Discussion
Bebs said:
10 pence - did you ever complete the prison diary I was reading last year?
Cheers
No, I haven't. Cheers
In fact, to take that conversation further, I'm never going to. I didn't think the whole thing had changed me, but now I know that it did. It really did. So last week I took everything related to it; the letters from Jilly, all the evidence against me, all the bits of paperwork, the interview transcripts, everything, and threw it all in the bin.
I can't keep feeling the way I do about things and I need to change. Part of that change means I have to let go of the relationship with Jilly that got me through the experience, I've got to let go of the accident and the prison time and I've got to let go of a whole host of things that have been sat festering away at the back of my mind for many years.
The thing that's forced the issue is Jilly leaving me, but that's just a symptom of how I feel and how I've been, not the cause. I've f
ked 3 years of her life as well as my own so I need to let her go and let her be happy. Sorry, that's a bit of a longer reply than you were probably expecting, but I've got a lot of things in my head at the moment and they're damn well going to come out.
10 Pence Short said:
Bebs said:
10 pence - did you ever complete the prison diary I was reading last year?
Cheers
No, I haven't. Cheers
In fact, to take that conversation further, I'm never going to. I didn't think the whole thing had changed me, but now I know that it did. It really did. So last week I took everything related to it; the letters from Jilly, all the evidence against me, all the bits of paperwork, the interview transcripts, everything, and threw it all in the bin.
I can't keep feeling the way I do about things and I need to change. Part of that change means I have to let go of the relationship with Jilly that got me through the experience, I've got to let go of the accident and the prison time and I've got to let go of a whole host of things that have been sat festering away at the back of my mind for many years.
The thing that's forced the issue is Jilly leaving me, but that's just a symptom of how I feel and how I've been, not the cause. I've f
ked 3 years of her life as well as my own so I need to let her go and let her be happy. Sorry, that's a bit of a longer reply than you were probably expecting, but I've got a lot of things in my head at the moment and they're damn well going to come out.
I'm not too proud to admit that there is a lot of residual stuff in my head going right back to when I was a child. My way has always been to block things out just enough to make sure they can't hurt me. Thing is, this break up, following the accident, prison and the last 3 years dealing with everything, I haven't got any room left in my head for that tactic to work anymore.
I took the decision yesterday to get help with dealing with my issues and already have a referral to talk to people who can help me down that road.
My only wish is that I'd done this a long time ago instead of letting it get so far and causing so much damage, especially to other people.
Maybe, if I'm lucky, I can begin liking myself again some time soon.
I took the decision yesterday to get help with dealing with my issues and already have a referral to talk to people who can help me down that road.
My only wish is that I'd done this a long time ago instead of letting it get so far and causing so much damage, especially to other people.
Maybe, if I'm lucky, I can begin liking myself again some time soon.
Good luck chap!
You've been through a lot for a moments foolishness and I think publishing your insight has bought a lot to those of us who've read it. Nothing you've ever written that I can remember has come across as anything but a genuine account of how you've handled your life throughout his protracted episode and I think I can speak for most of us here when I wish you the very best.
You've been through a lot for a moments foolishness and I think publishing your insight has bought a lot to those of us who've read it. Nothing you've ever written that I can remember has come across as anything but a genuine account of how you've handled your life throughout his protracted episode and I think I can speak for most of us here when I wish you the very best.
I hope it's doing for you what you need it to do.
I'm fortunate, in that my problems are just related to a few things that have shaped how I deal with things (as in, badly) when they happen for the whole of my life. Since I've broken up with Jilly, I've been more open and spread the load so differently to before, like I said, probably because I don't have room for that in my head any more.
Trying to turn things into positives, I was always going to reach this point. Might as well reach it now and wrap this event up with all the other st that's rattling around in there and exorcise the whole fking lot in one go. If Jilly had not had the bravery to say something, I'd be sat here now no different to last week, and the week before that and the years before then. She's done me a favour, albeit one that comes with hurt attached.
The future is only ever going to be more positive, even though doing it on my own seems frightening right now.
I'm fortunate, in that my problems are just related to a few things that have shaped how I deal with things (as in, badly) when they happen for the whole of my life. Since I've broken up with Jilly, I've been more open and spread the load so differently to before, like I said, probably because I don't have room for that in my head any more.
