14yr old- flash point over him living on his PlayStation

[vaud]

Sycamore said:

My neighbours have two similarly aged kids and he mentioned that his kids have started to take great joy in letting him put the effort in and build the fancy buildings, only for the kids to then blow them up with TNT. He seemed generally annoyed that they were ruining his work

Lol. We just play pranks on each other. Luckily I am a bit geeky and can roll back the server if the pranks get out of hand.

[MYOB]

Also worth remembering that online gaming was a good way for kids to keep in touch with their friends during the lockdowns we endured. It kept my kids sane in being able to keep in touch with friends and play online.

[otolith]

MYOB said:

Also worth remembering that online gaming was a good way for kids to keep in touch with their friends during the lockdowns we endured. It kept my kids sane in being able to keep in touch with friends and play online.

When I was a kid in the 80’s, my friends and I played computer games at each other’s homes. Now the games are online and the kids are laughing and joking with each other from their own homes. Not sure it’s that different, really. I think the point someone made above about the likes of TikTok being more worrying than playing console games online with their mates is a good one.

[BoRED S2upid]

gotoPzero said:

My nieces are 5 and they have an ipad each. They just sit there for easily a couple of hours just zoned out.
Its quite scary to watch. They do play outside a lot too so I think there is balance but my god its almost like a session with the hypno toad when they are on their ipads.

I think this is going to be a big problem in the next 10-15 years. Once VR / metaverse becomes a thing we are pretty much done for.

The key is to filter out the crap and secretly add in some education. They can be learning during this “fun” time just subscribe to a few decent YouTube channels my son loves a bit of Attenborough and will watch phonics videos. It’s not all rubbish.

[vaud]

BoRED S2upid said:

.. will watch phonics videos.

They use them in school as well as part of blended learning. Geraldine the giraffe on YouTube was brilliant for phonics for my youngest.

[BoRED S2upid]

vaud said:

BoRED S2upid said:

.. will watch phonics videos.

They use them in school as well as part of blended learning. Geraldine the giraffe on YouTube was brilliant for phonics for my youngest.

Exactly. iPads aren’t the devils tool anything but. Using them from a young age will benefit them throughout life. Our youngest is doing her SATS test all revision and past papers are on her iPad.

[ruggedscotty]

I remember a few years ago (This isnt new) friend got concerned about use of computer and playing of games etc...

curtailed this locked up computer and generally brought in control. Didnt go down well....

14 year old son gets angry about change in computer use.... says you will be sorry to father....

Friend comes home, daughter comes in and says seen your car.... ?

he looks out and sees son standing with tin of white paint, and paint running off of car....

Goes out, just as well son is faster than father as there would have been a murder. Anyways turns out son standing there with tin of dulux's best white paint had put some dairy cream over the car, and sent in the sister....

Grounded, and no computer / consoles for 3 months from that. Think the son learned about actions have consequences....

[Rusty Old-Banger]

[BrokenSkunk]

Hugo Stiglitz said:

What do we do?

I've said 2hrs max gaming time a day to which he says go away and shut up.

You made a rule. Now you have to enforce it. If you do not, your kid will learn to ignore any and all boundries set.

Hugo Stiglitz said:

If I enforce it he'll go and lie in his bed sulking for hours.

His problem.

Hugo Stiglitz said:

I know this is minor to some but do I enforce it by taking it away entirely for a punishment period, say days?

Because he sulked? No. There's no need to punish the kid for not liking the rules.

Hugo Stiglitz said:

My wife thinks I'm mean when I enforce turning it off and he then refuses to come out of his room 'spoiling the mood in the house for everyone else'.

Yeah, I'm not surprised. It's because your kid knows which of his mother's buttons to push in order to get his own way. He'll stop the behaviour when he realises it isn't working.

As a thought, why not let him earn extra Playstation time by helping with tasks around the house? Or let him bank PS time: if you don't play 2hrs today, tomorrow you can play for 4hours.
You should enforce a curfew though. Playstation gets switched off 1 hour before bedtime.

[havoc]

BrokenSkunk said:

Hugo Stiglitz said:

I know this is minor to some but do I enforce it by taking it away entirely for a punishment period, say days?

Because he sulked? No. There's no need to punish the kid for not liking the rules.


As a thought, why not let him earn extra Playstation time by helping with tasks around the house? Or let him bank PS time: if you don't play 2hrs today, tomorrow you can play for 4hours.
You should enforce a curfew though. Playstation gets switched off 1 hour before bedtime.

1) Agreed. Kids aren't emotionally mature (apparently not until 25!), so tough as it can be, parents NEED to have some patience when they react emotionally to stuff.

2) Agree on bottom sentences - treat it a bit like pocket money - bare-minimum just for keeping room tidy, earn more for doing chores around the house / getting all homework in on time etc. And definitely a screen-time curfew...I know their bodyclocks are different but no need to go making it more difficult through too much blue-light.

[Tim-D]

OP..had a similar experience with my son, due to various circumstances he lived full time with me and had to bring himself home from school all the time....my ground rules were fairly simple...come home , do allocated simple jobs, then homework - then after dinner he could do as he wished until term time proscribed bedtime...
We had a few battles and I had to either trip the upstairs sockets a few times or have a full on confrontation resulting in occasionally removing his pc for a few hours. Specific bones of contention being that he'd grace visitors with his obliging presence occasionally ..
This happened aged 10 onwards.....and Kevin the teenager was on full display many times....but rules were rules and gradually I prevailed..... Roll the clock forward to now aged 25....a fully social animal with a 1st class degree working for one of the worlds biggest tech companies and earning stupid amounts of money....
Put your foot down a bit ...establish and apply your rules and all will probably work out fine ...however frustrating it may be right now!

