How many pensioners would it take to give you a kicking?

[vikingaero]

I think I could take on about 25 pensioners. Open a bag of Werther's and scatter them on the floor. Then in the rush to pick them up, kick over the ones that look like they can stand up and at least 10 of them will be unable to get up from the prone position.

[Gecko1978]

jimmytheone said:

nordboy said:

hidetheelephants said:

bhstewie said:

Hmm perhaps they need to add pensioners to this

This graphic has a disappointing lack of Chuck Norris.

That's true, and Chuck N is now 84 and there's still no one in the world who could kick his arse?

And who the hell thinks they could beat a Gorilla/ Elephant/ Lion etc in a fight??

More women than men think they could beat a Lion, according to that graphic

Have there ever been man v beast without weapons. I would like to see someone fight a bear...I say fight it would be more shaped in half an eaten but still of they wete game

[CloudStuff]

I don't know, I just had a vision of a few pensioners losing the plot and doing that thing DeNiro and Pesci did in Goodfellas in the bar, you know arms up and out for balance (tricky, I know) and then just kicking you into a pulp. Or maybe even Clockwork-Orange style Ultraviolence.

There must be a tipping point - say, 2 or 3 of them can be overcome, but when they attack in waves it's all over.

In the real world, I always smile politely and let them cross the road at a sedate pace.

[J4CKO]

How formidable is a Goose ?

All that honking and nipping, is it actually dangerous to a human, if you get attacked most humans are avoiding conflict or beign seen to hurt and animal, but if push came to shove I reckon the Goose is fairly easy, anything bigger, fk that.

[vikingaero]

J4CKO said:

How formidable is a Goose ?

All that honking and nipping, is it actually dangerous to a human, if you get attacked most humans are avoiding conflict or beign seen to hurt and animal, but if push came to shove I reckon the Goose is fairly easy, anything bigger, fk that.

We could expand this. Could you take on a woman from these categories?

Upper class hoity toity woman
Horsey woman with buns of steel
Middle class Karen
Feral working class Karen

[P-Jay]

bhstewie said:

It's the men who think they could beat a Chimp that gets me every time.

It would literally eat your fking face before you'd even worked out how to get a blow in

I know, I suppose we grew up with Chimps being trotted out on TV having tea parties or dressed up on roller skates for some reason, they look all soft and cuddly.

But yeah, the reality would be incredibly fast, violent and one-sided. They're a lot faster than humans, and about 1.5 times as strong. Not to mention they've got fang like teeth and a bite strength of more than 4 times greater than a German Sheppard.

There are people, well, let's be honest American Men, who think they could deal with a Gorilla!

Edited by P-Jay on Wednesday 1st May 12:26

[Fastchas]

Isn't Chuck Norris a pensioner now?

[CloudStuff]

vikingaero said:

J4CKO said:

How formidable is a Goose ?

All that honking and nipping, is it actually dangerous to a human, if you get attacked most humans are avoiding conflict or beign seen to hurt and animal, but if push came to shove I reckon the Goose is fairly easy, anything bigger, fk that.

We could expand this. Could you take on a woman from these categories?

Upper class hoity toity woman
Horsey woman with buns of steel
Middle class Karen
Feral working class Karen

This is why I don't worry about the dwindling size of our armed forces. In a time of war, mobilising Karens + scaffolders would make us unbeatable.

[njw1]

If my grandfather was still alive then just the one. He was well into his 70's when dementia got him but up until then he was still very fit, very big and didn't suffer fools...

[C5_Steve]

P-Jay said:

I know, I suppose we grew up with Chimps being trotted out on TV having tea parties or dressed up on roller skates for some reason, they look all soft and cuddly.

But yeah, the reality would be incredibly fast, violent and one-sided. They're a lot faster than humans, and about 1.5 times as strong. Not to mention they've got fang like teeth and a bite strength of more than 4 times greater than a German Sheppard.

There are people, well, let's be honest American Men, who think they could deal with a Gorilla!

Edited by P-Jay on Wednesday 1st May 12:26

This sent me down a little rabbit hole as I know chimps are far stronger than people so wanted to read a bit more. The number of articles and threads on "chimps aren't as strong as you think" or "it's exaggerated" is hilarious.

It doesn't matter if it's 1.3x or 2x, a chimp will rip your arm off an beat you with it before you can say "heeeeeheeee!"

As for pensioners, it does depend on how sprightly they are. But I reckon going low with a few sweeping kicks would take most of them out, once they go down they stay down. 3 or 4.

[RustyMX5]

No fight necessary. Just point to a random yoof behind them and say that he's nicked their pensions.

[P-Jay]

C5_Steve said:

P-Jay said:

I know, I suppose we grew up with Chimps being trotted out on TV having tea parties or dressed up on roller skates for some reason, they look all soft and cuddly.

But yeah, the reality would be incredibly fast, violent and one-sided. They're a lot faster than humans, and about 1.5 times as strong. Not to mention they've got fang like teeth and a bite strength of more than 4 times greater than a German Sheppard.

There are people, well, let's be honest American Men, who think they could deal with a Gorilla!

Edited by P-Jay on Wednesday 1st May 12:26

This sent me down a little rabbit hole as I know chimps are far stronger than people so wanted to read a bit more. The number of articles and threads on "chimps aren't as strong as you think" or "it's exaggerated" is hilarious.

