Modern single women

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otolith

55,899 posts

203 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
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Rh14n said:
motco said:
garylythgoe said:
I'm 5ft 7...

Females will genuinely stop talking to me online once they know I'm 5ft 7.
So it leaves me in a dilemma of do I just get the height thing out of the way in the first few messages, or not come across like a nobber so early on.

I know what I am, but doing the online thing doesn't half batter the confidence sometimes.
Would you really want to associate with a woman whose principal parameter was stature?
That is indeed superficial but then it's just one characteristic. Is it any more superficial than men who only want to associate with a woman whose principal parameter is beauty?
People can't choose what they find attractive. I'm 5'6, and I know that on paper that rules me out for a lot of women, especially when they're looking at a dating profile with a checklist in mind. Well, it is what it is - probably means that I'm better off meeting people in person, where my charm and wit can give them a better reason to reject me biggrin

After my wife died, I thought that I would eventually have to dip my toe into the internet dating world, and wasn't looking forward to it, but as it happens I met someone socially. Since she's even more of a hobbit than I am, there's no issue there.

Dagnir

1,836 posts

162 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
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Men - What percentage of females on Tinder would you consider to be of a dateable standard?
Women - What percentage of males on Tinder would you consider to be of a dateable standard?


Personally, I reckon only about 10% of the girls I encounter are attractive and I have suspicions that there are actually more men of a 'dateable standard', then there are women.





Venturist

3,472 posts

194 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
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Dagnir said:
Men - What percentage of females on Tinder would you consider to be of a dateable standard?
Women - What percentage of males on Tinder would you consider to be of a dateable standard?


Personally, I reckon only about 10% of the girls I encounter are attractive and I have suspicions that there are actually more men of a 'dateable standard', then there are women.
Some research was conducted on I think OKCupid with the results that on average women considered 80% of men to be "below average" attractiveness.
Just something to think about biggrin

Bluesgirl

766 posts

90 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
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This thread makes for very interesting reading.

I've been on one or two dating websites for a long time. As a poster has suggested above, I absolutely feel jaded by the experience and spend less and less time paying any attention to messages, matches etc. because I've wasted so much time in the past. I disable my profile from time to time and then come back later on to see what's happening. In the 10 years I've been single, I've had approximately 5 relationships lasting 3-6 months. I'm getting used to the fact that a long-term relationship probably won't happen.

As far as my profile is concerned, I HATE having my photo taken. I do use photos that I consider to be good (ie ones I like) and they're often 1-3 years old. Recently I had an interesting conversation with a guy who seemed intelligent, witty, flirty, interesting etc but he became very difficult about my lack of recent photos. I sent him a current photo and he wanted more, which I didn't want to do. I suggested meeting up and he eventually told me he didn't trust me and something was obviously wrong. However, I didn't ask him for numerous photos, I'd seen one which looked OK and I was prepared to meet up and see him in the flesh and make my mind up. He evidently wasn't.

As result, I took some new photos and added them to my profile. According to an ex who's seen my profile, they're great photos. I'm ambivalent. My profile comments to the effect that "if you're under 40, don't bother." But now I'm inundated with messages from 25-40 year olds. I also get messages from guys in the US, despite saying 'not interested if you're not in the UK'. Now as a rule, re messaging, if I receive a message I'll reply, even if it's to state that I'm not interested for some reason. I do this because I hate being ignored when I summon up the courage to write to someone. So I end up replying to umpteen people, briefly, and then the algorithm for the site decides that I'm interested in 30 year olds and I get 20 messages in a day from them. So sifting through the ones I'm interested in ends up being a battle to keep a chat going when I have approx 15 chat threads happening at once. So I get lost (literally and figuratively).

In the past week, I've had chats going and getting to the point of phone numbers and talking about arranging to meet up with 2 guys who've then casually mentioned that they're married. End of story, obviously. It's even got to the point where I've decided not to write to someone because he's too good-looking, so he won't be interested, he'll have a string of 30 year old women queuing up for him.

So if you guys are dejected and confused by it all, don't worry, so are we.

GloverMart

11,773 posts

214 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
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Smollet said:
I gave up with serious relationships some 25 years ago and 20 years ago I just gave up on any relationship. Since then I don't think I've missed anything not having one and am far happier on my own.
Not quite as long as you but eight years single now and no desire to have a relationship. Became a single parent overnight about five years ago which knocked me for six emotionally & would rather spend time bringing my boys up than risk ruining things for a fling or something more substantial.

Buzz word

2,028 posts

208 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
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RDMcG said:
This whole thread should be called internet dating. If you are single why not do something else? Get fit and spend proper time at the gym. Dress properly. Build a proper career plan. Build a good financial strategy. Have some engaging hobbies. Have friends .Do not sit at home in front of a screen. These things will build up self confidence. If you start with the attitude that women are grasping harpies or even have the laughable attitude that all they want is your money you are already done. We are social animals and nothing beats face to face contact and respecting the other person. I have never really gone out to hunt down women like targets. Relationships just happen naturally if you are an interesting person with something to contribute.

