Discussion
LondonEagle15 said:
Not sure, the usual bullied at school and being an outcast spring to mind, but I'm relatively popular these days (being in a front facing role at work means I'm well liked). It's most prominent in relationships, so there's no doubt something there. Agree with the books/videos - some I've found useful and some I've stopped reading/watching fairly early on as they don't relate at all. I know it's a long process, but as long as there is progress, that's all that matters.
I've found this thread great and thought it was about time I started contributing
Hi LondonEagle,I've found this thread great and thought it was about time I started contributing
Read your first post with interest as sounds very similar to myself.
I'm also struggling for the reason why I feel depressed - and at a similar stage having been referred for therapy and recently started taking AD's (Citalopram). Be interested to hear how you get on.
Since opening up to my GP, and friends I have felt much improved, but still a way to go on certain days. The people i'm finding it most difficult opening up to is my parents (separated) and perhaps fear of showing weakness to them is where some of this started.
I do a lot of overthinking.
Brave Fart said:
I've just dipped in to the last few pages of this thread out of curiosity. I often find PH a disappointing mixture of name calling, ignorance, pedantry and general rudeness.
The posts on here are the opposite of all that. Kind of restores my faith in this place a little bit. Keep up the good work!
+1The posts on here are the opposite of all that. Kind of restores my faith in this place a little bit. Keep up the good work!
I've been following this thread, I haven't made a contribution or interacted, but I've found it helpful to me in my own situation.
227bhp said:
A bit harsh maybe? There is some genuine kindness and empathy on here...
Possibly. But I have read more than the last few pages of this thread and I have seen nothing but empathy, kindness, and generosity. And I wasn't surprised to find it here, either - I have seen plenty of it on all the more "serious" threads I have read here. So yes, he was patronising. And I won't doff my cap next time he graces us with a post either. 
Everyone else battling on, I hope? Remember, "If you are going through Hell, ..."
227bhp said:
I did a double take, I thought I was reading the Tourettes thread instead....
Genuine first laugh of the day thanks bud. I agree with most of the sentiments on this page.It's a very helpful,friendly & informative place to be when you just can't see a way through
the s
tty fking black fog that takes over alot of my days. I really appreciate the time alot of you guys take to post.
sorry all - didn't mean to pontificate or use language/terms that were exclusionary. sometimes these things trip off the tongue/keyboard and make perfect sense to the author but not others.
i do think the diagnostic clarity thing does really matter though which is why i will always push for info/collateral, at work or in discussion outside of work. clearly, folks will not necessarily feel the need to disclose their own circumstances on an internet which makes it difficult to comment other than in general terms.
i advocate that taking the time to get the initial, longitudinal assessment and formulation correct (kind of a discussion of what you've found and what you might be dealing with; your rationale for your decision making etc) saves time in the long run. this is better for practitioners and better for patients. more importantly though, it ensures that the patient receives the correct treatments.
psychiatry is (quite) a soft science and, if we can't help the patient, we shouldn't make things worse. the risk with diagnostic uncertainty is exactly this - we end up treating the wrong thing and the patient ends up partially treated and dissatisfied. hence my adherence to, and defence of, the manuals.
paul
i do think the diagnostic clarity thing does really matter though which is why i will always push for info/collateral, at work or in discussion outside of work. clearly, folks will not necessarily feel the need to disclose their own circumstances on an internet which makes it difficult to comment other than in general terms.
i advocate that taking the time to get the initial, longitudinal assessment and formulation correct (kind of a discussion of what you've found and what you might be dealing with; your rationale for your decision making etc) saves time in the long run. this is better for practitioners and better for patients. more importantly though, it ensures that the patient receives the correct treatments.
psychiatry is (quite) a soft science and, if we can't help the patient, we shouldn't make things worse. the risk with diagnostic uncertainty is exactly this - we end up treating the wrong thing and the patient ends up partially treated and dissatisfied. hence my adherence to, and defence of, the manuals.
paul
bradjsmith88 said:
Hi LondonEagle,
Read your first post with interest as sounds very similar to myself.
I'm also struggling for the reason why I feel depressed - and at a similar stage having been referred for therapy and recently started taking AD's (Citalopram). Be interested to hear how you get on.
Since opening up to my GP, and friends I have felt much improved, but still a way to go on certain days. The people i'm finding it most difficult opening up to is my parents (separated) and perhaps fear of showing weakness to them is where some of this started.
I do a lot of overthinking.
Hi Brad,Read your first post with interest as sounds very similar to myself.
