Problem teenager in the house.
Discussion
S11Steve said:
JimmyConwayNW said:
The poster that thinks his kid is a sociopath do you think he is dangerous or has the potential to be dangerous to others?
Does the killing of multiple pets show that potential?Their own pets and did they carry on after being caught? Assuming they know you know?
Jonesy23 said:
S11Steve said:
JimmyConwayNW said:
The poster that thinks his kid is a sociopath do you think he is dangerous or has the potential to be dangerous to others?
Does the killing of multiple pets show that potential?Their own pets and did they carry on after being caught? Assuming they know you know?
https://www.rspca.org.uk/whatwedo/endcruelty/prose...
elvismiggell said:
Yeah, I don't know about sociopathic, but I'm pretty sure the RSPCA would have something to say about it.
https://www.rspca.org.uk/whatwedo/endcruelty/prose...
Yeah, we've worked with them on the issue, add not had any incidents in the last two years or so. https://www.rspca.org.uk/whatwedo/endcruelty/prose...
I've got home tonight and there is an appointment card for a psychological assessment in May. We are working with the right social services team, and have the school on board.
We are very aware of the various red flags and the potential for it to escalate further.
aspirated said:
Just be there for him, one day he will realise all that you've done, hopefully before its too late to acknowledge
Sadly I think a viewing in a shared house sends a very different message.For a young man who has been rejected so much I winced at that. OP I appreciate you're at your wits end with this lad but please think about the message this sends or how it might be interpreted differently to your intention.
If he's eating snacks and crap - remove them. If he's spending all day on the PS4 remove it - give him a means to earn it back.
It's really bloody tough though. I grew up the youngest of three lads and witness a huge amount that has stayed with me for life due to the behavioural issues of my siblings (asperghers as it happens).
I guess threatening to kick him the f
k out if he doesn't get his act together would be far too old fashioned in today's 'no responsibility' world??
As already mentioned, he really is nothing to do with you officially and obviously has no respect for you, so tell him that if he is really unhappy he is free to go forth and make his own way in life.
But of course, this is going to insult his sensitive sensibilities and probably make him cry, a dose of the real world.......
At the age of 16 I was already earning a living and paying my way.
k out if he doesn't get his act together would be far too old fashioned in today's 'no responsibility' world?? As already mentioned, he really is nothing to do with you officially and obviously has no respect for you, so tell him that if he is really unhappy he is free to go forth and make his own way in life.
But of course, this is going to insult his sensitive sensibilities and probably make him cry, a dose of the real world.......
At the age of 16 I was already earning a living and paying my way.
JimmyConwayNW said:
The poster that thinks his kid is a sociopath do you think he is dangerous or has the potential to be dangerous to others?
Do you not think he is just a selfish self centred ahole that may or may not change?
I don't want to hijack the OP's thread, especially as the worst is behind us, for now.Do you not think he is just a selfish self centred a
hole that may or may not change?I don't think he's dangerous in the serial killer psychopath (the old term for sociopath) kind of way but I do think that his lack of empathy and conscience have caused issues in the past and may do in the future. He either doesn't think about or doesn't care about the consequences of his actions. At 16 he threatened his grandparents and step dad with a knife and he'd had his mum by the throat a couple of times, another occasion when his mother and I had him sat down reading him the riot act, he jumped up and flew at her with his fists and I reacted and punched him, only once (I'm not proud but it was a reflex reaction to defend his mum) his response was to come back later that day with two of his mates to "do me", it didn't go as planned for them but that's another story
He has never once been sorry for anything he has ever done to anyone else, I can't remember what he'd done or what his punishment was, but I once asked him why he was crying and his answer wasn't "I'm sorry for what I've done" but that he didn't think it was fair that we were punishing him. To give you an example of the kind of things he did; if we left a window open he would climb into the house and steal things from us and his sister and brothers to sell - he didn't have a key as he couldn't be trusted, he would light up a joint in the house, he was physically threatening to other weaker family members, he would climb out of his bedroom window at night and come back whenever he felt like it - sometimes days later, he would be verbally abusive to all of us including me as long as he was out of reach or at a distance where I couldn't catch him, he rarely showered or cleaned his teeth - only under duress and even then would run the shower, wet the soap but not get in, and lies, lies and more lies, about everything and anything, sometimes for no reason at all, as if we had no right to any truth. I genuinely believed at the time it was only a matter of time before he ended up in prison or picked an argument with the wrong person but he has an innocent face and cheeky charm which he can turn on at will which gets him out of scrapes.
