Embarrassing relatives
Discussion
My dad wears a Burgundy Polo neck jumper with 3 inch tall wooden cross around his neck.
How embarrassing is it to be seen with someone that looks like a Bishop.
My mother is plainly rude to shop assistants and waitresses, I remember a trip I was making with her and Due to me driving TOO fast we were very ahead of schedule, and popped into a little chef for breakfast. When the waiteress did not come with her free coffee refill, within 1 millisecond, my mother ranted at her. I had to step in and say, "That's okay, We can see you are busy, but when you've got a moment."
Oh and worse they drive a FORD.
How embarrassing is it to be seen with someone that looks like a Bishop.
My mother is plainly rude to shop assistants and waitresses, I remember a trip I was making with her and Due to me driving TOO fast we were very ahead of schedule, and popped into a little chef for breakfast. When the waiteress did not come with her free coffee refill, within 1 millisecond, my mother ranted at her. I had to step in and say, "That's okay, We can see you are busy, but when you've got a moment."
Oh and worse they drive a FORD.
Pigeon said:
I am trying to educate my mum to use a different word for a lump of matted fur on a long-haired cat, worrying that one day she will have visitors who are not too old to notice when she grabs the cat with one hand and the scissors with the other and says "come on, let's cut that nasty clit off".
C'mon tell the rest of the story. What does mum do for a living?
ipsg.glf said:
Pigeon said:
I am trying to educate my mum to use a different word for a lump of matted fur on a long-haired cat, worrying that one day she will have visitors who are not too old to notice when she grabs the cat with one hand and the scissors with the other and says "come on, let's cut that nasty clit off".
C'mon tell the rest of the story. What does mum do for a living?
You're gonna love this...
Gynaecologist...
Pigeon said:
ipsg.glf said:
Pigeon said:
I am trying to educate my mum to use a different word for a lump of matted fur on a long-haired cat, worrying that one day she will have visitors who are not too old to notice when she grabs the cat with one hand and the scissors with the other and says "come on, let's cut that nasty clit off".
C'mon tell the rest of the story. What does mum do for a living?
You're gonna love this...
Gynaecologist...
really? 
My mum has come out with some classics, but the latest one was two weeks ago, my sis who is 35 weeks pregnant after a long time trying, (Which took a bit of assistance from the specialists), took my Mum with her when she had to go and see the specialist, on the strict instructions that my Mum was not to breathe a word whilst in the room.
There was a choice of two specialists on the day, it would either be the one who squished the syringe of sperm into her, or another man whom my sis had not met.
First thing my Mum did when she sat down in the room was put a hand on the Docs leg and say 'Thanks for getting her pregnant.' to which my sis hissed through clenched teeth, 'Wrong doctor Mum!'
There was a choice of two specialists on the day, it would either be the one who squished the syringe of sperm into her, or another man whom my sis had not met.
First thing my Mum did when she sat down in the room was put a hand on the Docs leg and say 'Thanks for getting her pregnant.' to which my sis hissed through clenched teeth, 'Wrong doctor Mum!'
I bought my mother two necklaces (couldn't think of anything else) this Christmas, one a white gold locket with a small diamond, the other a cheapie with a pearl which came in a clam in a tin, the pearl inside the clam. She had to open the clam to get the pearl to put in the necklace.
She started telling GF and I about the time my father gave her a pearl necklace. After some giggling and some strange looks, I forced the GF to explain what a pearl necklace is, whereupon my mother denied ever having one, insisting she would go to her grave without one
She started telling GF and I about the time my father gave her a pearl necklace. After some giggling and some strange looks, I forced the GF to explain what a pearl necklace is, whereupon my mother denied ever having one, insisting she would go to her grave without one
For some reason my Mum sometimes refers to touching things as fingering them. Cue much embarrassment when a 14 year old CrispyMK gets caught taking some cold chicken from a plate in the fridge and his Mum shouts 'I can see you doing that, stop fingering the chicken' whilst all his mates are in the other room. She was totally clueless as to why they were all crying with laughter.
