Discussion
OP. I've been there as many here have. Mine was completely amicable. We didn't hate each other and there was no-one else involved, we just got bored. I gave her 50% of the equity and that was it. No solicitors and little paperwork.
If you can remain on good talking terms it will save you years, if not decades of grief and you'll find it much easier to move on.
Good luck with it.
If you can remain on good talking terms it will save you years, if not decades of grief and you'll find it much easier to move on.
Good luck with it.
OP - ignore all the f
ked over miserable bds on here who believe that women are the devil's operatives on earth.
If it's amicable then keep it that way. Cover your back. Seek advice from a solicitor where appropriate, but you don't need to upset the balance or show your hand by getting the solicitor to write your letters (saves money and time too) - ie no need to instruct a solicitor.
Ensure that division of assets / liabilities is clearly defined, and if there is a debt overall then see if you can split it up and each take sole responsibility for part of that debt (ie don't spend the next 5 years both chipping away at a joint debt and bhing at each other for not paying in enough). In the absence of children money is the only thing that will leave you stuck dealing with each other, and you can do without that.
And yes, there is life after divorce. I'm happily remarried (to another divorcee) and my first marriage is a distant memory. Fortunately I avoided killing myself (or anyone else) in the roller-coaster between the two relationships and now have two beautiful daughters and 3 step-children.
ked over miserable bds on here who believe that women are the devil's operatives on earth.If it's amicable then keep it that way. Cover your back. Seek advice from a solicitor where appropriate, but you don't need to upset the balance or show your hand by getting the solicitor to write your letters (saves money and time too) - ie no need to instruct a solicitor.
Ensure that division of assets / liabilities is clearly defined, and if there is a debt overall then see if you can split it up and each take sole responsibility for part of that debt (ie don't spend the next 5 years both chipping away at a joint debt and b
hing at each other for not paying in enough). In the absence of children money is the only thing that will leave you stuck dealing with each other, and you can do without that.And yes, there is life after divorce. I'm happily remarried (to another divorcee) and my first marriage is a distant memory. Fortunately I avoided killing myself (or anyone else) in the roller-coaster between the two relationships and now have two beautiful daughters and 3 step-children.
oldcynic said:
OP - ignore all the fked over miserable bds on here who believe that women are the devil's operatives on earth.
If it's amicable then keep it that way. Cover your back. Seek advice from a solicitor where appropriate, but you don't need to upset the balance or show your hand by getting the solicitor to write your letters (saves money and time too) - ie no need to instruct a solicitor.
Ensure that division of assets / liabilities is clearly defined, and if there is a debt overall then see if you can split it up and each take sole responsibility for part of that debt (ie don't spend the next 5 years both chipping away at a joint debt and bhing at each other for not paying in enough). In the absence of children money is the only thing that will leave you stuck dealing with each other, and you can do without that.
And yes, there is life after divorce. I'm happily remarried (to another divorcee) and my first marriage is a distant memory. Fortunately I avoided killing myself (or anyone else) in the roller-coaster between the two relationships and now have two beautiful daughters and 3 step-children.
This is what i wanted to hear....ked over miserable bds on here who believe that women are the devil's operatives on earth.If it's amicable then keep it that way. Cover your back. Seek advice from a solicitor where appropriate, but you don't need to upset the balance or show your hand by getting the solicitor to write your letters (saves money and time too) - ie no need to instruct a solicitor.
Ensure that division of assets / liabilities is clearly defined, and if there is a debt overall then see if you can split it up and each take sole responsibility for part of that debt (ie don't spend the next 5 years both chipping away at a joint debt and b
hing at each other for not paying in enough). In the absence of children money is the only thing that will leave you stuck dealing with each other, and you can do without that.And yes, there is life after divorce. I'm happily remarried (to another divorcee) and my first marriage is a distant memory. Fortunately I avoided killing myself (or anyone else) in the roller-coaster between the two relationships and now have two beautiful daughters and 3 step-children.
Thanks very much!!
oldcynic said:
OP - ignore all the fked over miserable bds on here who believe that women are the devil's operatives on earth.
If it's amicable then keep it that way. Cover your back. Seek advice from a solicitor where appropriate, but you don't need to upset the balance or show your hand by getting the solicitor to write your letters (saves money and time too) - ie no need to instruct a solicitor.
