riled she doesnt care about anyone else so if she gets slightly upset on the day she probably wont stop herself. And this can be something as innocuous as me just acknowledging my Dads OH exists, let alone hugging, dancing or laughing with her.
She is not happy with how my OH raised her voice to her and thinks "she has shown her true colours" and she seems to have a bee in her bonnet against my OH and forgot all the stuff I shouted at her and me telling her to leave.
My Mum still has not contacted us since the argument and apparently is waiting for us to go and apologise for upsetting her!
We are now in the difficult position of what to do regards my OHs hen do. My Mum was supposed to be joining them and has paid for her part of the transport and activities but my OH cant bear the thought of having to spend a day with someone who has just treated her like dirt and seemingly still holds some resentment to her and not even tried to make amends. We feel the hen do is not the place for that but as its this Saturday we are running a bit short on time to build bridges. My Mum has not said if she still intends to go or not and the OHs sisters who have organised the whole thing are asking what my OH wants to do. They are happy to speak to my Mum and say everyone thinks its best if maybe you dont come now but I cant find the words to say it that dont sound mean and its a shame that she wont be going as in theory its a one shot deal but she did kind of bring it on herself.
I just dont know if telling her she shouldnt go is going to make things worse or if she is expecting it now. If she does go its going to ruin my OHs day regardless.
On the bright side I had a lovely weekend in Wales for my stag do this weekend just gone, no phone reception and 650miles of a grumbling V8 for company
Shame about it raining the whole time but hey I was hardly expecting Wales in Feb to be tropical. Will be doing it again in 2 weeks for one of my ushers' stag do lol.
Apparently everyone was calm and got their views across. My Mum has said she wont ruin the day but I'm mighty nervous on that front as she has shown time and time again that once she is riled she doesnt care about anyone else so if she gets slightly upset on the day she probably wont stop herself. And this can be something as innocuous as me just acknowledging my Dads OH exists, let alone hugging, dancing or laughing with her.
She is not happy with how my OH raised her voice to her and thinks "she has shown her true colours" and she seems to have a bee in her bonnet against my OH and forgot all the stuff I shouted at her and me telling her to leave.
My Mum still has not contacted us since the argument and apparently is waiting for us to go and apologise for upsetting her!
We are now in the difficult position of what to do regards my OHs hen do. My Mum was supposed to be joining them and has paid for her part of the transport and activities but my OH cant bear the thought of having to spend a day with someone who has just treated her like dirt and seemingly still holds some resentment to her and not even tried to make amends. We feel the hen do is not the place for that but as its this Saturday we are running a bit short on time to build bridges. My Mum has not said if she still intends to go or not and the OHs sisters who have organised the whole thing are asking what my OH wants to do. They are happy to speak to my Mum and say everyone thinks its best if maybe you dont come now but I cant find the words to say it that dont sound mean and its a shame that she wont be going as in theory its a one shot deal but she did kind of bring it on herself.
I just dont know if telling her she shouldnt go is going to make things worse or if she is expecting it now. If she does go its going to ruin my OHs day regardless.
On the bright side I had a lovely weekend in Wales for my stag do this weekend just gone, no phone reception and 650miles of a grumbling V8 for company
Shame about it raining the whole time but hey I was hardly expecting Wales in Feb to be tropical. Will be doing it again in 2 weeks for one of my ushers' stag do lol. Just for lite relief I have been at a wedding where a fight kicked off. It wasn't expected but the bride and her Aunt were giving it the full on screaming, hair pulling and swinging at each other. Not good.
Best of luck with the big day and dont forget it is your OH that you will be spending the rest of your life with. Your mum needs to grow up or back off.
Best of luck with the big day and dont forget it is your OH that you will be spending the rest of your life with. Your mum needs to grow up or back off.
Don1 said:
I would take the hen as a dry run for the wedding. If she does show, ply her with booze and see what happens.
(I would still univite her though - she sounds totally deluded and is attempting to cloth herself in the indignity she feels justifies her actions).
