Any other expectant Dads?
Discussion
New dad here, little lad is 3 months old now.
The first few weeks are very hard, but keep pushing through it does get better!
I'll echo the thoughts about breastfeeding above, my wife really struggled at first (turns out he had a tongue tie that took ages to get sorted but that's another story!) and made the already difficult early days even more stressful. She got there in the end with the aid of some nipple shields but now the little sod refuses to have a bottle which makes it really hard for me too look after him on my own while my wife gets some much needed time to herself, ho hum.
Some bits bit of advice I can offer:
You'll be told to use cotton wool and water to clean the babies first poos, IGNORE THIS! Get yourself some unscented wipes (Aldi are brilliant) and use them and ignore any tutting from the midwives. Trust me on this!
Get millions of muslin cloths - best things ever and you can't have too many of them.
Try to buy as much stuff second hand as you can, we got a huge job lot from a friend of someone my wife works with, all top quality stuff for a fraction of it's new price. Saved us an absolute fortune.
Supermarket baby clothes are dirt cheap these days, decent quality and look good. They will get covered in all kinds of unspeakable horrors so don't waste your money on designer kit or the more expensive high street stuff.
Gro-bags are ace and worth the money (like a little baby sleeping bag).
If you've not already looked into it consider doing some NCT classes. They're not cheap but are full of lots of useful info especially about labour. But more than this it'll hopefully give your wife (and maybe yourself!) a circle of people going through the same thing at roughly the same time. My wife has found the other new mothers she met through this invaluable, they have a whatsapp group and often message each other in the early hours during yet another night feed / poo explosion!
Good luck and congratulations to you both
The first few weeks are very hard, but keep pushing through it does get better!
I'll echo the thoughts about breastfeeding above, my wife really struggled at first (turns out he had a tongue tie that took ages to get sorted but that's another story!) and made the already difficult early days even more stressful. She got there in the end with the aid of some nipple shields but now the little sod refuses to have a bottle which makes it really hard for me too look after him on my own while my wife gets some much needed time to herself, ho hum.
Some bits bit of advice I can offer:
You'll be told to use cotton wool and water to clean the babies first poos, IGNORE THIS! Get yourself some unscented wipes (Aldi are brilliant) and use them and ignore any tutting from the midwives. Trust me on this!
Get millions of muslin cloths - best things ever and you can't have too many of them.
Try to buy as much stuff second hand as you can, we got a huge job lot from a friend of someone my wife works with, all top quality stuff for a fraction of it's new price. Saved us an absolute fortune.
Supermarket baby clothes are dirt cheap these days, decent quality and look good. They will get covered in all kinds of unspeakable horrors so don't waste your money on designer kit or the more expensive high street stuff.
Gro-bags are ace and worth the money (like a little baby sleeping bag).
If you've not already looked into it consider doing some NCT classes. They're not cheap but are full of lots of useful info especially about labour. But more than this it'll hopefully give your wife (and maybe yourself!) a circle of people going through the same thing at roughly the same time. My wife has found the other new mothers she met through this invaluable, they have a whatsapp group and often message each other in the early hours during yet another night feed / poo explosion!
Good luck and congratulations to you both
I gave birth to our first born 3 weeks ago.
From a female point of view :
1- if working full time, don't feel like you need to work right up to 38 weeks or even later if you're not up for it.
I planned to, but was exhausted and in pain from about 30 weeks onwards and ended up finishing at 35 weeks. Couldn't have gone on any further.
2- we love the Cybex Priam and Cybex Aton Q for travel system.
It's so easy to use and baby loves being in it. It's also one handed fold.
3 - I recommend Daisy ante natal classes instead of NCT.
Lovely and relaxing (and cheaper)
4- plan for a lovely wonderful birth but don't be hard on yourself if it doesn't go to plan.
5- don't surround your wife with visitors immediately after birth
From a female point of view :
1- if working full time, don't feel like you need to work right up to 38 weeks or even later if you're not up for it.
I planned to, but was exhausted and in pain from about 30 weeks onwards and ended up finishing at 35 weeks. Couldn't have gone on any further.
2- we love the Cybex Priam and Cybex Aton Q for travel system.
