How do you stop a bird from snoring
Discussion
snowy slopes said:
Cock Womble 7 said:
snowy slopes said:
carl carlson said:
Its the only way to be sure
Nah, thats a bit harsh. not saying killing your mrs is a good thing but its something we all dream about. So you might as well do it in style with these $400000 guns.
Cock Womble 7 said:
anonymous said:
[redacted]
anonymous said:
[redacted]
There is; It's called a turbinectomy, but you don't want to go there.Trust me.
I'm going for a fag and fighting the urge, I quite like this job
I googled, you are right, not pleasant
carl carlson said:
snowy slopes said:
Cock Womble 7 said:
snowy slopes said:
carl carlson said:
Its the only way to be sure
Nah, thats a bit harsh. not saying killing your mrs is a good thing but its something we all dream about. So you might as well do it in style with these $400000 guns.
under no circumsatnces do i advocate shooting someone you live with
anonymous said:
[redacted]
It's not so much the operation, because they obviously knock you out for that, but the recovery.To stop the bleeding, they pack your nose with cotton wool, which does a great job. Eventually, however, it has to come out (the next day) - by which time the cotton wool has absorbed all the blood and congealed onto the inside of your nose and any hairs therein.
The "best" way, so the nurses insisted, to remove the cotton wool is a swift yank. When I say "best", I mean "absolutely the most excruciatingly painful way possible".
If your eyes have ever watered after you pull a single hair out of your nose, imagine pulling them all out at once.
As an NHS drone Scottish men often ask: "Whit tha fock does a doo fer ma focking gurulfreynd when shee snorrs all fockin neyt? Fer focks sakes mon?"
Apparently this shows a concern in relation to snoring exhibited by their wife or 'girl friend'.
Happily there is a cure! Essentially it boils down to a reduction in fighting other women in fish and chip shops, cutting down on hard drugs, dropping down from 'morbidly obese' to merely 'obese' and refraining from sitting on diesel generator exhaust systems for masturbatory purposes.
Then a gentle climbdown in the exclusive use of tramp strength beer as a fluid source will start to really pay dividends.
Hope this helps OP, and good luck!
Apparently this shows a concern in relation to snoring exhibited by their wife or 'girl friend'.
Happily there is a cure! Essentially it boils down to a reduction in fighting other women in fish and chip shops, cutting down on hard drugs, dropping down from 'morbidly obese' to merely 'obese' and refraining from sitting on diesel generator exhaust systems for masturbatory purposes.
Then a gentle climbdown in the exclusive use of tramp strength beer as a fluid source will start to really pay dividends.
Hope this helps OP, and good luck!
Cock Womble 7 said:
anonymous said:
[redacted]
It's not so much the operation, because they obviously knock you out for that, but the recovery.To stop the bleeding, they pack your nose with cotton wool, which does a great job. Eventually, however, it has to come out (the next day) - by which time the cotton wool has absorbed all the blood and congealed onto the inside of your nose and any hairs therein.
The "best" way, so the nurses insisted, to remove the cotton wool is a swift yank. When I say "best", I mean "absolutely the most excruciatingly painful way possible".
If your eyes have ever watered after you pull a single hair out of your nose, imagine pulling them all out at once.
Cock Womble 7 said:
anonymous said:
[redacted]
It's not so much the operation, because they obviously knock you out for that, but the recovery.To stop the bleeding, they pack your nose with cotton wool, which does a great job. Eventually, however, it has to come out (the next day) - by which time the cotton wool has absorbed all the blood and congealed onto the inside of your nose and any hairs therein.
The "best" way, so the nurses insisted, to remove the cotton wool is a swift yank. When I say "best", I mean "absolutely the most excruciatingly painful way possible".
If your eyes have ever watered after you pull a single hair out of your nose, imagine pulling them all out at once.
They packed 2 fingers of a latex glove with cotton wool and shoved em up there (whilst I was still knocked out), these had to be removed 2 days later. It sounds very similar to what you have described and yes it was one of the most painful upsetting things I have ever experienced. You know the bit in Total Recall where he removes the tracking bug?
If all else fails, i find that chucking a Siamese cat at her, usually pursuades her
to turn over.
First pick up cat (usually found at the foot of the BG marital bed) and drop it on
her shoulder. Not her face, as claws usually come out at this stage.
By the time Mrs BG's awake, you've resumed your normal position, pretending to be
asleep and the unsuspecting cat gets the blame.
to turn over.
First pick up cat (usually found at the foot of the BG marital bed) and drop it on
her shoulder. Not her face, as claws usually come out at this stage.
By the time Mrs BG's awake, you've resumed your normal position, pretending to be
asleep and the unsuspecting cat gets the blame.
Neil H said:
GreenDog said:
I found that some stuff from Boots called 'Helps Stop Snoring'
What an imaginative name!Coming soon, "Stops You Getting Sunburnt", "Stops You Getting Pregnant", "Inhibits Cyclooxygenase" and "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter".
d" I have not seen it advertised on TV though.But back on topic, if she is a bloater, stop feeding her pies.
Update
First of all she's a size 6 so Loosing weight isn't gonna help the fat bh.
Que 3 o'clock my lager induced sleep has been broken by what sounded like a pregnant cow in pain.
I lovenly tilted the pillow up a bit but to no avail. She was sleeping of her side so turning her would make it worse.
I hit her a few times to alert her of my frustrations but she just stole more covers wrapped them around her like some Forcefield and continued to snore.
At this point she's forced me to realise I need a piss I'm no happy as I refuse to get up during the night for a pee to the stage where it hurts to walk in the morning.
I sat up for 15 minutes before trying to hit her in the face with peanuts. I woke up shattered.
First of all she's a size 6 so Loosing weight isn't gonna help the fat b
h. Que 3 o'clock my lager induced sleep has been broken by what sounded like a pregnant cow in pain.
I lovenly tilted the pillow up a bit but to no avail. She was sleeping of her side so turning her would make it worse.
I hit her a few times to alert her of my frustrations but she just stole more covers wrapped them around her like some Forcefield and continued to snore.
At this point she's forced me to realise I need a piss I'm no happy as I refuse to get up during the night for a pee to the stage where it hurts to walk in the morning.
I sat up for 15 minutes before trying to hit her in the face with peanuts. I woke up shattered.
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