Management bulls**t phrases
Discussion
BerksBoy said:
in all seriousness, if senior folks in your company use this kind of stuff then it rubs off as you "fit in". It's only the same as job specific language in say engineering, IT or electronics that you use as you get more involved. Only difference being as a general rule, you don't get to hear these as much as management babble
Complete nonsense. There is plenty of expressiveness in the English language already to cover normal business practice without having to invent stupid new phrases.Why say "we are all singing from the same hymn sheet" when "we all agree" or "we have a common understanding" does the job better?
Industry-specific technical jargon has a specific purpose: to eliminate ambiguity and ensure everyone is talking about exactly the same thing.
HundredthIdiot said:
BerksBoy said:
in all seriousness, if senior folks in your company use this kind of stuff then it rubs off as you "fit in". It's only the same as job specific language in say engineering, IT or electronics that you use as you get more involved. Only difference being as a general rule, you don't get to hear these as much as management babble
Complete nonsense. There is plenty of expressiveness in the English language already to cover normal business practice without having to invent stupid new phrases.Why say "we are all singing from the same hymn sheet" when "we all agree" or "we have a common understanding" does the job better?
Industry-specific technical jargon has a specific purpose: to eliminate ambiguity and ensure everyone is talking about exactly the same thing.
I have to present an update to the main PLC board of investors once a quarter. They will talk of "leveraging your install base" where in fact they want you to go out to your existing customers to try and get further new deals from them. That is the language they use, and guess what, that's what I am going to use too. I would never use that when I talk to say one of my software developers though.
So maybe to a degree it is becoming part of business speak, but I do agree it is getting daft.
We're having one of those global process standardisation thingys at work and some of the phrases are quite in line with this thread.
"We're striving to integrate our management structure across the globe and become truly world class"
"We have a telecon with the men in Indianapolis where we'll touch base on the project deliverables"
"We'll drill down and find the problem with this EJ200 - we'll have to call on the experts to produce a mindmap of their thoughts"
etc etc etc. TBH the americans are much worse as they have to have a slogan for EVERYTHING. I think I've counted 4 on the F135 so far - "Lethal. Survivable. Supportable. Affordable." seems to be the main one but I've got one on my mousepad at work saying something else. I'll have to find it latrer.
"We're striving to integrate our management structure across the globe and become truly world class"
"We have a telecon with the men in Indianapolis where we'll touch base on the project deliverables"
"We'll drill down and find the problem with this EJ200 - we'll have to call on the experts to produce a mindmap of their thoughts"
etc etc etc. TBH the americans are much worse as they have to have a slogan for EVERYTHING. I think I've counted 4 on the F135 so far - "Lethal. Survivable. Supportable. Affordable." seems to be the main one but I've got one on my mousepad at work saying something else. I'll have to find it latrer.
There's a big difference between having to pick up the lingo to fit in, and the lingo itself being useful. As has been said, plenty of specialist areas develop their own technical vernacular for the sake of clarity. E.g., "energy" has a very precise meaning in science and engineering that is quite different from its meaning in everyday use. Similarly in finance "duration", "strike" and "greek" all have specific meanings. Most "management speak" isn't like this. It's much more like schoolyard slang that a group uses to define itself; it's social glue, not a clearer way of speaking. Worse still, because managers aren't used to thinking in a precise technical language for the sake of clarity, when they do use a word that should have special meaning in its context, they treat it just like the rest of their management speak and fail to recognise that this is robbing them of their ability to think clearly and benefit from shared ideas.
One of the very most abused terms I come across is "team". It gets bandied around all the time, is seen as "a great thing", yet if you ask your average manager what "team" means, far more often that not they have no properly clear ideas. If you can't really say what a team is, how are you in a position to think it is a good thing to have? If you can't say what a team is, how on earth can you pursue team-building as a goal?
You can see how some management short-hand starts almost sensibly. For example, "touching base" means something specific in baseball, and if you know what it means in that context, you can use it as a metaphor, I suppose, for something like quickly checking something somewhere else. But if you don't have the baseball context, it's meaningless in its own right, so adopting it as standard management speak is completely pointless. It obstructs clear communication.
One of the very most abused terms I come across is "team". It gets bandied around all the time, is seen as "a great thing", yet if you ask your average manager what "team" means, far more often that not they have no properly clear ideas. If you can't really say what a team is, how are you in a position to think it is a good thing to have? If you can't say what a team is, how on earth can you pursue team-building as a goal?
