Discussion
mouse1991 said:
Struggling here i'm afraid.
My ex wife has thrown a large hand grenade into the centre of my steadily rebuilding life.
I was arrested and taken to my local police station yesterday, I was locked in a cell for 2 hours (utterly terrified), interviewed and then released on bail. It's a serious charge which i'm innocent of but I'm scared and feel like my life is, once again, not worth living.
I'm not sure I can take this any more. All my energies have been spent getting through the past 18 months, I've got no more to give. I've hardly eaten over the past 2 days, nothing at all today and I still don't feel like eating.
I gave in and went to my ex-doctors after work today, where my previous mental health therapist is based. The reception staff could see I was in a bit of a state and although they couldn't contact my old therapist, they said they would call an ambulance to take me to A&E (they'd asked if I felt like harming myself, I said yes). I couldn't face all the faff of an ambulance ride 5 miles down the road and then have my car stranded so I declined and said I'd drive myself there. I never went and instead went home to sleep. I was then woken my the police knocking on the door, concerned for my well-being.
Fair play to them and good to know they were looking out for me.
So here i sit, back to where I started 18 months ago but this time it feels ten times worse. I don't want therapy, I don't want pills, I just want a normal half happy life which I'm now convinced isn't going to happen.
I thought things were turning around, new house, new hobbies, new friends. I was seeing a great girl I'd met on-line, I'd arranged our third date for Sunday but I've had to tell her it's over, I'm not dragging get through all of my problems. I was starting to be happy, I should have known.
My ex has tried her hardest to destroy my life over the past 18 months, I think she's hit the jackpot this time.
What has happened bud? Sounded like everything is back on track. Easier said than done but let bygones be bygones.My ex wife has thrown a large hand grenade into the centre of my steadily rebuilding life.
I was arrested and taken to my local police station yesterday, I was locked in a cell for 2 hours (utterly terrified), interviewed and then released on bail. It's a serious charge which i'm innocent of but I'm scared and feel like my life is, once again, not worth living.
I'm not sure I can take this any more. All my energies have been spent getting through the past 18 months, I've got no more to give. I've hardly eaten over the past 2 days, nothing at all today and I still don't feel like eating.
I gave in and went to my ex-doctors after work today, where my previous mental health therapist is based. The reception staff could see I was in a bit of a state and although they couldn't contact my old therapist, they said they would call an ambulance to take me to A&E (they'd asked if I felt like harming myself, I said yes). I couldn't face all the faff of an ambulance ride 5 miles down the road and then have my car stranded so I declined and said I'd drive myself there. I never went and instead went home to sleep. I was then woken my the police knocking on the door, concerned for my well-being.
Fair play to them and good to know they were looking out for me.
So here i sit, back to where I started 18 months ago but this time it feels ten times worse. I don't want therapy, I don't want pills, I just want a normal half happy life which I'm now convinced isn't going to happen.
I thought things were turning around, new house, new hobbies, new friends. I was seeing a great girl I'd met on-line, I'd arranged our third date for Sunday but I've had to tell her it's over, I'm not dragging get through all of my problems. I was starting to be happy, I should have known.
My ex has tried her hardest to destroy my life over the past 18 months, I think she's hit the jackpot this time.
crazy about cars said:
What has happened bud? Sounded like everything is back on track. Easier said than done but let bygones be bygones.
She's hell bent on destroying me, no idea why. I've not been in contact with her for months as she's always ready to pick a fight. I think the very fact she no longer has any control over my life is the very reason this kind of thing happens. I'm sure the day her children's father takes his own life will be seen as job done.mouse1991 said:
She's hell bent on destroying me, no idea why. I've not been in contact with her for months as she's always ready to pick a fight. I think the very fact she no longer has any control over my life is the very reason this kind of thing happens. I'm sure the day her children's father takes his own life will be seen as job done.
Don't let her win!mouse1991 said:
crazy about cars said:
What has happened bud? Sounded like everything is back on track. Easier said than done but let bygones be bygones.
She's hell bent on destroying me, no idea why. I've not been in contact with her for months as she's always ready to pick a fight. I think the very fact she no longer has any control over my life is the very reason this kind of thing happens. I'm sure the day her children's father takes his own life will be seen as job done.Try to have minimal contact with her and focus on getting your mind/life back on track.
Depression is s
t, but it usually always passes and becomes a distant memory.Good luck.
Wacky Racer said:
Don't let her win. I know it's easier said than done, but take each day at a time.
Try to have minimal contact with her and focus on getting your mind/life back on track.
Depression is st, but it usually always passes and becomes a distant memory.
Good luck.
I have zero contact with her and my life was back on track, not any more. Out of energy to fight again so soon.Try to have minimal contact with her and focus on getting your mind/life back on track.
Depression is s
t, but it usually always passes and becomes a distant memory.Good luck.
Ruskie said:
Soov535 said:
Ruskie said:
wiliferus said:
So, dipping my toe into this thread...
I've been suffering with depression and really bad anxiety for about 5 months - since my marriage fell apart.
I'm in a job which is very much stiff upper lip, and word such as depression carry a hell of a stigma, so just got my head down and soldiered on.
It's been hell. No two ways about it. Surviving on a few hours disturbed sleep, palpitations, a complete lack of concentration and ability to focus on anything.
I've also lost about 16lbs, which bearing in mind I was only 11st4 to start with is not good.
So, I finally caved and went to my GP. This was a massive step for me, as doing this is an admission that there is actually something wrong.
Anyway, I walked away with prescription for 50mg of Sertraline once a day. Started taking it on Wednesday.
All I can say is Jesus Christ. The doc told me I'd feel worse before I felt better, but I didn't expect this. Massive anxiety, permanently on the verge of tears, shaking, complete inability to sleep, and really irrational thoughts. Thoughts about giving up on everything and just leaving.
I've done a bit of googling and going straight on to 50mg seems unusual, most people start on 25mg due to the nasty initial side effects. It's so tempting to stop taking them as this is all so much worse than I was feeling before I took the bloody things.
Any one else been through similar with Sertraline? Please tell me it gets better.
I'm on 100mg and if I forget to take it first thing and have it later on I get dreadful insomnia. I've been suffering with depression and really bad anxiety for about 5 months - since my marriage fell apart.
I'm in a job which is very much stiff upper lip, and word such as depression carry a hell of a stigma, so just got my head down and soldiered on.
It's been hell. No two ways about it. Surviving on a few hours disturbed sleep, palpitations, a complete lack of concentration and ability to focus on anything.
I've also lost about 16lbs, which bearing in mind I was only 11st4 to start with is not good.
So, I finally caved and went to my GP. This was a massive step for me, as doing this is an admission that there is actually something wrong.
Anyway, I walked away with prescription for 50mg of Sertraline once a day. Started taking it on Wednesday.
All I can say is Jesus Christ. The doc told me I'd feel worse before I felt better, but I didn't expect this. Massive anxiety, permanently on the verge of tears, shaking, complete inability to sleep, and really irrational thoughts. Thoughts about giving up on everything and just leaving.
I've done a bit of googling and going straight on to 50mg seems unusual, most people start on 25mg due to the nasty initial side effects. It's so tempting to stop taking them as this is all so much worse than I was feeling before I took the bloody things.
Any one else been through similar with Sertraline? Please tell me it gets better.
DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT stop taking them
Doctor really didn't want to give me them and I now see why. What horrible side effects, I work with kids and could not have them near me! I've gone back on the last meds I was given and considering CBT. I'm struggling to cope, been to the doctors twice. Desperate to talk to a professional but I'm just 'in the system' now.
I keep breaking down in floods of tears, my life feels destroyed. My ex has done a stellar job on me this time, really have to give her top marks for what she's done.
feel very suicidal but I don't have the bottle to go through with it.
I keep breaking down in floods of tears, my life feels destroyed. My ex has done a stellar job on me this time, really have to give her top marks for what she's done.
feel very suicidal but I don't have the bottle to go through with it.
mouse1991 said:
I'm struggling to cope, been to the doctors twice. Desperate to talk to a professional but I'm just 'in the system' now.
I keep breaking down in floods of tears, my life feels destroyed. My ex has done a stellar job on me this time, really have to give her top marks for what she's done.
feel very suicidal but I don't have the bottle to go through with it.
Worth a try?I keep breaking down in floods of tears, my life feels destroyed. My ex has done a stellar job on me this time, really have to give her top marks for what she's done.
feel very suicidal but I don't have the bottle to go through with it.
http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/cont...
johnwilliams77 said:
mouse1991 said:
I'm struggling to cope, been to the doctors twice. Desperate to talk to a professional but I'm just 'in the system' now.
I keep breaking down in floods of tears, my life feels destroyed. My ex has done a stellar job on me this time, really have to give her top marks for what she's done.
feel very suicidal but I don't have the bottle to go through with it.
Worth a try?I keep breaking down in floods of tears, my life feels destroyed. My ex has done a stellar job on me this time, really have to give her top marks for what she's done.
feel very suicidal but I don't have the bottle to go through with it.
http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/cont...
mouse1991 said:
I'm struggling to cope, been to the doctors twice. Desperate to talk to a professional but I'm just 'in the system' now.
I keep breaking down in floods of tears, my life feels destroyed. My ex has done a stellar job on me this time, really have to give her top marks for what she's done.
feel very suicidal but I don't have the bottle to go through with it.
Get in touch with them buddy http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/cont...I keep breaking down in floods of tears, my life feels destroyed. My ex has done a stellar job on me this time, really have to give her top marks for what she's done.
feel very suicidal but I don't have the bottle to go through with it.
They are they for you, we are here for you too. This is where pistonheads comes into its own
mouse1991 said:
I'm struggling to cope, been to the doctors twice. Desperate to talk to a professional but I'm just 'in the system' now.
I keep breaking down in floods of tears, my life feels destroyed. My ex has done a stellar job on me this time, really have to give her top marks for what she's done.
feel very suicidal but I don't have the bottle to go through with it.
Please tell us you have spoken to somebody? I laugh at the amount of friends who have openly said 'we are here for you' and never are. I cracked free and posted something on FB trying to educate folks on the matter, an outpouring of we are here, talk etc etc and yet I've yet to see one pick up the phone and say hello, even my family I keep breaking down in floods of tears, my life feels destroyed. My ex has done a stellar job on me this time, really have to give her top marks for what she's done.
feel very suicidal but I don't have the bottle to go through with it.
it is hard when you have no one and if you feel you can't pick up the phone then put it down on here. Plenty to help and lend an ear to bend. Although too hard for you now regardless of what she has done, your ex is an ex for a reason. Try not to focus on what's behind you but everything ahead.
Ave x
Edited by EL11SEG on Sunday 17th July 13:34
Ruskie said:
Only just now getting round to reading your blog. Nothing to add but keep going. I wish I could get the words out of my head like you. Ave x
EL11SEG said:
Only just now getting round to reading your blog. Nothing to add but keep going. I wish I could get the words out of my head like you.
Ave x
Stop wishing. Take a pen and write. Or take to the keyboard and write. The order of the words don't matter. The grammer is irrelevant. The structure important. What you'll find is that, even if you 'cannot write', or 'don't know how to write', you do. It will come. Ave x
Maybe start with this .
I am writing this. I have no idea how to write and no idea where to go with it. I might stop in two minutes, or I might go on for ages. I do it because someone said it might help. But i'm not sure, but i'll give it a go and see what happens. Who knows. Part of me maybe is scared, part of me maybe knows this might help and part of me is still fighing me thinking 'I can't write'. But I can, because even if all I have done is copy these words written on the internet by someone who also 'cannot write', he started somewhere once with a blank page and wrote about stuff that mattered to him. And this is what writing is - talking to a keyboard to help a mind make sense of what was happening to it.
No one is a 'born writer'. Everyone has to start somewhere.
EL11SEG said:
Please tell us you have spoken to somebody? I laugh at the amount of friends who have openly said 'we are here for you' and never are. I cracked free and posted something on FB trying to educate folks on the matter, an outpouring of we are here, talk etc etc and yet I've yet to see one pick up the phone and say hello, even my family it is hard when you have no one and if you feel you can't pick up the phone then put it down on here. Plenty to help and lend an ear to bend.
