Women!!!! how the hell do I deal with this!
Discussion
I would not usually post something like this on an internet forum, but I don’t know what the hell to do….
Twelve months ago I started a young girl on in my team. When she came to interview I was struck by how absolutely stunning she was, she looks just like Katherine Jenkins, she has a body to die for, slim with boobs that are perhaps a little big for the rest of her body. She is witty, funny and VERY clever. She is 28, single, has her own flat… and is also car mad! The first time she walked with me down the office, ALL my colleagues stopped and stared… the office went silent! She really is a stunner. Men are always commenting…
We worked together for several months and I realised just how good she was, so did my boss. I gave her more responsibility and coached her; I could see real potential. On my recommendation she was promoted to the same level as me which now means we spend a lot of time together, our jobs are linked. We travel around the UK extensively and therefore spend quite a few evenings together. Working as a team (we really complement one another) we have increased profits by 400% and we have both received substantial bonuses!
Four months ago we were in London together and she (lets call her Katherine) suggested we ate out, rather than in the hotel as we normally do. She knows London quite well so we walked out of the hotel together and along the Thames to a little Italian restaurant. We had a long lazy meal with a bottle of wine, and a couple of Lemonchello to finish. We started the walk back to the hotel, and as we walked along she put her arm through mine. I have to say I felt very flattered to have this girl on my arm, and see all the admiring looks she gets. Men just stare at her. Back in the hotel, another glass of wine and off to our respective rooms.
The following weeks we were in Telford and stayed in Ironbridge, same thing, we went for a long walk along the river to a little restaurant, spent hours chatting about anything and everything, and then walked back to the hotel, this time she held my hand… When we got back to the hotel the bar was shut, she suggested we went to her room for a nightcap, she held my hand and gave it a squeeze and gave me a “look” but I said I was too tired and wanted to sleep.
She has never talked about relationships, but that night she told me that although she has had a few short term flings, (she confessed a couple with married men…) on the whole she found it difficult to find anyone she felt she could have a longer term relationship with. She said most men that approach her are dick heads, and she can’t find a way to meet the right sort of man… I have always been very open about my relationship with my wife, often commenting that I would never have an affair and that I was very happily married. Katherine keeps commenting on how luck my wife is…
Last month we had a mid year company event and my wife came. I introduced her to Katherine and they seemed to get on quite well. At the dinner my wife sat one side of me and Katherine sat the other. Driving home, my wife commented on how she felt a little threatened by Katherine as she said it was clear that we had such a friendly relationship and as she put it “she hangs on your every word” She asked why I had not told her how good looking she was… It didn’t help when we got home and our son looked at the photos of the evening and commented “bloody hell she is gorgeous!” Recently our boss has made a few comments about how “close” our relationship is…
A few weeks ago we stayed in a small hotel in Scotland. We traveled up together in the same car… It was a fantastic hotel (Katherine had booked it) so we had a meal in the restaurant, followed by a few drinks in the bar. She had more than me and was a little tipsy. She had a tight white blouse on and I couldn’t help but keep glancing at her boobs… she spotted this and asked if I wanted her to open a few more buttons so I could get a better look…. She was flirting like mad…
We said goodnight and went to our rooms. After about 5 mins, my phone rang, it was Katherine and she asked if she could have the car keys as she had left something in the boot. She came to my room to collect them. She sat on the bed and started a conversation about the programme that was on TV. She then spotted the mini bar and poured herself (and me) a brandy. She settled down on the bed to watch the programme and we continued to talk. I have to say it did feel strange us both being on the same bed… at one point she put her hand on my leg and leaned over and gave me a peck on the cheek….
She fell asleep; I tried to wake her but she was out of it so I decided to let her stay there. I fell asleep on the sofa. When I woke she was gone, but she had covered me with the quilt..
Next week we are in London again, she has booked a hotel and as a “treat” a river cruise where we have a meal on a boat on the Thames… she said she has done it before and it’s quite” romantic”. She also made a joke about booking a room for me without a sofa…
So what’s my problem? Well, I am 54, I have a wife and three kids which I love. Dearly. We have a great life, we are financially secure, and I enjoy my job. There is not much I would change. I could be reading the signs wrong, but I don’t think I am. I think Katherine is up for an affair or a relationship. I know most men would kill for this opportunity but to be honest, I prefer not to start something that could change my life. Don’t get me wrong… Seeing her lying on my bed, staring at her boobs and trim body did make me think!
So, what do I do? I don’t want to break up the partnership; we work so well together and are really taking the business places. On the other hand my wife is getting suspicious, my boss is making comments, and Katherine is making every attempt to get us into the same hotel and spend time together… I had to cancel a visit we had planned a couple of weeks ago and she got MEGA s
tty with me, she was in a huff for days…
She is also put together a very convincing business plan to take our business into Europe which the boss thinks is a great idea. Katherine has already told me she is looking forward to spending the week, rather than a couple of days with me…
How do I break the circle on this one? Do I continue to play it cool? Do I tell her I am not interested? Do I find another Job?
