Help 6yr old son stealing and lying
Discussion
Bunfighter said:
Seems to be getting worse, started off with being cheeky. Now he's lying alot and has started 'finding' £1 coins and claiming they are his. This morning he took £3 from his mum's purse and claimed he hadn't.
Is this a slippery slope to criminality - he's obsessed with saving money and getting money at the moment. Help, what can we do?
At school he's a star pupil and is always horrified if I say 'I'll tell your teacher'.
Is he steals big from both of you or just his mother? Ie is he seeing one of you as a soft touch etc?Is this a slippery slope to criminality - he's obsessed with saving money and getting money at the moment. Help, what can we do?
At school he's a star pupil and is always horrified if I say 'I'll tell your teacher'.
Edited by Bunfighter on Monday 27th February 10:01
Wanting to save money is a huge positive and that can be dealt with by just giving him little jobs so he can earn it so I wouldn't be worried about that. The key is to separate the positive part from the negative. Plus, if he then takes £1 from his mother you can make him give you £2 from his jar.
In reality you'll probably find someone at school was flashing the cash and bragging about how they just took it.
Plus, lying at a young age is a sign of intelligence so another positive. All in, I think you just need to steer him in the right direction.
MarshPhantom said:
Slippery slope to becoming a Tory.
Are you an autodidactic purveyor of tedium or did you take lessons? Tonsko said:
can't remember said:
Not sure about getting him that Nerf gun. Sounds like he's getting tooled up with a shooter for his next blag.
http://viz.co.uk/big-vern-visits-the-pub/
My brother was a shocker for this from the age of 10 to 14, to the point where my mum stopped keeping cash in her purse.
Even stole my debit card once to buy cigarettes when he was about 16.
If ever caught out he would flatly deny it to the last, to get him to admit to the debit card thing i had to march him to the newsagents and ask to see their CCTV.
That said, once he started working at 16, it all stopped.
He's now 29, married with a kid and on his second house...apart from a weed smoking habit in his early 20s he never went "off the rails" or turned into a criminal.
I would say it's probably just a phase, and doesn't mark the OPs kid out as some sort of criminal in the making in the slightest.
Even stole my debit card once to buy cigarettes when he was about 16.
If ever caught out he would flatly deny it to the last, to get him to admit to the debit card thing i had to march him to the newsagents and ask to see their CCTV.
That said, once he started working at 16, it all stopped.
He's now 29, married with a kid and on his second house...apart from a weed smoking habit in his early 20s he never went "off the rails" or turned into a criminal.
I would say it's probably just a phase, and doesn't mark the OPs kid out as some sort of criminal in the making in the slightest.
Compulsive stealing is pretty common in children who suffered from developmental traumas (e.g. serious childhood illnesses, separations, adoption, neglect etc.) or who have developmental disorders like aspergers, and there are certain techniques being recommended for these kids - in particular therapeutic parenting. It's also a developmental phase that a most kids go through at some point in their primary years.
These techniques will usually work with ordinary kids too. e.g. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMBtepk_MZE
These techniques will usually work with ordinary kids too. e.g. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMBtepk_MZE
MarshPhantom said:
Bunfighter said:
Seems to be getting worse, started off with being cheeky. Now he's lying alot and has started 'finding' £1 coins and claiming they are his. This morning he took £3 from his mum's purse and claimed he hadn't.
Is this a slippery slope to criminality - he's obsessed with saving money and getting money at the moment.
Slippery slope to becoming a Tory.Is this a slippery slope to criminality - he's obsessed with saving money and getting money at the moment.
I told my son from an early age that at birth we allowed the police to finger print and take a dna swab, if he plays up i remind him that the police have his details.. The going to the police isnt such a bad idea, unfortunately an appointment i had in a small cop shop in the local town was cancelled but i managed to take him for a tour of a fire station including him sitting in a fire engine and playing with the sirens, and spraying the hose, i also got us an appointmet to visit an ambulance station, he loved that, im not a good dad, im an awesome dad, apparently..
DonkeyApple said:
Why the juddering f
k would any parent use the threat of the police on a child? Do these people all live in caravans? It's just moronic and serves no positive purpose. Idiots.