Ah it's all that easy hey. So what do you think when someone goes to the gym, doesn't dress like a hobo and has a good career? I agree attitude is powerful and when you totally sucumb to a toxic ideology you are done. For me that's why I had to get out of it because you do start to get resentful about not being rejected all the time. I think that's how the MGTOW ideology sets in, you start to rationalise the animosity you feel about being a reasonable man and constantly rejected into a reason as to why it never works and why you should give up.

I really liked the 'selfish gene' as a book and always question why a motive may exist as a result and I don't think MGTOW has totally missed the point in terms of why motives for female behavior exist. Equally I think men are guilty of exactly the same thing. I'm personally never going back to internet dating its a loaded game, but that's not to say I'm going to be hostile and give up on real life. You know what they say, madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Tuvra

7,920 posts

224 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
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RDMcG said:
This whole thread should be called internet dating. If you are single why not do something else? Get fit and spend proper time at the gym. Dress properly. Build a proper career plan. Build a good financial strategy. Have some engaging hobbies. Have friends .Do not sit at home in front of a screen. These things will build up self confidence. If you start with the attitude that women are grasping harpies or even have the laughable attitude that all they want is your money you are already done. We are social animals and nothing beats face to face contact and respecting the other person. I have never really gone out to hunt down women like targets. Relationships just happen naturally if you are an interesting person with something to contribute.
Ohh do behave!! When was the last time you were single 1993?

Unless you have model looks, ripped to fk, drive a white German car less than 3 year old and have the stand up whit to compete with Jimmy fking Carr its an absolute nightmare. Why? Well probably because they have about 300 blokes at any one time trying to chat them up on their mobile which makes them believe they are far more attractive than they actually are.

Even when you approach them in the flesh, they are already comparing you to "Jason, 24, from 11 miles away". Without Tinder & POF it was like shooting fish in a barrel. I was shagging a bird that I chatted up in a bar, it turned to Friendship eventually and she was showing me the messages she gets on POF & Tinder. She is not THAT attractive but the number of matches and messages she was receiving was frankly ridiculous! I'm talking 40+ messages per day! I dread to think what it's like for the "Worldies" in a populated area!

xjay1337

15,966 posts

117 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
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Bluesgirl said:
I've had approximately 5 relationships lasting 3-6 months. I'm getting used to the fact that a long-term relationship probably won't happen.
Without making it sound like you're a weirdo, but why is that?

Baz Tench

5,648 posts

189 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
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xjay1337 said:
Bluesgirl said:
I've had approximately 5 relationships lasting 3-6 months. I'm getting used to the fact that a long-term relationship probably won't happen.
Without making it sound like you're a weirdo, but why is that?
I think if you spend enough time on your own, part of you begins to enjoy the freedom of it. The other part of you recognises when a decent person comes along and you enjoy their company, up to a point, then you crave your space again.

Bluesgirl

766 posts

90 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
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xjay1337 said:
Without making it sound like you're a weirdo, but why is that?
At the point where you decide if this is a relationship for the long-haul, I've decided in a few instances that it isn't. There's one person who I'd have committed to without hesitation, but he was recently out of a v long marriage and was enjoying his freedom and shying away from any commitment.

(And I'm probably a weirdo eek)

Bluesgirl

766 posts

90 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
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Baz Tench said:
I think if you spend enough time on your own, part of you begins to enjoy the freedom of it. The other part of you recognises when a decent person comes along and you enjoy their company, up to a point, then you crave your space again.
That's a very good point. In addition, I've spent time looking at my friends' and relatives' relationships and can see so many things wrong, I'm beginning to get a jaundiced view of relationships altogether.

Baz Tench

5,648 posts

189 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
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The Daily Mash bang on the money again. hehe

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/single-...

Westblue

48 posts

96 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
quotequote all
Bluesgirl said:
Baz Tench said:
I think if you spend enough time on your own, part of you begins to enjoy the freedom of it. The other part of you recognises when a decent person comes along and you enjoy their company, up to a point, then you crave your space again.
That's a very good point. In addition, I've spent time looking at my friends' and relatives' relationships and can see so many things wrong, I'm beginning to get a jaundiced view of relationships altogether.
That is sad to hear. Do you believe that this is widespread or just your circle of friends / relatives?

Most of my friends seem happy in their relationships but maybe I'm missing something?

Baz Tench

5,648 posts

189 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
quotequote all
Westblue said:
Bluesgirl said:
Baz Tench said:
I think if you spend enough time on your own, part of you begins to enjoy the freedom of it. The other part of you recognises when a decent person comes along and you enjoy their company, up to a point, then you crave your space again.
That's a very good point. In addition, I've spent time looking at my friends' and relatives' relationships and can see so many things wrong, I'm beginning to get a jaundiced view of relationships altogether.
That is sad to hear. Do you believe that this is widespread or just your circle of friends / relatives?

