Discussion
xjay1337 said:
Good luck. Update on here if you want 
Soov535 said:
Please update us buddy.
Thanks. I'm feeling brighter than two weeks ago, which I had to. Had a big work trip last week including visiting the 'ring & Spa which helped distract somewhat. Been keeping at the running, no booze. Doc gave me prescription for AD's, starting that soon although feel slightly reluctant. Only counseling offered was to contact 'therapy for you' who I've engaged with in the past. They were s
t, but I'll try it anyway. Blood tests indicate my testosterone is down too, don't know why or what effect this might have, but it'll be looked into. Still missing the ex terribly, I just can't get away from the feeling that my life is supposed to be different right now, that she'd be very happy with the way I've changed and 'if only she could see' then we'd have that big love back. Although I feel it's most likely done forever I have to try a few more steps, I can't give up on it just yet.Glad to hear you're doing ok
Ring and Spa sounds amazing!
Regarding the ex, its hard I know full well how you feel by the way, but you need to accept that she and you are not together anymore. Accepting this and not trying to get any reconciliation.
To move past it you need to try your best to not miss her or feel you'd get on now.
The boat has sailed and you need to now look for alternative transport and a hotel
Ring and Spa sounds amazing!
Regarding the ex, its hard I know full well how you feel by the way, but you need to accept that she and you are not together anymore. Accepting this and not trying to get any reconciliation.
To move past it you need to try your best to not miss her or feel you'd get on now.
The boat has sailed and you need to now look for alternative transport and a hotel
xjay1337 said:
Glad to hear you're doing ok
Ring and Spa sounds amazing!
Regarding the ex, its hard I know full well how you feel by the way, but you need to accept that she and you are not together anymore. Accepting this and not trying to get any reconciliation.
To move past it you need to try your best to not miss her or feel you'd get on now.
The boat has sailed and you need to now look for alternative transport and a hotel
Had a massive wobble tonight, sat in tears for a good hour or so, feeling hopeless and lonely. Went to pharmacy and got my prescription, so hopefully the Ad's will kick in a couple of weeks to balance me out. Bit better now, it feels almost like I bottle up the emotions and need to release every so often.Ring and Spa sounds amazing!
Regarding the ex, its hard I know full well how you feel by the way, but you need to accept that she and you are not together anymore. Accepting this and not trying to get any reconciliation.
To move past it you need to try your best to not miss her or feel you'd get on now.
The boat has sailed and you need to now look for alternative transport and a hotel
I don't agree about accepting the breakup, we got derailed by the chaos that happened in my life, and I know she would have been happy with the changes that have happened. I can't just stop missing her, she is profoundly in my heart, and I feel like I'm in a parallel incorrect life, I should be with her. I've met loads of girls since, and none of them are even close to what I had with her, it's just proven to me she was the one. Ultimately I think I need to see her, talk to her about the possibility and if I see in her eyes that it's gone then I have no option but to let go. Until that happens I'm somewhat in limbo.
othername said:
Had a massive wobble tonight, sat in tears for a good hour or so, feeling hopeless and lonely. Went to pharmacy and got my prescription, so hopefully the Ad's will kick in a couple of weeks to balance me out. Bit better now, it feels almost like I bottle up the emotions and need to release every so often.
I don't agree about accepting the breakup, we got derailed by the chaos that happened in my life, and I know she would have been happy with the changes that have happened. I can't just stop missing her, she is profoundly in my heart, and I feel like I'm in a parallel incorrect life, I should be with her. I've met loads of girls since, and none of them are even close to what I had with her, it's just proven to me she was the one. Ultimately I think I need to see her, talk to her about the possibility and if I see in her eyes that it's gone then I have no option but to let go. Until that happens I'm somewhat in limbo.
The One That Got Away. We all have one, it's perfectly normal and I think if it's meant to be, it'll happen. In the meantime, it might help you if you can be somewhere in the moment, as in - now. The present. Because it sounds a lot like you're in the past and as that gets further away from you a) you spend more time there and less time here and b) you remember it different to what it wasI don't agree about accepting the breakup, we got derailed by the chaos that happened in my life, and I know she would have been happy with the changes that have happened. I can't just stop missing her, she is profoundly in my heart, and I feel like I'm in a parallel incorrect life, I should be with her. I've met loads of girls since, and none of them are even close to what I had with her, it's just proven to me she was the one. Ultimately I think I need to see her, talk to her about the possibility and if I see in her eyes that it's gone then I have no option but to let go. Until that happens I'm somewhat in limbo.
