Discussion
drivin_me_nuts said:
To acknowledge that you need help is a profoundly important first step. To actively seek it is the next. Your life is worth it.
That's just it... i have spent forever convincing myself that A) i don't merit being helped its not worth their effot. and B)I should be strong enough on my own, if im not and cant do this alone then i dont deserve my right of survival. I feel im idling in no mans land
Vinnie mate, take it from me, please please please go and see your GP as soon as possible. This was my mistake and I don't want you or others in a similar situation with depression to do the same. By seeing your GP you are taking the first step in the right direction. I hardly ever see my GP and making that first appointment was a huge effort to make at the time and to be honest it had got to the stage in my depression that I only had two choices and I didn't really fancy the alternative to not making a GP appointment.
My GP was brilliant, he never judged me or made me feel anything but his priority. He listened to my circumstances and put me on Sertraline and the waiting list for therapy. He signed me off work for a month which was a huge relief at the time as work was the major problem in my life and had been for around 3 years. In all I was off work for 6 months.
The medication helped to put me back on an even keel, didn't happen overnight this happened over the weeks and months but the thing that made the most difference was the therapy. I was very skeptical about this initially when it was offered to me but my other half pushed me (nicely) into going. It was only after the 5th of 6 sessions I had when the therapist had peeled away the onion layers that I had the light bulb moment and half way through the 6th session I "saw the light" and the huge cloud that had blighted my life for the previous 3 and a half years literally vanished in that instance. I left that session a very different and metaphorically speaking taller man. My life has been much better since then and I started to reduce my medication until stopping a few months after my last therapy session. The only downside of the medication for me was the weight gain but this came off after I stopped using it.
I hope this helps. Depression is a mental illness and it takes guts to admit that you are actually mentally ill, no different to having any other illness, just a bit more customisable in getting you on the road to recovery.
I have hit rock bottom in the past and at the time it appeared there was no way out or any future in anything, my road to recovery began with that one call to my GP and it's definitely the best call I ever made.
All the best
Nige'
My GP was brilliant, he never judged me or made me feel anything but his priority. He listened to my circumstances and put me on Sertraline and the waiting list for therapy. He signed me off work for a month which was a huge relief at the time as work was the major problem in my life and had been for around 3 years. In all I was off work for 6 months.
The medication helped to put me back on an even keel, didn't happen overnight this happened over the weeks and months but the thing that made the most difference was the therapy. I was very skeptical about this initially when it was offered to me but my other half pushed me (nicely) into going. It was only after the 5th of 6 sessions I had when the therapist had peeled away the onion layers that I had the light bulb moment and half way through the 6th session I "saw the light" and the huge cloud that had blighted my life for the previous 3 and a half years literally vanished in that instance. I left that session a very different and metaphorically speaking taller man. My life has been much better since then and I started to reduce my medication until stopping a few months after my last therapy session. The only downside of the medication for me was the weight gain but this came off after I stopped using it.
I hope this helps. Depression is a mental illness and it takes guts to admit that you are actually mentally ill, no different to having any other illness, just a bit more customisable in getting you on the road to recovery.
I have hit rock bottom in the past and at the time it appeared there was no way out or any future in anything, my road to recovery began with that one call to my GP and it's definitely the best call I ever made.
All the best
Nige'
mouse1991 said:
Was very much focusing on the future, my wife has been out of my head for months and I was starting to enjoy life for the first time in years.
Looks like things are going how I feared, can't see an escape from this one. I can't believe this is it, I'm in total shock. This must be how people feel when they've been given only weeks to live.
And I can only look back in sadness at the events in my life that have lead me here. Me as a little 10 year old boy who had to endure the lasting pain inflicted on them. I so want to travel back in time and give him a great big hug, tell him everything is okay, tell him we'll fix it.
Breaks my heart, I'm in pieces and tears writing this I'm afraid.
Chin up man.Looks like things are going how I feared, can't see an escape from this one. I can't believe this is it, I'm in total shock. This must be how people feel when they've been given only weeks to live.
And I can only look back in sadness at the events in my life that have lead me here. Me as a little 10 year old boy who had to endure the lasting pain inflicted on them. I so want to travel back in time and give him a great big hug, tell him everything is okay, tell him we'll fix it.
Breaks my heart, I'm in pieces and tears writing this I'm afraid.
