Things you have done when Drunk ......
Discussion
Mates stag do in Oxford, ex squaddie
Little malaysian restaurant, some of his squaddie mates shout 'engineer' and out comes a pint of spirits with an egg in the bottom.
He stands on the table, necks it.
As he gets to the egg, it all gets too much and stomach says no.
We're on a table in the front of the restaurant.
He pukes over us, the bamboo screen and all down the inside of the restaurant window just as a couple were looking at the menu stuck to the inside of the window.
Meal was about £200 I think we left about a £400 tip out of sheer shame.
Little malaysian restaurant, some of his squaddie mates shout 'engineer' and out comes a pint of spirits with an egg in the bottom.
He stands on the table, necks it.
As he gets to the egg, it all gets too much and stomach says no.
We're on a table in the front of the restaurant.
He pukes over us, the bamboo screen and all down the inside of the restaurant window just as a couple were looking at the menu stuck to the inside of the window.
Meal was about £200 I think we left about a £400 tip out of sheer shame.
One of my friends set fire to a restaurant in Alderney doing Flaming Sambuca's. Basically, he tried to get the shot glass to his mouth, burnt the tip if his nose, flailed arms around wildly, knocked all our Sambuca's over the table, splashing some onto the curtains, dropped his (still lit) bevvy. Place went up like a torch until the alcohol burnt off.
Another time, we were doing a sailing regatta in the south of France. One of the crew ate the heads of Languistines at dinner one evening. We awoke the next morning to the most appalling smell of baby poo you could possibly imagine. Basically, his arse had blown crap all over one the cabins of the boat - not nice when there are 9 blokes staying on a 38 foot racing yacht...
Another time, we were doing a sailing regatta in the south of France. One of the crew ate the heads of Languistines at dinner one evening. We awoke the next morning to the most appalling smell of baby poo you could possibly imagine. Basically, his arse had blown crap all over one the cabins of the boat - not nice when there are 9 blokes staying on a 38 foot racing yacht...
MaxAndRuby said:
Flasher said:
Mrs Fish said:
Flasher said:
However, this was topped by watching Mungo get drunk in Nottingham about 3 years ago and kopping off with the ugliest old hag I have ever seen in my life. She was at least 50, and resembled Rod Stewart in a dress... As he left the pub we all (there were about 15 of us) formed a guard of honour and clapped him out, much to the amusement of the packed street!!
He is never going to live that down is he
As long as I'm alive, no.
Can never understand the problem with pulling a pig. It's a well recognised sport around here, where's the harm?
Was that "Where's the HAM"
i got so drunk once that i pulled a fat bird, but in the cab on the way back to heres i slowly started to sober up and realise she was a munter. We got back to hers and all clothes come off, she was so fat she had back fat and enough rolls to fill a backery!
she gets out my todger and i suddenly decide the quickest way out of here to save face is to fail to get an stiffy. bearing in mind the "any hole is a goal" rule it was hard work, but another look at those rolls and i managed!
"oh, i'm sorry thats never happened before" i say waving my flacid cock about as if trying to get it to come to attention. a bit more of this and she decides its definatly not happening. " i better go" i say and quicker than a dog out the traps i was clothed and gone and safe in the knowledge i didn't shag the fat bird!
[small] have shagged a fat bird since though,
she gets out my todger and i suddenly decide the quickest way out of here to save face is to fail to get an stiffy. bearing in mind the "any hole is a goal" rule it was hard work, but another look at those rolls and i managed!
"oh, i'm sorry thats never happened before" i say waving my flacid cock about as if trying to get it to come to attention. a bit more of this and she decides its definatly not happening. " i better go" i say and quicker than a dog out the traps i was clothed and gone and safe in the knowledge i didn't shag the fat bird!
[small] have shagged a fat bird since though,
Nick P said:
The worst thing I did (that I can remember) is dressing as Bin Laden and had two mates dressed as the twin towers.....whilst on Det in the Gulf on an American base....
Bet that went down well I remember once driving my car around the square whilst the American Flag was being raised...
Friendly fire springs to mind
wish I hadda been drunk
Edited by Fallen Angel on Monday 21st May 12:57
During Italia 90......
Watched England match "with the lads" at a mates house. (nine of us in total).... each of us brought a "more than adequate" supply of beer for the evening.
At half time, two of the lads had to go to the off licence, as we had drunk the lot!