Trying to turn things into positives, I was always going to reach this point. Might as well reach it now and wrap this event up with all the other s
t that's rattling around in there and exorcise the whole fking lot in one go. If Jilly had not had the bravery to say something, I'd be sat here now no different to last week, and the week before that and the years before then. She's done me a favour, albeit one that comes with hurt attached.The future is only ever going to be more positive, even though doing it on my own seems frightening right now.
10 Pence Short said:
I'm not too proud to admit that there is a lot of residual stuff in my head going right back to when I was a child. My way has always been to block things out just enough to make sure they can't hurt me. Thing is, this break up, following the accident, prison and the last 3 years dealing with everything, I haven't got any room left in my head for that tactic to work anymore.
I took the decision yesterday to get help with dealing with my issues and already have a referral to talk to people who can help me down that road.
My only wish is that I'd done this a long time ago instead of letting it get so far and causing so much damage, especially to other people.
Maybe, if I'm lucky, I can begin liking myself again some time soon.
good luck remember this funny little community is here for you. talk to as many people as poss and try and stay off the anti depressants. things can only get better!I took the decision yesterday to get help with dealing with my issues and already have a referral to talk to people who can help me down that road.
My only wish is that I'd done this a long time ago instead of letting it get so far and causing so much damage, especially to other people.
Maybe, if I'm lucky, I can begin liking myself again some time soon.
petemurphy said:
10 Pence Short said:
I'm not too proud to admit that there is a lot of residual stuff in my head going right back to when I was a child. My way has always been to block things out just enough to make sure they can't hurt me. Thing is, this break up, following the accident, prison and the last 3 years dealing with everything, I haven't got any room left in my head for that tactic to work anymore.
I took the decision yesterday to get help with dealing with my issues and already have a referral to talk to people who can help me down that road.
My only wish is that I'd done this a long time ago instead of letting it get so far and causing so much damage, especially to other people.
Maybe, if I'm lucky, I can begin liking myself again some time soon.
good luck remember this funny little community is here for you. talk to as many people as poss and try and stay off the anti depressants. things can only get better!I took the decision yesterday to get help with dealing with my issues and already have a referral to talk to people who can help me down that road.
My only wish is that I'd done this a long time ago instead of letting it get so far and causing so much damage, especially to other people.
Maybe, if I'm lucky, I can begin liking myself again some time soon.
No need for any pills in my life, just an opportunity to go through some things with someone impartial- things that I've always bottled up and I need to sift through, deal with (finally) and let go. There are things I've bottled up since I was 7 years old that I've never returned to, then you have the obvious, like the accident, prison and this break up. They've all affected me and I need a bit of help to sort it and learn how to deal with events when they happen in future, so I never feel like this again.
I don't feel any stigma attached to admitting I have failings, in fact the more I look at all these things the better I feel about me and the future.
PH: Group Therapy Matters...
Well if you need any mates there are a few thousand on here who will always listen, I also suspect there are a fair old few who would cheerfully take you down their local for a few pints if needed, I went through a bit of a dark patch a few years back (although not brought on by anything as serious as your experiences) and the thing that really got to me was losing a fair few mates through it all who I should have been able to trust and not having anyone to go and shoot the breeze with.
Quite genuinely if you need someone to talk inane nonsense with (and to be blunt you'll do well to get much more out of me) I'm only a PM away.
Quite genuinely if you need someone to talk inane nonsense with (and to be blunt you'll do well to get much more out of me) I'm only a PM away.
Well, after just over 4 hours Ive made it through this whole thread, having been directed to it from a biker forum I use a whole lot.
Ten Pence Short: You sir, are one of the most resilient, magnanimous, forthrite individuals I have ever had the decency to read about, in short a legend. Your clarity in understanding all of the different impacts within your momentary lapse, is both monumentally brave and immensely thought provoking.
I am a biker, I love my bike. I have also been on the receiving end of a very serious crash, in which both myself and my wife (who was pillion), have been left with life changing injuries. None of which were our fault, but the fault of a driver towing a caravan, (which we hit at 60mph), who had a momentery lapse of concentration, he performed an illegal right-turn on a dual carraige way right in front of a no right turn sign???. If only he had the same level of remorse and understanding you have, then we could perhaps rationalise our injuries. However, we were unlucky. Unlucky to be involved in the accident in the first place, but also to have the protagonist show no remorse what so ever. 3 years on and we both are still, and will always, have to deal with the fall out from said accident. (Point: Driver was fined 250 quid and banned for a year for careless driving)
I feel for you, particularly now your life has taken on a new direction, one that you didnt want but have to accept. I do know how it feels to feel like you have killed someone, or badly damaged them forever, as I feel this way about my beautiful wife. Even though I was 100% not to blame, it still feels like it was my fault, as I was in control. When I see her pain and limp when walking, its not him that suffers the guilt but me.
