Management Malapropisms
Discussion
andyjo1982 said:
I blue skyed this in just now and, after throwing this topic onto the mental bbq to see if it sizzles, managed to find this thread which should provide suitable rofl moments...
http://www.pistonheads.co.uk/gassing/topic.asp?h=0...
Mangement speak is generally for
s who dont do anything tangible...
"Managers" then. Nearly as good at this stuff as "consultants". Combine the two...http://www.pistonheads.co.uk/gassing/topic.asp?h=0...
Mangement speak is generally for
s who dont do anything tangible...Anyway, less of a bulls
t bingo error, but my boss always says "glee" when he means to say "glean". It fks me off. There are others that don't spring to mind, but that one does. I don't even know where to start with my company. Some of it is SO ridiculous it makes using phrases such as 'straw man' feel ok!
The worst of it comes from a business wide transformation project. I sit next to some guys who are involved for a different product. There was a period where aviation related bullst seemed to be in. Currently the 'best' piece I've heard was calling the project leader the 'inner sanctum'. I think this project is particularly afflicted due to several large external companies helping to run it. We're bad enough on our own usually!
The worst of it comes from a business wide transformation project. I sit next to some guys who are involved for a different product. There was a period where aviation related bulls
t seemed to be in. Currently the 'best' piece I've heard was calling the project leader the 'inner sanctum'. I think this project is particularly afflicted due to several large external companies helping to run it. We're bad enough on our own usually!sleep envy said:
for the truly thick he waits a while and then asks 'what?'
they'll usually repeat the phrase and he'll ask 'what?' again by which time the entire cluster of desks is pissing themselves
'normal' english resumes and then'll he ask why they didn't say that the first time round
the poor NLP'd bds don't appear to understand any other approach
That is superb!they'll usually repeat the phrase and he'll ask 'what?' again by which time the entire cluster of desks is pissing themselves
'normal' english resumes and then'll he ask why they didn't say that the first time round
the poor NLP'd b
ds don't appear to understand any other approachI don't think I'd be able to stifle my giggling if I just sat there blankly and said "what?" at the end of every sentence!
Clearly there are a lot of PHers in this particular sort of corporate BS world. So it would make sense to introduce a few PHisms to these fkwits and get them braying it around all over the place.
"Well Johnson, I'm afraid that proposal just doesn't past the custard test" (combination of "litmus test and "cut the mustard" if anyone asks).
"This particular plane is simply not taking off that conveyor belt any time soon is it, Johnson?"
etc.
kwits and get them braying it around all over the place. "Well Johnson, I'm afraid that proposal just doesn't past the custard test" (combination of "litmus test and "cut the mustard" if anyone asks).
"This particular plane is simply not taking off that conveyor belt any time soon is it, Johnson?"
etc.
Dr Doofenshmirtz said:
I wonder if there are any sales people here who like to 'touch base' with their clients?
I wonder if they realise they are potentially loosing a number of leads by talking such nonsense?
I can definitely say yes to at least one.I wonder if they realise they are potentially loosing a number of leads by talking such nonsense?
Computer suppliers company was trying to sell me some NAS devices - I was actually interested. He then suggested that we "touch base" later in the week after I had spoken to my client.
I purchased elsewhere. Really have no time for f**ktards.
Dr Doofenshmirtz said:
I wonder if there are any sales people here who like to 'touch base' with their clients?
I'm a sales oik, "B2B" and "B2C" 
I "speak with" them. I will "call/e-mail/contact" them next week/whenever. I have yet to touch anyone's base. Although they try to touch mine.
I *may* lose leads who expect corporate toss. But I expect I lose less than I otherwise would, were I to employ it.
The English language is rich and diverse enough to convey one's meaning in plain language without resorting to jargon. Although I am guilty of using uneccesarily florid or esoteric or arcane words now and then, but it's not deliberate, just a symptom of having read far too much and getting bored with using the same words for similar things all the time.
It tends to only manifest when the person I'm speaking with is similarly linguistically dextrous and I find myself responding in kind. But that's different to using prescribed cliches ad nauseam.
