Management Malapropisms

[anonymous-user]

clonmult said:

Buzzword bingo can be entertaining in meetings though, and by far and away the most fun can be had with buzzword baiting. Feed a suitably malleable manager with a few words that sound right, but are utterly meaningless. And to then hear the manager actually use the terms in a meeting, and then try to explain what they mean ..... utterly hilarious.

This is so right. We did this to a former manager of mine, for a couple of weeks we constantly used "pitch it up to the crease" whenever we came to him with an idea (knowing full well we sounded like s). "Here, Al, I've got one to pitch up to the crease", "Smithy pitched it up to the crease and it passed", that sort of thing.

In a big meeting with a large LA's head of transportation, and the HA lead sponsor, he trotted it out like he'd always used it. Myself and another colleague nearly st ourselves trying not to laugh!

[clonmult]

Opulent said:

clonmult said:

Buzzword bingo can be entertaining in meetings though, and by far and away the most fun can be had with buzzword baiting. Feed a suitably malleable manager with a few words that sound right, but are utterly meaningless. And to then hear the manager actually use the terms in a meeting, and then try to explain what they mean ..... utterly hilarious.

This is so right. We did this to a former manager of mine, for a couple of weeks we constantly used "pitch it up to the crease" whenever we came to him with an idea (knowing full well we sounded like s). "Here, Al, I've got one to pitch up to the crease", "Smithy pitched it up to the crease and it passed", that sort of thing.

In a big meeting with a large LA's head of transportation, and the HA lead sponsor, he trotted it out like he'd always used it. Myself and another colleague nearly st ourselves trying not to laugh!

In my case there was one huge selling point though.

The manager did look (and act) very much like the pointy haired boss in the Dilbert 'toons. The interview for the post was entertaining (OMFG, I'm being interviewed by a Dilbert character!), and definitely set the tone for the next year ...

[4988cc]

Opulent said:

clonmult said:

Buzzword bingo can be entertaining in meetings though, and by far and away the most fun can be had with buzzword baiting. Feed a suitably malleable manager with a few words that sound right, but are utterly meaningless. And to then hear the manager actually use the terms in a meeting, and then try to explain what they mean ..... utterly hilarious.

This is so right. We did this to a former manager of mine, for a couple of weeks we constantly used "pitch it up to the crease" whenever we came to him with an idea (knowing full well we sounded like s). "Here, Al, I've got one to pitch up to the crease", "Smithy pitched it up to the crease and it passed", that sort of thing.

In a big meeting with a large LA's head of transportation, and the HA lead sponsor, he trotted it out like he'd always used it. Myself and another colleague nearly st ourselves trying not to laugh!

[Aused]

Dr Doofenshmirtz said:

I never feel the need to use dated words plucked from the Olde English Thesaurus...just be normal ffs...and use a spell checker occasionally

corking good show chap; mind, I quite like a bit of olde english flourish, otherwise we'd all be talking global english, and globalisation isn't turning out to be all it promised.

[Wills2]

I had a boss who made his own management speak up they were called "spamerisms" by the office.

"We need to drive it through the back end" What?

"You all have your pods make sure they are the life blood of your business" Come again?

"As a thumb of rule" Er surely you mean...

He would repeat them and many more at every sales meeting whilst the whole office tried desparately not to laugh out loud.

[jeff m]

Wills2 said:

I had a boss who made his own management speak up they were called "spamerisms" by the office.

"We need to drive it through the back end" What?

"You all have your pods make sure they are the life blood of your business" Come again?

"As a thumb of rule" Er surely you mean...

He would repeat them and many more at every sales meeting whilst the whole office tried desparately not to laugh out loud.

But he kept your attention....

I had a master who changed phrases like "rule of thumb" to gauge how many of his wards were still paying attention. If not enough heads moved after an intentional slip he knew he had lost us.
Time for a question to one of the heads that didn't move.

