Classic from the Mrs!

Classic from the Mrs!

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sebhaque

6,404 posts

182 months

Monday 28th April 2014
quotequote all
fking iphone

sebhaque

6,404 posts

182 months

Monday 28th April 2014
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Bird had her car MOTd today. Passed with an advisory that the front brakes were 70% worn. Not surprising given the way she drives.

"My car needs new brakes, what are those bimbo brakes you're going on about?"

I mentioned once in conversation (about two months ago) that my old Impreza had Brembos and they were fantastic.

Wheat

505 posts

131 months

Tuesday 29th April 2014
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sebhaque said:
Bird. bimbo. Impreza.
Lolz

Censorious

15,169 posts

235 months

Thursday 1st May 2014
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My wife points to item in back of van and says. ..
"How much does that manifold weigh"

Impressed with her question, I turn to see what she's pointing to.

And reply "that GEARBOX is quite heavy"

Bless - did make us both laugh biggrin

Hitch78

6,107 posts

195 months

Friday 2nd May 2014
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Your house must be a laugh-riot!

Censorious

15,169 posts

235 months

Friday 2nd May 2014
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Hitch78 said:
Your house must be a laugh-riot!
Well, I find you hilarious.

Moonhawk

10,730 posts

220 months

Friday 2nd May 2014
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Bit of a chuckle last night.

Doing some tidying up in the kitchen. There were two rolls of kitchen roll on the side - one new and one about 3/4 used (both the same brand, same size tube etc). My wife tried to consolidate them by placing the 3/4 used one into the inside of the cardboard tube of the new one - took a few seconds before it clicked why this wasnt going to be possible (in this universe at least).

DannyScene

6,631 posts

156 months

Friday 2nd May 2014
quotequote all
Censorious said:
My wife points to item in back of van and says. ..
"How much does that manifold weigh"

Impressed with her question, I turn to see what she's pointing to.

And reply "that GEARBOX is quite heavy"

Bless - did make us both laugh biggrin
now THAT is a classic

OlberJ

14,101 posts

234 months

Friday 2nd May 2014
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It made me laugh. biggrin

jbudgie

8,935 posts

213 months

Friday 2nd May 2014
quotequote all
DannyScene said:
Censorious said:
My wife points to item in back of van and says. ..
"How much does that manifold weigh"

Impressed with her question, I turn to see what she's pointing to.

And reply "that GEARBOX is quite heavy"

Bless - did make us both laugh biggrin
now THAT is a classic
Best ever.

laugh

Censorious

15,169 posts

235 months

Friday 2nd May 2014
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On the subject of nappies and packing for a flight this evening....

Wife:-
I'll take them out of the packet and pack them loose.

Me:-
Why's that dear?

Wife:-
They weigh more when they're compressed.

hehe

matchmaker

8,496 posts

201 months

Saturday 3rd May 2014
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Panic stricken phone call from sister in law.

Her: The fraud unit at my bank have been on the phone. Someone has my debit card details and has been stealing money from my account.

Me: So?

Her: How do I scan my laptop for viruses?

Me: Why?

Her: In case they have got my card details.

Me: You don't use internet banking and don't have any card details stored on your laptop!

Her: Oh, yes.

onyx39

11,125 posts

151 months

Saturday 3rd May 2014
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Down at the in laws, father in law suddenly jumps up as he hears (what he thought was the postman)
Comes back, the mrs had not heard the door, father in law explains where he has been.
"Blimey dad, you got x-ray hearing?"


Strangely Brown

10,078 posts

232 months

Saturday 3rd May 2014
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matchmaker said:
Panic stricken phone call from sister in law.

Her: The fraud unit at my bank have been on the phone. Someone has my debit card details and has been stealing money from my account.

Me: So?

Her: How do I scan my laptop for viruses?

Me: Why?

Her: In case they have got my card details.

Me: You don't use internet banking and don't have any card details stored on your laptop!

Her: Oh, yes.
You don't have to use internet banking or store the card details on the laptop in order to be compromised. If you buy stuff online using that laptop and it has a "man in the browser infection" then the details can be stolen.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man-in-the-browser

If her card details have been used by someone else then they were obviously obtained from somewhere and scanning the laptop for possible infections is as good a place to start as any.

matchmaker

8,496 posts

201 months

Saturday 3rd May 2014
quotequote all
Strangely Brown said:
matchmaker said:
Panic stricken phone call from sister in law.

Her: The fraud unit at my bank have been on the phone. Someone has my debit card details and has been stealing money from my account.

Me: So?

Her: How do I scan my laptop for viruses?

Me: Why?

Her: In case they have got my card details.

Me: You don't use internet banking and don't have any card details stored on your laptop!

Her: Oh, yes.
You don't have to use internet banking or store the card details on the laptop in order to be compromised. If you buy stuff online using that laptop and it has a "man in the browser infection" then the details can be stolen.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man-in-the-browser

If her card details have been used by someone else then they were obviously obtained from somewhere and scanning the laptop for possible infections is as good a place to start as any.
Buying online is a technological step too far for her. I suspect her card has been "skimmed"

Pesty

42,655 posts

257 months

Saturday 3rd May 2014
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Did anybody watch google box last night.

Woman. " how many is a million, is it one hundred thousand?"


bad company

18,640 posts

267 months

Saturday 3rd May 2014
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Buying decorating stuff to do our kitchen Mrs BC asked for 'Dildo Rail'. Then could not understand why everybody around her was falling about laughing. laugh

Vipers

32,894 posts

229 months

Sunday 4th May 2014
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It's Sunday watching Sky1 HD, ad for "24" says it's "On in 3 days".

So she pipes up "So when's it on then"

Doh.......




smile

Phunk

1,976 posts

172 months

Sunday 4th May 2014
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Flat mates girlfriend:

"What's the Holocaust, is it something to do with god, or is it sex or is it the devil possessing you"

We then ridiculed her for it and her response was:

"I'll tell you the reason I don't know what the holocaust is, I didn't study History in school. I only did Higher History and learnt about World War 2"



Blown2CV

28,854 posts

204 months

Sunday 4th May 2014
quotequote all
Phunk said:
Flat mates girlfriend:

"What's the Holocaust, is it something to do with god, or is it sex or is it the devil possessing you"

We then ridiculed her for it and her response was:

"I'll tell you the reason I don't know what the holocaust is, I didn't study History in school. I only did Higher History and learnt about World War 2"
That's red card material. If he didn't dump her on the spot you need to have a word.
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