It doesn't matter if it's 1.3x or 2x, a chimp will rip your arm off an beat you with it before you can say "heeeeeheeee!"

As for pensioners, it does depend on how sprightly they are. But I reckon going low with a few sweeping kicks would take most of them out, once they go down they stay down. 3 or 4.

I did exactly the same thing. I've been shuffling around the web looking at really fking detailed and weird "Man v Beast" type hypothetical fights, and even weirder people who honestly think "it's more about mental strength" or how Connor Mcgreggor could take a large male Chimp in a fight.

It's the US Gym bunnies who think they could hold their own against Saltwater Crocs, Grizzly Bears and Gorillas though. As far as they're concerned, if you can "bench 225" you can at least hold off a Grizzly.


When it comes to pensioners, I think it's all down to speed and aggression, if it's some kind of wrinkly skinned Royal Rumble when they join the fight every 3 mins or something, as long as you stay ahead of the clock and it's not Harry Brown coming at you, I think you could do 3 or 4 before you got tired and they could gang up on you. Go for hip breaks and they'll be sobbing in a pool of their own piss in seconds, but 2 or 3 of them giving you 'what for' with their walking sticks and you're fked.

[C5_Steve]

P-Jay said:

I did exactly the same thing. I've been shuffling around the web looking at really fking detailed and weird "Man v Beast" type hypothetical fights, and even weirder people who honestly think "it's more about mental strength" or how Connor Mcgreggor could take a large male Chimp in a fight.

It's the US Gym bunnies who think they could hold their own against Saltwater Crocs, Grizzly Bears and Gorillas though. As far as they're concerned, if you can "bench 225" you can at least hold off a Grizzly.


When it comes to pensioners, I think it's all down to speed and aggression, if it's some kind of wrinkly skinned Royal Rumble when they join the fight every 3 mins or something, as long as you stay ahead of the clock and it's not Harry Brown coming at you, I think you could do 3 or 4 before you got tired and they could gang up on you. Go for hip breaks and they'll be sobbing in a pool of their own piss in seconds, but 2 or 3 of them giving you 'what for' with their walking sticks and you're fked.

Bears are another matter altogether, the absolute power of those things is crazy. Watching those lunatics (generally in the US or Russia) who have the wild ones around their homes as "pets" scares the life out of me.

Don't get me wrong, very cute, but also, will open you up like a Christmas present if it wants

[Dave Hedgehog]

foreright said:

bhstewie said:

Hmm perhaps they need to add pensioners to this

TIL; quite a few people have no idea what a grizzly bear is!

as opposed to an elephant, i assume those people havnt seen hulk smashing loki about

most of those animals would decimate you unarmed, adult male chimps could easily pull your arms out of your sockets, are super fast and can be extremely violent, even an 18 inch rat would cause you a lot of problems

[Dave Hedgehog]

J4CKO said:

How formidable is a Goose ?

All that honking and nipping, is it actually dangerous to a human, if you get attacked most humans are avoiding conflict or beign seen to hurt and animal, but if push came to shove I reckon the Goose is fairly easy, anything bigger, fk that.

geese put on a good show and would terrify most people but its extremely easy to pull their necks for an instant kill, your gonna get hit a few times thou

[valiant]

J4CKO said:

How formidable is a Goose ?

All that honking and nipping, is it actually dangerous to a human, if you get attacked most humans are avoiding conflict or beign seen to hurt and animal, but if push came to shove I reckon the Goose is fairly easy, anything bigger, fk that.

Depends what level goose it is.

[Om]

MattsCar said:

I think I would use this tactic...

Run far enough to get a distance from the group so I am not mobbed and then slowly pick them off with a swift punch to the jaw. Rinse and repeat.

I think being mobbed due to their power in numbers is what could potentially catch me out, some pensioners have vice like grips due to manual labour jobs that simply don't exist anymore due to health and safety.

This^^^ Pensioners are pack animals, but they are slow. You need to separate them and pick off the weakest one at a time. Never forget Rule #1.

[J4CKO]

"Pensioners" is a broad church, and what age are you a pensioner anyway ?

I know people who have retired in their fifties and I know 90 year olds who are also "pensioners", so you could get some kind of 65 year old double hard bd.

I did a little Krav Maga a while back, there were a couple of older chaps on it, both knocking sixty, one was properly strong, fast and aggressive, he could have kicked the st out of me despite giving away 20 years or so. The other was a dentist and working with him was like when you get a large moth bump into you.

Mike Tyson will be a pensioner soon.

Suppose its like all things, people go on about older drivers being dithery, but then you get someone who used to fly Tornandos, so they wont be at their peak but still way better than the average at their age, and in a lot of cases much younger, so if you were hard as fk you will still be pretty hard, especially if still training.

I will stick with the Geese, more consistent and if you win, you get to eat it afterward, not advisable with pensioners.

[E3134]

A friend of mine is an ex boxer and is a personal trainer doing boxercise.

He has a ships rope that is 25 yards long and a diameter of about 4 inches that he uses in his training in a local park. He can outrun me and pull the rope along in his hand as he does so,

So less than a minute.

He is also 70.

He kicked my arse once and the kick lifted me off the ground because I encouraged his Rottweiler to play with the rope.

[Mr Magooagain]

My ex brother in law is in his early 70s, ex champion amateur boxer. Still in shape and handy like.