You can see how some management short-hand starts almost sensibly. For example, "touching base" means something specific in baseball, and if you know what it means in that context, you can use it as a metaphor, I suppose, for something like quickly checking something somewhere else. But if you don't have the baseball context, it's meaningless in its own right, so adopting it as standard management speak is completely pointless. It obstructs clear communication.
ATG said:
There's a big difference between having to pick up the lingo to fit in, and the lingo itself being useful. As has been said, plenty of specialist areas develop their own technical vernacular for the sake of clarity. E.g., "energy" has a very precise meaning in science and engineering that is quite different from its meaning in everyday use. Similarly in finance "duration", "strike" and "greek" all have specific meanings. Most "management speak" isn't like this. It's much more like schoolyard slang that a group uses to define itself; it's social glue, not a clearer way of speaking. Worse still, because managers aren't used to thinking in a precise technical language for the sake of clarity, when they do use a word that should have special meaning in its context, they treat it just like the rest of their management speak and fail to recognise that this is robbing them of their ability to think clearly and benefit from shared ideas.
One of the very most abused terms I come across is "team". It gets bandied around all the time, is seen as "a great thing", yet if you ask your average manager what "team" means, far more often that not they have no properly clear ideas. If you can't really say what a team is, how are you in a position to think it is a good thing to have? If you can't say what a team is, how on earth can you pursue team-building as a goal?
You can see how some management short-hand starts almost sensibly. For example, "touching base" means something specific in baseball, and if you know what it means in that context, you can use it as a metaphor, I suppose, for something like quickly checking something somewhere else. But if you don't have the baseball context, it's meaningless in its own right, so adopting it as standard management speak is completely pointless. It obstructs clear communication.
People do not naturally behave as a team. In my experience, a team situation only happens when individuals are given different but mutually dependent jobs. I'm not a team player at all but I will interract very successfully with other individuals if I need them to get my job done in the best way. Generally speaking, most managers do not understand this. Good management is very rare actually I think.One of the very most abused terms I come across is "team". It gets bandied around all the time, is seen as "a great thing", yet if you ask your average manager what "team" means, far more often that not they have no properly clear ideas. If you can't really say what a team is, how are you in a position to think it is a good thing to have? If you can't say what a team is, how on earth can you pursue team-building as a goal?
You can see how some management short-hand starts almost sensibly. For example, "touching base" means something specific in baseball, and if you know what it means in that context, you can use it as a metaphor, I suppose, for something like quickly checking something somewhere else. But if you don't have the baseball context, it's meaningless in its own right, so adopting it as standard management speak is completely pointless. It obstructs clear communication.
BerksBoy said:
I have to present an update to the main PLC board of investors once a quarter. They will talk of "leveraging your install base" where in fact they want you to go out to your existing customers to try and get further new deals from them. That is the language they use, and guess what, that's what I am going to use too.
The reason they talk like this is because they're idiots. Stop defending the idiocy.I completely understand that you're trying to fit in, but you're acting a bit insecure. Clarity and terseness is never unacceptable. If the President of the USA can make an inauguration or State of the Union speech without resorting to this sort of clumsy nonsense, it is certainly not required in a board meeting.
Gus Hedges said:
"Actually, can't stop now, just wanted to pop something into your mental microwave, see if it defrosts."
"Morning hotshots. Are we cooking with napalm? You bet."
"We've got to downsize our sloppiness overload."
"Could we interlock brain spaces in my work area?"
"Coach, if I could input into your mental mainframe for a moment..."
"Yes, well, publicity-wise this is a rather regrettable gonads-in-the-guillotine situation."
"We're merely running our bulletins through the cappucino machine of innovation, see if it comes out frothy."
"You see, when it comes to sexual interfacing with the female gender group, I've always been caution-orientated due to ongoing problems of an adaptive nature regarding the gooiness factor on the physical front."
"I think we have a slight togetherness shortfall here."
"Morning hotshots. Are we cooking with napalm? You bet."
"We've got to downsize our sloppiness overload."
"Could we interlock brain spaces in my work area?"
"Coach, if I could input into your mental mainframe for a moment..."
"Yes, well, publicity-wise this is a rather regrettable gonads-in-the-guillotine situation."
"We're merely running our bulletins through the cappucino machine of innovation, see if it comes out frothy."
"You see, when it comes to sexual interfacing with the female gender group, I've always been caution-orientated due to ongoing problems of an adaptive nature regarding the gooiness factor on the physical front."
