Classic from the Mrs!

[TTmonkey]

Watching IACGMOOH the other day, two celebs had to stay in some underground dungeon thing all night.

Misses says "how long do they have to stay in there for?"

I says "until dawn arrives".....

She replies "oh Dawn French is going in to camp....?. I like her...."

[DannyScene]

kowalski655 said:

CalNaughtonJnr said:

Getting ready for bed the other night my Missus says; "this bra is really uncomfortable, do you mind if I take it off?"

I like boobies

What man has EVER said"No" to that?

All of them I'd assume, or do you mean 'yes'

[DannyScene]

Nom de ploom said:

Mr Trophy said:

LHRFlightman said:

We're in Nice and have train tickets from Nice to Alassio.

Mrs FM - So we have to change trains in Valencia? ( she meant Ventimiglia )

Me - You do realise Valencia is in Spain?

Mrs FM - Yes, I just didn't know we needed to go through Spain to get to Italy from here.

Its going to be a long week.

that sounds like my OH's sense of direction. She has lived in Leeds all her life and only recently realised that you can't go north of Leeds on the M1...it stops in Leeds....

and that equally you need to go south from Newcastle to get back to Leeds..I mean its really not that difficult is it. is it?

Almost everything north of Leeds is complete ste anyway, at least that's what I told my GF when she asked why the M1 doesn't go further north

[Einion Yrth]

DannyScene said:

Almost everything north of Leeds is complete ste anyway, at least that's what I told my GF when she asked why the M1 doesn't go further north

Either;-
Trolling.
Never been.
Stupid.

[jbudgie]

Einion Yrth said:

DannyScene said:

Almost everything north of Leeds is complete ste anyway, at least that's what I told my GF when she asked why the M1 doesn't go further north

Either;-
Trolling.
Never been.
Stupid.

Might have been a joke ----

[GuinnessMK]

Mrs Guinness prepared a lovely Sunday roast dinner yesterday, complete with "Beef Yogurt", or gravy as the rest of us call it.

[Einion Yrth]

GuinnessMK said:

Mrs Guinness prepared a lovely Sunday roast dinner yesterday, complete with "Beef Yogurt", or gravy as the rest of us call it.

Were you a septic tank, gravy is a slightly less straightforward proposition.

[RizzoTheRat]

Frimley111R said:

About a year ago the bluetooth connection in the car stopped working. Normally it just connected and that was that. Frustratingly Mrs 111R's phone connected still and was fine. This was ONE YEAR ago. Talking about it recently she said "Oh yes, the car lost all the pairings and so I repaired mine. I forgot to tell you." FFS.

Bluetooth stopped connecting and it took you a year to think of re-pairing it? Nice to see a classic from a Mr for a change

[Hugo a Gogo]

M1 does go further than Leeds anyway, but sort of East

it used to stop in Leeds, now it goes to the A1

[DannyScene]

Einion Yrth said:

DannyScene said:

Almost everything north of Leeds is complete ste anyway, at least that's what I told my GF when she asked why the M1 doesn't go further north

Either;-
Trolling.
Never been.
Stupid.

[onyx39]

Mrs Onyx went for a job interview in Chertsey, which involved using the M25, something which she is supremely uncomfortable.

She called me in a flap about an hour after the interview....

Her: " help me!"
Me: " what's wrong what's happened"
Her: " "I'm stuck in a stationary traffic jam on the M25 heading towards Gatwick"
Me: I knew that she was out of the interview as she had called me " Why are you heading towards Gatwick, you should be coming home"
Her: " I went the wrong way, so I went down to the next Junction, and went round the roundabout and got back on the motorway, and then still headed for Gatwick.

So effectively, she went the wrong way round the M25. Twice.
I give up.

[SlackBladder]

DannyScene said:

kowalski655 said:

CalNaughtonJnr said:

Getting ready for bed the other night my Missus says; "this bra is really uncomfortable, do you mind if I take it off?"

I like boobies

What man has EVER said"No" to that?

All of them I'd assume, or do you mean 'yes'

No, I assume he meant that no he did not mind that she took it off, rather than yes he did mind

[Ari]

Blown2CV said:

Ari said:

CalNaughtonJnr said:

Getting ready for bed the other night my Missus says; "this bra is really uncomfortable, do you mind if I take it off?"

I like boobies

Your wife normally wears a bra in bed..?

apparently it is the only way to avoid spaniel's ears.

Sounds like a married woman thing, perfect attire for beneath the flannelette nightie.

[SpeckledJim]

onyx39 said:

Mrs Onyx went for a job interview in Chertsey, which involved using the M25, something which she is supremely uncomfortable.

She called me in a flap about an hour after the interview....

Her: " help me!"
Me: " what's wrong what's happened"
Her: " "I'm stuck in a stationary traffic jam on the M25 heading towards Gatwick"
Me: I knew that she was out of the interview as she had called me " Why are you heading towards Gatwick, you should be coming home"
Her: " I went the wrong way, so I went down to the next Junction, and went round the roundabout and got back on the motorway, and then still headed for Gatwick.

So effectively, she went the wrong way round the M25. Twice.
I give up.

My sister performs an impressive version of this where she gets hypnotised by the motorway and drives past her junction. Once she realises she's 20 miles past where she need to be she gets off and turns round.

Only to get hypnotised again on the way up and miss the junction again. A 20 mile motorway trip becomes 100 miles and the best part of 2 hours.

You can't train that sort of thing, it's either in you or it isn't.

[Vipers]

Not mine but some blond bimbo on "The Chase" just now.

Question was what of these pies contain fish. (She had a choice of 3).

After choosing an answer, Bradley Walsh asked her why she hadn't chosen "Shepherds pie", which was one option.

She said "She couldn't imagine shepherds eating fish pie", logical I suppose.

[HaylingJag]

having a puncture on the left rear i dived into a garage and threw in 50psi to get me the 4 miles home, Mrs heard the air escaping and pronounced "i havent even got a plaster in my handbag" wtf good would that be if she had

[LHRFlightman]

Wife just started singing the the tune to the Banana Splits for my 11 year old daughter.

"1 potato, 2 potato, 3 potato 4."

Good God.

[Cliftonite]

SpeckledJim said:

My sister performs an impressive version of this where she gets hypnotised by the motorway and drives past her junction. Once she realises she's 20 miles past where she need to be she gets off and turns round.

Only to get hypnotised again on the way up and miss the junction again. A 20 mile motorway trip becomes 100 miles and the best part of 2 hours.

You can't train that sort of thing, it's either in you or it isn't.

Buy her a Sat Nav for Xmas?

[Urban Sports]

Not the Mrs but her blonde sister watching I'm a celebrity

"Edwina Currie, she doesn't look Asian."

[Monkeythree]

Not something she said but something she did this weekend.

Packed a cheese knife in my hand baggage before a flight.

It was a present so I didn't even know it was there. Took me a while to figure it out and come up with a plausible explanation for Stansted security.

Grrrr....