It's so easy to use and baby loves being in it. It's also one handed fold.
3 - I recommend Daisy ante natal classes instead of NCT.
Lovely and relaxing (and cheaper)
4- plan for a lovely wonderful birth but don't be hard on yourself if it doesn't go to plan.
5- don't surround your wife with visitors immediately after birth
Lots and lots of good advice given so far. You will be given enough clothes from friends and family to last a lifetime. With both of our children they had clothes that they never wore as they grew out of them.
IKEA is brilliant for furniture and their high chairs are the best.
Look on eBay, Facebook, etc for items for sale as you can get a list of hardly used stuff for a fraction of the price.
Travel systems can cost a fortune, just see what fits your car.
And most importantly of all. Look after Mum and get a routine. Both our children have no problems going to bed because of this.
Oh and have fun with junior!
IKEA is brilliant for furniture and their high chairs are the best.
Look on eBay, Facebook, etc for items for sale as you can get a list of hardly used stuff for a fraction of the price.
Travel systems can cost a fortune, just see what fits your car.
And most importantly of all. Look after Mum and get a routine. Both our children have no problems going to bed because of this.
Oh and have fun with junior!
Congratulations
Just a few bits of advice that worked for us:
• Replace one bath per week for a shower in your arms. It's tricky but it gets them used to having a splash of water in their face and used to the shower as a lot of kids hate them.
• Keep one or two teddy bears/soft toys in the cot so the baby only sees them at bedtime and associates those toys with going to sleep.
• Routine.
Just a few bits of advice that worked for us:
• Replace one bath per week for a shower in your arms. It's tricky but it gets them used to having a splash of water in their face and used to the shower as a lot of kids hate them.
• Keep one or two teddy bears/soft toys in the cot so the baby only sees them at bedtime and associates those toys with going to sleep.
• Routine.
Congratulations!
My advice
You'll get tons of advice, but we're all different. Ignore what you need to and do what works for baby, mum, and you.
When babies cry they almost always want food. Try that first.
If you need formula, get formula.
Prepare to be very tired. Aim to survive the first bit. It gets better.
Nothing anyone says can prepare you for how much you are about to worry.
My advice
You'll get tons of advice, but we're all different. Ignore what you need to and do what works for baby, mum, and you.
When babies cry they almost always want food. Try that first.
If you need formula, get formula.
Prepare to be very tired. Aim to survive the first bit. It gets better.
Nothing anyone says can prepare you for how much you are about to worry.
I'm 51, Mrs Oxide is 42 and we have a 1-year-old who was unplanned, so we were really apprehensive. Best advice we got was from one of the midwives in the delivery suite:
1 - They're all different. By all means listen to advice and other parents telling you "how it is", but be ready to disregard it if your experience is different.
2 - They're quite robust. Obviously be aware of the no-nos (shaking, salt, etc), but don't over worry. People have been having babies since before we were really even people. Just don't be stupid.
3 - You WILL want to scream at / shake / murder it at some time. If there is no-one to pass him/her to and you can feel yourself reaching an uncontrollable tipping point, put them in their crib and walk away for 5 minutes. It's horrible, and it's distressing for everyone (baby, parent and neighbours!), but it's better than shaking them. A baby has never come to harm just from crying.
I was very dismissive of no 3, but even though our lad is a really chilled fella there has been more than 1 occasion when I've had to do exactly that, as I could feel I was at snapping point.
For all of the above, it's great fun and hugely rewarding (and that's from a non-paternal type). Just look after mum, and make sure she looks after you. You both need to be able to escape and have some "me time".
1 - They're all different. By all means listen to advice and other parents telling you "how it is", but be ready to disregard it if your experience is different.
2 - They're quite robust. Obviously be aware of the no-nos (shaking, salt, etc), but don't over worry. People have been having babies since before we were really even people. Just don't be stupid.
3 - You WILL want to scream at / shake / murder it at some time. If there is no-one to pass him/her to and you can feel yourself reaching an uncontrollable tipping point, put them in their crib and walk away for 5 minutes. It's horrible, and it's distressing for everyone (baby, parent and neighbours!), but it's better than shaking them. A baby has never come to harm just from crying.