This, all day long. Let her go on the hen do, she'll get pissed and kick off. Then tell her in no way will she be coming to the wedding. Better to let her make a scene at the hen do than to ruin the big day itself. Plus, you'll be well out of the way when the s(I would still univite her though - she sounds totally deluded and is attempting to cloth herself in the indignity she feels justifies her actions).
t hits the fan!mjb1 said:
This, all day long. Let her go on the hen do, she'll get pissed and kick off. Then tell her in no way will she be coming to the wedding. Better to let her make a scene at the hen do than to ruin the big day itself. Plus, you'll be well out of the way when the st hits the fan!
ft hits the fan!k thatI'd tell her she's not welcome to either
The issue seems to lie with your Mum, not any of the other guests.
Give it a week, see if she apologises, if she can't calm herself a week later, she will probably struggle on the day. Ask her what she would do in your shoes (this is a powerful tool). Don't let it turn into a slagging match and be very prepared to un-invite her.
Give it a week, see if she apologises, if she can't calm herself a week later, she will probably struggle on the day. Ask her what she would do in your shoes (this is a powerful tool). Don't let it turn into a slagging match and be very prepared to un-invite her.
If your Mum does come to the wedding I suggest a back up plan. You need a couple of mates, or even employ a sensible and low profile bouncer. If your Mum even thinks about making a scene their task is to very quickly and as discreetly as possible throw her out.
Damage limitation if you will.
Damage limitation if you will.
You know it (you've said several times) we know it, she will kick off about something on the day . Do you really want that will she/won't she doubt at the back of your head on your big day. I wouldn't and you mum sounds incredibly like how mine could be.
Tough choice, but give her back the money that she's paid for the hen even if you have to pay for it and un-invite her, let her see that you will not tolerate it her selfish behaviour, when you've forked out a fortune, to give you other half the day of her dreams, do you really want that chance there that she'll ruin it?
Tough choice, but give her back the money that she's paid for the hen even if you have to pay for it and un-invite her, let her see that you will not tolerate it her selfish behaviour, when you've forked out a fortune, to give you other half the day of her dreams, do you really want that chance there that she'll ruin it?
DELETED: Comment made by a member who's account has been deleted.
I with you, if you don't stand up for you OH now, you WILL regret it. Call her, tell her you love her very much and she will always be your Mum, but...say something like when you said this " " I felt this... the impact on my OH is that she is very concerned about our wedding day being spent worrying about an argument. You have no right to criticise my future wife and if you do it again you will be in effect forcing me to choose between you and my OH, and I don't think you will like the outcome.
My parents were not at my wedding - their choice not mine. It meant a happier day in many ways, although I suspect they regretted it - they're no longer around to ask unfortunately.
As others have already said, it's your day, not your parent's day. If your mother has forgotten how to behave, then it would be better for her not to attend.
As others have already said, it's your day, not your parent's day. If your mother has forgotten how to behave, then it would be better for her not to attend.
It's your wedding day and should be one of the happiest of both your lives, if your mum kicks off the whole day will be tainted and you won't get it back, you'll start to see it as being a large expense utterly ruined.
It sounds like she won't take in to account her son's and soon to be daughter in laws feelings at all and that makes her a liability. My thoughts, tell her she's not invited,she'll have to live with it. It also shows your wife to be that she comes first in your thoughts.
Whatever you choose I hope it works out for you, my wife's mum and dad had a fairly acrimonious divorce but we're both brilliant on our day, even her nan (who decided to ruin xmas day a week after our wedding) kept a lid on it for the day.
It sounds like she won't take in to account her son's and soon to be daughter in laws feelings at all and that makes her a liability. My thoughts, tell her she's not invited,she'll have to live with it. It also shows your wife to be that she comes first in your thoughts.
Whatever you choose I hope it works out for you, my wife's mum and dad had a fairly acrimonious divorce but we're both brilliant on our day, even her nan (who decided to ruin xmas day a week after our wedding) kept a lid on it for the day.
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