ELECTRICAL THEORY BY JOSEPH LUCAS
Discussion
Not sure it this has been posted before, but it's worth a look if you know your old electrical sytems.
Positive ground depends upon proper circuit functioning, which is the transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral manifestation known as "smoke". Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work; we know this to be true because every time one lets the
smoke out of the electrical system, it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical testing.
When, for example, the smoke escapes from an electrical component (like, say, a Lucas voltage regulator), it will be observed that the component stops working.
The function of the wire harness is to carry the smoke from one device to another; when the wire arness "springs a leak." and lets all the smoke out of the system, nothing works afterwards.
Starter motors were frowned upon in British motorcycles for some time, largely because they consume large quantities of smoke, requiring very large wires.
It has been noted that Lucas components are possibly more prone to electrical leakage than Bosch or generic Japanese electric’s. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British and all things British leak.
British engines leak oil, shock absorbers and hydraulic forks and disk brakes leak fluid, British tyres leak air, and the British defence establishment leaks secrets... so, naturally, British electric’s leak smoke.
From the basic concept of electrical transmission of energy in the form of smoke, a better understanding of the mysteries of electricalcomponents - - especially those of Lucas manufacture - - is gained by the casual user.
Lord Lucas said, "Gentlemen do not motor after dark."
The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness"
Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.
"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob...
If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.
Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.
It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.
Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they
all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"
Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.
Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.
Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made frigerators, too.
Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your
unworthy servant."
Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
Positive ground depends upon proper circuit functioning, which is the transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral manifestation known as "smoke". Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work; we know this to be true because every time one lets the
smoke out of the electrical system, it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical testing.
When, for example, the smoke escapes from an electrical component (like, say, a Lucas voltage regulator), it will be observed that the component stops working.
The function of the wire harness is to carry the smoke from one device to another; when the wire arness "springs a leak." and lets all the smoke out of the system, nothing works afterwards.
Starter motors were frowned upon in British motorcycles for some time, largely because they consume large quantities of smoke, requiring very large wires.
It has been noted that Lucas components are possibly more prone to electrical leakage than Bosch or generic Japanese electric’s. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British and all things British leak.
British engines leak oil, shock absorbers and hydraulic forks and disk brakes leak fluid, British tyres leak air, and the British defence establishment leaks secrets... so, naturally, British electric’s leak smoke.
From the basic concept of electrical transmission of energy in the form of smoke, a better understanding of the mysteries of electricalcomponents - - especially those of Lucas manufacture - - is gained by the casual user.
Lord Lucas said, "Gentlemen do not motor after dark."
The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness"
Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.
"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob...
If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.
Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.
It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.
Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they
all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"
Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.
Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.
Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made frigerators, too.
Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your
unworthy servant."
Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
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