Classic from the Mrs!
Discussion
Just one of those things...
On holiday in Sicily, we'd been on a day trip out to a nearby city and had spent a few hours wondering around the shopping mall enjoying some bargains and Italian fashion, all good lady is happy.... On the drive home she starts chatting "you know I think we've spent too much time in shops this holiday, I really want to spend more time at the beach, so no more shopping please" Fine by me I think, 30 sec later we pass a warehouse sized Italian shoe outlet, 2 sec after that there's a scream and "Stop the car we have to go back" uh huh that'll be the end of the lets not shop anymore moment!
On holiday in Sicily, we'd been on a day trip out to a nearby city and had spent a few hours wondering around the shopping mall enjoying some bargains and Italian fashion, all good lady is happy.... On the drive home she starts chatting "you know I think we've spent too much time in shops this holiday, I really want to spend more time at the beach, so no more shopping please" Fine by me I think, 30 sec later we pass a warehouse sized Italian shoe outlet, 2 sec after that there's a scream and "Stop the car we have to go back" uh huh that'll be the end of the lets not shop anymore moment!
So, mrs Onyx needs to get the train to Reading, and we have a small unmanned railway station, from where she will get the train.
"Which side do I get the train from"
I explain how she gets to here required platform, and explain what she will see when she looks from the correct platform.
"I don't understand!! Just explain to me, if I stand on the platform, and look across, will I be able to see the other platform"
Me: "erm"
"Which side do I get the train from"
I explain how she gets to here required platform, and explain what she will see when she looks from the correct platform.
"I don't understand!! Just explain to me, if I stand on the platform, and look across, will I be able to see the other platform"
Me: "erm"
onyx39 said:
So, mrs Onyx needs to get the train to Reading, and we have a small unmanned railway station, from where she will get the train.
"Which side do I get the train from"
I explain how she gets to here required platform, and explain what she will see when she looks from the correct platform.
"I don't understand!! Just explain to me, if I stand on the platform, and look across, will I be able to see the other platform"
Me: "erm"
There is a station near me where you can't see the other platform"Which side do I get the train from"
I explain how she gets to here required platform, and explain what she will see when she looks from the correct platform.
"I don't understand!! Just explain to me, if I stand on the platform, and look across, will I be able to see the other platform"
Me: "erm"
Ari said:
Hmmm...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8DNGh126oM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcPEG2xrI4s
Yep, all seem legit.
Darwin must be turning in his grave. Evolution has reversed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8DNGh126oM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcPEG2xrI4s
Yep, all seem legit.
I used to rip the proverbial out of my ex-mrs whenever Eurosport came on. A few years ago they used to do a footie show called EuroGoals - one day she saw this on screen and misread it as "Eurogoats" - and asked me why that was even a sport- what could goats do ?
Cue ROFL for about 15 minutes.
DannyScene said:
onyx39 said:
So, mrs Onyx needs to get the train to Reading, and we have a small unmanned railway station, from where she will get the train.
"Which side do I get the train from"
I explain how she gets to here required platform, and explain what she will see when she looks from the correct platform.
"I don't understand!! Just explain to me, if I stand on the platform, and look across, will I be able to see the other platform"
Me: "erm"
There is a station near me where you can't see the other platform"Which side do I get the train from"
I explain how she gets to here required platform, and explain what she will see when she looks from the correct platform.
"I don't understand!! Just explain to me, if I stand on the platform, and look across, will I be able to see the other platform"
Me: "erm"
simoid said:
DannyScene said:
onyx39 said:
So, mrs Onyx needs to get the train to Reading, and we have a small unmanned railway station, from where she will get the train.
"Which side do I get the train from"
I explain how she gets to here required platform, and explain what she will see when she looks from the correct platform.
"I don't understand!! Just explain to me, if I stand on the platform, and look across, will I be able to see the other platform"
Me: "erm"
There is a station near me where you can't see the other platform"Which side do I get the train from"
I explain how she gets to here required platform, and explain what she will see when she looks from the correct platform.
"I don't understand!! Just explain to me, if I stand on the platform, and look across, will I be able to see the other platform"
Me: "erm"
Not the mrs, but two stupid bints on the R1 early breakfast show this morning.
Male presenter: at what speed does a human sneeze leave the body?
Female caller (who is a law student, apparently): in miles per hour?
Male presenter: yes
Female caller: ummmm, errr, (10 seconds later...) 250..... Thousand?
Female presenter: hmmm, it's less than 200MPH cos that's the speed of light.
Sweet baby Jesus and the Orphans give me strength.
Male presenter: at what speed does a human sneeze leave the body?
Female caller (who is a law student, apparently): in miles per hour?
Male presenter: yes
Female caller: ummmm, errr, (10 seconds later...) 250..... Thousand?
Female presenter: hmmm, it's less than 200MPH cos that's the speed of light.
Sweet baby Jesus and the Orphans give me strength.
sly fox said:
Ari said:
Hmmm...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8DNGh126oM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcPEG2xrI4s
Yep, all seem legit.
Darwin must be turning in his grave. Evolution has reversed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8DNGh126oM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcPEG2xrI4s
Yep, all seem legit.