Most of my friends seem happy in their relationships but maybe I'm missing something?
I don't know. A few of my friends who are in relationships/are married are a mixture. I've see them ready to kill eachother, then they're alright again. All of the males (can't speak for the females) concerned definately don't want to be alone though, so they put up with any downsides that come along.

Another couple I know can barely stand the sight of eachother though. They stay together for their kid's sake.

Bluesgirl

766 posts

90 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
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Westblue said:
That is sad to hear. Do you believe that this is widespread or just your circle of friends / relatives?

Most of my friends seem happy in their relationships but maybe I'm missing something?
I think it's more a case of me being particularly critical of their relationships, rather than them necessarily being unhappy. By this I mean that I am now very independent and it bugs me to see a couple who can't function without each other. Also couples who have 'settled' and seem to be accepting of a relationship which isn't close or loving or intimate, but just convenient. And then there are the wives who will put up with anything to keep the status they've got with their partner. When I look at all these scenarios, I wonder if there's anyone in my age-group who's genuinely happy and glad they're together.

grumbledoak

31,504 posts

232 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
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Baz Tench said:
rofl Many a true word is worth two in the bush.

Horsepower1000

97 posts

87 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
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I think the people who get remarried seem the happiest. Some of my friends said they learnt mistakes from previous relationships and didn't repeat them. Some people stay together in unhappy relationships for financial reasons - the wife usually gets the lot if it ends in divorce. A good friend of mine who got divorced ended up in a flat whilst his missus took the house, car the lot! He said he would still rather have nothing than be stuck with her! He went on to find a new woman and is happier than I've known him he also still ain't got half of what his ex has.

Ari

19,328 posts

214 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
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lemmingjames said:
Ill use myself as an example;
Met this great girl, got along well with, 2nd date agreed within the 1st date pretty much, lots of chat after, roll onto date day (last Friday) and she goes cold claiming shes ill and then communication effectively stops. Cue me questioning what could have gone wrong (as mentioned above),
She didn't like you (enough) and (for whatever reason) felt unable to communicate this to you so tried to disentangle herself afterwards, eventually succeeding.

Ari

19,328 posts

214 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
quotequote all
Bluesgirl said:
This thread makes for very interesting reading.

I've been on one or two dating websites for a long time. As a poster has suggested above, I absolutely feel jaded by the experience and spend less and less time paying any attention to messages, matches etc. because I've wasted so much time in the past. I disable my profile from time to time and then come back later on to see what's happening. In the 10 years I've been single, I've had approximately 5 relationships lasting 3-6 months. I'm getting used to the fact that a long-term relationship probably won't happen.

As far as my profile is concerned, I HATE having my photo taken. I do use photos that I consider to be good (ie ones I like) and they're often 1-3 years old. Recently I had an interesting conversation with a guy who seemed intelligent, witty, flirty, interesting etc but he became very difficult about my lack of recent photos. I sent him a current photo and he wanted more, which I didn't want to do. I suggested meeting up and he eventually told me he didn't trust me and something was obviously wrong. However, I didn't ask him for numerous photos, I'd seen one which looked OK and I was prepared to meet up and see him in the flesh and make my mind up. He evidently wasn't.

As result, I took some new photos and added them to my profile. According to an ex who's seen my profile, they're great photos. I'm ambivalent. My profile comments to the effect that "if you're under 40, don't bother." But now I'm inundated with messages from 25-40 year olds. I also get messages from guys in the US, despite saying 'not interested if you're not in the UK'. Now as a rule, re messaging, if I receive a message I'll reply, even if it's to state that I'm not interested for some reason. I do this because I hate being ignored when I summon up the courage to write to someone. So I end up replying to umpteen people, briefly, and then the algorithm for the site decides that I'm interested in 30 year olds and I get 20 messages in a day from them. So sifting through the ones I'm interested in ends up being a battle to keep a chat going when I have approx 15 chat threads happening at once. So I get lost (literally and figuratively).

In the past week, I've had chats going and getting to the point of phone numbers and talking about arranging to meet up with 2 guys who've then casually mentioned that they're married. End of story, obviously. It's even got to the point where I've decided not to write to someone because he's too good-looking, so he won't be interested, he'll have a string of 30 year old women queuing up for him.

So if you guys are dejected and confused by it all, don't worry, so are we.
Very interesting to read the female perspective on all this, thanks. smile

lemmingjames

7,434 posts

203 months

Tuesday 28th March 2017
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Ari said:
She didn't like you (enough) and (for whatever reason) felt unable to communicate this to you so tried to disentangle herself afterwards, eventually succeeding.
That was the long story short, if you didnt like someone though, why would you phone them the day before for a chat and then spend over an hour chatting. Then swap further texts on the day and after the dates been cancelled.

Anyway, life moves on and as said, plenty more out there.

I was trying to hi-light some of the pitfalls of app dating to Rd

Edited by lemmingjames on Tuesday 28th March 19:35

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