I was very dismissive of no 3, but even though our lad is a really chilled fella there has been more than 1 occasion when I've had to do exactly that, as I could feel I was at snapping point.
For all of the above, it's great fun and hugely rewarding (and that's from a non-paternal type). Just look after mum, and make sure she looks after you. You both need to be able to escape and have some "me time".
We're due on the 18th of September, I'm bloody petrified (I mean i can't wait)
Paid NCT classes are pretty good, our group is great and we've already gone for beers together.
Wife booked Hypno Birthing classes which i was initially very skeptical about but these also turned out to be good. Basically they try to ensure you keep calm through the birthing process which apparently makes it easier.
Paid NCT classes are pretty good, our group is great and we've already gone for beers together.
Wife booked Hypno Birthing classes which i was initially very skeptical about but these also turned out to be good. Basically they try to ensure you keep calm through the birthing process which apparently makes it easier.
FerrousOxide said:
For all of the above, it's great fun and hugely rewarding (and that's from a non-paternal type). Just look after mum, and make sure she looks after you. You both need to be able to escape and have some "me time".
Lots of good advice given here, but I think FerrousOxide's last point has been missed by a lot of posters. Remember there's three of you to look after, yes the baby is the star attraction, but try to maintain some semblance of adult life between you two adults. It's very easy to obsess over your first child, and to forget each other's needs/feelings/worries etc.You're (hopefully) still in love with each other, don't let that get lost in your new life. Example: remind her how beautiful she (still) is, despite the sleep deprivation! Good luck!
We're expecting our first in mid December, which is nice.
Our set up is unusual in that I'm going to be a stay-at-home dad and my wife will be going back to work after probably six months. It's a little daunting, especially as our crazy Spaniel will still be a puppy until next spring time so I'll have my hands very full, but I'll manage somehow! The only issue is that we live in a village in a ruralish area so I'm sure I'll be the only dad around here during the daytime and a bit left out of the mums' groups, if there are any. Also our families are 45+ minutes away so they're of limited use too! And the nearest NCT or Daisy class is 30 minutes away...
My plan is to get an off-road pushchair so that I can take baby and dog out on walks and runs with me once baby is old enough. Also one of those sling things where you carry the little one on your chest or back will be handy.
I bookmarked this thread https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&... from a while ago which should be a good resource for us all.
Our set up is unusual in that I'm going to be a stay-at-home dad and my wife will be going back to work after probably six months. It's a little daunting, especially as our crazy Spaniel will still be a puppy until next spring time so I'll have my hands very full, but I'll manage somehow! The only issue is that we live in a village in a ruralish area so I'm sure I'll be the only dad around here during the daytime and a bit left out of the mums' groups, if there are any. Also our families are 45+ minutes away so they're of limited use too! And the nearest NCT or Daisy class is 30 minutes away...
My plan is to get an off-road pushchair so that I can take baby and dog out on walks and runs with me once baby is old enough. Also one of those sling things where you carry the little one on your chest or back will be handy.
I bookmarked this thread https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&... from a while ago which should be a good resource for us all.
Our second is due in October. I think I'm more worried about this one than the first - certainly it means more upheaval in the house than the first moving rooms around, and more logistical problems later on juggling school and nursery etc (our daughter will be nearly 4 when this one is born)... but also mainly because things were getting easier, so going back to the start is daunting!
FerrousOxide said:
1 - They're all different. By all means listen to advice and other parents telling you "how it is", but be ready to disregard it if your experience is different.
This, they're all different, there's no rule book and no manual. What works for one might not for another. We had our first last October, my wife has now made various groups of mum friends in the local area, there are two that had their's within weeks off us, one reads absolutely everything, guidance, recommendations etc and follows it to the letter. The other does the complete opposite, my wife is somewhere in between, and you know what they all have happy healthy babies.They completely change your life and mindset, I've always been anti children and in fact was secretly worried that I wouldn't bond with ours, but it's true what they say, it's different when they're your own. I quite happily sit and just watch him play or sleep with a massive smile on my face.
Oh and try whatever travel system/buggy you like the look of in your car, some of them are massive even when folded.
Edited by sjj84 on Wednesday 5th July 05:13
Third girl due on September 25th coupled with two female dogs and three sisters, i am slightly outnumbered!