I'm also struggling for the reason why I feel depressed - and at a similar stage having been referred for therapy and recently started taking AD's (Citalopram). Be interested to hear how you get on.
Since opening up to my GP, and friends I have felt much improved, but still a way to go on certain days. The people i'm finding it most difficult opening up to is my parents (separated) and perhaps fear of showing weakness to them is where some of this started.
I do a lot of overthinking.
I've found things a little bit easier recently but tomorrow I've got my first counselling session since everything happened, so I know that'll be a challenge. I still have my days where I feel terrible and negative, but they aren't as frequent.
Feel free to open up on here, I've found this thread a massive help so far and sure it'll help loads going forward too. You may find you pinpoint a cause why you get the depressing thoughts through something someone says on here.
Just to give a positive note:
I was managing to cope at work despite dealing with nearly three rape/serious sexual offence parades a week. I have little doubt that I would have folded sooner or later, but you never know. The case that pushed me over was one where there was an horrendous series of sexual assaults, of which rape was the least distressing, on an 18-year-old woman. She collapsed on the parade, rolled into the foetal position and stayed there for nearly seven minutes. She eventually got up and continued the parade, walking to the end and then walking back again, looking at all the volunteers and the offender.
I had a 17-year-old daughter.
At the trial the defence objected to a screen going up for the victim so she could not be seen by the offender. I objected to showing the video of the parade but was overruled, and I was told by the usher that the prisoner played with himself while it was on. There was DNA evidence to place the bloke at the scene but the expensive London law firm tried to break the victim's resolve. And failed. The woman was absolutely brilliant: real quality.
I had a word with the defence solicitor after the offender pleaded guilty, telling him that he knew the offender would offend again and yet he was complicit in the abuse of the victim. He laughed as I walked away. I regretted not going back and landing one on his chin, although I think the accuracy required given its size and location would have been beyond me. He drove a big Audi, paid for by the distress of victims.
When I read this: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2104947/Co... in the paper I was obviously upset and furious. I thought I'd go back into the dark recesses of my mind, but I didn't. I had trouble getting to sleep that night, having to take a sleeping pill that didn't make me tired until the morning. But I coped, using the lessons that I'd learned during my illness. I have tears in my eyes now, but then that's not optional. If you'd seen the first victim, then seen her at court, you'd cry as well.
You can get better. You can get stronger. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
On a positive note, I am glad that the surveillance was set up but having 25 officers on it for six weeks is more expensive than most murder or major incident inquiries. It probably saved the victim's life as he had held a knife against the 18-year-old victim's throat during the first incident, leaving a mark on her neck visible on the parade, nearly two days later. He told her he was going to kill her and I have little doubt he intended to. With her testimony being critical, I think he might have done so this time.
I still think that if ever I met him I'd try to do something to him, but then the good news is it won't be for some time.
It might not seem so now for those suffering from depression but there is every chance of getting better and getting stronger.
I was managing to cope at work despite dealing with nearly three rape/serious sexual offence parades a week. I have little doubt that I would have folded sooner or later, but you never know. The case that pushed me over was one where there was an horrendous series of sexual assaults, of which rape was the least distressing, on an 18-year-old woman. She collapsed on the parade, rolled into the foetal position and stayed there for nearly seven minutes. She eventually got up and continued the parade, walking to the end and then walking back again, looking at all the volunteers and the offender.
I had a 17-year-old daughter.
At the trial the defence objected to a screen going up for the victim so she could not be seen by the offender. I objected to showing the video of the parade but was overruled, and I was told by the usher that the prisoner played with himself while it was on. There was DNA evidence to place the bloke at the scene but the expensive London law firm tried to break the victim's resolve. And failed. The woman was absolutely brilliant: real quality.
I had a word with the defence solicitor after the offender pleaded guilty, telling him that he knew the offender would offend again and yet he was complicit in the abuse of the victim. He laughed as I walked away. I regretted not going back and landing one on his chin, although I think the accuracy required given its size and location would have been beyond me. He drove a big Audi, paid for by the distress of victims.
When I read this: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2104947/Co... in the paper I was obviously upset and furious. I thought I'd go back into the dark recesses of my mind, but I didn't. I had trouble getting to sleep that night, having to take a sleeping pill that didn't make me tired until the morning. But I coped, using the lessons that I'd learned during my illness. I have tears in my eyes now, but then that's not optional. If you'd seen the first victim, then seen her at court, you'd cry as well.
