Depression

Author
Discussion

Hilts

4,383 posts

281 months

Thursday 28th July 2016
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I posted earlier in this thread about my friend.

Sadly, the fight is now over for him.

We don't know for sure but I don't think it was intentional suicide. Perhaps, well if I die...

He left a note not that long ago, not a suicide note he said, just 'funeral arrangements as an advisory due to what may come.'

I don't know if I could've done any more.

One of his requests was for a passage to be read from 1984. I shall do that for him.

Peace.

Edited by Hilts on Thursday 28th July 07:25

5potTurbo

12,482 posts

167 months

Thursday 28th July 2016
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I'm very sorry to read that, Hilts.
My sincere condolences.

wiliferus

4,053 posts

197 months

Thursday 28th July 2016
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Likewise, very sorry for your loss mate.

Give him a great send off.

crazy about cars

4,454 posts

168 months

Thursday 28th July 2016
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What sad news...my deepest condolences Hilts.

crazy about cars

4,454 posts

168 months

Thursday 28th July 2016
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I've noticed there's quite a lot of people suffering depression which are work related.

I'm on the same wagon, stress and worry for work has unfortunately made my depression and anxiety symptoms worse.
Although I have found another job and really can't wait to start. Just have to go through month of notice period...

Thing is I find it very hard to make friends, in fact I don't think I have any now except online ones. Again I'm happy to find such a great forum which I can genuinely share my feelings.

Just had an accident too this morning where I'm hit from behind whilst stationary. Damage didn't look too serious but I'm quite shaken. Embarrassed to admit but I'm feeling very anxious too, to the point where I'm scared to drive. Hopefully this will pass soon... Time for quick lie down.




Edited by crazy about cars on Thursday 28th July 08:48

xjay1337

15,966 posts

117 months

Thursday 28th July 2016
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V40Vinnie said:
What an utterly bullst day. Stuck on a department at work with someone that really pisses me off and has no apparant moral code. She then spends the day trying to pry and find out why im so pissed off today, well wench you're not exactly helping. Its all added to a day that felt more than i could handle
May not work for everyone but I find the best way to deal with that situation is put it out into the open.

If you don't like someone and you have to spend time with them, let them know nicely. For example, you are stuck on a project and working with someone you don't like and they are asking you loads of questions.

You can say something like, Can we just keep the conversation to a professional level please? Or, I'd rather just focus on my work.

The less they get the hint, the more blunt you can be, until eventually you can say, to be honest I don't really think our personalities go very well together and I'd rather say as little to you as possible.

timolloyd

229 posts

159 months

Thursday 28th July 2016
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Hilts said:
I posted earlier in this thread about my friend.

Sadly, the fight is now over for him.

We don't know for sure but I don't think it was intentional suicide. Perhaps, well if I die...

He left a note not that long ago, not a suicide note he said, just 'funeral arrangements as an advisory due to what may come.'

I don't know if I could've done any more.

One of his requests was for a passage to be read from 1984. I shall do that for him.

Peace.

Edited by Hilts on Thursday 28th July 07:25
Very sorry for your loss. So hard to lose someone in this way.

Hilts

4,383 posts

281 months

Thursday 28th July 2016
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5potTurbo said:
I'm very sorry to read that, Hilts.
My sincere condolences.
Thank you very much and also to the other posters too.

I wish all of you who have depression and those who care for people with depression all the best.

I've just seen the loss of a brilliant man.

crazy about cars

4,454 posts

168 months

Friday 29th July 2016
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Sorry for the rant but lately I feel that I'm falling into that dark hole again...
I can't remember last time I genuinely feel happy, always anxious and every day is an uphill struggle for me. All I want to do is just to crawl in bed and sleep. Worse thing is that I find it hard to face my family and just want to avoid them. Breaks my heart but it's just something I can't control.

Hate this feeling, absolutely hate it. Been through a few difficult situations which I believe might have made things worse. I don't want to feel like this so I will consider going back on medication... have an appointment with mental health team in 2 weeks so would discuss this option then.