Help!
Twelve months ago I started a young girl on in my team. When she came to interview I was struck by how absolutely stunning she was, she looks just like Katherine Jenkins, she has a body to die for, slim with boobs that are perhaps a little big for the rest of her body. She is witty, funny and VERY clever. She is 28, single, has her own flat… and is also car mad! The first time she walked with me down the office, ALL my colleagues stopped and stared… the office went silent! She really is a stunner. Men are always commenting…
We worked together for several months and I realised just how good she was, so did my boss. I gave her more responsibility and coached her; I could see real potential. On my recommendation she was promoted to the same level as me which now means we spend a lot of time together, our jobs are linked. We travel around the UK extensively and therefore spend quite a few evenings together. Working as a team (we really complement one another) we have increased profits by 400% and we have both received substantial bonuses!
Four months ago we were in London together and she (lets call her Katherine) suggested we ate out, rather than in the hotel as we normally do. She knows London quite well so we walked out of the hotel together and along the Thames to a little Italian restaurant. We had a long lazy meal with a bottle of wine, and a couple of Lemonchello to finish. We started the walk back to the hotel, and as we walked along she put her arm through mine. I have to say I felt very flattered to have this girl on my arm, and see all the admiring looks she gets. Men just stare at her. Back in the hotel, another glass of wine and off to our respective rooms.
The following weeks we were in Telford and stayed in Ironbridge, same thing, we went for a long walk along the river to a little restaurant, spent hours chatting about anything and everything, and then walked back to the hotel, this time she held my hand… When we got back to the hotel the bar was shut, she suggested we went to her room for a nightcap, she held my hand and gave it a squeeze and gave me a “look” but I said I was too tired and wanted to sleep.
She has never talked about relationships, but that night she told me that although she has had a few short term flings, (she confessed a couple with married men…) on the whole she found it difficult to find anyone she felt she could have a longer term relationship with. She said most men that approach her are dick heads, and she can’t find a way to meet the right sort of man… I have always been very open about my relationship with my wife, often commenting that I would never have an affair and that I was very happily married. Katherine keeps commenting on how luck my wife is…
Last month we had a mid year company event and my wife came. I introduced her to Katherine and they seemed to get on quite well. At the dinner my wife sat one side of me and Katherine sat the other. Driving home, my wife commented on how she felt a little threatened by Katherine as she said it was clear that we had such a friendly relationship and as she put it “she hangs on your every word” She asked why I had not told her how good looking she was… It didn’t help when we got home and our son looked at the photos of the evening and commented “bloody hell she is gorgeous!” Recently our boss has made a few comments about how “close” our relationship is…
A few weeks ago we stayed in a small hotel in Scotland. We traveled up together in the same car… It was a fantastic hotel (Katherine had booked it) so we had a meal in the restaurant, followed by a few drinks in the bar. She had more than me and was a little tipsy. She had a tight white blouse on and I couldn’t help but keep glancing at her boobs… she spotted this and asked if I wanted her to open a few more buttons so I could get a better look…. She was flirting like mad…
We said goodnight and went to our rooms. After about 5 mins, my phone rang, it was Katherine and she asked if she could have the car keys as she had left something in the boot. She came to my room to collect them. She sat on the bed and started a conversation about the programme that was on TV. She then spotted the mini bar and poured herself (and me) a brandy. She settled down on the bed to watch the programme and we continued to talk. I have to say it did feel strange us both being on the same bed… at one point she put her hand on my leg and leaned over and gave me a peck on the cheek….
She fell asleep; I tried to wake her but she was out of it so I decided to let her stay there. I fell asleep on the sofa. When I woke she was gone, but she had covered me with the quilt..
Next week we are in London again, she has booked a hotel and as a “treat” a river cruise where we have a meal on a boat on the Thames… she said she has done it before and it’s quite” romantic”. She also made a joke about booking a room for me without a sofa…
So what’s my problem? Well, I am 54, I have a wife and three kids which I love. Dearly. We have a great life, we are financially secure, and I enjoy my job. There is not much I would change. I could be reading the signs wrong, but I don’t think I am. I think Katherine is up for an affair or a relationship. I know most men would kill for this opportunity but to be honest, I prefer not to start something that could change my life. Don’t get me wrong… Seeing her lying on my bed, staring at her boobs and trim body did make me think!
So, what do I do? I don’t want to break up the partnership; we work so well together and are really taking the business places. On the other hand my wife is getting suspicious, my boss is making comments, and Katherine is making every attempt to get us into the same hotel and spend time together… I had to cancel a visit we had planned a couple of weeks ago and she got MEGA s
tty with me, she was in a huff for days…She is also put together a very convincing business plan to take our business into Europe which the boss thinks is a great idea. Katherine has already told me she is looking forward to spending the week, rather than a couple of days with me…
How do I break the circle on this one? Do I continue to play it cool? Do I tell her I am not interested? Do I find another Job?