"I think we have a slight togetherness shortfall here."
Edited by Cock Womble on Saturday 30th January 15:14
Cock Womble said:
Gus Hedges said:
"Actually, can't stop now, just wanted to pop something into your mental microwave, see if it defrosts."
"Morning hotshots. Are we cooking with napalm? You bet."
"We've got to downsize our sloppiness overload."
"Could we interlock brain spaces in my work area?"
"Coach, if I could input into your mental mainframe for a moment..."
"Yes, well, publicity-wise this is a rather regrettable gonads-in-the-guillotine situation."
"We're merely running our bulletins through the cappucino machine of innovation, see if it comes out frothy."
"You see, when it comes to sexual interfacing with the female gender group, I've always been caution-orientated due to ongoing problems of an adaptive nature regarding the gooiness factor on the physical front."
"I think we have a slight togetherness shortfall here."
"Morning hotshots. Are we cooking with napalm? You bet."
"We've got to downsize our sloppiness overload."
"Could we interlock brain spaces in my work area?"
"Coach, if I could input into your mental mainframe for a moment..."
"Yes, well, publicity-wise this is a rather regrettable gonads-in-the-guillotine situation."
"We're merely running our bulletins through the cappucino machine of innovation, see if it comes out frothy."
"You see, when it comes to sexual interfacing with the female gender group, I've always been caution-orientated due to ongoing problems of an adaptive nature regarding the gooiness factor on the physical front."
"I think we have a slight togetherness shortfall here."
Andy Hamilton has a lot to answer for!
BerksBoy said:
in all seriousness, if senior folks in your company use this kind of stuff then it rubs off as you "fit in". It's only the same as job specific language in say engineering, IT or electronics that you use as you get more involved. Only difference being as a general rule, you don't get to hear these as much as management babble.
So, what you are saying is that management types create their own completely unnecessary language so they can feel good about being management types and try to create some sort of environment that attempts to justify their importance, as no one can understand what the f
k they are on about, just as they cannot understand what the fk the IT Engineers are talking about?Cheers.
I work for an American company and I hear way too many US corporate buzz words.
Drives me nutts!
The worst sentence ever said to me so far was a few yeqrs ago now but went like this .... "let's have a headsup, give ourselves the chance to touch base and get all our ducks in a row at a brown bag"
That was not a US colleague but a UK one.
Twa@t!
Drives me nutts!
The worst sentence ever said to me so far was a few yeqrs ago now but went like this .... "let's have a headsup, give ourselves the chance to touch base and get all our ducks in a row at a brown bag"
That was not a US colleague but a UK one.
Twa@t!
sebhaque said:
We're having one of those global process standardisation thingys at work and some of the phrases are quite in line with this thread.
"We're striving to integrate our management structure across the globe and become truly world class"
"We have a telecon with the men in Indianapolis where we'll touch base on the project deliverables"
"We'll drill down and find the problem with this EJ200 - we'll have to call on the experts to produce a mindmap of their thoughts"
etc etc etc. TBH the americans are much worse as they have to have a slogan for EVERYTHING. I think I've counted 4 on the F135 so far - "Lethal. Survivable. Supportable. Affordable." seems to be the main one but I've got one on my mousepad at work saying something else. I'll have to find it latrer.
I hear this daily."We're striving to integrate our management structure across the globe and become truly world class"
"We have a telecon with the men in Indianapolis where we'll touch base on the project deliverables"
"We'll drill down and find the problem with this EJ200 - we'll have to call on the experts to produce a mindmap of their thoughts"
etc etc etc. TBH the americans are much worse as they have to have a slogan for EVERYTHING. I think I've counted 4 on the F135 so far - "Lethal. Survivable. Supportable. Affordable." seems to be the main one but I've got one on my mousepad at work saying something else. I'll have to find it latrer.
Sadly, I know what it means and it is part of a normal dialogue now.
I still do not use it myself!
Gus also said:
"George, can we pool our brain spaces into a centre of excellence?"
"Helen, if I could just park in your mental multi-storey a moment..."
"I see myself as a sort of hands off overview executive who sits at the sharp end and interacts within the office matrix..."
"I'd just like you to stir-fry something in my think-wok."
"Jill, could you come for a brief scuba in my think tank?"
"Morning talent base! Are the afterburners on full thrust? You bet!"
I miss DTDD. Have all of it on DVD. Gus Hedges is alive and well, and operating at a 'Blue Chip' company near you.
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