[LastPoster]

otolith said:

MYOB said:

Also worth remembering that online gaming was a good way for kids to keep in touch with their friends during the lockdowns we endured. It kept my kids sane in being able to keep in touch with friends and play online.

When I was a kid in the 80’s, my friends and I played computer games at each other’s homes. Now the games are online and the kids are laughing and joking with each other from their own homes. Not sure it’s that different, really. I think the point someone made above about the likes of TikTok being more worrying than playing console games online with their mates is a good one.

This is pretty much what I would post

Sometimes the absolutely hysterical laughter became so loud I had to ask them to cool it down a bit

My older lad (21) still plays but rarely, 18 still does a lot. They both have wide groups of friends and are out more than they are in now

It’s a balance, if they were there for hours on end, playing alone or with anonymous online people then I would have been concerned but it was just an extension of the real world social group for them

It was also balanced with time with family and playing football etc

[Alex_225]

It's a tough one OP especially if your other half isn't so behind the strictness of it but I think you're right and if he sulks on his bed then so be it. I mean I'm 41 now but I grew up with having a Nintendo 64 or Playstation on tap but even if I had mates round, I'd be told to get outside and turn off the video games. Admittedly, there was no online play but given a choice we'd have sat there for hours on the things.

As for younger kids, I have three (3, 6, 10) and it's scary how addicted kids can become with tablets. We limit their time as much as possible, it's a treat not a given and luckily, they often get bored with sitting on a tablet and go play and love to be outside. A tablet is a back up, if you need to get something done, let them sit there for half an hour on it but to think people let their kids sit on them all day is shocking.

[Pit Pony]

ruggedscotty said:

I remember a few years ago (This isnt new) friend got concerned about use of computer and playing of games etc...

curtailed this locked up computer and generally brought in control. Didnt go down well....

14 year old son gets angry about change in computer use.... says you will be sorry to father....

Friend comes home, daughter comes in and says seen your car.... ?

he looks out and sees son standing with tin of white paint, and paint running off of car....

Goes out, just as well son is faster than father as there would have been a murder. Anyways turns out son standing there with tin of dulux's best white paint had put some dairy cream over the car, and sent in the sister....

Grounded, and no computer / consoles for 3 months from that. Think the son learned about actions have consequences....

Son should have been given a medal. Brilliant work. Shows great imagination and creativity. But also a understanding of the boundaries you shouldn't cross ice creme okay, paint not okay

[Hugo Stiglitz]

So this week I've taken him to his boxing, he's back again tonight. He was passively resistant but post attending bouncing.

Tomorrow I'm taking him back to Judo. I stopped abruptly last summer. We used to go together religiously multiple times a week.


I think there has been alittle father/son disengagement over time - not initiated or fault by him. He's still a 'young' 14yr old heading towards becoming a young man.

He was sat on the sofa last night with us watching a film - in his usual spot leaning on/next to me. Afterwards I let him play on his PlayStation till 1130 (yes late but its half term). At exactly 1130 I heard the button off sound/him getting into bed.

[r3g]

Hugo Stiglitz said:

So this week I've taken him to his boxing, he's back again tonight. He was passively resistant but post attending bouncing.

Tomorrow I'm taking him back to Judo. I stopped abruptly last summer. We used to go together religiously multiple times a week.

:facepalm:

[Sycamore]

You had a volatile son who was prone to kicking off when he didn't get his own way, so now you're training him in hand-to-hand combat
Upcoming thread next week about how you told him off and got Mr Miyagi'd

[vaud]

Sycamore said:

You had a volatile son who was prone to kicking off when he didn't get his own way, so now you're training him in hand-to-hand combat
Upcoming thread next week about how you told him off and got Mr Miyagi'd

Personally I think it is a good idea. A disciplined sport that burns off energy... probably good to channel it.

[Sycamore]

vaud said:

Sycamore said:

You had a volatile son who was prone to kicking off when he didn't get his own way, so now you're training him in hand-to-hand combat
Upcoming thread next week about how you told him off and got Mr Miyagi'd

Personally I think it is a good idea. A disciplined sport that burns off energy... probably good to channel it.

Agreed, I'm just taking the piss.

The bigger issue would always be OP's wife not exactly backing him up

[hidetheelephants]

Pit Pony said:

ruggedscotty said:

I remember a few years ago (This isnt new) friend got concerned about use of computer and playing of games etc...

curtailed this locked up computer and generally brought in control. Didnt go down well....

14 year old son gets angry about change in computer use.... says you will be sorry to father....

Friend comes home, daughter comes in and says seen your car.... ?

he looks out and sees son standing with tin of white paint, and paint running off of car....

Goes out, just as well son is faster than father as there would have been a murder. Anyways turns out son standing there with tin of dulux's best white paint had put some dairy cream over the car, and sent in the sister....

Grounded, and no computer / consoles for 3 months from that. Think the son learned about actions have consequences....

Son should have been given a medal. Brilliant work. Shows great imagination and creativity. But also a understanding of the boundaries you shouldn't cross ice creme okay, paint not okay

3 months is absurdly draconian; the punishment for 'painting' the motor with cream is to wash and polish the outside and clean the inside. Whatever rules are set need to be enforced consistently otherwise it's as bad as no rules at all.