4988cc said:
Dr Doofenshmirtz said:
I wonder if there are any sales people here who like to 'touch base' with their clients?
I'm a sales oik, "B2B" and "B2C" I "speak with" them. I will "call/e-mail/contact" them next week/whenever. I have yet to touch anyone's base. Although they try to touch mine.
I *may* lose leads who expect corporate toss. But I expect I lose less than I otherwise would, were I to employ it.
The English language is rich and diverse enough to convey one's meaning in plain language without resorting to jargon. Although I am guilty of using uneccesarily florid or esoteric or arcane words now and then, but it's not deliberate, just a symptom of having read far too much and getting bored with using the same words for similar things all the time.
It tends to only manifest when the person I'm speaking with is similarly linguistically dextrous and I find myself responding in kind. But that's different to using prescribed cliches ad nauseam.
I never use 'business buzzword b
ks' and I never feel the need to use dated words plucked from the Olde English Thesaurus...just be normal ffs...and use a spell checker occasionally Dr Doofenshmirtz said:
4988cc said:
Dr Doofenshmirtz said:
I wonder if there are any sales people here who like to 'touch base' with their clients?
I'm a sales oik, "B2B" and "B2C" I "speak with" them. I will "call/e-mail/contact" them next week/whenever. I have yet to touch anyone's base. Although they try to touch mine.
I *may* lose leads who expect corporate toss. But I expect I lose less than I otherwise would, were I to employ it.
The English language is rich and diverse enough to convey one's meaning in plain language without resorting to jargon. Although I am guilty of using uneccesarily florid or esoteric or arcane words now and then, but it's not deliberate, just a symptom of having read far too much and getting bored with using the same words for similar things all the time.
It tends to only manifest when the person I'm speaking with is similarly linguistically dextrous and I find myself responding in kind. But that's different to using prescribed cliches ad nauseam.
I never use 'business buzzword b
ks' and I never feel the need to use dated words plucked from the Olde English Thesaurus...just be normal ffs...and use a spell checker occasionally Yes, very clever. Using a practically dead language to make a point, that you could have just either not bothered making in the first place, with the added bonus that you think you sound clever. Knobs.
Personal pet hate .... Instead of being asked to attend a conference call or phone someone, I get invited to "an audio". WTF?
Buzzword bingo can be entertaining in meetings though, and by far and away the most fun can be had with buzzword baiting. Feed a suitably malleable manager with a few words that sound right, but are utterly meaningless. And to then hear the manager actually use the terms in a meeting, and then try to explain what they mean ..... utterly hilarious.
Buzzword bingo can be entertaining in meetings though, and by far and away the most fun can be had with buzzword baiting. Feed a suitably malleable manager with a few words that sound right, but are utterly meaningless. And to then hear the manager actually use the terms in a meeting, and then try to explain what they mean ..... utterly hilarious.
Dr Doofenshmirtz said:
Good for you...although using words like florid and esoteric may make you sound like a bit of a tit?
That I can live with. 
Dr Doofenshmirtz said:
I never use 'business buzzword bks' and I never feel the need to use dated words plucked from the Olde English Thesaurus...just be normal ffs...and use a spell checker occasionally
Spell checker? No need, certainly in the informal context of an internet message board. Formal communication gets re-read before sending. I'd rather see a spelling mistake/typo/transposition here and there than spellchecked perfection. It adds a human quality to things as I can't think of anybody I've ever encountered who has a flawless grasp of the holier-than-thou trinity of SP&G. Those who appear to owe it to their computers, as becomes abundantly clear when you end up in less formal communication with them ks' and I never feel the need to use dated words plucked from the Olde English Thesaurus...just be normal ffs...and use a spell checker occasionally Carrot said:
Yes, very clever. Using a practically dead language to make a point, that you could have just either not bothered making in the first place, with the added bonus that you think you sound clever. Knobs.
A good point, but it's often a lot shorter a phrase to use to convey a thing.I also tend to find that people who bear a grievance against the use of Latin in modern English use far more of it than they even know they do. It's in the roots of the language we use today, as are a great many other tongues, a legacy of our mongrel heritage.
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