Easily said I know. But you no doubt have friends, colleagues, family too? Who care a great deal for you. Don't do something stupid and permanent for what is a temporary problem. It's never easy to deal with especially if you are like me and wear your heart on your sleeve so to say! It can seem like the absolute end of everything but it honestly isn't!
A quick backstory, without going into a lot of details - Met a girl, thought she was perfect. Turned out she wasn't. We broke up after a good thing had turned very bad.
I personally ended up at rock bottom, having lost my closest friends that I had introduced her to etc, and she ended up shagging someone else in our friend group (this was the hardest bit). I went from going out 2 or 3 times a week and every weekend to hang out with friends to having no-one!
I was right back on the meds, skipping work (day job), as a result of being in a bad way I also ended up not working with my friend (evening/weekends) doing something I genuinely loved, which was yet another blow. Generally I was just not a very nice person to hang out with, always miserable / moping around.
Even after a couple of months I was OK day to day, however I'd still have really dark times where I didn't want to get up (sometimes didn't), I'd either eat nothing or eat nothing but junk, put on a lot of weight. Stopped doing anything related to cars, didn't go to shows, let alone outside, didn't continue my track project, etc. My life was literally box sets on TV, s
t food and a crank from time to time.It took me a good year to 18 months to get over it honestly. A couple of relationships on I'm finally feeling happy, seeing this wonderful woman that I thought i'd never meet, and everything just seems to be going from strength to strength. New job, new experiences, etc
It's been I think 18 months or so, honestly I can't remember (which I think is a great sign meaning I have truly put it behind me) since I broke up with that particular girl and since then with the help of a small circle of awesome friends I have rebuilt myself to a good point. I don't need meds (haven't been on them for nearly 8 months now I think) and generally life has been a lot more positive. The best thing I can say is you need to absolutely put yourself first in terms of your own mental health. If you don't want to do something, don't - Don't feel bad about skipping a night out or leaving a friends house if you want to go home for example. Take a step back, you can be emotionally invested without giving up all of yourself at the same time.
You need to accept whats happened - Do not try to rationalise it, because you can't. Accept the failure (not saying you have failed, but rather the relationship in your case), process it, then let it go and move past it. Cease contact, don't hang out with mutual friends, block her from FB etc.
I've told you the above because, I felt at that moment, that's it, my life is over. I literally was in such a bad way thinking "f
k this, gonna off myself" - "i'll be alone for ever" - "no-one likes me, I'm worthless" and yet looking back now at myself I laugh and think how can I be in that situation haha! But whatever you do, don't be stupid and do something you can't regret. Feel free to Email me if you want.
Edited by xjay1337 on Wednesday 20th July 11:52
V40Vinnie said:
That's just it... i have spent forever convincing myself that A) i don't merit being helped its not worth their effot. and B)I should be strong enough on my own, if im not and cant do this alone then i dont deserve my right of survival.
I feel im idling in no mans land
Vinnie and Mouse,I feel im idling in no mans land
You're NOT alone. We are all here for you and we want you to remember that. Please keep sharing your feelings with us all. We will help you.
The PH Brother/Sisterhood is strong and many have been through very dark days en-route.
Hope this afternoon is a bit better Gents. Often, the mornings can be tougher.
What you got planned for the rest of the day? I've been told I've to clean out my 'Lidl Cupboard' (you know, all the crap that I never bloody needed in the 1st place
)In yer corner Fellas....
Edited by Ali2202 on Wednesday 20th July 12:16
About 3 weeks into the sertraline now, and feeling worse than ever. I'm having multiple anxiety attacks daily - shaking, hyperventilating, crying, nausea. I've never, ever felt this low.
I've permanently got tremors, and feel I could burst into tears at anytime. The motivation to do anything is nil, and if I try and make myself do something positive, like going for a walk im absolutely shattered afterwards.
I'm meant to be back to work on Monday, but have never felt less able to work. So back to the docs I suppose.
The thing I'm struggling with is the acceptance that this is happening to me. MH problems are something that happens to other people, not people like me right?
I also can't see a way to the end. I've had a pretty hard life on and off, and never before have I laid in bed musing different ways to end it all. The rational me will never do it - I have kids and no matter how hard my life gets, they need me - but the fact I'm having those thoughts has made me realise how low I am.
I'm rambling now, but had a bad night, and am dreading what today will bring.
I've permanently got tremors, and feel I could burst into tears at anytime. The motivation to do anything is nil, and if I try and make myself do something positive, like going for a walk im absolutely shattered afterwards.
