Management bulls**t phrases
Discussion
Got a legend in the office for these, all the classics, here's a very small selection, mostly sporting because that's what men MUST talk about apparently :
singing from the same hymn sheet
play it with a straight bat
lets touch base
get our ducks in a row
close of play
step up to the plate
When someone used one back at him ("it's swings and roundabouts") he replied "No, It's all swings"
singing from the same hymn sheet
play it with a straight bat
lets touch base
get our ducks in a row
close of play
step up to the plate
When someone used one back at him ("it's swings and roundabouts") he replied "No, It's all swings"
Paddy_N_Murphy said:
Blown2CV said:
if you've never seen office space, get it ASAP
Love the film and his demeanor !I have a guy here that shuffles and mumbles exactly like Smykowski
I managed to use today "the meat in the Sandwich" and later was countered with "ltes see what comes out of the Sausage machine"
A BP jingo given to me also was "stretch target" - i.e. Lumburgh would say that getting a 110% would be our 'Stretch Target'
I'm so, so, so glad I no longer work in this type of environment.
I was the NW Regional Manager for a large multi national - own glass office, in meeting after meeting, about 300 emails a day to read (most just copied in b
ks) Reporting to the board each week, taking calls in the evening, working at weekend, taking calls on holiday etc etc etc. Above all, the most excruciating daily irritation was the bullstting management team speaking 'management speak'
I kid you not, the whole thing sends a shiver down my spine even now, 8 years after quitting the rat race.
I was the NW Regional Manager for a large multi national - own glass office, in meeting after meeting, about 300 emails a day to read (most just copied in b
ks) Reporting to the board each week, taking calls in the evening, working at weekend, taking calls on holiday etc etc etc. Above all, the most excruciating daily irritation was the bullstting management team speaking 'management speak'I kid you not, the whole thing sends a shiver down my spine even now, 8 years after quitting the rat race.
Negative Creep said:
Paddy_N_Murphy said:
Blown2CV said:
if you've never seen office space, get it ASAP
Love the film and his demeanor !I have a guy here that shuffles and mumbles exactly like Smykowski
I managed to use today "the meat in the Sandwich" and later was countered with "ltes see what comes out of the Sausage machine"
A BP jingo given to me also was "stretch target" - i.e. Lumburgh would say that getting a 110% would be our 'Stretch Target'
I recently went to an NHS meeting regarding service user involvement in mental health services. The woman who was the facilitator used so many management cliches I did briefly think the whole thing was a massive piss take.
Highlights included:
"We need to reach out and involve all stakeholders to maximise ownership of their experience"
"We should strive for a far-reaching, holistic framework that empowers and engenders change"
"We must capture the lived experience and foster growth in ownership of change paradigms"
I think that almost everyone present was thinking the same thing.
Highlights included:
"We need to reach out and involve all stakeholders to maximise ownership of their experience"
"We should strive for a far-reaching, holistic framework that empowers and engenders change"
"We must capture the lived experience and foster growth in ownership of change paradigms"
I think that almost everyone present was thinking the same thing.
After being told I wouldn't get a pay rise for the second year running due to my performance review my manager assured me "we will work together closely to ensure mutual targets are met so you'll get a raise next year"
which actually means "I'll say nothing until the day of your performance review when I'll allude to a list of errors which means she'll have to mark me down, fob me off every time I ask for said list or why others with far higher error rates go unpunished, not mention it could be appealed until after the timeframe has expired and use it as an excuse not to give a raise, therefore ensuring she can give some nice figures to her higher ups whilst conveniently ignoring the fact everyone in the office hates her"
which actually means "I'll say nothing until the day of your performance review when I'll allude to a list of errors which means she'll have to mark me down, fob me off every time I ask for said list or why others with far higher error rates go unpunished, not mention it could be appealed until after the timeframe has expired and use it as an excuse not to give a raise, therefore ensuring she can give some nice figures to her higher ups whilst conveniently ignoring the fact everyone in the office hates her"
jogger1976 said:
I recently went to an NHS meeting regarding service user involvement in mental health services. The woman who was the facilitator used so many management cliches I did briefly think the whole thing was a massive piss take.