After the match, we went to the pub to try and keep the blood levels in our alcohol streams in check.
After kicking-out time, we ventured to the Chinese takeaway, and whilst we were ordering, I decided that I perhaps wasn't that hungry, made my excuses, and headed home (about 3/4 mile) thinking "I don't feel too well.... need to chuck up, and need the loo!" (and not for a "number 1" either!)
My walk home turned into a brisk walk, which turned into a jog, which turned into the 100m sprint.... on arrival at home, crashed through the doors (inexplicably without waking anyone!), headed upstairs and into the bathroom..... couldn't decided whether I needed to throw up, or sit on the loo first.... ended up deciding the vomit took preference, and held a quick conversation with God down the white telephone.
Problem was, whilst on my knees, I was unable to control what was happening at the other end. (You get the idea)
I left the bathroom (without cleaning the floor!) and went to bed.
In the early hours of the morning, my dad got up and went to the loo....... as my mother was ill at this time, dad never used to turn any lights on to minimise any disturbance to mum in the night.
Yep, he went in the bathroom to use the loo without putting on any lights.
The screaming of my name could be heard for miles around!... I was immediately asked in a not particularly polite manner to get up, and get it cleaned up. Amazing how quickly I sobered up!
Whenever this story gets an outing amongst the family, my dad always chuckles, and then gives me "the look!"
I have never allowed myself to get as drunk as that ever since!!
Watched England match "with the lads" at a mates house. (nine of us in total).... each of us brought a "more than adequate" supply of beer for the evening.
At half time, two of the lads had to go to the off licence, as we had drunk the lot!
After the match, we went to the pub to try and keep the blood levels in our alcohol streams in check.
After kicking-out time, we ventured to the Chinese takeaway, and whilst we were ordering, I decided that I perhaps wasn't that hungry, made my excuses, and headed home (about 3/4 mile) thinking "I don't feel too well.... need to chuck up, and need the loo!" (and not for a "number 1" either!)
My walk home turned into a brisk walk, which turned into a jog, which turned into the 100m sprint.... on arrival at home, crashed through the doors (inexplicably without waking anyone!), headed upstairs and into the bathroom..... couldn't decided whether I needed to throw up, or sit on the loo first.... ended up deciding the vomit took preference, and held a quick conversation with God down the white telephone.
Problem was, whilst on my knees, I was unable to control what was happening at the other end. (You get the idea)
I left the bathroom (without cleaning the floor!) and went to bed.
In the early hours of the morning, my dad got up and went to the loo....... as my mother was ill at this time, dad never used to turn any lights on to minimise any disturbance to mum in the night.
Yep, he went in the bathroom to use the loo without putting on any lights.
The screaming of my name could be heard for miles around!... I was immediately asked in a not particularly polite manner to get up, and get it cleaned up. Amazing how quickly I sobered up!
Whenever this story gets an outing amongst the family, my dad always chuckles, and then gives me "the look!"
I have never allowed myself to get as drunk as that ever since!!
Edited by Meeja on Monday 21st May 12:54
thewave said:
Lifted up the fax machine, took a dump, put the fax machine down, gone to bed, fax paper for toilet roll.
Mum not impressed.
Dad not impressed.
Had to pay for a new fax machine too, as no-one would clean it strangely enough
Mum not impressed.
Dad not impressed.
Had to pay for a new fax machine too, as no-one would clean it strangely enough
Great thread. But seriously you took a dump in a fax machine??? WTF!.
Just remembered this one from about 15 years ago....
One of my mates (who shall remain nameless) went for a dump while completely sh*tfaced at some unearthly hour (we had been out celebrating another Pals baby being born). His Missus awoke to find him gone and discovered him fast asleep on the bog. She roused him and dragged him off to bed not realising he had a huge turd dangling from his arse. They consequently rolled around in the turd all night until she awoke screaming!!
I was in the spare room and to this day I can still recall her screams!!
One of my mates (who shall remain nameless) went for a dump while completely sh*tfaced at some unearthly hour (we had been out celebrating another Pals baby being born). His Missus awoke to find him gone and discovered him fast asleep on the bog. She roused him and dragged him off to bed not realising he had a huge turd dangling from his arse. They consequently rolled around in the turd all night until she awoke screaming!!
I was in the spare room and to this day I can still recall her screams!!
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff