Inheritance gone to charity
Discussion
So this is a fairly long-winded story, but I'll try and keep it to the point. In summary...
My mother's father passed away around the Christmas period last year. I was close to the guy when I was younger, but as I grew up I lost touch with him. I did go and visit a couple of times since such as when my daughter was born, but things were pretty cold. In all fairness the guy was pretty cold full stop; no mates, no immediate family and pretty much the definition of a miserable old b
d. Needless to say, my mother always remained close to him despite the fact that she lives in south Northants and he lived around Manchester. Regular visits every couple of months, even more regular around and after the point in which her mother/his wive died.
So the guys health had been deteriorating over a period of the last 2-3 years. The common combination of old age and mental health issues resulted in countless occasions of my mother being informed by the police that her dad had been "found" wandering the streets in a bit of a mess, in his dressing gown, sometimes giving out large sums of cash to strangers, arguing with taxi drivers, not knowing where he was... the list goes on as you can imagine. Subsequently he would be taken home or to the hospital and my mother would go and make the 2-3 hour trip up to Manchester to sort him out.
This went on for a considerable amount of time, with each month causing my mother further distress and worry. He was diagnosed with dementia somewhere around the start of 2016 and was told that he needed full time care, meaning that he would need to sell the house to pay for it. He contested this the best he could as did my mother on the grounds that dementia was not his only ailment; he was also losing his eyesight and had other health complications... thus there should be some provision from the NHS.
So the poor bd died over Christmas 2016. He had a fall at home and took quite a hit to the head causing a bleed on the brain. He hung in there for about 2 weeks (with my mother at his side) before he died. By her accounts, he was coherent for some periods of the two weeks... other periods he was unconscious or out of his mind on drugs and mental illness.
We attended his funeral at the start of Feb 17 and as expected the turnout was low. My mother is an only child and he had no immediate family left. I was there mainly to support my mother in all fairness.
So here we are in March... A couple of days ago I saw my mother and she mentioned that she had gone up to Manchester with my dad to go and start emptying the house out. I asked her if she was planning another trip and whether she wanted a hand with anything. She obliged and I thought it was a reasonable time to ask what the details are with the estate... After all I had only assumed that with her being the only child with no other immediate family, the estate would be going to her. "Don't ask" she said. Naturally I asked why and she went on to tell me...
It came to light when the last will and testimony was read out (with only my mother in attendance) that her father had changed his will some 10 years ago. The change was quite simple... exchange the sole beneficiary from his daughter to a seemingly random charity.
Now to add a little context; the guy had never given a penny to charity throughout his entire existence. In fact my mother has worked for several charities over the last 20 years and he would regularly comment on how much of a scam he thought charity was. I would be very surprised if anyone could prove a relationship (financial or otherwise) he had with any charity. To make matters worse he was asked by his solicitor to give reason for this substantial change to the will. The reason he gave was "My family has abandoned me and they never come and visit me". This was recorded in the will and was read out. The solicitor also called for a mental assessment via a consultant, which he passed. This was 10 years ago, and he was not diagnosed wit mental illness until many years later. For the purpose of detail the estate was a property worth about 350k and savings of a further 50k. No debts other than a couple of missed utility bills in his final months.
As you can imagine my mother is very shocked and quite upset about the whole thing. It's not really down to one thing in particular either... I guess it's the combination of a fairly long and gradual decline in her fathers health, the incident itself (which has involved the police), grief and finally the saga of the will.
I guess what I'm really after from this post is some kind of advice that I can take on helping my mother out and getting her through this st. I accept it's unlikely that the will can be contested given the fact it was changed so long ago.