I'm meant to be back to work on Monday, but have never felt less able to work. So back to the docs I suppose.
The thing I'm struggling with is the acceptance that this is happening to me. MH problems are something that happens to other people, not people like me right?
I also can't see a way to the end. I've had a pretty hard life on and off, and never before have I laid in bed musing different ways to end it all. The rational me will never do it - I have kids and no matter how hard my life gets, they need me - but the fact I'm having those thoughts has made me realise how low I am.
I'm rambling now, but had a bad night, and am dreading what today will bring.
What you are feeling at the moment is "perfectly normal" when in a depressed state. I struggled to get out of bed in the morning, in fact on several occasions I it took me around three hours to get dressed and ready to go out with no awareness of the passage of time. You permanently feel as though you are wading through treacle, everything is an effort and it is physically and mentally exhausting .....and yet we all put on our happy smiley faces when at work etc to put on a brave front so as not to appear weak and to avoid being "judged".
I went through all the above for several years....what I learned from it is that I am human. I am not a robot, I am not superman, I am me....I coped with a lot of s##t for a number of years, Divorce, work, parent with cancer, moving house six times in five years et al......and then I could cope no more....because I'm human. It's not a weakness it's just your physiology telling you that enough is enough. Sometimes it's easy to identify the cause of your depression and in others it's more difficult, this is why I was so pleased to have had the therapy that was offered by my GP, admittedly it wasn't something I initially wanted but it was the best thing that helped me lift out of my depressive state.
I went through all the above for several years....what I learned from it is that I am human. I am not a robot, I am not superman, I am me....I coped with a lot of s##t for a number of years, Divorce, work, parent with cancer, moving house six times in five years et al......and then I could cope no more....because I'm human. It's not a weakness it's just your physiology telling you that enough is enough. Sometimes it's easy to identify the cause of your depression and in others it's more difficult, this is why I was so pleased to have had the therapy that was offered by my GP, admittedly it wasn't something I initially wanted but it was the best thing that helped me lift out of my depressive state.
Thank you. That's quite reassuring. As I'm sure you understand, I'm at the point where I'm feeling that I'm the only person I the world to feel like this.
I suppose I just need to get my head around the fact that recovery from this is a marathon not a sprint. I just desperately want to wake up tomorrow and be better.
I suppose I just need to get my head around the fact that recovery from this is a marathon not a sprint. I just desperately want to wake up tomorrow and be better.
Yes it is. And depression hurts.
It hurts physically with aches and pains like you're run a marathon untrained.
It hurts emotionally like part of you inside has been torn open.
It hurts mentally through a brain that often leaves you utterly befuddled and ewildered and what's happening ... and it doesn't bloody switch off!
But gradually it will switch off the worst of the pain and the body heals and the emotions settle into something called stability.
You're not alone. You may feel it, but many walk the very same path. Keep on keeping on.
It hurts physically with aches and pains like you're run a marathon untrained.
It hurts emotionally like part of you inside has been torn open.
It hurts mentally through a brain that often leaves you utterly befuddled and ewildered and what's happening ... and it doesn't bloody switch off!
But gradually it will switch off the worst of the pain and the body heals and the emotions settle into something called stability.
You're not alone. You may feel it, but many walk the very same path. Keep on keeping on.
wiliferus said:
Thank you. That's quite reassuring. As I'm sure you understand, I'm at the point where I'm feeling that I'm the only person I the world to feel like this.
I suppose I just need to get my head around the fact that recovery from this is a marathon not a sprint. I just desperately want to wake up tomorrow and be better.
I would not post this as don't like my business to air on Internet but if it helps you.I suppose I just need to get my head around the fact that recovery from this is a marathon not a sprint. I just desperately want to wake up tomorrow and be better.
35 male, fit good job etc and have suffered with all this crap. Feel the same want to wake up and it's gone.
Good luck dude
drivin_me_nuts said:
Yes it is. And depression hurts.
It hurts physically with aches and pains like you're run a marathon untrained.
It hurts emotionally like part of you inside has been torn open.
It hurts mentally through a brain that often leaves you utterly befuddled and ewildered and what's happening ... and it doesn't bloody switch off!
But gradually it will switch off the worst of the pain and the body heals and the emotions settle into something called stability.
You're not alone. You may feel it, but many walk the very same path. Keep on keeping on.
Yup this man knows.It hurts physically with aches and pains like you're run a marathon untrained.