Wobbles are good. Because you can see it was a wobble that means you were feeling one way, and then another. You werent always feeling the same way.
andy-xr said:
othername said:
Had a massive wobble tonight, sat in tears for a good hour or so, feeling hopeless and lonely. Went to pharmacy and got my prescription, so hopefully the Ad's will kick in a couple of weeks to balance me out. Bit better now, it feels almost like I bottle up the emotions and need to release every so often.
I don't agree about accepting the breakup, we got derailed by the chaos that happened in my life, and I know she would have been happy with the changes that have happened. I can't just stop missing her, she is profoundly in my heart, and I feel like I'm in a parallel incorrect life, I should be with her. I've met loads of girls since, and none of them are even close to what I had with her, it's just proven to me she was the one. Ultimately I think I need to see her, talk to her about the possibility and if I see in her eyes that it's gone then I have no option but to let go. Until that happens I'm somewhat in limbo.
The One That Got Away. We all have one, it's perfectly normal and I think if it's meant to be, it'll happen. In the meantime, it might help you if you can be somewhere in the moment, as in - now. The present. Because it sounds a lot like you're in the past and as that gets further away from you a) you spend more time there and less time here and b) you remember it different to what it wasI don't agree about accepting the breakup, we got derailed by the chaos that happened in my life, and I know she would have been happy with the changes that have happened. I can't just stop missing her, she is profoundly in my heart, and I feel like I'm in a parallel incorrect life, I should be with her. I've met loads of girls since, and none of them are even close to what I had with her, it's just proven to me she was the one. Ultimately I think I need to see her, talk to her about the possibility and if I see in her eyes that it's gone then I have no option but to let go. Until that happens I'm somewhat in limbo.
Wobbles are good. Because you can see it was a wobble that means you were feeling one way, and then another. You werent always feeling the same way.
A few ex's ago I literally thought it was perfect and then it went bad very quickly and yet we stayed together for another 8 or 9 months. I was miserable, I'd work till Midnight and literally go for a 2 hour drive crying my eyes out, sleep around 3am and then back in the office for 9am.
This carried on for a long time, I was literally miserable in everything I did. My friend who I worked with soon spotted this, kept telling me to basically man up, sack her off and move on. I wouldn't/couldn't, too scared of what life would possibly be like. After all it's better to be in a relationship and miserable, right?
Well it wasn't, and when we did eventually break up I had a very dark 2 or 3 weeks where I literally wanted to die. I was sleeping 2, maybe 3 hours a night tops.
In my case we were not right for each other, in your case, maybe you were right for each other, maybe you weren't (I guess we are not here to discuss that).
We are here to help you get through today, tomorrow, next week, next month and next year (and so on).
I honestly - and with greatest respect for your feelings and emotions towards your ex - do not think it's healthy or conducive towards 'moving on' to keep her in your heart and mind. You have to accept that if she's called it off then while there may be some chance of reconcillation, will her whole heart be in it for the long run? It's very, very, very rare that people break up (especially in the case of mental illness, depression or other health problems) to then get back together. My view is you should either stand by that person or not.
Some people do not have the stomach / energy / understanding to deal with someone with a mental or physical illness, and that is fair enough. I think we all have our limits and at some point we all would go "f
k this" and move on. Our own limits depend on our own personality, what we want from life/relationship and our own understanding of those issues. I doubt if she left you during a down period of yours that she would be around come the next one.It will take a few weeks for the Ad's as you said, I woke up one morning and just felt numb. But weirdly content. That's how I knew they had started. You could have told me my Mum died and I'd have probably shrugged it off at the time. But we all react differently.
If you are literally dead-set on getting back with your ex then fine, do that, but expect to come out the other side even more confused and lost than you are now - Anything over and above that is a bonus. It sounds harsh but that is the reality to expect, nearly every break up has one person who still has the feelings and, obviously without knowing the situation in more detail, I'm worried that it's you and she has moved on.
