Classic from the Mrs!

Classic from the Mrs!

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irocfan

40,536 posts

191 months

Thursday 4th December 2014
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Corpulent Tosser said:
The Loch Ness Monster is not a dinosaur, it is a mammal.

The local hotels have been milking it for years.

Willy Nilly

12,511 posts

168 months

Tuesday 9th December 2014
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At work we have some stables. These are filled with horses and without exception, the horses are owned by women. Now, you have normal women and horsey women. Horsey women are over 80% more mental than normal women.

One of my jobs is to keep the mice and rats under control. They used to have a big, black, fluffy pussy on the livery yard, but he got run over.

So on my rounds I will go and ask the girls if they have any rodent problems. This is usually met with:

"why do you have to kill them?"

"MUDERER!"

"we like to see them running about"

Me: "oookaaay"

Then 2 days later

horsey girls:

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH there's mice in my rugs and they jumped out at me and have eaten holes in my rugs!"

Me: "FFS"

JuniorD

8,628 posts

224 months

Tuesday 9th December 2014
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Willy Nilly said:
Now, you have normal women and horsey women. Horsey women are over 80% more mental than normal women.
yes

Patrick Bateman

12,189 posts

175 months

Tuesday 9th December 2014
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I've heard that before. Definitely true?

hidetheelephants

24,459 posts

194 months

Wednesday 10th December 2014
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Corpulent Tosser said:
The Loch Ness Monster is not a dinosaur, it is a mammal.

The local hotels have been milking it for years.
I'd like to meet the milk maid! eek

Asterix

24,438 posts

229 months

Wednesday 10th December 2014
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Rick101 said:
Chap in my office is a born again Street preacher type.

He very clear dinosaurs never existed it's just a made up thing to support science which doesn't have all the answers. The bones in museums are just pig bones.

Suppose that's one point for the females.
I worked with a happy clappy who was the same - their grasp of the world around them is rather lacking to say the least.
Easy to make cry though.

morgs_

1,663 posts

188 months

Wednesday 10th December 2014
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JuniorD said:
Willy Nilly said:
Now, you have normal women and horsey women. Horsey women are over 80% more mental than normal women.
yes
Patrick Bateman said:
I've heard that before. Definitely true?
Yup, plenty of pro points, but definitely have the extra dose.

Asterix

24,438 posts

229 months

Wednesday 10th December 2014
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JuniorD said:
Willy Nilly said:
Now, you have normal women and horsey women. Horsey women are over 80% more mental than normal women.
yes
They also have podgier fannies, so I've noticed.

All that pommel action you see - builds up a cushion of sorts.

Andy Zarse

10,868 posts

248 months

Wednesday 10th December 2014
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onyx39 said:
Mrs Onyx went for a job interview in Chertsey, which involved using the M25, something which she is supremely uncomfortable.

She called me in a flap about an hour after the interview....

Her: " help me!"
Me: " what's wrong what's happened"
Her: " "I'm stuck in a stationary traffic jam on the M25 heading towards Gatwick"
Me: I knew that she was out of the interview as she had called me " Why are you heading towards Gatwick, you should be coming home"
Her: " I went the wrong way, so I went down to the next Junction, and went round the roundabout and got back on the motorway, and then still headed for Gatwick.

So effectively, she went the wrong way round the M25. Twice.
I give up.
Right, run this by me again... I don't understand precisely what she's supposed to have done.

Are you saying she gone down the M23? Then back up again? Or did she turn round at Reigate or Caterham? And how did she have time to go around the M25 twice, in stationary traffic, in an hour?

Your post is very inexact, no wonder the poor woman gets in such a flap! smile

AlasdairMc

555 posts

128 months

Wednesday 10th December 2014
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My wife asked me if the Curious Case of Benjamin Button was based on a true story...

skilly1

2,702 posts

196 months

Wednesday 10th December 2014
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Went to the Jet Museum and my son sat in this aircraft.

Fiancee comments that the pilots must have been very small back in those days...

MissChief

7,113 posts

169 months

Thursday 11th December 2014
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Rick101 said:
Chap in my office is a born again Street preacher type.

He very clear dinosaurs never existed it's just a made up thing to support science which doesn't have all the answers. The bones in museums are just pig bones.

Suppose that's one point for the females.
Bloody big pig! OMG think of all the Bacon!!!! lick

Andy Zarse

10,868 posts

248 months

Thursday 11th December 2014
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MissChief said:
Rick101 said:
Chap in my office is a born again Street preacher type.

He very clear dinosaurs never existed it's just a made up thing to support science which doesn't have all the answers. The bones in museums are just pig bones.

Suppose that's one point for the females.
Bloody big pig! OMG think of all the Bacon!!!! lick
See this for ten of the finest Jesus/Dino pics

http://www.dailydawdle.com/2011/10/10-epic-portrai...



crxdave

157 posts

161 months

Thursday 11th December 2014
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Girl I used to work with once told me how our bosses had bought her an Orchard for her birthday...



Took a while to find out she meant orchid.

CaptainSensib1e

1,434 posts

222 months

Thursday 11th December 2014
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Mother in law was marvelling that the car seat for our new daughter had a built in airbag. Until I pointed it it was the sticker telling you not to put in in the front seat without deactivating the airbag.

Kind of funny, but also slightly alarming.

Vaud

50,596 posts

156 months

Thursday 11th December 2014
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CaptainSensib1e said:
Mother in law was marvelling that the car seat for our new daughter had a built in airbag. Until I pointed it it was the sticker telling you not to put in in the front seat without deactivating the airbag.

Kind of funny, but also slightly alarming.
An inability to read the manual? Are you sure she is not really a man?

Targarama

14,635 posts

284 months

Thursday 11th December 2014
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CaptainSensib1e said:
Mother in law was marvelling that the car seat for our new daughter had a built in airbag. Until I pointed it it was the sticker telling you not to put in in the front seat without deactivating the airbag.

Kind of funny, but also slightly alarming.
I think such a thing was presented on Dragon's Den once. I wonder if it made it to market, looked like a good idea to me.

TwigtheWonderkid

43,402 posts

151 months

Thursday 11th December 2014
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I'm with your M.I.L. I thought some car seats had their own built in mini side airbags.

MissChief

7,113 posts

169 months

Thursday 11th December 2014
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TwigtheWonderkid said:
I'm with your M.I.L. I thought some car seats had their own built in mini side airbags.
The actual seats do but he was referring to his Daughters car seat and I'm not aware of any infant car seat that includes any airbag device.

Willy Nilly

12,511 posts

168 months

Thursday 11th December 2014
quotequote all
Rick101 said:
Chap in my office is a born again Street preacher type.

He very clear dinosaurs never existed it's just a made up thing to support science which doesn't have all the answers. The bones in museums are just pig bones.

Suppose that's one point for the females.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhibN89WJtI



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