Attention Toilet User! Rant
Discussion
Where2Guv's toilet reading material said:
Attention Toilet User!
While you may be in a hurry, it's not really on to leave this place in a state. We all have calls of nature, but please remember that others have to use these facilities.
You DO NOT need to urinate anywhere but the big hole with water in the bottom. We don't want to sit in your cold piss, or get it all over our shoes. it is UNNECESSARY to pee up the walls. 6 year olds see how high they can wee - YOU have nothing to prove!
If you are having a poo, it's not rocket science to make sure your arse is appropriately positioned. Yep, over the big hole with water in the bottom.
I can't quite fathom how anyone would manage to get s
t stains on THE SEAT or around the front of the rim, but it seems to be happening nonetheless.
If you have a big poo you will need to flush halfway through, otherwise the next user may be confronted with a floater. This IS NOT pleasant. The process is poo-flush-poo-flush.
Please take a cursory glance backward at the field of devastation you may have left behind. Should the facilities require further cleaning - man up and use the bog brush!
Thank you,
The management.
That'll learn the filthy little scrotes! While you may be in a hurry, it's not really on to leave this place in a state. We all have calls of nature, but please remember that others have to use these facilities.
You DO NOT need to urinate anywhere but the big hole with water in the bottom. We don't want to sit in your cold piss, or get it all over our shoes. it is UNNECESSARY to pee up the walls. 6 year olds see how high they can wee - YOU have nothing to prove!
If you are having a poo, it's not rocket science to make sure your arse is appropriately positioned. Yep, over the big hole with water in the bottom.
I can't quite fathom how anyone would manage to get s
t stains on THE SEAT or around the front of the rim, but it seems to be happening nonetheless.If you have a big poo you will need to flush halfway through, otherwise the next user may be confronted with a floater. This IS NOT pleasant. The process is poo-flush-poo-flush.
Please take a cursory glance backward at the field of devastation you may have left behind. Should the facilities require further cleaning - man up and use the bog brush!
Thank you,
The management.
ToiletGuy said:
The process is poo-flush-poo-flush.
I thought the "courtesy flush" was designed to prevent excessive odour from disturbing the gentleman in the adjacent cubicle in public toilets. Is there any scientific proof that your method eliminates floaters?Sticking to the OP’s terminology, I would imagine that the best method would be;
Poo
Flush
Look
a) if clear, wash hands and exit, or -
b) if floater is discovered, re-flush and repeat step a)
As most bowel movements should be free of floating material, this would save 50% of the water usage. Plus, the above method would eliminate the chance of a persistent floater.
HTH
It could be so much worse. Were I work it took HR a year to track down the phantom toilet stuffer.
It started off with basic filling the bowl with hand towels and then flushing so an overflow happened. Then a turd was added on top of the hand towels so it would be floating across the floor after the bowl over flowed.
By the end the phantom toilet stuffer was stuffing the toilet, laying cable in the hand basin and then smearing it all over the walls before giving himself a hand shandy with excitement over what he had done. Since he was leaving his nut butter all over the turd smeared mirror he had to be one sick individual.
Apparently we couldn't use DNA evidence as no crime had been committed. HR had to look at the holiday records and narrow down the list of suspects. His mistake was doing it over christmas when most people were out of the office.
Of course it came as no suprise who the culprit was, it was the creepy bloke who was obsessed with people having a prolapse and would ask new starters if they had ever seen one before explaining what a prolapse was in great detail. More than one female new starter didn't come back from lunch after that introduction.
It started off with basic filling the bowl with hand towels and then flushing so an overflow happened. Then a turd was added on top of the hand towels so it would be floating across the floor after the bowl over flowed.
By the end the phantom toilet stuffer was stuffing the toilet, laying cable in the hand basin and then smearing it all over the walls before giving himself a hand shandy with excitement over what he had done. Since he was leaving his nut butter all over the turd smeared mirror he had to be one sick individual.
Apparently we couldn't use DNA evidence as no crime had been committed. HR had to look at the holiday records and narrow down the list of suspects. His mistake was doing it over christmas when most people were out of the office.
Of course it came as no suprise who the culprit was, it was the creepy bloke who was obsessed with people having a prolapse and would ask new starters if they had ever seen one before explaining what a prolapse was in great detail. More than one female new starter didn't come back from lunch after that introduction.
Edited by elwe on Thursday 25th November 18:31
elwe said:
It could be so much worse. Were I work it took HR a year to track down the phantom toilet stuffer.
It started off with basic filling the bowl with hand towels and then flushing so an overflow happened. Then a turd was added on top of the hand towels so it would be floating across the floor after the bowl over flowed.
By the end the phantom toilet stuffer was stuffing the toilet, laying cable in the hand basin and then smearing it all over the walls before giving himself a hand shandy with excitement over what he had done. Since he was leaving his nut butter all over the turd smeared mirror he had to be one sick individual.
Apparently we couldn't use DNA evidence as no crime had been committed. HR had to look at the holiday records and narrow down the list of suspects. His mistake was doing it over christmas when most people were out of the office.
Of course it came as no suprise who the culprit was, it was the creepy bloke who was obsessed with people having a prolapse and would ask new starters if they had ever seen one before explaining what a prolapse was in great detail. More than one female new starter didn't come back from lunch after that introduction.
It started off with basic filling the bowl with hand towels and then flushing so an overflow happened. Then a turd was added on top of the hand towels so it would be floating across the floor after the bowl over flowed.
By the end the phantom toilet stuffer was stuffing the toilet, laying cable in the hand basin and then smearing it all over the walls before giving himself a hand shandy with excitement over what he had done. Since he was leaving his nut butter all over the turd smeared mirror he had to be one sick individual.