To be honest I really don't want to go back on medication as I've been through quite a lot 10 years ago and the experience good. However I also don't want to continue feeling like this as it's a path leading to self destruction. It's just not fair to my family.

Overheard a conversation at work about someone taking time off for depression and comments about faking it. To be fair looking at me from another person's eyes there's no physical symptoms at all and I do look normal. It's just so hard to explain to others what's going inside my head. Feels like a life sentence to me, I just want to be normal, to be normal so I can enjoy rest of my life with my family frown

curlyks2

1,028 posts

145 months

Friday 29th July 2016
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crazy about cars said:
I've noticed there's quite a lot of people suffering depression which are work related.
On that page - signed off... which actually causes a horrible dilemma: can't face going in, but SSP doesn't cover the mortgage so can't not go in for very long.

crazy about cars said:
Sorry for the rant but lately I feel that I'm falling into that dark hole again...
No apologies needed.

crazy about cars said:
Overheard a conversation at work about someone taking time off for depression and comments about faking it. To be fair looking at me from another person's eyes there's no physical symptoms at all and I do look normal.
Same here. I'd almost prefer to break a leg, then the conversation is more like:
Cow-orker 1: what's he done?
Cow-orker 2: broken his leg.
Cow-orker 1: oh. have you seen him?
Cow-orker 2: yeah. he was in traction, leg up and incoherent on painkillers.

Rather than:
Cow-orker 1: what's he done?
Cow-orker 2: anxiety and depression.
Cow-orker 1: oh. he was completely normal when I saw him last.
Cow-orker 2: yeah, I thought so too.

It's not helped for me by being even more anti-people than usual when severely down. Visitors don't usually want to hear "no I don't want you to visit because I can't cope with your bullst right now and with the related anger management issues I'm more likely to rip your throat out than attempt conversation."

crazy about cars

4,454 posts

168 months

Friday 29th July 2016
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@curlyks2: don't think I can sign off as current manager looking for every chance to make my life miserable. Handed in noticed thought I've got new start, light end of tunnel and all that jazz but turns out I could be played a fool.

So, might end up jobless but hey ho... Least it finally gives me some time off. Not sure how long my savings going to last though but guess there's always a way out ...

Hilts

4,383 posts

281 months

Saturday 30th July 2016
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crazy about cars said:
Sorry for the rant but lately I feel that I'm falling into that dark hole again...
I can't remember last time I genuinely feel happy, always anxious and every day is an uphill struggle for me. All I want to do is just to crawl in bed and sleep. Worse thing is that I find it hard to face my family and just want to avoid them. Breaks my heart but it's just something I can't control.

Hate this feeling, absolutely hate it. Been through a few difficult situations which I believe might have made things worse. I don't want to feel like this so I will consider going back on medication... have an appointment with mental health team in 2 weeks so would discuss this option then.

To be honest I really don't want to go back on medication as I've been through quite a lot 10 years ago and the experience good. However I also don't want to continue feeling like this as it's a path leading to self destruction. It's just not fair to my family.

Overheard a conversation at work about someone taking time off for depression and comments about faking it. To be fair looking at me from another person's eyes there's no physical symptoms at all and I do look normal. It's just so hard to explain to others what's going inside my head. Feels like a life sentence to me, I just want to be normal, to be normal so I can enjoy rest of my life with my family frown
Rant away mate, easy for me to say I know but please don't do anything daft. I think my mate was in a very similar position to yourself.

Sorry you're feeling down.

Pity you weren't closer to me, I'd go out for a few jars with you.

My mate's funeral is scheduled for the 13th. Sort of looking forward to it and not, it will bring some closure I guess.

I'm reading two parts of 1984, my mate's brother is a RNR Lt and will also be making a short speech, he's used to public speaking though so may find it easier than me. The last time I did anything like this was met briefings and and also a presentation on wake turbulence!

