Management bulls**t phrases

[mattdaniels]

Dr Jekyll said:

But a Scrum isn't just a daily meeting, it's a meeting with a specific purpose,

Not it isn't. Scrum is one of several Agile software development methodologies. The daily stand up is one of the meetings within the Scrum methodology.

(I was actually going to write "The daily stand up is one of the mandated Scrum ceremonies" but thought better of it given how the thread is going )

[Martin4x4]

iphonedyou said:

JonRB said:

As Mr E says, what would you suggest as an alternative?

Changeable requirements?
Requirements that are subject to change?
Requirements that are only partially defined and that will evolve over time? (Bit of a mouthful there)

Fluid implies changeable, dynamic, evolving, moveable.
Requirements are, well, requirements.

Seems pretty straightforward and non-bullstty to me.

Edit: And even if that one phrase is dodgy, it doesn't invalidate my entire post.

Pyhrric victory level: expert.

Not so. The word "fluid" in this case is a analogy, it doesn't obscure meaning; it is actually enhances the semantics because it conveys a lot of extra meaning. It communicates the sense of being "liable to unpredictable variation" the same as changeable. It also conveys meaning that requirements are intangible, difficult to contain and hard to handle.

Using a good analogy or metaphor is a simple reflection of a good command of the English Language on the part of the speaker/writer, if you going to object to this then you really need pay more attention to great writers like George Orwell for example, take "double speak" from 1984. Completely made up, completely clear in meaning and a excellent description of management BS.

IMHO Something becomes Management BS when it obscures the meaning.

Edited by Martin4x4 on Friday 16th January 18:24

[dave_s13]

some strange FB marketing strategist said:

...one thing I've discovered is just how unorganised most campaigns are, and how much cash is being left on the table by not plugging the holes in their funnels.

In my wifes inbox from an old (ex) friend that set up shop as some lifestyle/marketing guru (she's on the mail shot list). The folk that use her services must be straight up retarded.

[Never you mind]

mattdaniels said:

Dr Jekyll said:

But a Scrum isn't just a daily meeting, it's a meeting with a specific purpose,

Not it isn't. Scrum is one of several Agile software development methodologies. The daily stand up is one of the meetings within the Scrum methodology.

(I was actually going to write "The daily stand up is one of the mandated Scrum ceremonies" but thought better of it given how the thread is going )

Agile really does bring new levels of ttishness in management bullst! I'm off for a scrum meeting with my agile pod.

[JonRB]

Personally, I think this whole thread is talking at cross-purposes. I don't think we even agree on what Management Bullst *is*.

To me it's flowery obfuscatory language that Managers use to embellish their normal mode of speech, and which adds nothing to what they say - think Gus Hedges in Drop The Dead Donkey. All "blue sky thinking" and "running it up the flagpole to see who salutes it" and asking people to "add some ingredients to [his] brain wok".

By contrast, some people seem to think that a methodology that has been around for 20-odd years with well-defined terms, phrases and concepts, which might sound a little odd to people who haven't encountered them before, is also Management Bullst.

If that's the case, then *any* industry or professional terms are up for ridicule, surely?

[iphonedyou]

JonRB said:

If that's the case, then *any* industry or professional terms are up for ridicule, surely?

Generally yes, so long as the terms are referring to common activities like meetings.

[MLH]

Ive been lucky enough not to have worked with many people who constantly use any of the phrases already listed.

However.......

....I started a new contract a couple of weeks back and the guy im working alongside doesnt fking stop with the 'touch base' nonsense.

At first i ignored it and quickly sussed out he used all the bullst phrases under the sun to mask the fact that he's not very clued up in the actual role he's in. Anyway, like i said i didnt really want to say anything as i was 'the new guy' and didnt want to get off on the wrong foot but this afternoon i cracked!

There he was briefing one of the contractors about Monday's plan of attack (which in itself was complete nonsense but thats another story) when he said to him.......'touch base with yourself on the 2nd floor on Monday'. He told a guy to touch base with HIMSELF! Not 'I'll touch base with you' but 'touch base with yourself!!!! YOURSELF?!?! How the fk can you touch base with your-fking-self?!?!

It was at this point i seemed to talk without even thinking and told him clearly how fking ridiculous this whole base touching bks sounds. The silence was only interrupted when the contractor he had been talking to agreed with how fking stupid it sounds.

I hope, moving forward, that this will be the start of a beautiful non base touching working relationship between the two of us.

Edited by MLH on Friday 16th January 20:31

[LordJammy]

"Let's park that and come back to it later."

NO, LETS NOT PARK IT. ANSWER MY fkING QUESTION.

[CTO]

I was in a meeting on Thurs with lots of NHS middle management and one of them said "I'm just going to park this here" and did the inverted commas finger thing...

Absolute tt.

[LordJammy]

I hope you parked a chair over the back of his head.

[CTO]

Tempting.

I don't venture much into the rarefied air of the admin/HR/corporate hub of our Trust that often, its known as "The Deathstar" to those of us outside it's sphere of influence/nonsense.

My day wasn't improved by the happiness vampire on the intercom at the front gate who couldn't find my name on the list for allocated parking, this in spite of me having called him earlier that morning to reserve one. He subsequently had a computer says no moment and told me I would have to drive into the car park and turn round drive out and park on one of the backstreets (in a rough as fook part of the city with a history of riots, hence me booking parking).......

I asked if he could just give me a space as it didn't seem busy to which he replied no, not possible, you haven't booked. At this point I said fine, he raised the barrier, I drove in, parked, got out and went to my meeting leaving the car parked in one of the many free spaces.