They would sk would any parent use the threat of the police on a child? Do these people all live in caravans? It's just moronic and serves no positive purpose. Idiots. t themselves into telling the truth/ not doing it again, plus the added brucey bonus of learning to respect the police as they grow up.What else would you have OP do? Talk to him? Beat him?
designforlife said:
My brother was a shocker for this from the age of 10 to 14, to the point where my mum stopped keeping cash in her purse.
Even stole my debit card once to buy cigarettes when he was about 16.
If ever caught out he would flatly deny it to the last, to get him to admit to the debit card thing i had to march him to the newsagents and ask to see their CCTV.
That said, once he started working at 16, it all stopped.
He's now 29, married with a kid and on his second house...apart from a weed smoking habit in his early 20s he never went "off the rails" or turned into a criminal.
I would say it's probably just a phase, and doesn't mark the OPs kid out as some sort of criminal in the making in the slightest.
I'll also admit it, when I was younger, 13 or 14, over summer holidays I'd steal 4 or 5 quid from my Mum's massive jar of money.Even stole my debit card once to buy cigarettes when he was about 16.
If ever caught out he would flatly deny it to the last, to get him to admit to the debit card thing i had to march him to the newsagents and ask to see their CCTV.
That said, once he started working at 16, it all stopped.
He's now 29, married with a kid and on his second house...apart from a weed smoking habit in his early 20s he never went "off the rails" or turned into a criminal.
I would say it's probably just a phase, and doesn't mark the OPs kid out as some sort of criminal in the making in the slightest.
I didn't want to, but I wanted to go bowling or whatever with my friends and I couldn't as I had no money being that age and only 4 or 5 quid a week pocket money. She eventually caught me, big argument, I stopped.
Knew it was wrong as I'd do it when she went out or was in the garden.
dazwalsh said:
They would st themselves into telling the truth/ not doing it again, plus the added brucey bonus of learning to respect the police as they grow up.
What else would you have OP do? Talk to him? Beat him?
I would rather my daughter see the Police as someone she could go to in a time of need, rather than someone who's going to try and interrogate her and potentially cause her judgement to be clouded on what/where the Police should be used. I wouldnt want her to be too afraid to go to the Police if she needed tot themselves into telling the truth/ not doing it again, plus the added brucey bonus of learning to respect the police as they grow up.What else would you have OP do? Talk to him? Beat him?
I dont think an official scare is the right call for me, but I learned as soon as we had kids that what we do / other people do for parenting is really up to the parents
Rawwr said:
Have you tried throwing his TV out of the window?
Stop thread, answer here 
Literally crying when I saw this
Still can't believe that thread was not a wind up
EDIT: As a kid I started going through a phase where me and my brother started playing with fire, mum found out and took us straight down the fire station. Officer on duty gave us a stern talking to and I never touched the stuff as a kid ever again, that and the fear of my grandfather with his leather slipper across my ass
I think using the police isn't really a bad thing, more to make him understand the seriousness of the situation rather than using them to scare him.
Edited by NordicCrankShaft on Monday 27th February 15:51
Edited by NordicCrankShaft on Monday 27th February 15:55
Bunfighter said:
He grasped recently that Santa is us and the tooth fairy doesn't exist. He's bright but a lively one.
Blimey! I appreciate I'm biased, but I have my kids down as bright and neither of them - 10 and 7 - appear to have cottoned on about those two. Could just be humouring us I suppose! OP is he saving for anything specific?
It's 40yrs ago now, but when I was his age all I was obsessed with was sweets, comics, Matchbox cars and Action Man. My pocket money largely took care of the first two, and birthdays/Christmas looked after the others. Is he so desperate to get something that he's overlooking the boundary of it being other people's money? I do think the marking might be a good way of catching him red-handed/giving him a stern talking to.
We've got a 2yo now and I'm very keen for him to learn the value of money. It doesn't help (in my eyes) that my wife has a large extended family, she was the last to have kids and has paid her dues in terms of buying presents for seven nieces and nephews over the years. We are now 'repeaing the benefits' of that so to speak, but the downside is my son gets loads of presents from his extended family that I never had as a kid, I want him to grow up to understand that you don't just get loads of st for free in this life.