So looking at st for a second. Its based on a perception of something not good. A position in life, your standing in society sounds like something you think has gone to st
If its possible that you can turn things to st, and st is completely controlled by your definition of it, then the reverse is also true. You can make things good
Good is completely controlled by you.
t for a second. Its based on a perception of something not good. A position in life, your standing in society sounds like something you think has gone to stIf its possible that you can turn things to s
t, and st is completely controlled by your definition of it, then the reverse is also true. You can make things goodGood is completely controlled by you.
279 said:
Sorry about this, but I cant sleep and felt a self indulgent vent coming on...
I recently made a major life decision (jacking my job and going to university) in the 'pursuit of hapiness' (long time depression suffer), but now the realities of what I've choosen to do are beginning to hit home, I can't help but think that I have made a huge mistake.
Its made no difference to my mood, in fact not being able to properly provide for myself for the first time since childhood has made things arugely worse. Any tiny bit of self esteem I've managed to build up over the years has evaporated to the point where I cant even make eye contact anymore. I am avoiding tbe few calls and emails i receive, I'm drinking far more than I should be ( but hey, I'm a student...) and my dreams are becoming increasing vivid and unpleasant. This is ontop of my generl rdclusiveness, low mood and general mental fkary.
It's starting to feel like everything that I touch or will touch is bound to turn to a steaming pile of st. No matter how much I tell myself it'll be different, no matter how hard I try or how good my intentions or what support I receive, I am going to fk it up in no time flat and leave the broken pieces for my long suffering family to piece back together so we can do the whole thing again.
Why they continue to love a fool that cant love (or vaguely like...) himself is beyond me, but they are wonderful people that I would love to be able to make proud, protect and provide for but forever going around in this infinate loop of depression, anxiety and self loathing is getting tiresome and embarrassing, for me and more importantly for them.
I'm just not not sure how to proceed with life. Or even if I should.
Anyway Thanks for reading.
Why did you go to uni and what was the subject? I recently made a major life decision (jacking my job and going to university) in the 'pursuit of hapiness' (long time depression suffer), but now the realities of what I've choosen to do are beginning to hit home, I can't help but think that I have made a huge mistake.
Its made no difference to my mood, in fact not being able to properly provide for myself for the first time since childhood has made things arugely worse. Any tiny bit of self esteem I've managed to build up over the years has evaporated to the point where I cant even make eye contact anymore. I am avoiding tbe few calls and emails i receive, I'm drinking far more than I should be ( but hey, I'm a student...) and my dreams are becoming increasing vivid and unpleasant. This is ontop of my generl rdclusiveness, low mood and general mental f
kary.It's starting to feel like everything that I touch or will touch is bound to turn to a steaming pile of s
t. No matter how much I tell myself it'll be different, no matter how hard I try or how good my intentions or what support I receive, I am going to fk it up in no time flat and leave the broken pieces for my long suffering family to piece back together so we can do the whole thing again.Why they continue to love a fool that cant love (or vaguely like...) himself is beyond me, but they are wonderful people that I would love to be able to make proud, protect and provide for but forever going around in this infinate loop of depression, anxiety and self loathing is getting tiresome and embarrassing, for me and more importantly for them.
I'm just not not sure how to proceed with life. Or even if I should.
Anyway Thanks for reading.
Edited by 279 on Wednesday 2nd November 05:38
othername said:
I think I need to see her, talk to her about the possibility and if I see in her eyes that it's gone then I have no option but to let go. Until that happens I'm somewhat in limbo.
Being able to move on is the hardest but only thing you should do. Time will heal and seeing her will only put you back to day one of the split. I thought of the d day landings, a la Saving Private Ryan - you've got to grit your teeth and do that running up the beach being shot at bit to get where you need to be, as standing still or going back to the waters edge will do you no good at all.Edited by V6Pushfit on Wednesday 2nd November 09:36
279 said:
Sorry about this, but I cant sleep and felt a self indulgent vent coming on...
I recently made a major life decision (jacking my job and going to university) in the 'pursuit of hapiness' (long time depression suffer), but now the realities of what I've choosen to do are beginning to hit home, I can't help but think that I have made a huge mistake.