I feel for his mother, her husband died not that long ago. He was a super guy, MN Captain. She also lost her oldest son not that long ago too.

I'll miss my mate terribly, we were born together almost at the same time in the same small ward. Only me and my mate were in there. I'll be reading a passage from 1984 and also a small fitting quote. I hope I can keep it together, there will be a lot of army folk there.




Edited by Hilts on Saturday 30th July 18:52

caduceus

6,069 posts

265 months

Sunday 31st July 2016
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My sincere condolences Hilts. Such a tragic loss of life. He put up a great fight for so many years. Many don't. Take comfort in the fact you helped him stay on this planet for a while longer.
I too lost a friend in similar circumstances late last year. Actually took a ride over his flat (which still isn't sold yet) last night for a few moments. Still miss the silly sod.

Depression is a silent and cunning disease with more guile than the SAS could ever dream of. Just when you think you've got it licked, it finds a way to creep up and take over again. I'll cry tears of joy the day the government (and the world) finally give mental health the attention and funding it has needed for many years to tackle it and support sufferers properly and effectively.

wiliferus

4,053 posts

197 months

Sunday 31st July 2016
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I've hit a strange place in my 'recovery'. After what has been 4 weeks of hell, I now feel in a reasonable decent place. The pills have apparently done their work, and I feel quite balanced. In fact I'd go far as to say I've had a few good days recently.

But, this has unsettled me! Now I'm seemingly ok, I'm worrying about when I'll next fall. I've read enough to know anxiety and depression come and go, so now I'm worrying about when the next trough will be. Ironic isn't it! It's almost as if I don't want to be happy. When I was really low, at least I knew what I was dealing with and what each day would bring. Now it feels like I've signed up for an emotional lottery.


ruggedscotty

5,606 posts

208 months

Sunday 31st July 2016
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Getting it together....



And it unravels....

Been through the mill so to speak. Life can and does give you a kicking from time to time. Depression is a very loose description of a whole host of suffering. And yes it is suffering.

Someone once said unless you can walk in the same shoes then maybe you dont understand, maybe you dont get it. And that is so very true. Life is indeed s##t at times, thats just the way life is, some have it all and have a life that you may envy, but do you know them do you know the real them or is it just your view of that person that you envy ?


I was getting it together, had a Canadian girlfriend that I thought the world off, was building up savings and trying to get over to set up home with her. One of the ways that I thought I could do this was work overseas and I got a job with a facilities company in Bosnia providing facilities support to the british army camps. You know when things start to fit into place when its progressing in the direction that you want.

Id a mid tour leave and was home for four weeks, went out to Vancouver and proposed, was happy and looking forward to the future. Happy days.

Well the mid tour ended and I went back over to Bosnia, was looking at doing another couple of years out here - good work and decent money. Food accom and the like was all included in the job so money was being saved and pocket money was literally beer money.

August is always a difficult month for me, especially around the end as it marks a significant anniversary. back in 1998 I was in a landrover being driven by someone else, the landrover struck a parked truck and I recieved some serious injuries. Nothing obvious outwardly but I had a swelling in my brain and a bleed that was causing concerns. sub dural haemotoma. Was moved from Sipovo where the accident happened to Sarajevo where they had a CT scanner at the german field hospital. I was air lifted there and it didnt look too great. They decided to medivac me home.