You can get better. You can get stronger. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
On a positive note, I am glad that the surveillance was set up but having 25 officers on it for six weeks is more expensive than most murder or major incident inquiries. It probably saved the victim's life as he had held a knife against the 18-year-old victim's throat during the first incident, leaving a mark on her neck visible on the parade, nearly two days later. He told her he was going to kill her and I have little doubt he intended to. With her testimony being critical, I think he might have done so this time.
I still think that if ever I met him I'd try to do something to him, but then the good news is it won't be for some time.
It might not seem so now for those suffering from depression but there is every chance of getting better and getting stronger.
Ruskie said:
Oh man, I tweeted you a second ago hoping you were ok, your updates help but are painfully hard to read, please be safe mate, I, for one, will feel guilty AF if I haven't done anything but could havetwing said:
Ruskie said:
Oh man, I tweeted you a second ago hoping you were ok, your updates help but are painfully hard to read, please be safe mate, I, for one, will feel guilty AF if I haven't done anything but could have
Ruskie said:
Ruskie - good to see u posting again a few pages back we were asking after you.Can't offer you any solution just read your blog post and hope things get better for you soon pal
Derek Smith said:
Just to give a positive note:
I was managing to cope at work despite dealing with nearly three rape/serious sexual offence parades a week. I have little doubt that I would have folded sooner or later, but you never know. The case that pushed me over was one where there was an horrendous series of sexual assaults, of which rape was the least distressing, on an 18-year-old woman. She collapsed on the parade, rolled into the foetal position and stayed there for nearly seven minutes. She eventually got up and continued the parade, walking to the end and then walking back again, looking at all the volunteers and the offender.
I had a 17-year-old daughter.
At the trial the defence objected to a screen going up for the victim so she could not be seen by the offender. I objected to showing the video of the parade but was overruled, and I was told by the usher that the prisoner played with himself while it was on. There was DNA evidence to place the bloke at the scene but the expensive London law firm tried to break the victim's resolve. And failed. The woman was absolutely brilliant: real quality.
I had a word with the defence solicitor after the offender pleaded guilty, telling him that he knew the offender would offend again and yet he was complicit in the abuse of the victim. He laughed as I walked away. I regretted not going back and landing one on his chin, although I think the accuracy required given its size and location would have been beyond me. He drove a big Audi, paid for by the distress of victims.
When I read this: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2104947/Co... in the paper I was obviously upset and furious. I thought I'd go back into the dark recesses of my mind, but I didn't. I had trouble getting to sleep that night, having to take a sleeping pill that didn't make me tired until the morning. But I coped, using the lessons that I'd learned during my illness. I have tears in my eyes now, but then that's not optional. If you'd seen the first victim, then seen her at court, you'd cry as well.
You can get better. You can get stronger. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
On a positive note, I am glad that the surveillance was set up but having 25 officers on it for six weeks is more expensive than most murder or major incident inquiries. It probably saved the victim's life as he had held a knife against the 18-year-old victim's throat during the first incident, leaving a mark on her neck visible on the parade, nearly two days later. He told her he was going to kill her and I have little doubt he intended to. With her testimony being critical, I think he might have done so this time.
I still think that if ever I met him I'd try to do something to him, but then the good news is it won't be for some time.
It might not seem so now for those suffering from depression but there is every chance of getting better and getting stronger.
The nature of what you do obviously exposes you to things that the rest of us have little comprehension of, and your post made me thing how little I look at the protective nature of police work rather that the traffic management / nab the bad guys stuff that we see on TV. It is evident that despite this you have maintained a deeply human sympathy and even outrage for the unfortunate victims. I wish you the very best and can appreciate that having depression on top of an objectively very stressful occupation makes it doubly challenging. What you do matters profoundly.I was managing to cope at work despite dealing with nearly three rape/serious sexual offence parades a week. I have little doubt that I would have folded sooner or later, but you never know. The case that pushed me over was one where there was an horrendous series of sexual assaults, of which rape was the least distressing, on an 18-year-old woman. She collapsed on the parade, rolled into the foetal position and stayed there for nearly seven minutes. She eventually got up and continued the parade, walking to the end and then walking back again, looking at all the volunteers and the offender.
I had a 17-year-old daughter.
At the trial the defence objected to a screen going up for the victim so she could not be seen by the offender. I objected to showing the video of the parade but was overruled, and I was told by the usher that the prisoner played with himself while it was on. There was DNA evidence to place the bloke at the scene but the expensive London law firm tried to break the victim's resolve. And failed. The woman was absolutely brilliant: real quality.
I had a word with the defence solicitor after the offender pleaded guilty, telling him that he knew the offender would offend again and yet he was complicit in the abuse of the victim. He laughed as I walked away. I regretted not going back and landing one on his chin, although I think the accuracy required given its size and location would have been beyond me. He drove a big Audi, paid for by the distress of victims.
