Best man speech tomorrow... HELP!

[nelson.tfr]

I'm completely stuck, in fact I'm drier than a nun's clopper.

Any advice?

[TubbyRutter]

You may have left it a bit late...

[Elskeggso]

Your only choice now is to get very drunk, preferably non-stop until next weekend.

[rb5230]

try http://www.thebestmanspeech.com/?gclid=CM25pZjEk6M... or something similar.

just pick the bits which suits your groom and you. its terribly unthoughtful but will get you out of a pickle.

[craste]

If you have left it this late to prepare a speech youre not much of a best man are you.

only messing with ya.

Anyway people prefer it if you keep the speech short and sweet - try and think of a funny story thats not to embarrsing for him and just tell it from the heart - people will see than that you really mean it and will appricate it.

If you are not a generaly funny guy - don't try to be.

Say nice things about him, his new wife and their parents and you will go down a storm.

Don't get too drunk either.

thos was my best mans speech from about 15 years ago..

Ladies and Gentlemen as I’m the Best man today, it is traditional for me to do a speech but I’m not going to do a long winded boring one, but just a quickie cos everyone likes a quickie now and then!!

I was about 9 and a half, ten when I first met David who was kicking a ball against a wall – lonely bd!

We hit it off straight away and would shortly after be knocking each others doors down every night to go out and really put something back into the community of Castle Vale, mainly Terror, fear & panic.

We used to make each other cry with laughter at school and at home time we would be the first two out of the school, legging it across the playground to have the race home so we could start work at our jobs in the local butchers shops cleaning up.

Working in the Butchers gave us the obvious advantage of extra pocket money to spend on the weekend, but also gave us a hidden one with the girls as word quickly spread that David could handle his meat and that I was good with my chopper!

I’ve seen David’s face express most of lifes emotions and experiences like laughter, sadness, happiness and sickness but I’ll never ever forget the look on his face the day we went to east Birmingham Hospital.
He was standing in the cubicle doorway flicking from watching the people walking down the corridor then back to me having a cut in my leg cleaned by a nurse with a scrubbing brush.
After a few minutes David shouted out to the whole ward “I’m Blind” We all looked up at him staring into space and he then said “I Can’t See” He’d only gone and bloody fainted. Two nurses had to put there arms around him and slowly escort him to a bed to lie down!!! So he’s either very squeamish or very clever – you can make up your own minds.

David & Eve seem to have the perfect marriage so I often ask them both what makes it work so well so I can pick up some tips –Eve tells me it’s trust, honesty, reliability whilst David raves on about the wife swapping parties.

But seriously I think its great that David & Eve have taken the time to re-take there vows again after just 5 years which is a fitting sign to their strong loving relationship.
Plus it’s great for us who didn’t attend the wedding to celebrate it with them.

They both work extremely hard, David has worked wonders on the house and Eve is constantly battling against her body clock to keep up with the demanding globe trotting job she holds down.

So Dave – you’re the best mate in the world & both of you keep up the good work, we are all proud of you, and we all love you very much.
Thank you.

[TEKNOPUG]

You've plenty of time. The last one I wrote was on the morning of the wedding, whilst emptying the contents of the mini-bar in the groom's hotel suite

[loafer123]

I started with self-depreciation - it gets the audience behind you.

I said something along the lines of:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, before I start there is one joke in this speech and so we avoid that embarassing silence when it falls flat, when you are supposed to laugh, I will touch my right earlobe. Let's try it out...come on you can do better than that...OK, here goes..."

Then you add a few extra jokes, pull your earlobe late and forget to do it on the really good punchline...

Worked for me.

[monthefish]

rb5230 said:

try http://www.thebestmanspeech.com/?gclid=CM25pZjEk6M... or something similar.

just pick the bits which suits your groom and you. its terribly unthoughtful but will get you out of a pickle.

Please don't.

Anthing 'obtained from the internet' will most likely have been used at weddings the guests have been to previously, and you'll get fake laughs from the guests as you roll out all of the tired old jokes (e.g. "not the first time I've got up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand" etc etc).

Far better off just writing something specific to the groom, and if you don't have enough time to write that much of a speech, well perhaps not leave it so late next time....

[Deva Link]

Just cut and paste some bits from here http://www.hitched.co.uk/speeches/samples/samplesp...