Its made no difference to my mood, in fact not being able to properly provide for myself for the first time since childhood has made things arugely worse. Any tiny bit of self esteem I've managed to build up over the years has evaporated to the point where I cant even make eye contact anymore. I am avoiding tbe few calls and emails i receive, I'm drinking far more than I should be ( but hey, I'm a student...) and my dreams are becoming increasing vivid and unpleasant. This is ontop of my generl rdclusiveness, low mood and general mental fkary.
It's starting to feel like everything that I touch or will touch is bound to turn to a steaming pile of st. No matter how much I tell myself it'll be different, no matter how hard I try or how good my intentions or what support I receive, I am going to fk it up in no time flat and leave the broken pieces for my long suffering family to piece back together so we can do the whole thing again.
Why they continue to love a fool that cant love (or vaguely like...) himself is beyond me, but they are wonderful people that I would love to be able to make proud, protect and provide for but forever going around in this infinate loop of depression, anxiety and self loathing is getting tiresome and embarrassing, for me and more importantly for them.
I'm just not not sure how to proceed with life. Or even if I should.
Anyway Thanks for reading.
It isn't a sprint, it is a marathon. Uni study is never wasted and if you had a corporate position before which bestowed on you a sense of self worth, you can get another one.I recently made a major life decision (jacking my job and going to university) in the 'pursuit of hapiness' (long time depression suffer), but now the realities of what I've choosen to do are beginning to hit home, I can't help but think that I have made a huge mistake.
Its made no difference to my mood, in fact not being able to properly provide for myself for the first time since childhood has made things arugely worse. Any tiny bit of self esteem I've managed to build up over the years has evaporated to the point where I cant even make eye contact anymore. I am avoiding tbe few calls and emails i receive, I'm drinking far more than I should be ( but hey, I'm a student...) and my dreams are becoming increasing vivid and unpleasant. This is ontop of my generl rdclusiveness, low mood and general mental f
kary.It's starting to feel like everything that I touch or will touch is bound to turn to a steaming pile of s
t. No matter how much I tell myself it'll be different, no matter how hard I try or how good my intentions or what support I receive, I am going to fk it up in no time flat and leave the broken pieces for my long suffering family to piece back together so we can do the whole thing again.Why they continue to love a fool that cant love (or vaguely like...) himself is beyond me, but they are wonderful people that I would love to be able to make proud, protect and provide for but forever going around in this infinate loop of depression, anxiety and self loathing is getting tiresome and embarrassing, for me and more importantly for them.
I'm just not not sure how to proceed with life. Or even if I should.
Anyway Thanks for reading.
Edited by 279 on Wednesday 2nd November 05:38
Be wary of judging yourself and your worth by some arbitrary, societal standard like 'job title' or 'salary' or whatever.
Art0ir said:
Has anyone spent any time looking at the connection between gut health and mental health? I certainly had no idea that 90% of serotonin is produced in the gut!
A friend got me onto it. He eats kefir every day and has done for 2 years.
He sounds intolerable A friend got me onto it. He eats kefir every day and has done for 2 years.
I'm happier than I have been in 5 or 6 years and I ate 12 mini milky ways yesterday.
andy-xr said:
So looking at st for a second. Its based on a perception of something not good. A position in life, your standing in society sounds like something you think has gone to st
If its possible that you can turn things to st, and st is completely controlled by your definition of it, then the reverse is also true. You can make things good
Good is completely controlled by you.
Andy I don't know what you do for a living, but having read your posts on this thread & elsewhere, I think you should be a life coach/counselor or similar. I find your posts pretty much always seems to be balanced & spot on.t for a second. Its based on a perception of something not good. A position in life, your standing in society sounds like something you think has gone to stIf its possible that you can turn things to s
t, and st is completely controlled by your definition of it, then the reverse is also true. You can make things goodGood is completely controlled by you.
xjay1337 said:
He sounds intolerable
I'm happier than I have been in 5 or 6 years and I ate 12 mini milky ways yesterday.
Now that is some advice I can relate to! I'm happier than I have been in 5 or 6 years and I ate 12 mini milky ways yesterday.