My mother's father passed away around the Christmas period last year. I was close to the guy when I was younger, but as I grew up I lost touch with him. I did go and visit a couple of times since such as when my daughter was born, but things were pretty cold. In all fairness the guy was pretty cold full stop; no mates, no immediate family and pretty much the definition of a miserable old b
d. Needless to say, my mother always remained close to him despite the fact that she lives in south Northants and he lived around Manchester. Regular visits every couple of months, even more regular around and after the point in which her mother/his wive died.So the guys health had been deteriorating over a period of the last 2-3 years. The common combination of old age and mental health issues resulted in countless occasions of my mother being informed by the police that her dad had been "found" wandering the streets in a bit of a mess, in his dressing gown, sometimes giving out large sums of cash to strangers, arguing with taxi drivers, not knowing where he was... the list goes on as you can imagine. Subsequently he would be taken home or to the hospital and my mother would go and make the 2-3 hour trip up to Manchester to sort him out.
This went on for a considerable amount of time, with each month causing my mother further distress and worry. He was diagnosed with dementia somewhere around the start of 2016 and was told that he needed full time care, meaning that he would need to sell the house to pay for it. He contested this the best he could as did my mother on the grounds that dementia was not his only ailment; he was also losing his eyesight and had other health complications... thus there should be some provision from the NHS.
So the poor b
d died over Christmas 2016. He had a fall at home and took quite a hit to the head causing a bleed on the brain. He hung in there for about 2 weeks (with my mother at his side) before he died. By her accounts, he was coherent for some periods of the two weeks... other periods he was unconscious or out of his mind on drugs and mental illness.We attended his funeral at the start of Feb 17 and as expected the turnout was low. My mother is an only child and he had no immediate family left. I was there mainly to support my mother in all fairness.
So here we are in March... A couple of days ago I saw my mother and she mentioned that she had gone up to Manchester with my dad to go and start emptying the house out. I asked her if she was planning another trip and whether she wanted a hand with anything. She obliged and I thought it was a reasonable time to ask what the details are with the estate... After all I had only assumed that with her being the only child with no other immediate family, the estate would be going to her. "Don't ask" she said. Naturally I asked why and she went on to tell me...
It came to light when the last will and testimony was read out (with only my mother in attendance) that her father had changed his will some 10 years ago. The change was quite simple... exchange the sole beneficiary from his daughter to a seemingly random charity.
Now to add a little context; the guy had never given a penny to charity throughout his entire existence. In fact my mother has worked for several charities over the last 20 years and he would regularly comment on how much of a scam he thought charity was. I would be very surprised if anyone could prove a relationship (financial or otherwise) he had with any charity. To make matters worse he was asked by his solicitor to give reason for this substantial change to the will. The reason he gave was "My family has abandoned me and they never come and visit me". This was recorded in the will and was read out. The solicitor also called for a mental assessment via a consultant, which he passed. This was 10 years ago, and he was not diagnosed wit mental illness until many years later. For the purpose of detail the estate was a property worth about 350k and savings of a further 50k. No debts other than a couple of missed utility bills in his final months.
As you can imagine my mother is very shocked and quite upset about the whole thing. It's not really down to one thing in particular either... I guess it's the combination of a fairly long and gradual decline in her fathers health, the incident itself (which has involved the police), grief and finally the saga of the will.
I guess what I'm really after from this post is some kind of advice that I can take on helping my mother out and getting her through this s
t. I accept it's unlikely that the will can be contested given the fact it was changed so long ago. You could seek legal advice about possibly contesting the will.
But honestly the best thing you can do right now is pitch in, help clean the house up and get it all over with as quickly as possible. It wont be long until this is a distant memory and nobody will be bothered by it anymore.
But honestly the best thing you can do right now is pitch in, help clean the house up and get it all over with as quickly as possible. It wont be long until this is a distant memory and nobody will be bothered by it anymore.
10years is a decade. A hell of a long time for him to be firmly in mind what he intended to do. The thing is with only one child what did he expect? Round the clock attention? He might have had friends who had a big family and saw the attention and wished he got the same. He may have been intentionally a loner blaming others. However it wasn't a will changed in the last year. In the papers I read a similar story but she left home at 17 and didn't(?) have any relationship with the Mum right upto presumably 50. She took it to court and rightfully lost.