Apparently we couldn't use DNA evidence as no crime had been committed. HR had to look at the holiday records and narrow down the list of suspects. His mistake was doing it over christmas when most people were out of the office.
Of course it came as no suprise who the culprit was, it was the creepy bloke who was obsessed with people having a prolapse and would ask new starters if they had ever seen one before explaining what a prolapse was in great detail. More than one female new starter didn't come back from lunch after that introduction.
Edited by elwe on Thursday 25th November 18:31
Takes all sorts i suppose
elwe said:
Of course it came as no suprise who the culprit was, it was the creepy bloke who was obsessed with people having a prolapse and would ask new starters if they had ever seen one before explaining what a prolapse was in great detail. More than one female new starter didn't come back from lunch after that introduction.
I think HR missed the easy opportunity to bring him to book with this scenario....We had a similar problem to Elwe's when I worked in a warehouse for a ubiquitous DIY company. You would occasionally pick up one of their larger garden planters to find that the Phantom Shi77er had beaten you to it and curled one up in the bottom of the pot. Being of a niave nature it hadn't occurred to me that someone would find pleasure (and I can only assume it was pleasure as we were well catered for in the area of more traditional toilet facilities)in the depositing of their last meal in a container not completely fit for purpose, so when I collected one of the pots and turned it upside down to pack onto the pallet you can imagine my surprise in being presented with an early christmas log. The sound of the still flacid brownie hitting the pallet was akin to beating a overweight rat around the backside with damp plasterboard and, released from confinement, the stench was worse than anything I've smelt this side of Victoria Beckhams latest eau de toilette. He became a legend around the site and, up to the point I left, hadn't been identified. "They seek him here, they seek him there, the Phantom Shi77er's everywhere!"
Happy days
Happy days
elwe said:
It could be so much worse. Were I work it took HR a year to track down the phantom toilet stuffer.
It started off with basic filling the bowl with hand towels and then flushing so an overflow happened. Then a turd was added on top of the hand towels so it would be floating across the floor after the bowl over flowed.
By the end the phantom toilet stuffer was stuffing the toilet, laying cable in the hand basin and then smearing it all over the walls before giving himself a hand shandy with excitement over what he had done. Since he was leaving his nut butter all over the turd smeared mirror he had to be one sick individual.
Apparently we couldn't use DNA evidence as no crime had been committed. HR had to look at the holiday records and narrow down the list of suspects. His mistake was doing it over christmas when most people were out of the office.
Of course it came as no suprise who the culprit was, it was the creepy bloke who was obsessed with people having a prolapse and would ask new starters if they had ever seen one before explaining what a prolapse was in great detail. More than one female new starter didn't come back from lunch after that introduction.
That is the most disturbing thing I have ever read.It started off with basic filling the bowl with hand towels and then flushing so an overflow happened. Then a turd was added on top of the hand towels so it would be floating across the floor after the bowl over flowed.
By the end the phantom toilet stuffer was stuffing the toilet, laying cable in the hand basin and then smearing it all over the walls before giving himself a hand shandy with excitement over what he had done. Since he was leaving his nut butter all over the turd smeared mirror he had to be one sick individual.
Apparently we couldn't use DNA evidence as no crime had been committed. HR had to look at the holiday records and narrow down the list of suspects. His mistake was doing it over christmas when most people were out of the office.
Of course it came as no suprise who the culprit was, it was the creepy bloke who was obsessed with people having a prolapse and would ask new starters if they had ever seen one before explaining what a prolapse was in great detail. More than one female new starter didn't come back from lunch after that introduction.
Edited by elwe on Thursday 25th November 18:31
PedantLosesGrip said:
elwe said:
Of course it came as no suprise who the culprit was, it was the creepy bloke who was obsessed with people having a prolapse and would ask new starters if they had ever seen one before explaining what a prolapse was in great detail. More than one female new starter didn't come back from lunch after that introduction.
I think HR missed the easy opportunity to bring him to book with this scenario....elwe said:
It could be so much worse. Were I work it took HR a year to track down the phantom toilet stuffer.
It started off with basic filling the bowl with hand towels and then flushing so an overflow happened. Then a turd was added on top of the hand towels so it would be floating across the floor after the bowl over flowed.
By the end the phantom toilet stuffer was stuffing the toilet, laying cable in the hand basin and then smearing it all over the walls before giving himself a hand shandy with excitement over what he had done. Since he was leaving his nut butter all over the turd smeared mirror he had to be one sick individual.
Apparently we couldn't use DNA evidence as no crime had been committed. HR had to look at the holiday records and narrow down the list of suspects. His mistake was doing it over christmas when most people were out of the office.
Of course it came as no suprise who the culprit was, it was the creepy bloke who was obsessed with people having a prolapse and would ask new starters if they had ever seen one before explaining what a prolapse was in great detail. More than one female new starter didn't come back from lunch after that introduction.
My eyes! My Goddam eyes!!!!It started off with basic filling the bowl with hand towels and then flushing so an overflow happened. Then a turd was added on top of the hand towels so it would be floating across the floor after the bowl over flowed.
By the end the phantom toilet stuffer was stuffing the toilet, laying cable in the hand basin and then smearing it all over the walls before giving himself a hand shandy with excitement over what he had done. Since he was leaving his nut butter all over the turd smeared mirror he had to be one sick individual.
Apparently we couldn't use DNA evidence as no crime had been committed. HR had to look at the holiday records and narrow down the list of suspects. His mistake was doing it over christmas when most people were out of the office.
Of course it came as no suprise who the culprit was, it was the creepy bloke who was obsessed with people having a prolapse and would ask new starters if they had ever seen one before explaining what a prolapse was in great detail. More than one female new starter didn't come back from lunch after that introduction.
Edited by elwe on Thursday 25th November 18:31
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