Ensure that division of assets / liabilities is clearly defined, and if there is a debt overall then see if you can split it up and each take sole responsibility for part of that debt (ie don't spend the next 5 years both chipping away at a joint debt and bhing at each other for not paying in enough). In the absence of children money is the only thing that will leave you stuck dealing with each other, and you can do without that.
And yes, there is life after divorce. I'm happily remarried (to another divorcee) and my first marriage is a distant memory. Fortunately I avoided killing myself (or anyone else) in the roller-coaster between the two relationships and now have two beautiful daughters and 3 step-children.
He maybe oldcynic but he doth talk much sense. Keep lawyers out of it to the maximum extent possible, they have a habit of winding both parties up. Mine was amicable, lawyers were used to the minimum, never been any hostility.ked over miserable bds on here who believe that women are the devil's operatives on earth.If it's amicable then keep it that way. Cover your back. Seek advice from a solicitor where appropriate, but you don't need to upset the balance or show your hand by getting the solicitor to write your letters (saves money and time too) - ie no need to instruct a solicitor.
Ensure that division of assets / liabilities is clearly defined, and if there is a debt overall then see if you can split it up and each take sole responsibility for part of that debt (ie don't spend the next 5 years both chipping away at a joint debt and b
hing at each other for not paying in enough). In the absence of children money is the only thing that will leave you stuck dealing with each other, and you can do without that.And yes, there is life after divorce. I'm happily remarried (to another divorcee) and my first marriage is a distant memory. Fortunately I avoided killing myself (or anyone else) in the roller-coaster between the two relationships and now have two beautiful daughters and 3 step-children.
For perspective there are as many SWP's as there are SWT's. It's not the preserve of the females.
Hope you can work it out amicably. It's not a good time, but you will come through a better person.
N10k said:
Du1point8 said:
kids involved?
If there is no money then you have nothing to lose...
Unless she stiffs you for all her debt, can you prove that the equity will go to cancel out everything?
Unless you say yes to kids, then not much to worry about unless you have pensions and monies that she knows about and wants.
No kids.If there is no money then you have nothing to lose...
Unless she stiffs you for all her debt, can you prove that the equity will go to cancel out everything?
Unless you say yes to kids, then not much to worry about unless you have pensions and monies that she knows about and wants.
Equity only clears half of the debt which we have said we will take half each.
No assets like ISA's
Car is a Fiesta = £2500
Sold the cars to buy the house 11 months ago.
i dont think this has even started and i feel screwed!.
Any advice?
never done anything like this
Good luck fella!
N10k said:
Good luck Tim.
How old are you?
Im doing everything to keep it amicable at the moment..
I dont want to make her or my life any harder by causing problems...
CheersHow old are you?
Im doing everything to keep it amicable at the moment..
I dont want to make her or my life any harder by causing problems...
I'm 32.
We have the house sale going through at the moment, which is complicated by the Neg. Eq.
She has her own place already. I just want her to be happy and sorted. One problem you will have is unless the debts are split equally (unlikely) then one party will end up being chased for more.
Cotty said:
N10k said:
Its so daunting.
Coming out of a 7yr relationship and starting again scares the crap out of me....
This is what I can never understand about these threads, its like you have just been hit by a car but you can't wait until you can play in the road again. Coming out of a 7yr relationship and starting again scares the crap out of me....
OP, been there 27 years ago, a bit like a death in the family, it takes a couple of years to get over and sadly there is rarely a bequeathment! But it does get better and have now been married for 18 years, mostly happily, very best of luck to you.
ps, love to know of more creative ways of stashing funds out of site of SWMBO.
ps, love to know of more creative ways of stashing funds out of site of SWMBO.
N10k said:
This is my problem.
She instigated everything, separate rooms, time away from each other and no contact but from what i can see things are swaying in that i have done what she has asked and now 4 weeks on she is now contacting me more and trying to involve me in more what she does.
She never gave a reason other than she was unhappy, low and depressed.
Edit - also her night terrors got really bad..... youtube it if you havent seen them before!
So your relationship is in trouble, not done & dusted. Sounds like you need to spend some time working through what's going wrong, and what's going right.She instigated everything, separate rooms, time away from each other and no contact but from what i can see things are swaying in that i have done what she has asked and now 4 weeks on she is now contacting me more and trying to involve me in more what she does.
She never gave a reason other than she was unhappy, low and depressed.
Edit - also her night terrors got really bad..... youtube it if you havent seen them before!