I cut my Father out of my life before I was teenager. He left a large estate to others.
You can't have a relationship with someone's money.
I cut my Father out of my life before I was teenager. He left a large estate to others.
You can't have a relationship with someone's money.
My Great Aunt basically had the last of the family money. When she die she left my father (next in line) a grand, me a grand (next next in line) and the rest to the local cats and dogs home. In today's money it was about £1.3m. The family decided not to contest as it was what she wanted. Frankly my farther and his brother and sisters were fking stupid. 
On a side note, about 20 years later my partner decided that she would adopt a cat from said cats home. I was amazed to find the cats kept in normal runs as apposed to sitting on Ermine cushions being spoon fed the finest Beluga caviar.
king stupid. On a side note, about 20 years later my partner decided that she would adopt a cat from said cats home. I was amazed to find the cats kept in normal runs as apposed to sitting on Ermine cushions being spoon fed the finest Beluga caviar.
shielsy said:
...Now to add a little context; the guy had never given a penny to charity throughout his entire existence....
It really is very unlikely that you or your mother could know that. My friends etc. have absolutely no idea how little or how much I donate to charity. Even if it's true - the only context it really gives, is that he apparently decided to make up for it with his estate on death.
Nobody should feel entitled to inheritance, and in this case I think the deceased wishes are pretty clear.
davek_964 said:
shielsy said:
...Now to add a little context; the guy had never given a penny to charity throughout his entire existence....
It really is very unlikely that you or your mother could know that. My friends etc. have absolutely no idea how little or how much I donate to charity. Even if it's true - the only context it really gives, is that he apparently decided to make up for it with his estate on death.
Nobody should feel entitled to inheritance, and in this case I think the deceased wishes are pretty clear.
Sounds to me like you didn't really know him, and this supposedly random charity probably has some connection to him.
His money OP. This was hardly a moment of anger or revenge.
Thanks for the response so far and i don't disagree with any of the replies.
Please don't take the anguish my mother is feeling is due to a sense of entitlement. I think what has hurt her the most is that he was very explicit for his reason for changing his will; because he felt he was abandoned. Something that she feels is not the case and something that he never raised directly with her. Christ, for the last 3 years about 75% of her holiday allowance was spent on going to see and look after the guy let alone ringing him every night at 7.15pm to make sure he was OK.
Please don't take the anguish my mother is feeling is due to a sense of entitlement. I think what has hurt her the most is that he was very explicit for his reason for changing his will; because he felt he was abandoned. Something that she feels is not the case and something that he never raised directly with her. Christ, for the last 3 years about 75% of her holiday allowance was spent on going to see and look after the guy let alone ringing him every night at 7.15pm to make sure he was OK.
shielsy said:
Some of the contents belong to my mother and there is some sentimental stuff like pictures and stuff that she naturally would like to keep.
Our posts crossed.As I understand it:-
Your mother can retrieve her possessions and stuff like photos which have no monetary value. The rest belongs to the charity. No?
we live in a world of free will, if he wished for the money to go that is his right. it was his money to spend how he liked, and he wanted to benefit a charity maybe that made him feel better inside knowing this. it must have meant something to him.
your mum is justifiable to feel umbridge in the matter, but that is life sometimes.
i watched my nan spend 200k on hangers on and such like and family who couldn't care less aout her,but got a free holiday out of it. i used to go a lot to see her and never expected a penny. i was just happy i spent time with her when she was alive.
your mum is justifiable to feel umbridge in the matter, but that is life sometimes.
i watched my nan spend 200k on hangers on and such like and family who couldn't care less aout her,but got a free holiday out of it. i used to go a lot to see her and never expected a penny. i was just happy i spent time with her when she was alive.
Edited by The Spruce goose on Friday 17th March 07:53
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