Mums have it easy

Author
Discussion

SpeedMattersNot

Original Poster:

4,506 posts

195 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
quotequote all
Just to clarify;

- Carrying a child for 9 months looks awkward at best.
- Giving birth is something I would not be able to tolerate.
- Breastfeeding is surprisingly demanding.
- A lot of mums don't have supportive partners.
- If you're poor it's more difficult.

There are other factors too, but on the whole, looking after children is much easier than going to work.

I worked for a decade as a vehicle technician. I have also worked for a race team, worked as an events technical expert for the GTR, I've been a teaching assistant at a state secondary school and a lecturer at a college. All of these jobs were more difficult than looking after children.

So why then, do so many mums make out like it's the hardest job in the world? I go to soft play and there will always be a group of mums in a little group, completely ignoring their children. I walk past a coffee shop, group of mums in there with prams, all ignoring their children chatting to their friends.

...and to make it worse, a lot of these mums have convinced their partners that it is that difficult. So that when they get home from a day at work, the mums expect the dads to immediately relieve them of the children duty!

I am currently doing a part-time degree as well as looking after my 3 year old and 9 month old daughters. Every mum at home should be doing some form of part-time education whilst doing the housework and raising the children. There may be some exceptions, but a very high percentage have no excuse. It's so easy.

My youngest is currently asleep, eldest is cutting paper and sticking fuzzy bits on it with stickers. I'm going to take my eldest to school this afternoon, with a stroll through the woods in the sun while my poor wife is at work.

Not so much a rant, just an observation.

cootuk

918 posts

122 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
quotequote all
/ mumsnet mode on
You're expected to be a nurse, cook, cleaner, nanny etc and be available 24/7
So if you add up all those jobs you should be paid £879,000pa
/mumsnet mode off

Emanresu

311 posts

88 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
quotequote all
Thank you. Someone finally gets it. I bust my balls 10 hours a day, 6 days a week and my wife sits at home nattering with her friends on the phone or watching loose women or some other ste on tv. 'Because I have to wait for ruoinujemanresu to come home from school'.

SpeedMattersNot

Original Poster:

4,506 posts

195 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
quotequote all
It was this video that inspired me to post this. As it was shared by several of my facebook friends who are mums. Then lots of their friends, also mums commented with "so true" and "omg this", "<insert friends name here> thought of you hun xx".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HB3xM93rXbY

Apparently dads don't look after kids?

Well I do. And I'm getting a Masters in Engineering at the same time. So fk off!

dazwalsh

6,095 posts

140 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
quotequote all
I kind of have to come to the defence of mothers here, its not just looking after the children, its the faffing about just to get two of them ready to go out if you need a pint of milk for example, and the seemingly constant battle to keep the house clean and tidy when they are at home all day. Then there is the laundry, making lunches and dinner whilst keeping them entertained the full day.

Thw soft play mummies are there for a break.

I had to look after my 2 little ones for a full week whilst Mrs was away. Getting them up fed and dressed in the morning, out to school and nursery, then start my days work, back home, dinner, bathtime and the battle of getting them to bed I was absolutely knackered, work was the easiest part of the day and that was heavy refurbishment of a house.

Im lucky in that im relatively free to do what I want at the weekend but every evening from work I get stuck in to help out so I can see what its like from the other side. My two aged 2 and 4 are well behaved too. They are deffinately easier as babies, its the 2-7 sort of age range where they require a lot of looking after.




AdamFX

242 posts

144 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
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Agreed - I imagine much of the moaning about being a mother is an attempt to justify sitting on one's backside for most of the day.

That said, it's also a fair argument to say that (certain) work isn't exactly the most strenuous thing in the world - just sitting down, drinking coffee and staring at a laptop for 8 hours a day.

PostHeads123

1,042 posts

134 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
quotequote all
I think a lot depends on how demanding your baby is, with my 11 months old I disagree with you, I find work a walk in the park vs. looking after children and I have a stressful / demanding job, also a lot of women also work part-time, look after the kids and manage the house. You are either some kind of super human being or your partner covers you ass a lot more than you think.

coopedup

3,741 posts

138 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
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Can't wait for all the women to have their afternoon chill time so they can read this hehe Popcorn anyone?