Relate offer some remarkably good counselling services for all sorts of situations, and in retrospect I may have done well to contact them but I'm a man and never need outside help dealing with relationships (except online or in the pub - those routes are OK - but no proper professional help because that means I'm not coping).
There are other counselling services around but it's not something I have personal experience of. I do know however that Relate don't have an agenda of dragging people back together no matter what - their purpose is to get people communicating to find the best way forward.
Don't throw away a perfectly good relationship because you've hit a bad patch - it's called life. Counselling may not be for you either, but 7 years together has got to be worth a bit of an effort!
N10k said:
This is my problem.
She instigated everything, separate rooms, time away from each other and no contact but from what i can see things are swaying in that i have done what she has asked and now 4 weeks on she is now contacting me more and trying to involve me in more what she does.
She never gave a reason other than she was unhappy, low and depressed.
Edit - also her night terrors got really bad..... youtube it if you havent seen them before!
She wanted/wants a divorce because she is unhappy/low/depressd and gave no reason??!! thats insane!She instigated everything, separate rooms, time away from each other and no contact but from what i can see things are swaying in that i have done what she has asked and now 4 weeks on she is now contacting me more and trying to involve me in more what she does.
She never gave a reason other than she was unhappy, low and depressed.
Edit - also her night terrors got really bad..... youtube it if you havent seen them before!
From that descritpion she was seeing someone else and it made her re-evaluate....maybe she has larnt something about him or got over the lust and is reconsidering now.... to give no reason is very odd. IMO. She loved you once enough to marry you and envisage a life together...and now thats not the case and you just have to accept it? If it were the other way round, you wouldn't hear the end of it...
Good luck though.
Kaelic said:
Unfortunately all totally true 
Then they will goto the CSA with all sorts of BS saying you are on £X when your payroll dept have already told the CSA you are on £x - y (with y being a the difference in your true wage and your Ex's fantastical mind) but having to send each months wage slip to the CSA as you are now being assessed by them on a constant basis.
Lying, greedy bh
They all result to this base modus operandi when advised to by the "coven".Then they will goto the CSA with all sorts of BS saying you are on £X when your payroll dept have already told the CSA you are on £x - y (with y being a the difference in your true wage and your Ex's fantastical mind) but having to send each months wage slip to the CSA as you are now being assessed by them on a constant basis.
Lying, greedy b
h I'm going through the same grief - But I am going to fight clean and hard with the CSA. 12 months of receipts of money spent on my nipper, extra money spent on her hobby (receipted) - while Ex has spunked the "maintanence" money for my daughter on fake f
king tan, long haul holidays and designer clothes. Just wait till your ex wife gets to the mental psychologically unbalanced stage (they all do - you just keep cool as cucumber as it speeds up the process
)- all logic and reasonability - out the fking wind0w.Good Luck.
Get a really good solicitor on board pronto.
Mine was 7 years too
FWDRacer said:
Get a really good solicitor on board pronto.
but make sure you do what you want and not what they think you want or what they suggest you can get away with... divorce with solicitors soon turns into point scoring between them and not and your ex... and whehn you're getting billed per amil, phone call, letter and face to face chat, you want THAT at a minimum..hence hy mediation is the best place to start..then get solicitor to qualify the outcome...whilst as said before keeping your powder dry and keeping a firm eye on the future..Agoogy said:
N10k said:
This is my problem.
She instigated everything, separate rooms, time away from each other and no contact but from what i can see things are swaying in that i have done what she has asked and now 4 weeks on she is now contacting me more and trying to involve me in more what she does.
She never gave a reason other than she was unhappy, low and depressed.
Edit - also her night terrors got really bad..... youtube it if you havent seen them before!
She wanted/wants a divorce because she is unhappy/low/depressd and gave no reason??!! thats insane!She instigated everything, separate rooms, time away from each other and no contact but from what i can see things are swaying in that i have done what she has asked and now 4 weeks on she is now contacting me more and trying to involve me in more what she does.
She never gave a reason other than she was unhappy, low and depressed.
Edit - also her night terrors got really bad..... youtube it if you havent seen them before!
From that descritpion she was seeing someone else and it made her re-evaluate....maybe she has larnt something about him or got over the lust and is reconsidering now.... to give no reason is very odd. IMO. She loved you once enough to marry you and envisage a life together...and now thats not the case and you just have to accept it? If it were the other way round, you wouldn't hear the end of it...
Good luck though.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff