Mums have it easy

[TwistingMyMelon]

Depends on the kids

My misses was a single parent to her first two on her own, 18 months age difference between kids . She bought them both up on her own, said it was straightforward

Now the above kids are teens

She says our daughter is harder work than 5 x the first two, she is a great kid, just has a mental amount of energy and life in her! Our daughter has had a few health issues which have not been straightforward to deal with and have caused lots of anguish

• White Knight Mode on* Its difficult (to an extent) for blokes to judge at times as we didnt have the physical and hormonal transformations of carrying the baby

[Kermit power]

I think a big part of this is a reaction to what they've had to - at least temporarily - sacrifice.

Would looking after our kids whilst they were younger have been easier than going to work? Probably. Would I have done it? Literally nothing short of the chronic, utterly debilitating illness or death of my wife would've made me swap the workplace for child-rearing!

Who on earth wants to spend every day for years cleaning up crap, cooking bland food and being largely starved of adult company whilst also having to watch your standing in that career you might want to go back to drop further and further behind that of your peers who've not taken a break to raise kids?

I love having my kids to snuggle up with in front of the telly in the evenings, or to take mountain biking and the like on the weekends. We've got two weekend music festivals we're camping at as a family in the next few months, and I can't wait.

If I'd had to give up work to look after our eldest, though, I very much suspect she'd now be a single child rather than the elder sister to two brothers!

[0000]

Legend83 said:

Try having twins! (although it pays dividends when they get to school age)

Yeah. Don't do that.

I only agreed to one more child.

[Zodiac M]

Legend83 said:

Try having twins! (although it pays dividends when they get to school age)

Try having triplets!!

[Vocal Minority]

xjay1337 said:

I'm not a parent.

So I don't know.

But I imagine that it's not easy.

But again depends on how "interactive" you decide to be with your kid.

To be brutally honest I don't think when they're 6 months old they remember anything anyway, I certainly don't remember putting a star shaped pink plastic thing into a blue round shaped thing.......


Feed them, change them....

But it depends how much you did - and how much that helped you develop - helps your brain start working rather than learning as we'd understand it

As I said earlier - my friends son is a almost a year ahead of schedule...wouldn't have happened without her input from early on. Feed and change wouldn't have done that.

[deckster]

Vocal Minority said:

But it depends how much you did - and how much that helped you develop - helps your brain start working rather than learning as we'd understand it

As I said earlier - my friends son is a almost a year ahead of schedule...wouldn't have happened without her input from early on. Feed and change wouldn't have done that.

The thought that there is some 'schedule' that a baby can be 'ahead of' is laughable. Some kids do things faster than others and there's very little evidence to support that excessive focus on developmental activities makes any difference once they get to school. That there genuinely are people who get very excited that little Trixie is walking faster than her friends, or that Freddie is out of nappies by 18 months, and take this as evidence that either their child is some kind of genius or indeed that they are super-parents is a source of constant amusement to me.

[WestyCarl]

Vocal Minority said:

But it depends how much you did - and how much that helped you develop - helps your brain start working rather than learning as we'd understand it

I think a lot of parents underestimate how much the <3yrs "absorb" from their environment, be it stress, calming, human interaction, left alone, etc. I am sure many of our individual human characteristics start developing from this age.

[Vocal Minority]

deckster said:

The thought that there is some 'schedule' that a baby can be 'ahead of' is laughable. Some kids do things faster than others and there's very little evidence to support that excessive focus on developmental activities makes any difference once they get to school. That there genuinely are people who get very excited that little Trixie is walking faster than her friends, or that Freddie is out of nappies by 18 months, and take this as evidence that either their child is some kind of genius or indeed that they are super-parents is a source of constant amusement to me.

Well I am talking about writing and reading skills/forming unrecognised complicated sounds and words in their heads when reading - the measurable mental skills stuff that educators measure and use as performance indicators vs a childs age

not whether or not they are still stting themselves.

[deckster]

Vocal Minority said:

Well I am talking about writing and reading skills/forming unrecognised complicated sounds and words in their heads when reading - the measurable mental skills stuff that educators measure and use as performance indicators vs a childs age

not whether or not they are still stting themselves.

Same point still stands. All these performance indicators are intended for macro use as averages across populations and have little value when applied to individuals. This is doubly true when applied to pre-school children, who have a particularly marked variance in developmental speed and an equally marked lack of correlation to future attainment.