It's possible your manager was a little smarter than you gave him credit for (or maybe not)

[Wills2]

jeff m said:

Wills2 said:

I had a boss who made his own management speak up they were called "spamerisms" by the office.

"We need to drive it through the back end" What?

"You all have your pods make sure they are the life blood of your business" Come again?

"As a thumb of rule" Er surely you mean...

He would repeat them and many more at every sales meeting whilst the whole office tried desparately not to laugh out loud.

But he kept your attention....

I had a master who changed phrases like "rule of thumb" to gauge how many of his wards were still paying attention. If not enough heads moved after an intentional slip he knew he had lost us.
Time for a question to one of the heads that didn't move.

It's possible your manager was a little smarter than you gave him credit for (or maybe not)

If you'd met him you would know....

Myself and a colleague once had to speak to him about his "plans" for the business, he got himself boxed into a corner went red and threatened to take us outside one on one and crush us....to which we burst out laughing.

He was a classic case of last man standing gets the Job, a few years later I also became that man.

[Pothole]

Wills2 said:

Myself once had to speak to him

You wouldn't write this on its own so why write it as part of a sentence?

[4988cc]

Pothole said:

Wills2 said:

Myself once had to speak to him

You wouldn't write this on its own so why write it as part of a sentence?

Reflexive pronoun abuse. Advanced Grammar Nazism

[Pothole]

4988cc said:

Pothole said:

Wills2 said:

Myself once had to speak to him

You wouldn't write this on its own so why write it as part of a sentence?

Reflexive pronoun abuse. Advanced Grammar Nazism

Ironic in a thread such as this, I think.

[4988cc]

Pothole said:

Ironic in a thread such as this, I think.

Entirely.

[Pothole]

4988cc said:

Pothole said:

Ironic in a thread such as this, I think.

Entirely.

i'm surrounded by dozy Leicester c@nts who use it all day long "this is what we can do for youself" "just call this number and ask for myself" JUST GO fk YOURSELF, YOU THICK fkER!

[4988cc]

Pothole said:

I'm surrounded by dozy Leicester c@nts who use it all day long "this is what we can do for youself" "just call this number and ask for myself" JUST GO fk YOURSELF, YOU THICK fkER!

Ah, now I understand the vehemence.

Edited by 4988cc on Friday 17th December 23:00

[Pothole]

4988cc said:

Pothole said:

I'm surrounded by dozy Leicester c@nts who use it all day long "this is what we can do for youself" "just call this number and ask for myself" JUST GO fk YOURSELF, YOU THICK fkER!

Ah, now I understand the vehemence.

Edited by 4988cc on Friday 17th December 23:00

you mean it needed to be justified?

[Rob P]

I hate the phrase "I'll drop you an email".

No you won't you tt, you can't drop an email...

[dfen5]

Professional Service Firm 50 (Reinventing work) Tom Peters.

Don't buy - WOW! - it. Just speed - WOW! - read it during a lunch - WOW! - break or something. WOW!

Management who quote famous quotes are my all time hate. Maybe if they used some original thought rather than trying to fit a quote meant for another situation in they'd get on better.

[Glade]

I wish we had more... My boss, on the subject of a team member not pulling his weight...

"that bloke does fk all, so you've got to fking have him, and if you don't fk him, then I'll fk him. And if I have to fk him, then I'll have to fk you. And I'm sure you don't want to get fked"

Which basically means someone's fked, but if I do something now hopefully it won't be me.

[Glade]

Oops double post

Edited by Glade on Friday 17th December 23:31

[aclivity]

I was on a conference call today and I came out with an analogy that made me cringe as I said it.

I said we needed "followers for our architecture policy tweets".

I have been beating myself up about it ever since. It didn't help that one of the other people on the call sent me an IM to mock me almost immediately.

[4988cc]

aclivity said:

It didn't help that one of the other people on the call sent me an IM to mock me almost immediately.