To the OP and the others experiencing similar things, I sincerely hope for your sanity that it's just teenage rebellion as I wouldn't wish what we we through on my worst enemy. I will repeat what I said earlier though in that you have to realise that in some situations with some people there is NOTHING you can do to change things and some people are just born that way, as a parent that is really hard to come to terms with and there are a lots of tears and heartbreak on the way.
Edited by 4Q on Thursday 30th March 11:27
I went to view the house yesterday - I'd happily move into it if I were single! I sent this message to the teenager this morning:
Me said:
I went to look at the shared house yesterday. The bedroom is small, but the house is big and you would share the living room, kitchen etc. There is fibre broadband and a secure garden to keep your bike. You'd be sharing with 4 other young people, all working or at college. It's near Sainsbury's so it's close to the centre of town.
So, it's decision time. The options are (in order of preference)
1. Stay at home, change your attitude towards us, the house and whatever rules we put in place. We want you back the way you used to be!
2. Move to the shared house. We pay the rent, you have as much freedom as you want.
3. You move back with your mum. I've spoken to her and this is a possibility for a while.
4. You do nothing to decide the above and you end up homeless. We're under no obligation to house you now you're sixteen. We don't have to put up with the way you speak to us. We're not equals, you are living in our house and even if you don't like it you have to abide by our rules.
We need a decision today, this morning preferably as there is no guarantee that the room in the shared house will be available for long.
Don't ignore this. If we don't have a decision from you we will have to make it for you, and as we can't make you change your behaviour and we won't pay for a room elsewhere unless we know you're going to move into it then the only options left are 3 and 4. The shared room and staying with your mum could both be done on a trial basis for a month or so.
We love you, and want you to stay with us, but no-one is happy the way things are so something has to change.
Love dad.
And this was his entire reply:So, it's decision time. The options are (in order of preference)
1. Stay at home, change your attitude towards us, the house and whatever rules we put in place. We want you back the way you used to be!
2. Move to the shared house. We pay the rent, you have as much freedom as you want.
3. You move back with your mum. I've spoken to her and this is a possibility for a while.
4. You do nothing to decide the above and you end up homeless. We're under no obligation to house you now you're sixteen. We don't have to put up with the way you speak to us. We're not equals, you are living in our house and even if you don't like it you have to abide by our rules.
We need a decision today, this morning preferably as there is no guarantee that the room in the shared house will be available for long.
Don't ignore this. If we don't have a decision from you we will have to make it for you, and as we can't make you change your behaviour and we won't pay for a room elsewhere unless we know you're going to move into it then the only options left are 3 and 4. The shared room and staying with your mum could both be done on a trial basis for a month or so.
We love you, and want you to stay with us, but no-one is happy the way things are so something has to change.
Love dad.
Teenager said:
2
Teenager said:
2
i bet sometimes you just feel like snapping. We rented and furnished a flat for ours but he sold the furniture (he said there was damp and it had gone mouldy so he'd taken it to the tip!), moved into his girlfriends without telling us and sub-let the flat to some scumbags.OP - firstly I think you're pretty amazing for taking on someone else's child and whatever you're doing, however it might appear to him or anyone else, is a damn sight better than the alternative I think.
I have 3 teenage boys so I have some sympathy for your position and god they can eat....
Good luck with it.
I have 3 teenage boys so I have some sympathy for your position and god they can eat....
Good luck with it.
Teenager said:
2
Hmmm, 1. is obviously your preferred option but given the way you've phrased it, I would probably choose 2 also.- 1 reads to me like "it's your fault, you need to change and live by our rules, do what we say etc.)
Not criticising, just an observation. Good luck & hope it works out.
wormus said:
Teenager said:
2
Hmmm, 1. is obviously your preferred option but given the way you've phrased it, I would probably choose 2 also.- 1 reads to me like "it's your fault, you need to change and live by our rules, do what we say etc.)
Not criticising, just an observation. Good luck & hope it works out.
I genuinely wish OP the very best of luck, but it's hard not to read that as playing right into his hands.
That being said, I'm not sure what alternative I could suggest - I'm not a parent myself and I'm quite sure I can't imagine what living through this must be like.
I would however suggest you start making contingency plans now for when there are problems at the shared house and you have to deal with those or rent issues etc.
Hopefully moving out will change him.
It worked for me , i had to have my own place and then do adult stuff like budget , get up for work every day and then later move onto buying my own place rather than have parents to back me up / bail me out.
I went from arguing/fighting with my parents at home to actually talking to them about adult stuff like how to budget for bills etc , hopefully it works out for you and your step son.
It worked for me , i had to have my own place and then do adult stuff like budget , get up for work every day and then later move onto buying my own place rather than have parents to back me up / bail me out.
I went from arguing/fighting with my parents at home to actually talking to them about adult stuff like how to budget for bills etc , hopefully it works out for you and your step son.
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