Help 6yr old son stealing and lying
Discussion
I think you should encourage him to earn money. With the fair days work for a fair day's pay leaning. I dont mean stick him out in the fields or anything, but asking him what he's going to spend the money on, or what he's saving him for. Set him tasks and if he completes them (pro rata it as well, for 50%/75%) then he gets £x
I think sending in the police might be a bit much at this stage to be honest but I'm more a fan of carrots than sticks
ETA - on the sticks side, my Sister once did a cracker. One of her lads had been stealing money from her purse. She knew it, so one day while they were at school she moved all the food to my Mums house. When the kids came back asking what was for tea she said she'd lost her money or it'd disappeared, that was all she had and there wasnt any left for food. Son aged 6 miraculously 'found' £10 on the landing floor and came down to save the day. He also didnt steal after that
I think sending in the police might be a bit much at this stage to be honest but I'm more a fan of carrots than sticks
ETA - on the sticks side, my Sister once did a cracker. One of her lads had been stealing money from her purse. She knew it, so one day while they were at school she moved all the food to my Mums house. When the kids came back asking what was for tea she said she'd lost her money or it'd disappeared, that was all she had and there wasnt any left for food. Son aged 6 miraculously 'found' £10 on the landing floor and came down to save the day. He also didnt steal after that
Edited by andy-xr on Monday 27th February 11:02
Bunfighter said:
Seems to be getting worse, started off with being cheeky. Now he's lying alot and has started 'finding' £1 coins and claiming they are his. This morning he took £3 from his mum's purse and claimed he hadn't.
Is this a slippery slope to criminality - he's obsessed with saving money and getting money at the moment. Help, what can we do?
At school he's a star pupil and is always horrified if I say 'I'll tell your teacher'.
It's not the slippery slope to criminality. My kids have both been through phases of nicking stuff and then lying about it.Is this a slippery slope to criminality - he's obsessed with saving money and getting money at the moment. Help, what can we do?
At school he's a star pupil and is always horrified if I say 'I'll tell your teacher'.
It's difficult to control other than reducing the opportunity to steal (I never leave money lying around the house) and regular reinforcement of why you shouldn't steal. The big danger I was worried about was if ether of mine stole stuff at school - they didn't, but I was concerned for a while.
Can you talk to the teacher about reinforcing the message about stealing and lying?
Don't worry that he'll turn into Ronnie Biggs. He won't.
Re the lying, I remember my son blatantly lying to me at around that age. I asked him how he would feel if he found out I'd lied to him about things - trips, treats, family stuff. I could see it registering on his face. I told him lying was mean and cowardly, especially to people you care about. He's 22 now and no angel, but he's generally respectful and honest.
NDA said:
Bunfighter said:
Seems to be getting worse, started off with being cheeky. Now he's lying alot and has started 'finding' £1 coins and claiming they are his. This morning he took £3 from his mum's purse and claimed he hadn't.
Is this a slippery slope to criminality - he's obsessed with saving money and getting money at the moment. Help, what can we do?
At school he's a star pupil and is always horrified if I say 'I'll tell your teacher'.
It's not the slippery slope to criminality. My kids have both been through phases of nicking stuff and then lying about it.Is this a slippery slope to criminality - he's obsessed with saving money and getting money at the moment. Help, what can we do?
At school he's a star pupil and is always horrified if I say 'I'll tell your teacher'.
It's difficult to control other than reducing the opportunity to steal (I never leave money lying around the house) and regular reinforcement of why you shouldn't steal. The big danger I was worried about was if ether of mine stole stuff at school - they didn't, but I was concerned for a while.
Can you talk to the teacher about reinforcing the message about stealing and lying?
Don't worry that he'll turn into Ronnie Biggs. He won't.
I am reminded again when I was a similar age, a boy in my year at school stole a toy car from me and then lied about it to everyone - and the mum refused to acknowledge that her son was a little s
t who would do exactly that and believed her son to be an angel. I remember it well, a matchbox Ford Sierra police car.Of course since then, he's been in and out of young offenders and done a couple of sentences... I just think that world without boundaries from his parents set that he got away with it!
Orchid1 said:
Sheets Tabuer said:
How would that work?
OP: Hello is that the police?
police: yes how can we help you?
OP: I have a 6 year old that stole a pound, can you send someone around to have a chat?
Police: We'll send our best man.