Highlights included:
"We need to reach out and involve all stakeholders to maximise ownership of their experience"
"We should strive for a far-reaching, holistic framework that empowers and engenders change"
"We must capture the lived experience and foster growth in ownership of change paradigms"
I think that almost everyone present was thinking the same thing.
And this is exactly why the NHS needs a proper management cull. And ,yes I work for the NHS. Highlights included:
"We need to reach out and involve all stakeholders to maximise ownership of their experience"
"We should strive for a far-reaching, holistic framework that empowers and engenders change"
"We must capture the lived experience and foster growth in ownership of change paradigms"
I think that almost everyone present was thinking the same thing.
JonRB said:
My understanding is that, in software just like in physical structures, the Architect is the overall designer who has the full picture - the grand vision, if you want. Also it is a singular title - a project will generally have only one Architect but can have many designers.
In some companies, they don't use the name "Architect" they refer to the person with the overall full picture as the "design authority" (not as a title, hence I haven't capitalised it). Either way, it means the person who is responsible for the overall design and who people ask when they want to clarify some aspect of the design. So, really, Architect isn't such a stupid title as it conveys the sense of overall design.
Edit: I meant to add that the Architect also has the final say on changes to the design, which is where "design authority" comes from - ie. they have the power of veto.
Is this an explanation of an architect of an example of management bullsIn some companies, they don't use the name "Architect" they refer to the person with the overall full picture as the "design authority" (not as a title, hence I haven't capitalised it). Either way, it means the person who is responsible for the overall design and who people ask when they want to clarify some aspect of the design. So, really, Architect isn't such a stupid title as it conveys the sense of overall design.
Edit: I meant to add that the Architect also has the final say on changes to the design, which is where "design authority" comes from - ie. they have the power of veto.
Edited by JonRB on Wednesday 21st January 08:58
t? 
And what about an enterprise architect? Architects set policy and design principles that define the parameters for others to work within. I've not met many that actually do anything.. Bit of a no brainer really. Sorry for the Segway but the kpis for the thread weren't comensurate with the long term strategic goals according to the balanced scorecard and need realignment and a variation of the human capital deployed
maxxy5 said:
It's not the worst, but I hate "reach out", which is currently "reaching out" from America.
"Can you reach out to them and see when they can greenlight that?" Ugh.
Wow. I can truly say that if I were on the receiving end of that lot I would have to ask the person what they mean."Can you reach out to them and see when they can greenlight that?" Ugh.
- Can you reach out to them and see when they can greenlight that?
- I'm really sorry but I don't understand what you mean. Can you please explain what would you like me to do...?
Jonsv8 said:
JonRB said:
My understanding is that, in software just like in physical structures, the Architect is the overall designer who has the full picture - the grand vision, if you want. Also it is a singular title - a project will generally have only one Architect but can have many designers.
In some companies, they don't use the name "Architect" they refer to the person with the overall full picture as the "design authority" (not as a title, hence I haven't capitalised it). Either way, it means the person who is responsible for the overall design and who people ask when they want to clarify some aspect of the design. So, really, Architect isn't such a stupid title as it conveys the sense of overall design.
Edit: I meant to add that the Architect also has the final say on changes to the design, which is where "design authority" comes from - ie. they have the power of veto.
Is this an explanation of an architect of an example of management bullsIn some companies, they don't use the name "Architect" they refer to the person with the overall full picture as the "design authority" (not as a title, hence I haven't capitalised it). Either way, it means the person who is responsible for the overall design and who people ask when they want to clarify some aspect of the design. So, really, Architect isn't such a stupid title as it conveys the sense of overall design.
Edit: I meant to add that the Architect also has the final say on changes to the design, which is where "design authority" comes from - ie. they have the power of veto.
Edited by JonRB on Wednesday 21st January 08:58
t? And what about an enterprise architect? Architects set policy and design principles that define the parameters for others to work within. I've not met many that actually do anything.. Bit of a no brainer really. Sorry for the Segway but the kpis for the thread weren't comensurate with the long term strategic goals according to the balanced scorecard and need realignment and a variation of the human capital deployed
The business wants a moon on a stick
The PMs want all tasks yesterday and don't listen, want the bare minimum
Designers create diagrams, mostly shelfware
All these people conspire to create technology which isn't actually a good fit long term
Architects exist to try and solve all of the above.
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