Don't get me wrong: of course you should be interested and involved, and providing your child with a stimulating environment, plenty of books and social contact etc. is absolutely vital. However constantly pushing, measuring, and comparing is rarely helpful and just makes you more stressed as you worry about the slightest deviation from whatever they have decided is the norm these days. Pushy parent syndrome is a real thing and rarely works out to the benefit of the child.

[Gretchen]

Having posted earlier in the thread I now realise this is more reflective of stay at home Mums in relationships. That is a life of bloody luxury to me. Carry on.

[davepoth]

Gretchen said:

Having posted earlier in the thread I now realise this is more reflective of stay at home Mums in relationships. That is a life of bloody luxury to me. Carry on.

I was just thinking that. I wouldn't swap with any of the working mums in my office for a month of Sundays.

[Gretchen]

davepoth said:

Gretchen said:

Having posted earlier in the thread I now realise this is more reflective of stay at home Mums in relationships. That is a life of bloody luxury to me. Carry on.

I was just thinking that. I wouldn't swap with any of the working mums in my office for a month of Sundays.

I'm NHS too. Add that to everything else I've previously mentioned and the whole thread turns on it's head

Some of the comments are really quite old fashioned/narrow minded. But then I maybe an exception

[Gretchen]

MontyC said:

And your still trying too decide if to give it another go with your footballer Ex that was too needy ahh bless?
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...

You fked up your quoting so I've only just seen this. A woman still has needs. He never met my kids, was just an after hours plaything so really no idea why you felt the need to post a link to this? Let alone the fact that I stated I wasn't interested - where do you see 'still trying to decide'?!?
I'm quite capable of maintaining several different lifestyles without the need of a powerfully built company director to support me.

Edited by Gretchen on Tuesday 21st March 19:53

[xjay1337]

deckster said:

Vocal Minority said:

Well I am talking about writing and reading skills/forming unrecognised complicated sounds and words in their heads when reading - the measurable mental skills stuff that educators measure and use as performance indicators vs a childs age

not whether or not they are still stting themselves.

Same point still stands. All these performance indicators are intended for macro use as averages across populations and have little value when applied to individuals. This is doubly true when applied to pre-school children, who have a particularly marked variance in developmental speed and an equally marked lack of correlation to future attainment.

Don't get me wrong: of course you should be interested and involved, and providing your child with a stimulating environment, plenty of books and social contact etc. is absolutely vital. However constantly pushing, measuring, and comparing is rarely helpful and just makes you more stressed as you worry about the slightest deviation from whatever they have decided is the norm these days. Pushy parent syndrome is a real thing and rarely works out to the benefit of the child.

Is there any statistical / recorded evidence in an increase or decrease in mental ability later in life by interaction in <18 month olds.

I really don't think there's much in it, but then again I am not a doctor.

[xjay1337]

Gretchen said:

You fked up your quoting so I've only just seen this. A woman still has needs. He never met my kids, was just an after hours plaything so really no idea why you felt the need to post a link to this? Let alone the fact that I stated I wasn't interested - where do you see 'still trying to decide'?!?
I'm quite capable of maintaining several different lifestyles without the need of a powerfully built company director to support me.

Edited by Gretchen on Tuesday 21st March 19:53

I think that violates our new rules about sleuthing, pointless post by that guy.

[Legend83]

Zodiac M said:

Try having triplets!!

Touche!

I think multiples of any form are dreadful in the early years.

But I wouldn't have it any other way!

[Loyly]

I'd rather go to work than look after children.

[V8 FOU]

TwistingMyMelon said:

Depends on the kids

My misses was a single parent to her first two on her own, 18 months age difference between kids . She bought them both

Is she Madonna? How much did they cost?

[Amateurish]

Looking after preschoolers is hard work. Once they are at school, however, any stay at home parents have an easy life.

[gtidriver]

Im a stay at home dad, the best job in the world, i hated it at the beginning, as people love to criticise why im not working, going to soft play areas to sit on my own as none of the women would sit with a bloke. But 10 years on my lad is my best mate, im so proud to have stayed at home to bring him up,sometimes kicking and screaming
School holidays is best, he has a favourite grill in Belgium that we pop over to quite often,i work for my wife, well i say work i open and file the post, still it pays for 4-5 holidays a year. Ive not just sat around in the last 10 years opening post, im on my second house renovation and im planning on starting another one soon.
I still get the "when you getting a job" chat from people, i ask when can i start at there work, but ill need a few extra months holiday as we have no local family to child mind.