Although too hard for you now regardless of what she has done, your ex is an ex for a reason. Try not to focus on what's behind you but everything ahead.
Ave x
Was very much focusing on the future, my wife has been out of my head for months and I was starting to enjoy life for the first time in years. it is hard when you have no one and if you feel you can't pick up the phone then put it down on here. Plenty to help and lend an ear to bend. Although too hard for you now regardless of what she has done, your ex is an ex for a reason. Try not to focus on what's behind you but everything ahead.
Ave x
Looks like things are going how I feared, can't see an escape from this one. I can't believe this is it, I'm in total shock. This must be how people feel when they've been given only weeks to live.
And I can only look back in sadness at the events in my life that have lead me here. Me as a little 10 year old boy who had to endure the lasting pain inflicted on them. I so want to travel back in time and give him a great big hug, tell him everything is okay, tell him we'll fix it.
Breaks my heart, I'm in pieces and tears writing this I'm afraid.
You can't always see the wood for the trees but life always sorts itself out, sometimes the only thing necessary is time.
I've been through something very similar to what you're going through years ago, I didn't think I would ever come out the other side but I did.
Dig in, it will pass...
I've been through something very similar to what you're going through years ago, I didn't think I would ever come out the other side but I did.
Dig in, it will pass...
mouse1991 said:
I'm struggling to cope, been to the doctors twice. Desperate to talk to a professional but I'm just 'in the system' now.
I keep breaking down in floods of tears, my life feels destroyed. My ex has done a stellar job on me this time, really have to give her top marks for what she's done.
feel very suicidal but I don't have the bottle to go through with it.
I feel your pain mouse. I've been through similar 'bouts' in the past. Some time later I've been in a happier place and remembered back when I felt like throwing in the towel and thinking 'damn, I know it was a crappy time, but I'm so glad I dug deep and weathered the storm'. There will be better days ahead, even though you have no faith in that concept at the mo. Who or whatever brought you down, don't give them/it the steam off your sI keep breaking down in floods of tears, my life feels destroyed. My ex has done a stellar job on me this time, really have to give her top marks for what she's done.
feel very suicidal but I don't have the bottle to go through with it.
t. If you need a chat, PM me.
Mental health, it's one of those things that are whispered rather than shouted out loud. A bit of back ground. I was repeatedly fostered and adopted after my sperm and egg donors decided they could not be arsed to raise me. It's something ive had to live with for the last 25 odd years. It's left me unable to accept love and constantly question my own merits and abilities. I spend everyday assuming that i'll never add up to anything, never accomplish anything, never trust anyone 100%, to be honest i could vanish and no-one would notice. The worst are the ebbs and flows. Everytime it comes back its more and more tempting to remove my existence from the planet. Each time becomes an internal fight for survival whilst outside im smiling and doing my best to be the person people think i am. I'm getting to the stage where maybe i can't do this anymore, maybe i cant beat/manage this on my own, maybe just maybe i need help. Its not helped by friends that say 'chear up we need you at your best' seemingly unable to accept of handle me at my worse.
V40Vinnie said:
Mental health, it's one of those things that are whispered rather than shouted out loud. A bit of back ground. I was repeatedly fostered and adopted after my sperm and egg donors decided they could not be arsed to raise me. It's something ive had to live with for the last 25 odd years. It's left me unable to accept love and constantly question my own merits and abilities. I spend everyday assuming that i'll never add up to anything, never accomplish anything, never trust anyone 100%, to be honest i could vanish and no-one would notice. The worst are the ebbs and flows. Everytime it comes back its more and more tempting to remove my existence from the planet. Each time becomes an internal fight for survival whilst outside im smiling and doing my best to be the person people think i am. I'm getting to the stage where maybe i can't do this anymore, maybe i cant beat/manage this on my own, maybe just maybe i need help. Its not helped by friends that say 'chear up we need you at your best' seemingly unable to accept of handle me at my worse.
To acknowledge that you need help is a profoundly important first step. To actively seek it is the next. Your life is worth it.Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff