Why did you have children?
Poll: Why did you have children?
Total Members Polled: 194
Discussion
Wasn’t that bothered in my 20’s but settled down got married in early 30’s and missus was keen so we gave it a go … took some adjusting to our first one as it is quite a shock to the system but things were generally smooth. Two and a half yrs after number 1 arrived we found out that wife was pregnant with twins …quite a shock tbh and I was a bit apprehensive of the implications as we had only intended on having 2. It’s been mostly fun though and it’s v hard to imagine life without them . I’ve had the conversation with some friends who were on the fence and I always say you might not be sure now but there’s a good chance that 10-15 yrs down the line when the time has passed that there might be some regrets about not having kids.
Slowboathome said:
heisthegaffer said:
I always wanted children and after 2 miscarriages, when our lad arrived it was all the more special.
It helps he is pretty chilled, well behaved, hard working school wise and really funny........
Lovely post.It helps he is pretty chilled, well behaved, hard working school wise and really funny........
Respect to you mate.
Miscarriages were awful. Me trying to be the 'man' for my wife yet being absolutely heartbroken and feeling like a total failure.
At the time we had close friends and family all announcing successful pregnancies, at least one being unwanted. Was very hard. My life at that time was absolute rock bottom.
But as I say, he has brought so much joy to us. We have a lovely life, me, him, the wife and our dog. Really chilled and we all laugh every day together. I burst with pride when we have parents evening or our friends comment on how he is.
I really feel for people that haven't been able to have kids. Really tough. I occasionally wonder what I would have done if things had been different.
This little lad is so special.
Dont get me wrong, this is my 5th, but so special.
Probably because of the 35 year age gap from the next to youngest, also a lad.
All the others are grown up, and have many kids between them.
But this little lad will end up with everything me and my wife leave.
Dont get me wrong, this is my 5th, but so special.
Probably because of the 35 year age gap from the next to youngest, also a lad.
All the others are grown up, and have many kids between them.
But this little lad will end up with everything me and my wife leave.
996Type said:
heisthegaffer said:
I always wanted children and after 2 miscarriages, when our lad arrived it was all the more special.
It helps he is pretty chilled, well behaved, hard working school wise and really funny.
There are times when he was younger (colic was frankly horrendous) where it was much tougher exasperated by me suffering from depression but actually it made me re evaluate how and why I felt the way I did and things started getting better after that.
I can clearly recall a particularly s
t day at work and I opened the front door as he was walking past twisting his nose oinking like a pig and carrying a pig toy cos he'd just learnt to oink and twist his nose. He had just had his 21st birthday.
Seriously, he was about 2 and from that moment I made a decision to leave my st day outside. He made me laugh so much it was one of the most beautiful times of my life.
We have a brilliant relationship; I had an unconventional and not very happy childhood so I am driven to make his the best I can with none of the shouting, violence or general parent being a to their kids that I had.
That means spending lots of time with him, talking and asking him things. Asking for his view/opinion. Making him laugh, reading with him, playing football as much as I can, fixing his bike with him helping.
He's not far off being a teen. It'll be interesting to see if my opinion changes much when he becomes Kevin the teenager!
Really interesting post, thank you.It helps he is pretty chilled, well behaved, hard working school wise and really funny.
There are times when he was younger (colic was frankly horrendous) where it was much tougher exasperated by me suffering from depression but actually it made me re evaluate how and why I felt the way I did and things started getting better after that.
I can clearly recall a particularly s
t day at work and I opened the front door as he was walking past twisting his nose oinking like a pig and carrying a pig toy cos he'd just learnt to oink and twist his nose. He had just had his 21st birthday.Seriously, he was about 2 and from that moment I made a decision to leave my s
t day outside. He made me laugh so much it was one of the most beautiful times of my life. We have a brilliant relationship; I had an unconventional and not very happy childhood so I am driven to make his the best I can with none of the shouting, violence or general parent being a
to their kids that I had. That means spending lots of time with him, talking and asking him things. Asking for his view/opinion. Making him laugh, reading with him, playing football as much as I can, fixing his bike with him helping.
He's not far off being a teen. It'll be interesting to see if my opinion changes much when he becomes Kevin the teenager!
I have wondered from my own experience if having children in itself is such a shock to the system that it triggers depression in the father shortly after.
It certainly did with myself and a few others that I know.
Mixture of sleep deprivation and life recalibration once the dust has settled and the enormity / reality kicks in within the first couple of years maybe….
Also the trigger to try and work through it or get outside help brought on by a small event but of vast importance to yourself, when you realise you have to pull yourself back up.
Sadly know a few who just couldn’t and left their kids without a father, just kept it all bottled up.
My life at that point was one man's success story but another man's disaster really.
In terms of an OK job and we'd enjoyed a good lifestyle in terms of travel, socialising and enjoying nice things in general but from another perspective I was in a fair bit of debt driven by depression and trying to buy my own happiness. A lot of this from my childhood and feeling s
t about myself. Having our lad was great but we moved and this introduced a few issues mainly around finances plus work at the time took a massive nose dive.
My boss' boss was utterly incapable of understanding depression and she made my life hell. Being the main breadwinner put me under a lot of additional pressure but she was frankly one of the worst people I've ever worked for. This had a massive impact and made me even more depressed. Thank god she moved on.
It felt that every time it took a step forward there would be some dragging me back at least 2 steps. But I kept going and 8 - 9 years on I reflect and recognise how much life has improved. Work is better, we moved again to what is probably our forever home and our boy is just fantastic.
One thing I'll never forget, I had a lot of counselling starting a few months before he was born until he was 6 to 8 months old. The counselling was really around my childhood and dealing with how bad it was. One day my counsellor asked me how I would feel with my child having such a different experience to my own, would I resent this etc. I was 100% clear to her and myself that I see them as totally different things, I would never resent my child being happy, well provided, well treated for, secure and have a life that contains joy, laughter and love.
Looking back at this, it's been pretty deep, probably not what the OP expected but sometimes threads go this way!
Yes, we had a MC first and then our beautiful two. My memory is ste but I can distinctly recall everything about where and what my wife told me when it happened. She was heartbroken, I was heartbroken for her.
But then, my own mother had one between my elder sibling and me and the docs told her don't try again. Luckily my old man must have been ravishing or something and here I am-the winning sperm (I've been called much, much worse).
I've had the snip now, so no more. I wouldn't want any more but the wife would have had another if I'd agreed, there was a finality to it I didn't expect.
te but I can distinctly recall everything about where and what my wife told me when it happened. She was heartbroken, I was heartbroken for her.But then, my own mother had one between my elder sibling and me and the docs told her don't try again. Luckily my old man must have been ravishing or something and here I am-the winning sperm (I've been called much, much worse).
I've had the snip now, so no more. I wouldn't want any more but the wife would have had another if I'd agreed, there was a finality to it I didn't expect.
thebraketester said:
It's eye opening to find out how common MCs are. I think it's 1/4. We had one and we then went on to have the most amazing girl who's now 3.5. Cannot imagine life without her and we have also made some amazing friends as a result.
I had no idea until it happened to us. It was proper grim having that ultrasound basically looking at emptiness and having to put a brave face on things.Have huge amounts of Sympathy for people going through it.
We didn’t want kids until something felt missing in our late 30’s.
Unfortunately, when we actually started trying, we were a bad match and couldn’t conceive naturally.
Numerous attempts (8) of full price IVF using SSR, donor sperm and eggs resulting in 3 miscarriages meant we remained childless until we gave it one last chance in our mid to late forties using a donor embryo which gave a positive results at 2 wks.
At 6 weeks a heavy bleed occurred and our clinic sort of washed their hands of us so we were expecting the worse again (Early pregnancy clinic at our local NHS couldn’t see any sign of life due to how early it was but said with a bleed like that it’s unlikely to good news)
After sort of grieving for a few weeks, decided to pay for a private scan as my partner was still ‘feeling pregnant’ and they detected a heartbeat and, as it was around 11 wks could give a sex of the baby for us.
At 35 weeks our little boy decided enough was enough and wanted out, my partner had severe preeclampsia and without an emergency c section I’d probably have lost them both but at the age at 48 I’d become a dad for the first and last time.
He’s now nearly 4 and is an amazing human being. My life as it was has pretty much stopped now (apart from work) but the older he gets the more we’ll be doing things together.
To answer the original question, we had a child because we felt something was missing from our life and to be honest it really was, he’s added so much joy, laughter, sense of being and made me a better person than I’ve ever been.
My life is about him now, I’d lived a fairly good life up to him being born and what time I have with him I’m determined to make the most of. Don’t get me working, he can make me as miserable as sin sometimes and his constant illness for the 1st 3 yrs of his life with croup, requiring hospitalisation each time (25 times in three years) was hard work but sort of made me appreciate him more.
Unfortunately, when we actually started trying, we were a bad match and couldn’t conceive naturally.
Numerous attempts (8) of full price IVF using SSR, donor sperm and eggs resulting in 3 miscarriages meant we remained childless until we gave it one last chance in our mid to late forties using a donor embryo which gave a positive results at 2 wks.
At 6 weeks a heavy bleed occurred and our clinic sort of washed their hands of us so we were expecting the worse again (Early pregnancy clinic at our local NHS couldn’t see any sign of life due to how early it was but said with a bleed like that it’s unlikely to good news)
After sort of grieving for a few weeks, decided to pay for a private scan as my partner was still ‘feeling pregnant’ and they detected a heartbeat and, as it was around 11 wks could give a sex of the baby for us.
At 35 weeks our little boy decided enough was enough and wanted out, my partner had severe preeclampsia and without an emergency c section I’d probably have lost them both but at the age at 48 I’d become a dad for the first and last time.
He’s now nearly 4 and is an amazing human being. My life as it was has pretty much stopped now (apart from work) but the older he gets the more we’ll be doing things together.
To answer the original question, we had a child because we felt something was missing from our life and to be honest it really was, he’s added so much joy, laughter, sense of being and made me a better person than I’ve ever been.
My life is about him now, I’d lived a fairly good life up to him being born and what time I have with him I’m determined to make the most of. Don’t get me working, he can make me as miserable as sin sometimes and his constant illness for the 1st 3 yrs of his life with croup, requiring hospitalisation each time (25 times in three years) was hard work but sort of made me appreciate him more.
We always wanted kids and we now have a three year old after trying for over 15 years.
Aside the need of our dual relationship needs my own internal desires of wanting a child were about being able to contribute to the human race, continue my family name with children and haive my inheritance to someone.
Aside the need of our dual relationship needs my own internal desires of wanting a child were about being able to contribute to the human race, continue my family name with children and haive my inheritance to someone.
fourstardan said:
Aside the need of our dual relationship needs my own internal desires of wanting a child were about being able to contribute to the human race, continue my family name with children and haive my inheritance to someone.
It's a great thread this, I'm certainly not trying to put down your reasons, there yours and very valid but absolutely none of those occurred to me-I just wanted to keep the wife happy and the trying was fun!Nola25 said:
We didn’t want kids until something felt missing in our late 30’s.
Unfortunately, when we actually started trying, we were a bad match and couldn’t conceive naturally.
Numerous attempts (8) of full price IVF using SSR, donor sperm and eggs resulting in 3 miscarriages meant we remained childless until we gave it one last chance in our mid to late forties using a donor embryo which gave a positive results at 2 wks.
At 6 weeks a heavy bleed occurred and our clinic sort of washed their hands of us so we were expecting the worse again (Early pregnancy clinic at our local NHS couldn’t see any sign of life due to how early it was but said with a bleed like that it’s unlikely to good news)
After sort of grieving for a few weeks, decided to pay for a private scan as my partner was still ‘feeling pregnant’ and they detected a heartbeat and, as it was around 11 wks could give a sex of the baby for us.
At 35 weeks our little boy decided enough was enough and wanted out, my partner had severe preeclampsia and without an emergency c section I’d probably have lost them both but at the age at 48 I’d become a dad for the first and last time.
He’s now nearly 4 and is an amazing human being. My life as it was has pretty much stopped now (apart from work) but the older he gets the more we’ll be doing things together.
To answer the original question, we had a child because we felt something was missing from our life and to be honest it really was, he’s added so much joy, laughter, sense of being and made me a better person than I’ve ever been.
My life is about him now, I’d lived a fairly good life up to him being born and what time I have with him I’m determined to make the most of. Don’t get me working, he can make me as miserable as sin sometimes and his constant illness for the 1st 3 yrs of his life with croup, requiring hospitalisation each time (25 times in three years) was hard work but sort of made me appreciate him more.
What a roller coaster mate - Glad you got therein the end mateUnfortunately, when we actually started trying, we were a bad match and couldn’t conceive naturally.
Numerous attempts (8) of full price IVF using SSR, donor sperm and eggs resulting in 3 miscarriages meant we remained childless until we gave it one last chance in our mid to late forties using a donor embryo which gave a positive results at 2 wks.
At 6 weeks a heavy bleed occurred and our clinic sort of washed their hands of us so we were expecting the worse again (Early pregnancy clinic at our local NHS couldn’t see any sign of life due to how early it was but said with a bleed like that it’s unlikely to good news)
After sort of grieving for a few weeks, decided to pay for a private scan as my partner was still ‘feeling pregnant’ and they detected a heartbeat and, as it was around 11 wks could give a sex of the baby for us.
At 35 weeks our little boy decided enough was enough and wanted out, my partner had severe preeclampsia and without an emergency c section I’d probably have lost them both but at the age at 48 I’d become a dad for the first and last time.
He’s now nearly 4 and is an amazing human being. My life as it was has pretty much stopped now (apart from work) but the older he gets the more we’ll be doing things together.
To answer the original question, we had a child because we felt something was missing from our life and to be honest it really was, he’s added so much joy, laughter, sense of being and made me a better person than I’ve ever been.
My life is about him now, I’d lived a fairly good life up to him being born and what time I have with him I’m determined to make the most of. Don’t get me working, he can make me as miserable as sin sometimes and his constant illness for the 1st 3 yrs of his life with croup, requiring hospitalisation each time (25 times in three years) was hard work but sort of made me appreciate him more.
thebraketester said:
It's eye opening to find out how common MCs are. I think it's 1/4. We had one and we then went on to have the most amazing girl who's now 3.5. Cannot imagine life without her and we have also made some amazing friends as a result.
Yup, we had an ectopic that almost killed the wife, then two miscarriages before we had our two boys.Hard to say. I was always in for one. Two was a bonus.
No 1 was a scary ride and a class 1 c-section at birth which was incredibly scary, but now have a funny, intelligent and very caring 11 year old.
No 2 was a scary ride and an elective c-section at birth and now have a funny, off the scale demanding 6 year old who seems to have an eidetic memory.
So my money is on No 1 to keep me entertained in retirement and No 2 to pay for my retirement....
It's hard but very rewarding. Oh and stop at 2.
;-)
No 1 was a scary ride and a class 1 c-section at birth which was incredibly scary, but now have a funny, intelligent and very caring 11 year old.
No 2 was a scary ride and an elective c-section at birth and now have a funny, off the scale demanding 6 year old who seems to have an eidetic memory.
So my money is on No 1 to keep me entertained in retirement and No 2 to pay for my retirement....
It's hard but very rewarding. Oh and stop at 2.
;-)
vaud said:
Oh and stop at 2.
As I always said to the wife, you can't get three kids in a 911 and that was a none negotiable. She does point out however that the 911 has a roll cage and can't fit two kids in never mind three 
Just booked Majorca again though, christ it would be expensive with three never mind two. I also think unless you're lucky enough to pump them out in quick succession there's always one who's sort of left out or too old/young to fully enjoy any one thing.
Whatever I suppose, there's no right number and as this thread proves if you're lucky enough to have one they're all a bonus.
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