It hurts emotionally like part of you inside has been torn open.
It hurts mentally through a brain that often leaves you utterly befuddled and ewildered and what's happening ... and it doesn't bloody switch off!
But gradually it will switch off the worst of the pain and the body heals and the emotions settle into something called stability.
You're not alone. You may feel it, but many walk the very same path. Keep on keeping on.
Honestly just because you (speaking generally to the current posters) feel alone many people have similar feelings to many of those (us) who have/do felt/feel like this.
Don't attribute things by saying middle aged, good job, beautiful mrs, you can have everything in life that makes you happy but you still don't feel right.
It's a proper s
t thing but people are not alone and on here and in real life, friends etc you will find people to help you through.wiliferus said:
Thank you. That's quite reassuring. As I'm sure you understand, I'm at the point where I'm feeling that I'm the only person I the world to feel like this.
I suppose I just need to get my head around the fact that recovery from this is a marathon not a sprint. I just desperately want to wake up tomorrow and be better.
Please hang on in there, these drugs take time to kick in, sometimes even six weeks.I suppose I just need to get my head around the fact that recovery from this is a marathon not a sprint. I just desperately want to wake up tomorrow and be better.
I promise you, you WILL get better.......as you say it is a marathon, not a sprint...think of it in those terms.
Thank you all. It's just nice to post here and put stuff down in words.
And yes, likewise, 37, reasonably fit and healthy, pretty decent responsible job. That's why it's knocked me for 6. I just didn't expect it to get me.
I almost don't know how to beat it. It's new to me. If you have a bad back, you have Physio. If you have a cold you take paracetamol, drink lots, and man the fk up. If you have a head ache you pop a few anadin.
I don't know how to make this go.
And yes, likewise, 37, reasonably fit and healthy, pretty decent responsible job. That's why it's knocked me for 6. I just didn't expect it to get me.
I almost don't know how to beat it. It's new to me. If you have a bad back, you have Physio. If you have a cold you take paracetamol, drink lots, and man the f
k up. If you have a head ache you pop a few anadin. I don't know how to make this go.
Edited by wiliferus on Thursday 21st July 20:52
wiliferus said:
Thank you all. It's just nice to post here and put stuff down in words.
And yes, likewise, 37, reasonably fit and healthy, pretty decent responsible job. That's why it's knocked me for 6. I just didn't expect it to get me.
I almost don't know how to beat it. It's new to me. If you have a bad back, you have Physio. If you have a cold you take paracetamol, drink lots, and man the fk up. If you have a head ache you pop a few anadin.
I don't know how to make this go.
Unfortunately there is no one size fits all but you might find the mediatation practice on https://www.headspace.com to be of help as discussed on page 50 of this thread And yes, likewise, 37, reasonably fit and healthy, pretty decent responsible job. That's why it's knocked me for 6. I just didn't expect it to get me.
I almost don't know how to beat it. It's new to me. If you have a bad back, you have Physio. If you have a cold you take paracetamol, drink lots, and man the f
k up. If you have a head ache you pop a few anadin. I don't know how to make this go.
Edited by wiliferus on Thursday 21st July 20:52
Good luck !
olly22n said:
wiliferus said:
Just back from the docs. Another script for sertraline, same dose. And signed off for another 3 weeks.
Funnily enough the doc also recommended the Headspace app, so will have a look at it shortly.
Feel a bit flat today, numb. Still, onwards and upwards.
What happened? and why sertraline?Funnily enough the doc also recommended the Headspace app, so will have a look at it shortly.
Feel a bit flat today, numb. Still, onwards and upwards.
I just hope it starts working instead of making me feel like s
t. wiliferus said:
He just asked my how I was coping etc, which the answer was 'not very well'. I think Sertraline seem to be the drug of choice at the moment for GPs.
I just hope it starts working instead of making me feel like st.
I was in a similar situation to you last year, I can relate to the feelings you mentioned.I just hope it starts working instead of making me feel like s
t. My GP recommended Citalopram+Lyrica which took the edge off the panics and negative thoughts, but I do remember feeling like utter s
t for the first 6 weeks, once over the "hump" they definitely started to help...so stick it out and go back to the docs if you feel they're not working, there's so many options to try if the Sertraline doesn't work out.Oh and if you fancy a wee tip that helped me - get out of the house...even if you just go down to the park and sit in your car with the radio on watching the world go by, that'll do for now. Small steps.
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