Babies are quite resilient, they seem delicate and you will tip toe around it for a while until you realise it's not made of china.
You will both be tired, your partner more so, so help out as much as you can although if she's breast feeding you will feel like a spare part at times.
We haven't bought any clothes yet, we'll probably buy baby grows as and when required, as above, they grow out of them rapidly and friends and family will give you loads.
Good luck!
Babies are quite resilient, they seem delicate and you will tip toe around it for a while until you realise it's not made of china.
You will both be tired, your partner more so, so help out as much as you can although if she's breast feeding you will feel like a spare part at times.
We haven't bought any clothes yet, we'll probably buy baby grows as and when required, as above, they grow out of them rapidly and friends and family will give you loads.
Good luck!
Can I recommend you get a slow cooker or something and cook loads of meals to freeze.
We bought takeaway containers off Amazon and had about 50 meals ready on arrival
When baby arrives you won't feel like cooking, certainly if you go back to work after a few weeks. Having some healthy-ish stuff ready to microwave is a great help
We bought takeaway containers off Amazon and had about 50 meals ready on arrival
When baby arrives you won't feel like cooking, certainly if you go back to work after a few weeks. Having some healthy-ish stuff ready to microwave is a great help
Shakermaker said:
You've hit directly with the current 3 responsibilities I have been given by my wife:
1. NCT group - where, when etc. We are due in January so expecting classes to be Oct/Nov time
2. Car seat "System" - which one is best, what to do etc. I am aware that the most important factor, really, is having the child securely strapped in. The rest is then the aesthetics and the practicality of the unit, but something which clips in and out of the car in a simple motion is going to be the best bet I reckon.
3. Redecorating the spare room and finding the appropriate furniture for it. Well aware that many, many places have enormous mark ups on it. IKEA however, seems to actually prove remarkably practical and I am quite happy with those little Allen keys and a bit of music to listen to. Just have to endure going to IKEA but I can cope, just...
Very good. In that case allow me to elaborate. 1. NCT group - where, when etc. We are due in January so expecting classes to be Oct/Nov time
2. Car seat "System" - which one is best, what to do etc. I am aware that the most important factor, really, is having the child securely strapped in. The rest is then the aesthetics and the practicality of the unit, but something which clips in and out of the car in a simple motion is going to be the best bet I reckon.
3. Redecorating the spare room and finding the appropriate furniture for it. Well aware that many, many places have enormous mark ups on it. IKEA however, seems to actually prove remarkably practical and I am quite happy with those little Allen keys and a bit of music to listen to. Just have to endure going to IKEA but I can cope, just...
1. NCT Group - worth booking well in advance. We left it a bit too late and had to travel a little further to the next nearest class. It was no bad thing though, as several people had done the same and so a few lived relatively nearby, which is handy for them all keeping in touch and meeting up during maternity leave. Just be prepared for potential one upmanship when discussing jobs/home/outlook on parenthood/purchase of baby items etc. Shouldn't be a problem for all of us powerfully built company directors though!
2. Whatever system you get, make sure you can get adapters to fit the car seat to the buggy frame You can possibly buy all the same brand to make it easier however what we did was get a maxi cosi pebble car seat with the separate isofix FamilyFix base, so you could just 'dock' and 'undock' the car seat to its base (permanently in place in the car) with ease. We had a silver cross buggy, so got some silver cross adapters which clipped to the car seat (and could stay clipped in place all the time), so undocking from the car then docking into the buggy was straightforward. Didn't bother with a flat carrycot attachment for the buggy frame, just the pushchair style seat, which came with a newborn insert to provide a flat bed. But for quick in and outs (popping to shops/docs etc) we just left baby in the car seat, clipped to the buggy frame.
3. Funnily enough we went with Ikea for most furniture following a fortuitous balls-up with the colour scheme of some more expensive flat pack tat the mrs originally ordered. Drill driver and a some locktite threadlocker and you're away.
The one thing we weren't sure about buying was a rocking chair but it's been one of our best purchases, especially as we bought it second hand. Whether you're up in the middle of the night or trying to get baby off to sleep by day, a lovely padded rocking chair is comfy for all involved and I can't see how we'd have managed without one. Something like this:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/d/Glider-Chairs-Ottomans-...