When I read this: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2104947/Co... in the paper I was obviously upset and furious. I thought I'd go back into the dark recesses of my mind, but I didn't. I had trouble getting to sleep that night, having to take a sleeping pill that didn't make me tired until the morning. But I coped, using the lessons that I'd learned during my illness. I have tears in my eyes now, but then that's not optional. If you'd seen the first victim, then seen her at court, you'd cry as well.
You can get better. You can get stronger. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
On a positive note, I am glad that the surveillance was set up but having 25 officers on it for six weeks is more expensive than most murder or major incident inquiries. It probably saved the victim's life as he had held a knife against the 18-year-old victim's throat during the first incident, leaving a mark on her neck visible on the parade, nearly two days later. He told her he was going to kill her and I have little doubt he intended to. With her testimony being critical, I think he might have done so this time.
I still think that if ever I met him I'd try to do something to him, but then the good news is it won't be for some time.
It might not seem so now for those suffering from depression but there is every chance of getting better and getting stronger.
How is everyone getting on?
I'm not sleeping great but that's mainly down to noisy neighbours (end of May can't come soon enough) and work is dragging on with the role change but I am going on a two week trek to Africa soon so I'm trying to switch off from the real world and just look forward to that. It'll be my first time there and everyone has said positive things, so I can't wait. Some could call it running away from my problems but I look at it as taking a break.
I've had two sessions of counselling since my last post and it's been ok - I'm still at the stage of opening up about it all and haven't had much back from the counsellor, but I get the impression she's taking it all in and it's good to not have someone constantly tell me what I want to hear. I have another session scheduled before I go away and then a further two sessions after.
I was due to meet the ex last week but it never happened and after a heated text debate, her true colours are now showing and while the break up was a contributing factor to me hitting rock bottom, it feels good to no longer be with someone who is so toxic.
Things are slowly on the up - the mind is still having negative thoughts throughout the day but I'm far more proactive than I was some five/six weeks ago.
I'm not sleeping great but that's mainly down to noisy neighbours (end of May can't come soon enough) and work is dragging on with the role change but I am going on a two week trek to Africa soon so I'm trying to switch off from the real world and just look forward to that. It'll be my first time there and everyone has said positive things, so I can't wait. Some could call it running away from my problems but I look at it as taking a break.
I've had two sessions of counselling since my last post and it's been ok - I'm still at the stage of opening up about it all and haven't had much back from the counsellor, but I get the impression she's taking it all in and it's good to not have someone constantly tell me what I want to hear. I have another session scheduled before I go away and then a further two sessions after.
I was due to meet the ex last week but it never happened and after a heated text debate, her true colours are now showing and while the break up was a contributing factor to me hitting rock bottom, it feels good to no longer be with someone who is so toxic.
Things are slowly on the up - the mind is still having negative thoughts throughout the day but I'm far more proactive than I was some five/six weeks ago.
RDMcG said:
The nature of what you do obviously exposes you to things that the rest of us have little comprehension of, and your post made me thing how little I look at the protective nature of police work rather that the traffic management / nab the bad guys stuff that we see on TV. It is evident that despite this you have maintained a deeply human sympathy and even outrage for the unfortunate victims. I wish you the very best and can appreciate that having depression on top of an objectively very stressful occupation makes it doubly challenging. What you do matters profoundly.
Thanks very much for the comment. I appreciate it. I'm sorry I didn't pick it up earlier. I think a frustrated anger against those who cause injury, both mental and physical, is common in the Job. One day I did a parade for a particularly nasty bloke who'd attacked a number of women. The parade was mainly for a rape victim who was also beaten. There was no need for the parade as there was ample DNA but in those days the brief could demand a parade. The brief was as bad as the offender. I actually grabbed hold of him in the lift. I'd never done that before, or since.
The victim was devastated that she could not pick out the offender. It didn't matter legally. The following morning I walked into my office to find my staff in tears over news that the offender had killed himself on remand. I went to the incident room. The SIO was in a bit of a state. He'd seen the victim and told her and she'd broken down as she'd wanted her day in court. The whole room was down, with some of the women crying. It was really fraught.
The odd thing for me was that I had a second witness to run through the parade. He'd seen the offender approach a woman in a car and try to get in the front passenger door. He'd called out and walked towards the car. The offender ran off. There's no doubt that he'd stopped the woman being raped and the offender was escalating each offence and there was a belief that he would have killed the woman. So the bloke was hero in anyone's eyes but he was shattered that he couldn't identify the offender. He almost broke down. He was impossible to console. I couldn't tell him that it was of little concern.
