Management bulls**t phrases

[sadako]

BerksBoy said:

got invited out to the US last year to meet one of our resellers... they wanted to "take a deep-dive into our technology silio"

if it happens to anyone else, no need for flippers and swimmers at the meeting (as I found out at my cost)

in all seriousness, if senior folks in your company use this kind of stuff then it rubs off as you "fit in". It's only the same as job specific language in say engineering, IT or electronics that you use as you get more involved. Only difference being as a general rule, you don't get to hear these as much as management babble.

so moving forward, let's take a helicopter view of this, reach out across the business and feed into the process, which feels the next natural step to take.

RM
Senior Manager and babble expert.

Edited by BerksBoy on Saturday 30th January 09:10

No, the job specific terminology exists, in IT for example, because we needed a name for something that doesn't have one. We accept that other people don't know what virtualisation is or what active directory does but the words actually mean something. We need to use them to tell others what someone broke, what we fixed, what we just installed or what we are doing. Other industries that have specific words for things are for the most part are doing the same thing.

Using language vaguely related, abstracted, or using metaphor to make them unnecessarily complicated in order to make yourself sound smarter than you really are or to bamboozle others into buying your products or blindly follow your lead is bullst no mater which way you slice it.

[pacey_sot]

Haha we have 1-2-1s, synergy sessions and I've just been to an insight meeting, lateness gets you put on an action plan.. welcome to the world of the call centre

[TheCarpetCleaner]

sadako said:

BerksBoy said:

got invited out to the US last year to meet one of our resellers... they wanted to "take a deep-dive into our technology silio"

if it happens to anyone else, no need for flippers and swimmers at the meeting (as I found out at my cost)

in all seriousness, if senior folks in your company use this kind of stuff then it rubs off as you "fit in". It's only the same as job specific language in say engineering, IT or electronics that you use as you get more involved. Only difference being as a general rule, you don't get to hear these as much as management babble.

so moving forward, let's take a helicopter view of this, reach out across the business and feed into the process, which feels the next natural step to take.

RM
Senior Manager and babble expert.

Edited by BerksBoy on Saturday 30th January 09:10

No, the job specific terminology exists, in IT for example, because we needed a name for something that doesn't have one. We accept that other people don't know what virtualisation is or what active directory does but the words actually mean something. We need to use them to tell others what someone broke, what we fixed, what we just installed or what we are doing. Other industries that have specific words for things are for the most part are doing the same thing.

Using language vaguely related, abstracted, or using metaphor to make them unnecessarily complicated in order to make yourself sound smarter than you really are or to bamboozle others into buying your products or blindly follow your lead is bullst no mater which way you slice it.

Totally agree.

Having worked for a few large computer companies as full time staff in the past, I simply could not tolerate anyone who spoke in "bullst speak"

I once asked to be excused from a team meeting, as I wanted to speak to someone who could convey the information for the meeting in English, and not in Crap.

The above may sound a bit pathetic, but the guy that was taking the meeting was on a whole other planet... he literally could not get more than 3 words in a row out, without throwing in something about a "think wok" or "running something up a flagpole". Two other people left the meeting with me as well, and he never took another team meeting himself (left it to the team leader) - so in that respect, I hope I did some good.

Now I run my own business, I still won't tolerate people that talk in Crap, and ask them to speak English wherever possible.

Usually its Sales, Marketing and Project Management types that seem to suffer from it the worst.

[7mike]

Investors in People has a lot to answer for IMO.

http://www.investorsinpeople.co.uk/Journey/Pages/d...

For 'Your Journey' read: Pointless set of hoops we require you to jump through before we'll let you buy one of our plaques to bolt up outside your front door.

( of course I've just used the jumping through hoops metaphore so )

[Jasandjules]

Nope, despite getting into lower management in my bank I NEVER used the management b***it phrases, and I enjoyed ripping the p**s out of my rather career ladder orientated boss when he did, to his face of course !

[smn159]

Avail yourselves of this thought leadership -

Boss: Remember, there's no 'I' in 'team'
Team member: No, but there is a 'U' in ''

[red rider]

Sounds to me as though this thread is in need of some

Special
High
Intensity
Training

[Mark_S_24]

All you need is this to take into meetings (yes I have handed the sheets out :-))

http://www.meetingbingo.co.uk/

Mark

[JRM]

Not so much management speak, but after an hour of arguing in a meeting, I was asked to take the emotion out the discussion - felt like letting a four letter word tirade out

[BarRefaeli]

ATG said:

When someone says "please revert to me", they really mean "I really need a punch in the face".