I've been to 3 weddings in the last few weeks and all of the speeches have all been terrible. One of the best men writes speeches for a living and another is real outgoing full of fun bloke, but they were both awful.

ETA: I see the post above, but you get the same stuff all the time anyway. Sometimes the familiarity makes the speech easier for everyone.

Edited by Deva Link on Friday 30th July 16:46

[rb5230]

monthefish said:

rb5230 said:

try http://www.thebestmanspeech.com/?gclid=CM25pZjEk6M... or something similar.

just pick the bits which suits your groom and you. its terribly unthoughtful but will get you out of a pickle.

Please don't.

Anthing 'obtained from the internet' will most likely have been used at weddings the guests have been to previously, and you'll get fake laughs from the guests as you roll out all of the tired old jokes (e.g. "not the first time I've got up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand" etc etc).

Far better off just writing something specific to the groom, and if you don't have enough time to write that much of a speech, well perhaps not leave it so late next time....

well i have seen speeches written by someone go down like a lead balloon, and then have seen someone cut and shut bits from tut net and add a little bit of their own personality/experiences to it and get cheers. i didnt mean just copy it, but if you read various things you can see how actually they can be similar to own experiences and can be altered for the best.

[Petrolhead_Rich]

"Well, bugger me I always thought he was Gay"

[bramley]

monthefish said:

rb5230 said:

try http://www.thebestmanspeech.com/?gclid=CM25pZjEk6M... or something similar.

just pick the bits which suits your groom and you. its terribly unthoughtful but will get you out of a pickle.

Please don't.

Anthing 'obtained from the internet' will most likely have been used at weddings the guests have been to previously, and you'll get fake laughs from the guests as you roll out all of the tired old jokes (e.g. "not the first time I've got up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand" etc etc).

Far better off just writing something specific to the groom, and if you don't have enough time to write that much of a speech, well perhaps not leave it so late next time....

This. I'm a wedding photographer and the amount of times I hear the same jokes over and over is incredibly tedious and really obvious to everyone (not just me) that your speech was written by the internet.

[B3Svert]

Earlier this year I went to two weddings over the same weekend, two different sets of friends so no connection apart from me.

Both best man speeches were identical for the first few minutes, word for word. Both fell flat on their face after the obviously web sourced section finished.

The only use for the internet in researching your speech should be to make sure you adhere to the traditional format.

I'm getting married next year and my best man knows that if the speech is st he's picking up the bar tab

[Muzzer]

I did it a couple of months ago and it went really well.

Rule 1: Do not, repeat, DO NOT rip any jokes, one liners or anecdotes off the internet.

This can seem like an easy get out, especially if you've left your speech to the last minute (ahem...) but you'll most likely just get groans.

No matter what you read on hitched.co.uk and thought "That's brilliant...and so original" people have heard it before, some several times.

I took the format of my speech from the 'net. i.e what to say, when. However, the content was all mine

Rule 2: Get the audience to work with you.

This sounds a bit hard but it isn't. It's not like being a stand up comic where you have to make people laugh. Everyone's on your side - they want to laugh and want you to be funny, so all you have to do is be personable and a little witty.

I found that being Speechmaster helped (some Best Men don't do this) You introduce the FOTB and then the Groom and during this time can work the audience a bit - encourage cheers to begin with, etc.

Rule 3: Get a good anecdote or anecdotes.

Possibly the hardest part. I found coming up with anecdotes that were a) Clean, b) Repeatable, c) Original and d) Funny to someone who wasn't there, very hard.

Find one funny situation that you've done together in all the time you've known him and talk about it in detail. This should be an amusing story that has a cracking ending and will make people laugh a bit.

The format of the content consists of:

Intro - who you are
Thanks - Bride and Grooms' parents, Bridesmaid(s), Ushers
Say how beautiful the Bride is
Anecdote(s)
What a nice chap he is
How lucky he is and what a good couple they are
Finish

Rule 4: Don't make it too long

You don't have to be up there for 20 minutes. Mine was 5-10 mins. It's content that matters

Rule 5: Don't get too pissed beforehand.

Save that for after

Rule 6: Go a little easy on the groom

Totally ripping it out of him isn't funny and is, again, an easy get out. You're his mate - you should rib him a bit and take the rise in a funny way. Recounting stories of other women, serious criminal activity or depravity are not funny.