The job stuck with me for ages. I saw the SIO on another job a couple of months later and he brought the case up, so it wasn't only me who couldn't let it go.
After some advice really as feel like i'm really struggling and just reached a mental dead end , created a new ID, as I know a few people on here. Been following this thread for a while and seen some good advice
I can't even put into words really how I feel, a bit of a let down to my family, really fed up, angry, just frustrated and had enough, pushed my family and friends away, just feel like i've had enough and struggling with my mental health , everyday is proving to be a challenge.
Been a tough few years, we (well partner) had a few miscarriages, then a baby, which was lovely, but there have been a fair few complications with him. My misses did a great job , but I could really see postnatal depression kicking in and other issues.
After a while the depression kicked in more with my partner and following a blood test t she needed to see a specialist. Specialist has confirmed that she (my partner) has a lifelong untreatable disease, with many symptoms . A few weeks later, they said she is also starting the menopause early (late 30s)
She did well through this, but really struggled with depression, both our families whilst helpful at times aren't really around much and she doesn't have many friends, so it was up to me to help her through, which is fine, but I think its really taken its toll.Im also really worried my partner will get worse and any kind of sex life or even dates hasnt happened for months.
Ive felt a bit like an empty shell the last few years, I love my family ,but i've just felt so empty inside, not really getting stressed,upset , but not happy or excited either, I just always felt "the same"..just empty.
I think ive used lots of exercise to pull me through , gym,cycling and yoga pulling me through OK, then I sprained my leg for the last few weeks so haven't been able to do anything and wont be able to for the next few weeks at least. I think the lack of exercise has seen my mood drop off . I can walk ok, but anything else causes issues (seen the DR). Thankfully i have a desk job, but it means im sat down 24-7
Then there is the financial aspect, whilst we aren't massively in debt, we pretty much live hand to mouth . My salary is OK, but I Haven't made the most of my career and opportunities and it really eats me up. We need a bigger house, as our son sleeps in with us at nearly 3, but can barely afford to cover our current rent. I really want the motivation to better myself, but just feel stuck in a hole with no way out
Its all kinda come to ahead the last few weeks and I just feel a constant fog inside my head and just want to sleep, I keep telling myself there are plenty worse off, but I cant snap out of it.
Sorry for the rambling, just want seeing if anyone can offer any advice , maybe books or something? I've got a drs appointment booked next week
Thanks all
I can't even put into words really how I feel, a bit of a let down to my family, really fed up, angry, just frustrated and had enough, pushed my family and friends away, just feel like i've had enough and struggling with my mental health , everyday is proving to be a challenge.
Been a tough few years, we (well partner) had a few miscarriages, then a baby, which was lovely, but there have been a fair few complications with him. My misses did a great job , but I could really see postnatal depression kicking in and other issues.
After a while the depression kicked in more with my partner and following a blood test t she needed to see a specialist. Specialist has confirmed that she (my partner) has a lifelong untreatable disease, with many symptoms . A few weeks later, they said she is also starting the menopause early (late 30s)
She did well through this, but really struggled with depression, both our families whilst helpful at times aren't really around much and she doesn't have many friends, so it was up to me to help her through, which is fine, but I think its really taken its toll.Im also really worried my partner will get worse and any kind of sex life or even dates hasnt happened for months.
Ive felt a bit like an empty shell the last few years, I love my family ,but i've just felt so empty inside, not really getting stressed,upset , but not happy or excited either, I just always felt "the same"..just empty.
I think ive used lots of exercise to pull me through , gym,cycling and yoga pulling me through OK, then I sprained my leg for the last few weeks so haven't been able to do anything and wont be able to for the next few weeks at least. I think the lack of exercise has seen my mood drop off . I can walk ok, but anything else causes issues (seen the DR). Thankfully i have a desk job, but it means im sat down 24-7
Then there is the financial aspect, whilst we aren't massively in debt, we pretty much live hand to mouth . My salary is OK, but I Haven't made the most of my career and opportunities and it really eats me up. We need a bigger house, as our son sleeps in with us at nearly 3, but can barely afford to cover our current rent. I really want the motivation to better myself, but just feel stuck in a hole with no way out
Its all kinda come to ahead the last few weeks and I just feel a constant fog inside my head and just want to sleep, I keep telling myself there are plenty worse off, but I cant snap out of it.
Sorry for the rambling, just want seeing if anyone can offer any advice , maybe books or something? I've got a drs appointment booked next week
Thanks all
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