IanCress

4,409 posts

165 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
quotequote all
I go to work, the wife is at home with our 9 month old. When I get home I tend to look after the baby out of choice, as I want to spend time with her.

The wife doesn't seem to get through much housework during the day, but to be fair the baby isn't too keen on being left alone. Now that she's crawling we bought a (massive) playpen for her so she can be left alone without the risk of pulling the TV over or trying to eat the dog. I hoped this would free my wife up to do more housework but it doesn't seem to have worked. I don't complain. I appreciate that sometimes you just need a rest.

skinnyman

1,632 posts

92 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
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My wife is currently on paternity leave looking after our 2 week old and 3yr old, and its no walk in the park. It's 100% more demanding than my job, and i have the utmost respect and admiration for the job she does in raising our children.

It was recently decided that she'd basically take 4yrs off work, to stay at home until the youngest is at school age, this has meant me working more to fill in the gaps, but totally worth it. She has the children, does the cleaning, ironing, shopping, cooking etc etc. Sure, i have to work more, but she takes care of everything else. It's not an easy job, by any stretch of the imagination. And for any father who think it is, i suggest swapping roles for a few weeks.

kambites

67,462 posts

220 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
quotequote all
I tend to find a day at home looking after our nearly-three-year-old more tiring than a day at work. I think it's the lack of mental stimulation that tires me out, there's only so many times you can read the same 5 page book or do the same jigsaw without your brain running out of your ears.

If the weather is nice enough to do stuff outside, the balance swings the other way, though.

Edited by kambites on Tuesday 21st March 11:09

DonkeyApple

54,931 posts

168 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
quotequote all
So long as you have basic common sense and normal children it is a very easy job. The problem is that if you've spent you're entire life up to that point striving towards bettering yourself in the work environment it is the most boring job imaginable. Once they are at school it pretty much becomes a non job.


Sheets Tabuer

18,898 posts

214 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
quotequote all
I took 5 years off work and looked after my son, it was a piece of piss.

Even with the cooking and cleaning it was hardly taxing.

Vocal Minority

8,582 posts

151 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
quotequote all
SpeedMattersNot said:
Just to clarify;

- Carrying a child for 9 months looks awkward at best.
- Giving birth is something I would not be able to tolerate.
- Breastfeeding is surprisingly demanding.
- A lot of mums don't have supportive partners.
- If you're poor it's more difficult.

There are other factors too, but on the whole, looking after children is much easier than going to work.

I worked for a decade as a vehicle technician. I have also worked for a race team, worked as an events technical expert for the GTR, I've been a teaching assistant at a state secondary school and a lecturer at a college. All of these jobs were more difficult than looking after children.

So why then, do so many mums make out like it's the hardest job in the world? I go to soft play and there will always be a group of mums in a little group, completely ignoring their children. I walk past a coffee shop, group of mums in there with prams, all ignoring their children chatting to their friends.

...and to make it worse, a lot of these mums have convinced their partners that it is that difficult. So that when they get home from a day at work, the mums expect the dads to immediately relieve them of the children duty!

I am currently doing a part-time degree as well as looking after my 3 year old and 9 month old daughters. Every mum at home should be doing some form of part-time education whilst doing the housework and raising the children. There may be some exceptions, but a very high percentage have no excuse. It's so easy.

My youngest is currently asleep, eldest is cutting paper and sticking fuzzy bits on it with stickers. I'm going to take my eldest to school this afternoon, with a stroll through the woods in the sun while my poor wife is at work.

Not so much a rant, just an observation.
I think it all depends on if you want to raise the child properly or not.

If you want to just park the infant in front of a distraction for 8 hours, I dare say there is time in the day.