I'm telling you this as in reality, I should be angry at you, however, the way you have dealt with yourself makes that impossible, as you have been through the mill, but are attempting to pick yourself back up. Good luck mate, take all the help you need and above all understand that we will always be human, make mistakes, but uits how we deal with those mistakes that makes us who we are, which in your case is a truly decent human being. Regards Johnny
Ten Pence Short: You sir, are one of the most resilient, magnanimous, forthrite individuals I have ever had the decency to read about, in short a legend. Your clarity in understanding all of the different impacts within your momentary lapse, is both monumentally brave and immensely thought provoking.
I am a biker, I love my bike. I have also been on the receiving end of a very serious crash, in which both myself and my wife (who was pillion), have been left with life changing injuries. None of which were our fault, but the fault of a driver towing a caravan, (which we hit at 60mph), who had a momentery lapse of concentration, he performed an illegal right-turn on a dual carraige way right in front of a no right turn sign???. If only he had the same level of remorse and understanding you have, then we could perhaps rationalise our injuries. However, we were unlucky. Unlucky to be involved in the accident in the first place, but also to have the protagonist show no remorse what so ever. 3 years on and we both are still, and will always, have to deal with the fall out from said accident. (Point: Driver was fined 250 quid and banned for a year for careless driving)
I feel for you, particularly now your life has taken on a new direction, one that you didnt want but have to accept. I do know how it feels to feel like you have killed someone, or badly damaged them forever, as I feel this way about my beautiful wife. Even though I was 100% not to blame, it still feels like it was my fault, as I was in control. When I see her pain and limp when walking, its not him that suffers the guilt but me.
I'm telling you this as in reality, I should be angry at you, however, the way you have dealt with yourself makes that impossible, as you have been through the mill, but are attempting to pick yourself back up. Good luck mate, take all the help you need and above all understand that we will always be human, make mistakes, but uits how we deal with those mistakes that makes us who we are, which in your case is a truly decent human being. Regards Johnny
And just to add....Brian the biker, yep I feel your pain and have a minimal understanding of your suffering. However, you are still , as I am, here to see your kids grow up and be able to give them away at a their wedding...................be thankful for what you have not what you could have lost..............
Well. Having just spent an hour of procrastination away from my Dissertation (PH is bad. Very bad.) I think I'll be driving like less of a tt now.
I think the best thing that I took from this thread was 10ps suggestion to ask yourself what the cars behind you would say if you were involved in an accident further up the road. I admit to driving like a knob sometimes and things like this remind you that it only takes one time.
Having taken a break from my depressing Holocaust dissertation I know feel suitably depressed to carry on writing! :/
t now.I think the best thing that I took from this thread was 10ps suggestion to ask yourself what the cars behind you would say if you were involved in an accident further up the road. I admit to driving like a knob sometimes and things like this remind you that it only takes one time.
Having taken a break from my depressing Holocaust dissertation I know feel suitably depressed to carry on writing! :/
Hi Dan,
Found this thread from another part of the PH forums and had a good hearty read. It's given me a lot to reflect on. Can you post an update to let us know how you are and whats been happening?
Got an anecdote of my own to share as well;
A couple of years ago I was driving the OH's car and lost control of the vehicle (not DD, just unlucky), hit a brick wall and hospitalised myself for over a week; I'd managed to break my femur (thigh bone, largest one in the body). By sheer luck, no one else was hurt and I thank whoever was looking after me.
Whilst I was in hospital, I met a biker in the same ward that, at first glance, wouldn't have looked amiss in a Hells Angels gang; Leathers, beard, tattoos, piercing stare etc. Only after getting to know him did I realise what a hero he was. As I got to know him, despite his outlandish appearance he was actually a kind-hearted family man (grandparent) who had a passion for Harleys and the like. He was more of a "Rocker" than a Hells Angel.
The poor chap had been T-boned by someone running a red light just up the road from the hospital a year or so previous and lost half of his left leg from the shin down, a grizzly affair that meant he had to make recurrent trips to the hospital, this one possibly being his last as they decided whether to take the knee and the stub below it. He'd spent that whole year learning how to live with his disability and how to ride a bike again, he used his brain and built aids that would let him shift gears and was actually helping bikers in similar situations to keep their livelihoods in the midst of what most people would just give up upon.
What was heartbreaking, even just overhearing this from the other side of the ward, was that if they decided to take the knee, he was told he definitely wouldn't be able to ride again. I'm so glad that my curtain was pulled at that point because I f***ing lost it, trying so hard not to be heard crying trying to muffle my sobs with the duvet.
Later that day when his family had gone, I guess he must have heard me because he looked over and said "it'll be okay".
Not only did my accident slow me down, my time in hospital also taught me what not being extra aware of (motor)cyclists can do to a persons life and to be extra vigilant for bikers. Reading this thread has made me want to double my efforts.
Found this thread from another part of the PH forums and had a good hearty read. It's given me a lot to reflect on. Can you post an update to let us know how you are and whats been happening?
Got an anecdote of my own to share as well;
A couple of years ago I was driving the OH's car and lost control of the vehicle (not DD, just unlucky), hit a brick wall and hospitalised myself for over a week; I'd managed to break my femur (thigh bone, largest one in the body). By sheer luck, no one else was hurt and I thank whoever was looking after me.
Whilst I was in hospital, I met a biker in the same ward that, at first glance, wouldn't have looked amiss in a Hells Angels gang; Leathers, beard, tattoos, piercing stare etc. Only after getting to know him did I realise what a hero he was. As I got to know him, despite his outlandish appearance he was actually a kind-hearted family man (grandparent) who had a passion for Harleys and the like. He was more of a "Rocker" than a Hells Angel.
The poor chap had been T-boned by someone running a red light just up the road from the hospital a year or so previous and lost half of his left leg from the shin down, a grizzly affair that meant he had to make recurrent trips to the hospital, this one possibly being his last as they decided whether to take the knee and the stub below it. He'd spent that whole year learning how to live with his disability and how to ride a bike again, he used his brain and built aids that would let him shift gears and was actually helping bikers in similar situations to keep their livelihoods in the midst of what most people would just give up upon.
What was heartbreaking, even just overhearing this from the other side of the ward, was that if they decided to take the knee, he was told he definitely wouldn't be able to ride again. I'm so glad that my curtain was pulled at that point because I f***ing lost it, trying so hard not to be heard crying trying to muffle my sobs with the duvet.
Later that day when his family had gone, I guess he must have heard me because he looked over and said "it'll be okay".
Not only did my accident slow me down, my time in hospital also taught me what not being extra aware of (motor)cyclists can do to a persons life and to be extra vigilant for bikers. Reading this thread has made me want to double my efforts.
Sorry for resurrecting an old thread, at insane o'clock in the morning.
But I want to thank 10 Pence Short for posting his story, and I genuinely feel that I will drive sensibly after turning 17 because I'm never going to be able to get rid of this thread from my memory.
See that, it's had an effect on someone who doesn't even drive yet.
But I thank you for summoning the courage to come clean and be honest about the situation.
This thread also brought up memories from when my very good friend was involved in a nasty car accident about 10-odd years ago, as a result of a drink driver running a red light and t-boning his mum while she was turning right.
Luckily, all the passengers were sitting towards the nearside, and the impact point was behind the C-pillar on a Chrysler Grand Voyager, so nobody was injured terribly.
But I always have that in my memory and always wondered what happened to the drink driver.
But I want to thank 10 Pence Short for posting his story, and I genuinely feel that I will drive sensibly after turning 17 because I'm never going to be able to get rid of this thread from my memory.
See that, it's had an effect on someone who doesn't even drive yet.
But I thank you for summoning the courage to come clean and be honest about the situation.
This thread also brought up memories from when my very good friend was involved in a nasty car accident about 10-odd years ago, as a result of a drink driver running a red light and t-boning his mum while she was turning right.
Luckily, all the passengers were sitting towards the nearside, and the impact point was behind the C-pillar on a Chrysler Grand Voyager, so nobody was injured terribly.
But I always have that in my memory and always wondered what happened to the drink driver.
New to the forum but jesus this is a real eye opener and just shows you what can happen in a blink of an eye. A story like his could be used on driving courses and so many people could have second thoughts on what can go so very wrong.
Two of my friends died many years ago whilst we were 19 when they were racing and one overtook the other at high speed on a bend and hit a van head first so i have first hand experience on this as i was literally yards away when it happened.
Two of my friends died many years ago whilst we were 19 when they were racing and one overtook the other at high speed on a bend and hit a van head first so i have first hand experience on this as i was literally yards away when it happened.
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