WilliamWoollard said:
Not the mrs, but two stupid bints on the R1 early breakfast show this morning.
Male presenter: at what speed does a human sneeze leave the body?
Female caller (who is a law student, apparently): in miles per hour?
Male presenter: yes
Female caller: ummmm, errr, (10 seconds later...) 250..... Thousand?
Female presenter: hmmm, it's less than 200MPH cos that's the speed of light.
Sweet baby Jesus and the Orphans give me strength.
I think radio presenters need their own complete thread/category for stupid comments. My personal favourite being:Male presenter: at what speed does a human sneeze leave the body?
Female caller (who is a law student, apparently): in miles per hour?
Male presenter: yes
Female caller: ummmm, errr, (10 seconds later...) 250..... Thousand?
Female presenter: hmmm, it's less than 200MPH cos that's the speed of light.
Sweet baby Jesus and the Orphans give me strength.
Presenter - Can elephants drink through their trunk?
Caller - Yes
Presenter - Well the answer I have here is no but they do kind of so I'll give you that.
RizzoTheRat said:
I think radio presenters need their own complete thread/category for stupid comments. My personal favourite being:
Presenter - Can elephants drink through their trunk?
Caller - Yes
Presenter - Well the answer I have here is no but they do kind of so I'll give you that.
Until she was about 18 my sister was convinced that elephants are reptiles.Presenter - Can elephants drink through their trunk?
Caller - Yes
Presenter - Well the answer I have here is no but they do kind of so I'll give you that.
Because I told her they were.
I also convinced her that Columbo discovered America. She was really pissed off when she found out about all the st I taught her as a child.
As I came out of the swimming pool with my boy on Saturday afternoon I had a missed call from the OH at home, so gave her a call back...
Her: We've got a powercut and i'm halfway through cooking dinner
Me: Does it look like the rest of the street is off?
Her: I've had a quick wander and it looks like it, i've called the power company and they say they aren't aware but they're sending someone round
Me: Oh, ok. Have you tried resetting the switches in the fusebox? (I am aware these are commonly referred to as RCD and Consumer Unit, but consider who i'm speaking to )
Her: Yes, the power comes on but then just goes straight back off again
Me: Then it isn't a powercut! I'll be home in 20 minutes
Arrive home to find about 50 tea lights doing a ste job of lighting up the house and neighbours homes with lights on
Me: Were you doing anything specific just before the power went off?
Her: No, I just opened the oven door and when I closed it the power went off but that's all I can think of
So, after identifying the offending RCD in our weirdly wired up home, I spend ages going round all the rooms with no power (kitchen and 3 bedrooms - labelled on the RCD as 'Kitchen Sockets' !! ) and unplug everything in those rooms, this includes having to remove panels in the kitchen island to access hidden sockets and empty a load of cupboards. Note, we have established at this point it's not the cooker.
I then plug everything back in one at a time until the RCD trips.
Me: It's the hobb. Were you using it when the power went off?
Her: No?
Me: Right, well you'd better cancel the chap from the power company
Her: Good idea!
2 days later...
Her: I think I know why the hobb could be broken
Me: Er, why is that?
Her: Well I was boiling the potatoes and the pan boiled over quite a lot
Me: I thought you weren't using the hob?
Her: Well obviously I was...!!
Me: You do know you shouldn't leave the hobb unsupervised?
Her:
Me: Guess that explains it then
As you can see, 18 months on I am no further on in my quest for a safer household, but at least we are all still alive (for now)
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
Her: We've got a powercut and i'm halfway through cooking dinner
Me: Does it look like the rest of the street is off?
Her: I've had a quick wander and it looks like it, i've called the power company and they say they aren't aware but they're sending someone round
Me: Oh, ok. Have you tried resetting the switches in the fusebox? (I am aware these are commonly referred to as RCD and Consumer Unit, but consider who i'm speaking to )
Her: Yes, the power comes on but then just goes straight back off again
Me: Then it isn't a powercut! I'll be home in 20 minutes
Arrive home to find about 50 tea lights doing a ste job of lighting up the house and neighbours homes with lights on
Me: Were you doing anything specific just before the power went off?
Her: No, I just opened the oven door and when I closed it the power went off but that's all I can think of
So, after identifying the offending RCD in our weirdly wired up home, I spend ages going round all the rooms with no power (kitchen and 3 bedrooms - labelled on the RCD as 'Kitchen Sockets' !! ) and unplug everything in those rooms, this includes having to remove panels in the kitchen island to access hidden sockets and empty a load of cupboards. Note, we have established at this point it's not the cooker.
I then plug everything back in one at a time until the RCD trips.
Me: It's the hobb. Were you using it when the power went off?
Her: No?
Me: Right, well you'd better cancel the chap from the power company
Her: Good idea!
2 days later...
Her: I think I know why the hobb could be broken
Me: Er, why is that?
Her: Well I was boiling the potatoes and the pan boiled over quite a lot
Me: I thought you weren't using the hob?
Her: Well obviously I was...!!
Me: You do know you shouldn't leave the hobb unsupervised?
Her:
Me: Guess that explains it then
As you can see, 18 months on I am no further on in my quest for a safer household, but at least we are all still alive (for now)
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
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