Alternatively the good old sending them to bed and telling them to pack it in might work.
A woman in my work did it with her son and it worked a treat apparently.OP: Hello is that the police?
police: yes how can we help you?
OP: I have a 6 year old that stole a pound, can you send someone around to have a chat?
Police: We'll send our best man.
Alternatively the good old sending them to bed and telling them to pack it in might work.
tless and has never nicked anything since. To be fair he is doing a 25 year stretch for murder.Seriously though, it works and I recommend it.
Shakermaker said:
I was 6 once. 26 years ago now.
He is pushing the limits and doesn't understand the consequence of what he is doing and the impact it has. He sees that these coins have a value to people, and so he wants more of them and thinks he can get away with it.
Talk to him. Just talk to him. Explain why it is wrong, and try and link it to something he can comprehend. No need yet to get the police involved; but explain to him how stealing is wrong, and lying is wrong and what would he feel if someone stole his actual favourite toy, and how bad he would feel if he knew the person who stole it was lying about it.
Why does he want this money? What is it for? Find out. Then try and use that to set a goal for him to work towards maybe? If he tells the truth, and behaves properly then a reward? Reward systems seem to work well with children. They can see their progress, they can see their goal at the end. As my wife will tell you, she's a primary school teacher, children of that age will do nearly ANYTHING for a sticker on their acheivement chart.
This is probably the best post so far.He is pushing the limits and doesn't understand the consequence of what he is doing and the impact it has. He sees that these coins have a value to people, and so he wants more of them and thinks he can get away with it.
Talk to him. Just talk to him. Explain why it is wrong, and try and link it to something he can comprehend. No need yet to get the police involved; but explain to him how stealing is wrong, and lying is wrong and what would he feel if someone stole his actual favourite toy, and how bad he would feel if he knew the person who stole it was lying about it.
Why does he want this money? What is it for? Find out. Then try and use that to set a goal for him to work towards maybe? If he tells the truth, and behaves properly then a reward? Reward systems seem to work well with children. They can see their progress, they can see their goal at the end. As my wife will tell you, she's a primary school teacher, children of that age will do nearly ANYTHING for a sticker on their acheivement chart.
He's 6, doesn't really understand it as wrong or right, he probably knows he shouldn't but doesn't understand why.
Be firm, fair, speak to him, if he continues to do it, hide(steal) his stuff , he will soon learn.
edit: stupid formatting..
Edited by xjay1337 on Monday 27th February 12:21
Mark the coins in her purse, a little dot on the edge or something, then ask to see the money and you can then link it to the purse.
Disappointment works better than anger in this situation, a 6 year old still looks up to his mum and dad and will feel properly st if he knows he has upset you.
Disappointment works better than anger in this situation, a 6 year old still looks up to his mum and dad and will feel properly s
t if he knows he has upset you.
The bullying angle is a good one. He's very popular. When we've been out on a few occasions a few junior/upper level kids have said hi to him and he ignores them with 'yes those are older children in my school'. He's got £110 saved in a jar in his bedroom (confiscated currently) so I don't think he's giving money at school to others. He grasped recently that Santa is us and the tooth fairy doesn't exist. He's bright but a lively one. I'll speak to his teacher off the record and ask if she can do a money/boundaries talk in class. In addition we'll mark the money and I'll talk to him again. He's always asking for change (not brown coins please) and it's worrying as he comes across as almost mercenary when money is involved. I'll start pocket money and explain its conditional.
Why the obsession with money though?!
Why the obsession with money though?!
Bunfighter said:
The bullying angle is a good one. He's very popular. When we've been out on a few occasions a few junior/upper level kids have said hi to him and he ignores them with 'yes those are older children in my school'. He's got £110 saved in a jar in his bedroom (confiscated currently) so I don't think he's giving money at school to others. He grasped recently that Santa is us and the tooth fairy doesn't exist. He's bright but a lively one. I'll speak to his teacher off the record and ask if she can do a money/boundaries talk in class. In addition we'll mark the money and I'll talk to him again. He's always asking for change (not brown coins please) and it's worrying as he comes across as almost mercenary when money is involved. I'll start pocket money and explain its conditional.
Why the obsession with money though?!
It is because he sees it has a value, even though he may not comprehend what the actual value is, he knows that coins = value = sweets or toys or whatever. How that money happens he may not know, but he wants it because he can use it to buy things. Why the obsession with money though?!
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