Having said that, the doctor advised me to try cutting out dairy recently and somewhat irritatingly, I have been feeling physically better...
Art0ir said:
Has anyone spent any time looking at the connection between gut health and mental health? I certainly had no idea that 90% of serotonin is produced in the gut!
A friend got me onto it. He eats kefir every day and has done for 2 years.
Ive been doing a Paleo diet for 6 months or so (more a total change of what i eat than a diet as such) and have certainly noticed a big improvement in mood and less anxiety since ive been doing it. I still have bad days but a whole lot less. If i eat bread now i feel like death warmed up almost within hours and takes a couple of days to go off again.A friend got me onto it. He eats kefir every day and has done for 2 years.
Ruskie said:
Can relate to a lot of that. Though additionally I feel like this planet is not my proper home, feel alien, cannot relate to anyone. 31 years old, no family or friends and a lot of continuous bad luck. I have strong resolve to have made it this far, but it's waning.maxxy5 said:
These two books, by the same guy, are presumably similar to the course mentioned above. The Compassionate Mind is more of a theory book and Overcoming Depression (the latest edition) has more structure to follow in a CBT kinda way.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Compassionate-Mind-Compas...
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Depression-Cog...
I've just read 'Sane New World' by Ruby Wax, and found it very helpful.https://www.amazon.co.uk/Compassionate-Mind-Compas...
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Depression-Cog...
She explains how the brain works and why aspects of modern life cause conflicts in the mind which in turn cause stress, anxiety and depression and then she goes on to suggest helpful 'tricks' to get you through them. For those of you who (like me ) thought she was just a noisy airhead american comedienne, Ruby Wax is a long term depressive who has been through the mill but who studied mental health at Oxford in her 50s in an attempt to chase her own demons and has gone on to become something of an authority on the subject.
I'd like to pass on the book to someone else who it might help. If anyone wants it , PM me with your address and I'll send it on.
In need of some advice from people if possible.
Have a very close friend who has gone through a lot of family problems. Currently he is in a rut & at times in a very dark place. I am trying to be around him more and make him not feel so alone but I am worried about his mental state.
One of his cousins was able to line up a temp Christmas job for him & when first mentioned to him he was very keen & up for it however when it came time to doing the application he didn't go for it.
Want to get him out of his rut & get him feeling normal again & not so alone. I know it will take a long time but I want to know how best to get him want him to help himself. I know at times he knows his state but that comes and goes like his moods.
Any help would be appreciated.
Have a very close friend who has gone through a lot of family problems. Currently he is in a rut & at times in a very dark place. I am trying to be around him more and make him not feel so alone but I am worried about his mental state.
One of his cousins was able to line up a temp Christmas job for him & when first mentioned to him he was very keen & up for it however when it came time to doing the application he didn't go for it.
Want to get him out of his rut & get him feeling normal again & not so alone. I know it will take a long time but I want to know how best to get him want him to help himself. I know at times he knows his state but that comes and goes like his moods.
Any help would be appreciated.
bobski1 said:
In need of some advice from people if possible.
Have a very close friend who has gone through a lot of family problems. Currently he is in a rut & at times in a very dark place. I am trying to be around him more and make him not feel so alone but I am worried about his mental state.
One of his cousins was able to line up a temp Christmas job for him & when first mentioned to him he was very keen & up for it however when it came time to doing the application he didn't go for it.
Want to get him out of his rut & get him feeling normal again & not so alone. I know it will take a long time but I want to know how best to get him want him to help himself. I know at times he knows his state but that comes and goes like his moods.
Any help would be appreciated.
Is he aware he might need medical help? If so GP would be first port of call.Have a very close friend who has gone through a lot of family problems. Currently he is in a rut & at times in a very dark place. I am trying to be around him more and make him not feel so alone but I am worried about his mental state.
One of his cousins was able to line up a temp Christmas job for him & when first mentioned to him he was very keen & up for it however when it came time to doing the application he didn't go for it.
Want to get him out of his rut & get him feeling normal again & not so alone. I know it will take a long time but I want to know how best to get him want him to help himself. I know at times he knows his state but that comes and goes like his moods.
Any help would be appreciated.
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