Massive congratulations.
My little one is coming up to a year old in a couple of weeks. This year has flown by.
I echo most of the above, you will find your own way, and don't worry if something doesn't work for you.
-Routine is beyond important.
-Support your other half, think of it as they are spending every waking hour looking after baby, you need to look after her be baby backup.
-Get involved, do not shy away from nappy changes etc
-After a few weeks, try to occupy baby away from mother for a bit, even half an hour or so, so that mother can get some time to have a shower or just sit. They will thank you for it. I do this when I get in from work, instant relief for the wife.
-Colic is horrific, but it is a phase
-Everything is a phase, when your in the moment and think "why won't the crying end" or "why won't you sleep" they will sort it out in time.
-Prepare to be tired
-Breast feeding is not the natural easy thing everyone makes out. Some people it comes naturally. Ours struggled due to tongue tie, I had to cup feed her to avoid nipple confusion, which she then got after a bottle or two. If you do struggle, try nipple shields, they're not ideal, but sometimes the only way.
-There is nothing wrong with formula! We used to do both when she got older.
-Tongue tie is a big issue, there have been thoughts it is related to folic acid. If you think baby has tongue tie, get it snipped ASAP, even privately if you can, push for it. Ours was 8 horrid days until it was done, and baby lost a lot of weight.
-The good beyond outweighs the bad
-Your life is going to change, you cannot be selfish anymore
-You will never look at the news the same again
-When they smile your heart will melt
-You will become an show off about your perfect child (rightly so)
-If you have friends expecting at same time, don't get into little petty competitions as to whose is sleeping through, feeding well etc etc.
Enjoy it, take you paternity leave, and enjoy every moment, they grow up so damn quick!
My little one is coming up to a year old in a couple of weeks. This year has flown by.
I echo most of the above, you will find your own way, and don't worry if something doesn't work for you.
-Routine is beyond important.
-Support your other half, think of it as they are spending every waking hour looking after baby, you need to look after her be baby backup.
-Get involved, do not shy away from nappy changes etc
-After a few weeks, try to occupy baby away from mother for a bit, even half an hour or so, so that mother can get some time to have a shower or just sit. They will thank you for it. I do this when I get in from work, instant relief for the wife.
-Colic is horrific, but it is a phase
-Everything is a phase, when your in the moment and think "why won't the crying end" or "why won't you sleep" they will sort it out in time.
-Prepare to be tired
-Breast feeding is not the natural easy thing everyone makes out. Some people it comes naturally. Ours struggled due to tongue tie, I had to cup feed her to avoid nipple confusion, which she then got after a bottle or two. If you do struggle, try nipple shields, they're not ideal, but sometimes the only way.
-There is nothing wrong with formula! We used to do both when she got older.
-Tongue tie is a big issue, there have been thoughts it is related to folic acid. If you think baby has tongue tie, get it snipped ASAP, even privately if you can, push for it. Ours was 8 horrid days until it was done, and baby lost a lot of weight.
-The good beyond outweighs the bad
-Your life is going to change, you cannot be selfish anymore
-You will never look at the news the same again
-When they smile your heart will melt
-You will become an show off about your perfect child (rightly so)
-If you have friends expecting at same time, don't get into little petty competitions as to whose is sleeping through, feeding well etc etc.
Enjoy it, take you paternity leave, and enjoy every moment, they grow up so damn quick!
lufbramatt said:
Great advice above. We have 2 year old and a 2 month old.
One thing I'd add is everyone is concerned about mums getting post natal depression. New Dads can get this too. It's scary. Look out for the signs and don't be afraid to ask for help.
ThisOne thing I'd add is everyone is concerned about mums getting post natal depression. New Dads can get this too. It's scary. Look out for the signs and don't be afraid to ask for help.
We are fairly sure my wife was on the brink, it is a hormonal thing, not the lack of ability to cope.
The stress got to me fairly bad as well, I tried to make everything perfect, you can't in this life. Take it easy and look after yourself.
Look after your wife, she still needs to come first, she needs to be healthy and happy to support baby, as do you.
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