Outcome: Nothing. The world didn't stop turning, no children were hurt and no oooooooooman rights were breached....

fkwits.


(Apologies for speeling and all that, there is angry typing happening)

[csd19]

LordJammy said:

I hope you parked a chair over the back of his head.

Or a size 10 up his hoop.

[Pit Pony]

JonRB said:

iphonedyou said:

'Fluid requirements' is as bullstty as it comes, I'm afraid. Doesn't make him a troll.

As Mr E says, what would you suggest as an alternative?

Changeable requirements?
Requirements that are subject to change?
Requirements that are only partially defined and that will evolve over time? (Bit of a mouthful there)

Fluid implies changeable, dynamic, evolving, moveable.
Requirements are, well, requirements.

Seems pretty straightforward and non-bullstty to me.

Edit: And even if that one phrase is dodgy, it doesn't invalidate my entire post.

Edited by JonRB on Thursday 15th January 09:32

I trained 212 Mechanical, Electrical, Electronic and Control Systems Engineers at Rolls Royce Areo in Requirements Volatility Risk Assessment. The first couple of sessions I was blagging it a bit. But after a few heated discussions with the attendees, I started to understand the requirements of the training. (80% of design changes are because the requirements changed)

[Hitch78]

I wanted to learn more about this agile stuff, unfortunately I landed on this page and have since vomited so much that I have expired. What a load of turgid bks!

http://www.solutionsiq.com/agile-glossary/

[Hitch78]

"Dave, can you come here for a minute please?"
"Yes boss"
"Tarquin here is a Certified ScrumMaster and whilst he was calculating Stories for our Velocity he got a whiff of Code Smell so we're going to run some Planning Poker. Are you Pig?"
"Sorry boss, are you unwell? You appear to be speaking in tongues"
"Don't be cheeky Dave, we've got a Backlog creating a Bottleneck in our Timebox"
"Oh dear boss, you should see someone for help with that, I believe there is a cream which could help. Tarquin does sound well qualified though so perhaps I need to pay attention, how long does it take to become a Certified ScrumMaster Tarqs?"
"(Cough)Two days(/cough)"
"Right"

[NailedOn]

Did we do 'Architect' yet? As in the verb to: design; solution or imagine.
If you folks could go architect the solution then we'll engineer (verb) the deliverables.

[JonRB]

Hitch78 said:

"Dave, can you come here for a minute please?"
"Yes boss"
"Tarquin here is a Certified ScrumMaster and whilst he was calculating Stories for our Velocity he got a whiff of Code Smell so we're going to run some Planning Poker. Are you Pig?"
"Sorry boss, are you unwell? You appear to be speaking in tongues"
"Don't be cheeky Dave, we've got a Backlog creating a Bottleneck in our Timebox"
"Oh dear boss, you should see someone for help with that, I believe there is a cream which could help. Tarquin does sound well qualified though so perhaps I need to pay attention, how long does it take to become a Certified ScrumMaster Tarqs?"
"(Cough)Two days(/cough)"
"Right"

You've just randomly inserted words and phrases that you read in a glossary into something that makes very little sense and has very little to do with the actual methodology.

I've been using Agile methods for years and have never come across some of those phrases being actually used. I'm sure they exist in the glossary that you have armed yourself with, but they're not in use.

I'm sure the phrases and concepts of any industry could be held up to ridicule. Image the fun you could have with trunions, grease nipples, flanges, brackets, ball joints, big ends, shims, feeler gauges and the like if you were completely ignorant of car mechanicals.

[scherzkeks]

Martin4x4 said:

Not so. The word "fluid" in this case is a analogy, it doesn't obscure meaning; it is actually enhances the semantics because it conveys a lot of extra meaning. It communicates the sense of being "liable to unpredictable variation" the same as changeable. It also conveys meaning that requirements are intangible, difficult to contain and hard to handle.

Using a good analogy or metaphor is a simple reflection of a good command of the English Language on the part of the speaker/writer, if you going to object to this then you really need pay more attention to great writers like George Orwell for example, take "double speak" from 1984. Completely made up, completely clear in meaning and a excellent description of management BS.

IMHO Something becomes Management BS when it obscures the meaning.

Edited by Martin4x4 on Friday 16th January 18:24

Not really. Fluid is relatively vague here unless you already know how the speaker intends the point to be taken. Same goes for double-speak, which required an explanation/example for the reader to understand exactly what was meant by the term. Clear, concise communication is just that; it does not require guesswork.

[JonRB]

scherzkeks said:

Clear, concise communication is just that; it does not require guesswork.

Which is why jargon proliferates in so many industries. Verbal shortcuts to clear, concise communication where all participants in the conversation understand the meaning of the words and phrases being used.

People seem to be confusing Management Bullst (padding out sentences with excessive verbiage that provide no additional meaning or worth) with jargon (the aforementioned clear, concise communication).

I'll freely admit that the IT Industry suffers from more jargon than most, but that doesn't make the terms used in it "Management Bullst".

[scherzkeks]

JonRB said:

Which is why jargon proliferates in so many industries. Verbal shortcuts to clear, concise communication where all participants in the conversation understand the meaning of the words and phrases being used.

People seem to be confusing Management Bullst (padding out sentences with excessive verbiage that provide no additional meaning or worth) with jargon (the aforementioned clear, concise communication).

I'll freely admit that the IT Industry suffers from more jargon than most, but that doesn't make the terms used in it "Management Bullst".

Put that statement back in context. I agree that jargon doesn't fit the mold.