Brother in laws father is in his eighties, big bloke, still straight backed and regimental. They went out for a birthday dinner and being old school he insisted his pint of bitter be brought to him in a glass with a handle, which the waitress duly did.
He was very impressed with the glass and kept remarking on it to my sister, when the waitress returned to take the order he said very loudly "My dear, I really must congratulate you on your jugs".
Sister said her bloke and his brother almost stopped breathing.
He was very impressed with the glass and kept remarking on it to my sister, when the waitress returned to take the order he said very loudly "My dear, I really must congratulate you on your jugs".
Sister said her bloke and his brother almost stopped breathing.
My Aunt has a habit of substituting words into sentences which are ever so slightly different to what she means but always raise a smile.
At Christmas, Red, Red Wine came on the radio to which she exclaimed how much she enjoyed listening to WD40!
One of her better ones was when she announced she was off down south to watch the lunar apocalypse!
At Christmas, Red, Red Wine came on the radio to which she exclaimed how much she enjoyed listening to WD40!
One of her better ones was when she announced she was off down south to watch the lunar apocalypse!
OldJohnnyYen said:
My mum accused my grandad of being racist when a Pakistani family moved into hose cul de sac, he replied with "I like them, I even like the way they smell" ouch!
OH MY GOD,that reminds me of the time my gran changed her doctors.
I've been under DR so-and-so for years, he knows me inside out. This new Dr is foreign, Indian or Pakistani, but he is ever so nice.
Another time when i first moved into student digs. Telling her about my housemates, their names etc. One of them is a Muslim with Pakistani parents. Told them his name, to which my gran replied- "oh, is he one of them, are they clean?"
NEARLY DIED
slomax said:
OH MY GOD,
that reminds me of the time my gran changed her doctors.
I've been under DR so-and-so for years, he knows me inside out. This new Dr is foreign, Indian or Pakistani, but he is ever so nice.
Another time when i first moved into student digs. Telling her about my housemates, their names etc. One of them is a Muslim with Pakistani parents. Told them his name, to which my gran replied- "oh, is he one of them, are they clean?"
NEARLY DIED
Slomax. I'm assuming the caps were to represent your incredulity. that reminds me of the time my gran changed her doctors.
I've been under DR so-and-so for years, he knows me inside out. This new Dr is foreign, Indian or Pakistani, but he is ever so nice.
Another time when i first moved into student digs. Telling her about my housemates, their names etc. One of them is a Muslim with Pakistani parents. Told them his name, to which my gran replied- "oh, is he one of them, are they clean?"
NEARLY DIED
However, your gran's comments are not, in any way, racist, nor are they, in any way, funny. So the fact that you NEARLY DIED probably says more about you than her.
She's probably mortified at the precious antics of the grandson. And good on her.
CharlesdeGaulle said:
Slomax. I'm assuming the caps were to represent your incredulity.
However, your gran's comments are not, in any way, racist
I beg to differ. The way she said it implied that Muslim people are not clean. Her assumption was that foreign doctors may not be nice people, so she was in fact surprised that he was nice, despite her perceptions of people with different ethnic backgrounds.However, your gran's comments are not, in any way, racist
She said some other stuff that i probably shouldn't post on here. I think it was just the era that 80+ year olds in England grew up in.
Notshortnottall said:
One of her better ones was when she announced she was off down south to watch the lunar apocalypse!
A story that resurfaced this christmas...
Around the time of the war, my grandmother's friend had a lodger. (Not a stuck poo, lodger meaning one of those people who lives in a room in your house and pays).
One night, busting for a wee, this lady hung on to it. And eventually, near bursting point, trotted off to the bathroom, spun around and reversing toward the loo, hiked her clothes up (or down) plonking herself on the toilet and gushed a fountain.
The lodger was however, on the toilet at the time. The following shame led to the lodger being given notice, and asked to leave.
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