Jesus titty fking Christ on a bking stick, what in the arsing name of God is this cocking gobste misuse of "revert"?!?

"I will revert in due course". No. No, you won't. You won't "go back" to something. You will "respond". It's not fking difficult. They may begin with the same two letters but so do cute and , although strangely I never confuse those two when anyone writes "revert" to me.

[Morningside]

Did anyone see 'Hustle' last night? That had a good measure of them.

[hman]

I have to endure all of this ttting management speak from "drilling down" to "leveraging", etc.

I once asked my marketing team for some help with a project, a few days later they came back with an enormous amount of words- to which I smelt a rat as they never normally work so fast.

So I called a meeting, obtained a projector, a laptop, and an internet connection and then ran their words through google- whilst displaying it on our massive screen.

Lo and behold my simple google searches revealed that their text had been directly ripped from the internet from other peoples articles, word for word.

I gave up on them after that and now do all my own marketing then send it to the management level above them for sign off, I have warned them that if they ever protest about this I will make it clear why I am doing it.

So far no complaints.

[V8mate]

JRM said:

Not so much management speak, but after an hour of arguing in a meeting, I was asked to take the emotion out the discussion - felt like letting a four letter word tirade out

If that's how the feedback make you feel, you had clearly let emotion into your side of the argument.

Fair play to your colleague(s) for giving you an opportunity to carry on trying to make your point, just more appropriately.

[bga]

sadako said:

No, the job specific terminology exists, in IT for example, because we needed a name for something that doesn't have one. We accept that other people don't know what virtualisation is or what active directory does but the words actually mean something. We need to use them to tell others what someone broke, what we fixed, what we just installed or what we are doing. Other industries that have specific words for things are for the most part are doing the same thing.

Using language vaguely related, abstracted, or using metaphor to make them unnecessarily complicated in order to make yourself sound smarter than you really are or to bamboozle others into buying your products or blindly follow your lead is bullst no mater which way you slice it.

Legitimate technical terminology and BS jargon are two different things. IT BS is as bad a management BS when it comes down to making up nonsensical phrases to make the BSer feel important. Listening to techies in a server room is just as bad as listening to MBA wannabe's talking nonsense, especially when you know exactly what both of them are talking about.

[HundredthIdiot]

BarRefaeli said:

Jesus titty fking Christ on a bking stick, what in the arsing name of God is this cocking gobste misuse of "revert"?!?

"I will revert in due course". No. No, you won't. You won't "go back" to something. You will "respond". It's not fking difficult. They may begin with the same two letters but so do cute and , although strangely I never confuse those two when anyone writes "revert" to me.

I've had this in dealings with lawyers, in the context of "thanks for the document, I will revert to you in due course".

It is apparently a valid use of the word:

"revert
1 verb When people or things revert to a previous state, system, or type of behaviour, they go back to it.
Jackson said her boss became increasingly depressed and reverted to smoking heavily. V to n
2 verb When someone reverts to a previous topic, they start talking or thinking about it again.
WRITTEN In the car she reverted to the subject uppermost in her mind. V to n
3 verb If property, rights, or money revert to someone, they become that person's again after someone else has had them for a period of time."

(2) or (3) are both arguably applicable.

[Alfanatic]

Wait, is the quarterback a straw man?

[okgo]

The dreaded 'ABC' came out today from my sales manager (always be closing for those that didn't know)

ffs, do you think we were all born yesterday, we've all seen boiler room and all the other films that use the phrase. How lame.

[bennyboysvuk]

dfen5 said:

Good to touch base on this. It needs drilling down.

I've been dying to deliver the line "Good to touch cloth on this" completely deadpan in a meeting and see if anyone twigs.

[minimax]

Oily Nails said:

Symbolica said:

dfen5 said:

Good to touch base on this.

I've yet to hear a satisfactory explanation for what "Touch base" means.

Bloody consultants

I have forewarned all attendees to any meeting I'm in
" If you use Touch Base in my presence, I'll staple your tie to your forehead"


this clearly only applies to those of a similar or lower pay grade


those being attended to..?

Edited by Oily Nails on Friday 29th January 22:23

[brenflys777]

Touching base was something I tried to achieve on dates as a teenager..

My personal pet hates are Pilots being called Flightcrew or Flightdeck and my place of work being called the flightdeck instead of Cockpit..PC my arse. Oh no I've failed to take the Global overview and share my mental model. Bugger.