Help!
billbill said:
She has never talked about relationships, but that night she told me that although she has had a few short term flings, (she confessed a couple with married men…)
Why is she trying it on with married men?Tell her she is ready to go out to meet clients on her own after your teaching and get back to what you were doing.
That sounds like a VERY tricky situation, almost like you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Unfortunately the balance of power seems to lie with her; if you have an affair, you're risking everything. It'd probably be amazing whilst it lasted, but eventually it would end and it may sour your working relationship. The flip side is equally unappealing; by rebuffing her, she may decide to go banzai on you and and claim things have happened that haven't - which *could* see you end up before a sexual harassment tribunal.
What doesn't help is that things seem to have gotten very cosy to the point where others have noticed. There are probably a few courses of action as I see it, none of them pleasant. Either way, I think it may not go down so well.
1) The first option is to tell your boss or HR department about your concerns. The only downside with this is that he or she may get nervous about the breakdown of what appears to be a 'dream-team'. One or other of you probably has to be taken out of the situation. It would, however, cover your backside in the event that she decides she's pissed at you and claims harassment.
2) Talk to your wife. You're happily-married and if you've been together long enough to have 3 kids, you should probably be able to talk to her about this. She says she already feels threatened by 'Katherine', so you need her on-side if anything untoward occurs. This also could go wrong, with your wife becoming ever-more suspicious, finding 'something' where in reality there is nothing.
3) Talk to 'Katherine'. Reiterate that you're not interested (in as polite a way as possible - if she's that hot, she's probably not used to being turned down which will make you seem all the more appealing..). I would also minimise the time spent alone wherever possible; limit the 'romantic' dinners, the drinks in the bar afterward and certainly don't let her in your hotel room again in the future. If possible, are there others that you could have with you on the trip to make it more of a 'three's a crowd' environment? Can you travel separately?
I would think that you'll have to adapt your job role to minimise 'alone' time with her. You could, of course, try and set her up with someone else suitable?
There is one final, nuclear option. The saying is, "Might as well be hung for mutton as for a lamb." I'm sure you can work out that option. However, I think it could lead to divorce, financial pain, losing your kids' respect and possibly your job as well.
It really is a tricky situation and I don't envy your position. The best course of action as I see it would be to pre-empt anything by limiting time alone together as above, and speaking to your boss and wife - if indeed you think those are conversations you can have without unintended repercussions. Another thing you may wish to do is to keep a journal of events, laying out what she did and how you sought to play things down or deter her. It could be a very powerful backup in the event things go pear-shaped as it will document your thoughts, concerns, actions and the exact dates and times things happened.
Good luck.
Unfortunately the balance of power seems to lie with her; if you have an affair, you're risking everything. It'd probably be amazing whilst it lasted, but eventually it would end and it may sour your working relationship. The flip side is equally unappealing; by rebuffing her, she may decide to go banzai on you and and claim things have happened that haven't - which *could* see you end up before a sexual harassment tribunal.
What doesn't help is that things seem to have gotten very cosy to the point where others have noticed. There are probably a few courses of action as I see it, none of them pleasant. Either way, I think it may not go down so well.
1) The first option is to tell your boss or HR department about your concerns. The only downside with this is that he or she may get nervous about the breakdown of what appears to be a 'dream-team'. One or other of you probably has to be taken out of the situation. It would, however, cover your backside in the event that she decides she's pissed at you and claims harassment.
2) Talk to your wife. You're happily-married and if you've been together long enough to have 3 kids, you should probably be able to talk to her about this. She says she already feels threatened by 'Katherine', so you need her on-side if anything untoward occurs. This also could go wrong, with your wife becoming ever-more suspicious, finding 'something' where in reality there is nothing.
3) Talk to 'Katherine'. Reiterate that you're not interested (in as polite a way as possible - if she's that hot, she's probably not used to being turned down which will make you seem all the more appealing..). I would also minimise the time spent alone wherever possible; limit the 'romantic' dinners, the drinks in the bar afterward and certainly don't let her in your hotel room again in the future. If possible, are there others that you could have with you on the trip to make it more of a 'three's a crowd' environment? Can you travel separately?
I would think that you'll have to adapt your job role to minimise 'alone' time with her. You could, of course, try and set her up with someone else suitable?
There is one final, nuclear option. The saying is, "Might as well be hung for mutton as for a lamb." I'm sure you can work out that option. However, I think it could lead to divorce, financial pain, losing your kids' respect and possibly your job as well.
It really is a tricky situation and I don't envy your position. The best course of action as I see it would be to pre-empt anything by limiting time alone together as above, and speaking to your boss and wife - if indeed you think those are conversations you can have without unintended repercussions. Another thing you may wish to do is to keep a journal of events, laying out what she did and how you sought to play things down or deter her. It could be a very powerful backup in the event things go pear-shaped as it will document your thoughts, concerns, actions and the exact dates and times things happened.
Good luck.
Edited by Funk on Tuesday 15th June 22:23
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