People laugh up the thread about the ' get the Police to give him a talking to' option but when I was 8 in 1980 I took myself to the Open Day at our local Police Station, largely because my Primary School headmaster was a Special Constable and encouraged us to go. I think he meant 'with your parents' but I just went on my own because I had dreams of being a bike cop. They had a demo of a 'burglar' being chased across a field by a Police Dog, and then an opportunity to get 'locked up' in the cells. Seeing a German Shepherd take down a 6ft copper then me getting locked behind bars for 5 minutes was enough reflective thought to keep me on the straight and narrow whilst growing up. Funny how things have an affect on you as a kid - I always thought back on "do you want to end up in that Police cell?" when I was mucking about with my mates as an older kid and moderated my behaviour accordingly. I think it was a positive thing to do.
Never did make a bike cop, still want to be in CHiPs!
It's 40yrs ago now, but when I was his age all I was obsessed with was sweets, comics, Matchbox cars and Action Man. My pocket money largely took care of the first two, and birthdays/Christmas looked after the others. Is he so desperate to get something that he's overlooking the boundary of it being other people's money? I do think the marking might be a good way of catching him red-handed/giving him a stern talking to.
We've got a 2yo now and I'm very keen for him to learn the value of money. It doesn't help (in my eyes) that my wife has a large extended family, she was the last to have kids and has paid her dues in terms of buying presents for seven nieces and nephews over the years. We are now 'repeaing the benefits' of that so to speak, but the downside is my son gets loads of presents from his extended family that I never had as a kid, I want him to grow up to understand that you don't just get loads of s
t for free in this life. People laugh up the thread about the ' get the Police to give him a talking to' option but when I was 8 in 1980 I took myself to the Open Day at our local Police Station, largely because my Primary School headmaster was a Special Constable and encouraged us to go. I think he meant 'with your parents' but I just went on my own because I had dreams of being a bike cop. They had a demo of a 'burglar' being chased across a field by a Police Dog, and then an opportunity to get 'locked up' in the cells. Seeing a German Shepherd take down a 6ft copper then me getting locked behind bars for 5 minutes was enough reflective thought to keep me on the straight and narrow whilst growing up. Funny how things have an affect on you as a kid - I always thought back on "do you want to end up in that Police cell?" when I was mucking about with my mates as an older kid and moderated my behaviour accordingly. I think it was a positive thing to do.
Never did make a bike cop, still want to be in CHiPs!
Bunfighter said:
. He's got £110 saved in a jar in his bedroom (confiscated currently) so I don't think he's giving money at school to others. He grasped recently that Santa is us and the tooth fairy doesn't exist. He's bright but a lively one. I'll speak to his teacher off the record and ask if she can do a money/boundaries talk in class. In addition we'll mark the money and I'll talk to him again. He's always asking for change (not brown coins please) and it's worrying as he comes across as almost mercenary when money is involved. I'll start pocket money and explain its conditional.
Why the obsession with money though?!
I'm not sure about confiscation, to be honest. What message does it send? That what he has can be taken from him at any moment, basically - so of course he then wants as much as he can get.Why the obsession with money though?!
Things generally don't arise on their own. I suspect someone at school, or at home, or at Cubs, or wherever, someone whom he wants to emulate - places a high value on money and material wealth. When you're six your earning potential is somewhat limited.
We give pocket money on an unconditional basis largely because to define the conditions would be too complicated, and would I think lead to insecurity. She gets £3 a week, and she can do as she wants with it. If she wants to buy a load of tat she can, and if she wants to save it, she can - we advice, but we try not to lead. She spend £28 on the first day of half term, and had nothing left for the rest, and hasn't played with the toy she bought. I think she is learning from these experiences. Kids are people. How would you feel if your employer was able to say 'sorry, you don't get any wages this week because (some spurious reason you don't think is justified) and so I'm ignoring the 99% of the time you did a good job'?
DonkeyApple said:
Why the juddering fk would any parent use the threat of the police on a child? Do these people all live in caravans? It's just moronic and serves no positive purpose. Idiots.
Unfortunately third party punishment has become very popular amongst parents who are afraid that if they tell the child off themselves, Little Angel might not like them very much for a while.k would any parent use the threat of the police on a child? Do these people all live in caravans? It's just moronic and serves no positive purpose. Idiots. I had a friend who was a nurse - used to drive her berserk the number of parents who would ineffectually try and reign in poor behaviour by saying 'If you don't behave then that nurse will come and tell you off'. FFS, tell your own bloody kids off!
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