However, on the other side of the coin some are intent on making sure they raise the wee bairn to the maximum of their ability, so there is lots of reading, playing, going outside and exploring, gardening, getting them to and from pre-school, keeping them fed and clean and happy - whilst doing 2 part time (working from home) jobs, a PhD part time by distance learning and voluntary work charities. Then does the washing, cleaning and general house hold admin.

Whilst managing a 4 year old starting to show 'risk of taking over the world' levels of intelligence (if he wasn't such a sweet lad). So requires an awful lot of input to keep focused, entertained and learning. (That is as much a result of the effort she goes to as much as nature and luck of the brain draw I am certain though).

So, if said Mum wants to raise the bairn properly - I would say it can be equally as consuming as my job is.


Also - I have the added benefit that my boss doesn't have a tantrum and cry over nothing or demand assistance to take a st for my first 3 years at work.

C0ffin D0dger

3,440 posts

144 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
quotequote all
I go to work to escape from my kids wink

TBH I don't really care what my missus is doing during my work hours, I'd just rather she was doing it than me biggrin

Captain Benzo

442 posts

137 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
quotequote all
i am taking a day off work to look after my 2 for the day. luckily eldest is at school. I am going to have to plan an entire day to keep a 2 year old entertained. if it rains it will be hell. cycle/scoot to school for #1, park for #2, scoot home, lunch, do painting/drawing/baking etc with #2. pray she has a nap ( she wont), read the same book 5-6 times in a row, repeat activities, say bks to it and go to the park again, pick up #1 from school, cycle/scoot home, homework, snack, cook dinner.

Kids are ace unless one of the following occurs, and the nightmare increases exponentially as the factors multiply;

tired
cold
wet
hungry
bored.

I look forward to mondays as no matter how intensive my job gets, it is easier than childcare.


Countdown

39,690 posts

195 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
quotequote all
Personally I think Mrs C works a helluva lot harder than I do but accountancy is probably one of the easier jobs out there. biggrin

Oldandslow

2,405 posts

205 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
quotequote all
Wow, attacking the sacred cows.

My own personal take, based on limited observation, is that just like a job if you're not good at it it's much harder and more stressful. Some mums have it all sorted, organised home and well behaved kids (that's no accident), consequently it's a POP daily with the odd bump. Other mothers create their own chaotic environment and the kids are feral, so yes their day is a nightmare.

deckster

9,630 posts

254 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
quotequote all
It's all a matter of perspective.

If you think that you have to 'keep them entertained' and regard going out for walks, picking them up from school, going to the park etc. as 'jobs' that you have to do then sure. If you feel the need to plan their every moment and fill it with crafts, baking, baby yoga and suchlike then sure, you don't get much free time. But let's be clear: you're doing this because it makes you feel valued and you feel that you have to, not because baby is demanding it. The pressure on parents these days to be doing 'stuff' is quite ridiculous. My wife recently pointed out a Facebook post from one of her friends celebrating her baby's graduation from 'baby sensory class', complete with mortar board and gown. The kid is about 6 months old! Clearly, that is all about the parent and nothing about the child.

I guess I am privileged in that my parents were prolific fosterers - well over 100 kids came and went throughout my early life, mainly under 5s, so I always had young children around when I was growing up. I learnt a huge amount from watching my mum deal with them day in, day out - and the key message is that kids, by and large, just get on with it. They really, genuinely, don't care that you've spent the last three hours making plaster-of-paris hand prints, they would have been just as happy stacking bricks up and knocking them down again, or taking a walk down to the post box to post a letter. They like doing stuff, but their definition of stuff is very different to yours. So sod the baby yoga and whale-song classes and acknowledge that whilst they're clearly an important part of your life, they are just that - a part of your life, not the whole thing.

I sort of lost track of my point there. Oh yeah - babies and stuff. They're as hard as you make them and yes, of course looking after a family and 'keeping house' is a full-time occupation - but it's not an especially hard one, unless you make it that way.

Oakey

27,523 posts

215 months

Tuesday 21st March 2017
quotequote all
Just remind them a lot of people have to do all that AND work a real job too.