Best man speech tomorrow... HELP!

[Deva Link]

Emsman said:

I've been with him through thick and thin.
I always chose the thin ones

A touching message from the groom....

Tonight, you sink in my arms, tomorrow, your arms in my sink


Two types of ring connected to today's event.
Firstly, you have the traditional wedding ring.
Secondly, the bride assures me there will be suffering
Actually, and I shouldn't say it here, but the groom assures me there is a third, as he fully intends to give her a good rogering.

You've been to some quality weddings!

[Emsman]

Not really, just had to write a speech when I was best man for a dear mate- took place in Italy, had been there touring round for 2 weeks from sermione to viareggio, via maranello.
True to form delivered the speech off my head on painkillers due to smacking my foot on the balcony door on the first night.
X Ray when home revealed 3 broken toes and a chipped heel, along with a crack across my foot

[Killer2005]

The one best man speech I did a few weeks ago, I had prepared a speech that was nice, however did use a lot of internet stuff. When it came to actually doing the speech I barely used the one I'd prepared and went for what I felt at the time.

The only bad thing was that I didnt get to use my ideal closing line. I had hoped that at the end of my speech I'd be able to pass onto whoever was after me by saying "And now to a man who needs no introdcution...." and just sitting down. But there was a toastmaster for such introductions

[webbyst]

nelson.tfr said:

I'm completely stuck, in fact I'm drier than a nun's clopper.

Any advice?

I"ve been best man twice it can be a scary thing to do, so hard not to offend people whom could get offended easily , old aunts or crazy distant relatives etc do all the formal stuff like how the groom won the lottery when it comes to women & say how great the bridesmaid & their dresses are , i used this little joke on both my speeches , cheesy but not offensive

This wedding reminds me of the last lovely wedding i went to the bride & groom invited the vicar & his wife back to the reception after he had married them under the eyes of god & as they were admiring the happy newlyweds wedding presents the vicar reminded his wife of their big day "remember our wedding day dear, all you got was a nightie & all i got was a bible , yes she replied & if you had lifted the bible as often as you had lifted the nightie you would have been a bloody bishop bye now " so awful i know but it went down well & you really don't want to be the star of the day do you

good luck sir just don't be rude & crude

[Petrolhead_Rich]

What was wrong with my speech:

Petrolhead_Rich said:

"Well, bugger me I always thought he was Gay"

I did quite like:

Emsman said:

...and here's one from great aunty Nell, who can't be here today as she is 111.
Sorry, I've read that wrongly, she's ill.

I think the best thing is to congratulate, tastefully take the piss, suggest housework for mrs and earache for mr.

Say they look beautiful, yadda yadda

toast the bride and groom and end with "Now, Lets Get Drunk"

[nelson.tfr]

Hey guys, thanks for the replies and advice. As it happens, I didn't actually use any lines of yours or look at any websites, but it did (finally) inspire me to write something myself and I managed to finish the speech the night before.

Thankfully, my girlfriend was also my editor and persuaded me to remove the references to dogging, homosexuality and incest!

It went down a treat, as did the liberal amounts of beer consumed afterwards.

[Blown2CV]

I think the groom needs to regret choosing you, as you clearly don't give a st for leaving it so late, so just get pissed and wing it!

[E31Shrew]

Blown2CV said:

I think the groom needs to regret choosing you, as you clearly don't give a st for leaving it so late, so just get pissed and wing it!

Looks like he did....last week!