Rule 7: Do the good bit at the end nicely.

After ribbing him for the speech, make the nice bit about him at the end good. Speak from the heart. You're his best mate, he wouldn't ask you to do it otherwise, so say what a nice bloke he is.

Good luck.

Edited by Muzzer on Friday 30th July 17:09

[mr_tony]

Golden rule don't forget the proper list of traditional thank you's.
Best man at a wedding I was at forgot these, and despite a hilarious speech the general feeling afterwards was that he had seriously screwed up.

Sure you're meant to make people laugh, but the main thing is it's not all about you, it's all about them, their day and the people who are making it happen for them. Ensure you get the thanks right and even if the rest of the speech is short, disjointed, overly profane less than funny and punctuated by loud belches you'll still be regarded as having done the necessary..

[Emsman]

I started by saying- thanks for the applause, as every woman here knows, it's nice to have a warm hand on your opening.

As the vicar said at rehersals- there are three main parts of a wedding.
The bride walkes up the middle of the church. The service takes place at the front, then everyone sings some songs.

In fact, I overheard her this morning, still nervous and trying to remember.
All she kept saying was- aisle, alter, hymn.

They are very excited to be going to ............. On their honeymoon, although the groom did tell me he had a suprise trip to wales organized, at least that's what I think he said, I overheard him talking to one of the ushers saying he was going to Bangor for a fortnight.

[Deva Link]

rb5230 said:

monthefish said:

rb5230 said:

try http://www.thebestmanspeech.com/?gclid=CM25pZjEk6M... or something similar.

just pick the bits which suits your groom and you. its terribly unthoughtful but will get you out of a pickle.

Please don't.

Anthing 'obtained from the internet' will most likely have been used at weddings the guests have been to previously, and you'll get fake laughs from the guests as you roll out all of the tired old jokes (e.g. "not the first time I've got up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand" etc etc).

Far better off just writing something specific to the groom, and if you don't have enough time to write that much of a speech, well perhaps not leave it so late next time....

well i have seen speeches written by someone go down like a lead balloon, and then have seen someone cut and shut bits from tut net and add a little bit of their own personality/experiences to it and get cheers. i didnt mean just copy it, but if you read various things you can see how actually they can be similar to own experiences and can be altered for the best.

Exactly - there's 1478 Best Man speeches on Hitched.co.uk - they can't all be identical.

If you can write a witty and original speech then that's smashing, but 4 weeks ago would have been a good time to start at least roughing it out.

The previously used speeches give you the important structure and then all you've got to do is personalise it.

[Deva Link]

Emsman said:

I started by saying- thanks for the applause, as every woman here knows, it's nice to have a warm hand on your opening.

As the vicar said at rehersals- there are three main parts of a wedding.
The bride walkes up the middle of the church. The service takes place at the front, then everyone sings some songs.

In fact, I overheard her this morning, still nervous and trying to remember.
All she kept saying was- aisle, alter, hymn.

They are very excited to be going to ............. On their honeymoon, although the groom did tell me he had a suprise trip to wales organized, at least that's what I think he said, I overheard him talking to one of the ushers saying he was going to Bangor for a fortnight.

there you go....

[j3ffers]

Always remember one of my brothers one-liners he gave me.

"j3ffers" came to stay with me one weekend - all he brought was a £20 note and a clean pair of pants. By the end of the w/e, he hadn't changed either of them. - made me laugh at any rate

[Emsman]

I've been with him through thick and thin.
I always chose the thin ones

A touching message from the groom....

Tonight, you sink in my arms, tomorrow, your arms in my sink


Two types of ring connected to today's event.
Firstly, you have the traditional wedding ring.
Secondly, the bride assures me there will be suffering
Actually, and I shouldn't say it here, but the groom assures me there is a third, as he fully intends to give her a good rogering.

I also had the chore of reading a few cards out, most of which were the usual fare, so decided to add-

...and here's one from great aunty Nell, who can't be here today as she is 111.
Sorry, I've read that wrongly, she's ill.


All crap, but the guests are all on your side, so as long as it doesn't involve the stag night, any old cheese is virtually expected

Edited by Emsman on Friday 30th July 17:45