I got home and had surgery to remove a clot that was causing concern. That probably saved my life. The accident really knocked the stuffing from me and it took me a long time to recover. It never goes back to the way it was before. That accident impacted me medically psycologically and financially. The road to recovery wasnt smooth, yes they fixed the immediate issues and those were taken care of but the fall out took longer. My drivers licence was suspended for six months due to the burr hole surgery, that was the better option as the skull flap method meant that my licence would be taken for a minumum of 12 months. I ended up going through a few episodes of post turmatic stress and also suffered quite bad from depression from the fall out. its never easy and it takes a while to work through and deal with it, there is no magic pill to fix it, what ever you go through they help you by working through these issues and trying to build in the coping mechanisims that you will need to help you though it. You need that. You need the support as its almost impossible to work through on your own. self doubt, anger and various other issues, tirdness through the lack of sleep ? The nightmares bite - you think of the best home cinema and your mind can better that ten fold. seriously its like you are going through it again but this time you know whats going to happen. the night terrors and all that, no wonder you are tired.
Trying to deal with human interactions again, the banal annoys, whould you like one lump or two ? Really you think thats important do you. Its like you are not in the same sphere, and it takes time to work though those issues.

I have no answer I cant tell you that this works or that works as we are all wired differently, we all have our triggers and we we all self trigger as it can be better with the devil you know than dealing with a new experiance and fear of the unknown. yes is that wierd that its messed up like that, but thats how I found it. Maybe Im the messed up and that its not like that for others, but then again who has walked in my shoes ? its hard to analyse its hard to break down a break down, and fixing it is not the easiest job out there.

Hilts

4,383 posts

281 months

Sunday 31st July 2016
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caduceus said:
My sincere condolences Hilts. Such a tragic loss of life. He put up a great fight for so many years. Many don't. Take comfort in the fact you helped him stay on this planet for a while longer.
I too lost a friend in similar circumstances late last year. Actually took a ride over his flat (which still isn't sold yet) last night for a few moments. Still miss the silly sod.

Depression is a silent and cunning disease with more guile than the SAS could ever dream of. Just when you think you've got it licked, it finds a way to creep up and take over again. I'll cry tears of joy the day the government (and the world) finally give mental health the attention and funding it has needed for many years to tackle it and support sufferers properly and effectively.
Thank you very much for your thoughtful words. Sorry to hear about your friend.

I've certainly learned a little something about depression, thing is at school I never suspected a thing. I always looked up to him, he was certainly more outgoing and confident than me and I don't think I was lacking in that department.

I think the clinical depression he had destroyed him as effectively as any fatal disease.

wiliferus

4,053 posts

197 months

Friday 5th August 2016
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For those that weren't aware...sad news.

http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...

DMN was a great contributor to this thread and IMHO always replied in a very caring, genuine way. A great loss. frown


xjay1337

15,966 posts

117 months

Friday 5th August 2016
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F*ck sake. Poor bloke :-(

A shame. RIP.

mouse1991

21 posts

131 months

Friday 2nd September 2016
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Sad to hear about DMN.

Feels like life is spiraling out of my control again. I'm back in therapy but there seems little they can do, same old ground being covered.

Just back from a few days away camping with my son. Can't say I enjoyed any of it, it was just filled with anxiety, depression and guilty. Spent most of it watching other people enjoy themselves and wishing it was me.

Yesterday, we were sat at the top of a very high cliff overlooking the sea. Weather was beautiful, scenery was spectacular but all I could think was 'one day, this would be a great place to jump from'. What sort of sane person thinks that? Scares me that the thought of it doesn't bother me anymore.

God I hope I can find a way through this.



xjay1337

15,966 posts

117 months

Friday 2nd September 2016
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Sorry to hear that. Must be a horrible sensation.

Are you talking to anyone about it, partner, friends, relatives? GP?

That will help in itself smile

I've been feeling a tad down these past few weeks myself - can't really put my finger on as to why.
I'm feeling somewhat distanced from my friends who never seem to want to do anything as a group, but when they do I'm often the last to know or not even invited.

My mrs is great and keeps me happy but it's sort of like I feel my happiness draining throughout the day and she'll top it up and then it will drain again. I have to constantly remind myself not to be miserable around her (not that she makes me miserable, far from it, I just feel very meh overall).

Having some issues at the moment going back and forth to the doctors and hospitals for some issues, lots of scans and tests etc so maybe it's that and once whatever it is, is all fixed, then I'll be back to my usual self lol.