Discussion
I did, from a previous post.
Found a new job.
It's very different to my old one. I feel totally lost and uprooted.
Being in the office all the time is also new, and totally out of my comfort zone.
I spent 1/4 the time with my partner as I did before, this is also getting me very down. It doesn't help at the moment she is working nights so I see her for 30 minutes in the evenings and then she's off.
One of my biggest concerns is having to travel. I don't mind travelling in the day, infact I prefer that to being in the office, but the idea of having to travel away for nights on end is very very very worrying and I'm basically having little panic attacks all day. I haven't ever felt like this in a new job before.
On my first day my Mrs met me for lunch I was so close to just crying in the car , I could barely look at her.
The people are nice, I can learn the tech, but I can't explain how I feel. Just lost , scared , out of my comfort zone.
I think if I could have a few WFH days that would help. But I'm not really sure how to raise that with my bosses, as in my previous jobs the office has been 1hr + and here the office is 20 minute drive. Just the ability to have even 1 or 2 days from home, even if I use it as a chance to read training material etc, would help so much.
I can't really go "I'm struggling being in an office environment and miss being at home, can you let me work from home please".
I'm more used to being in the office, that's fine now, I still would like the odd day from home, but hey. But I still am concerned about the travel and I really cannot figure out why I feel crappy.
Oh well hopefully the meds will work and once my mood swings have settled down I can start trying to look at the triggers which I don't understand or know about...not sure I ever will. Some I have gotten down and sorted, others are still the needle in the haystack.
Found a new job.
It's very different to my old one. I feel totally lost and uprooted.
Being in the office all the time is also new, and totally out of my comfort zone.
I spent 1/4 the time with my partner as I did before, this is also getting me very down. It doesn't help at the moment she is working nights so I see her for 30 minutes in the evenings and then she's off.
One of my biggest concerns is having to travel. I don't mind travelling in the day, infact I prefer that to being in the office, but the idea of having to travel away for nights on end is very very very worrying and I'm basically having little panic attacks all day. I haven't ever felt like this in a new job before.
On my first day my Mrs met me for lunch I was so close to just crying in the car , I could barely look at her.
The people are nice, I can learn the tech, but I can't explain how I feel. Just lost , scared , out of my comfort zone.
I think if I could have a few WFH days that would help. But I'm not really sure how to raise that with my bosses, as in my previous jobs the office has been 1hr + and here the office is 20 minute drive. Just the ability to have even 1 or 2 days from home, even if I use it as a chance to read training material etc, would help so much.
I can't really go "I'm struggling being in an office environment and miss being at home, can you let me work from home please".
I'm more used to being in the office, that's fine now, I still would like the odd day from home, but hey. But I still am concerned about the travel and I really cannot figure out why I feel crappy.
Oh well hopefully the meds will work and once my mood swings have settled down I can start trying to look at the triggers which I don't understand or know about...not sure I ever will. Some I have gotten down and sorted, others are still the needle in the haystack.
grumbledoak said:
Brave Fart said:
I've just dipped in to the last few pages of this thread out of curiosity. I often find PH a disappointing mixture of name calling, ignorance, pedantry and general rudeness.
The posts on here are the opposite of all that. Kind of restores my faith in this place a little bit. Keep up the good work!
Patronising tThe posts on here are the opposite of all that. Kind of restores my faith in this place a little bit. Keep up the good work!
t.
Just dipping into this thread as it seems to have a lot to give. I was diagnosed as having Bipolar last year, though for me the issues have been around elevated mood states more than the depressive ones. When I was younger, and at uni I had a lot of issues with the depressive side but these days the depressed states only seem to last a week or two.(Still ong enough to be an issue obviously).
It's interesting to read other people's struggles and stories around mental health and it reminds me that we're all equally fallible. Part of my working life has been spent around people suffering with mental health issues so it's odd to see it from the other side of the system now.
Going through a really crap time in life at the moment (lost home, job, getting divorced) and I should be depressed, but I'm not, which is concerning. Currently on 1500mg of Depakote which I started in January after the previous medication caused two blood clots in my leg. I'm hoping for more than just medication from the NHS but I still haven't had anything from the local mental health team (the diagnosis was made by a referral to a Nuffield Psychiatrist). Long road ahead and all that!
It's interesting to read other people's struggles and stories around mental health and it reminds me that we're all equally fallible. Part of my working life has been spent around people suffering with mental health issues so it's odd to see it from the other side of the system now.
Going through a really crap time in life at the moment (lost home, job, getting divorced) and I should be depressed, but I'm not, which is concerning. Currently on 1500mg of Depakote which I started in January after the previous medication caused two blood clots in my leg. I'm hoping for more than just medication from the NHS but I still haven't had anything from the local mental health team (the diagnosis was made by a referral to a Nuffield Psychiatrist). Long road ahead and all that!
xjay1337 said:
Hey Ruskie, just read your blog post.
It doesn't sound good. Some of the things you write are quite worrying.
Please check in to ensure you are OK. Feel free to rant.
For me, I have had over a year off the meds, but today I have booked an appointment with the doctor for later this afternoon, I need to go back, I am not doing very well at the moment.
I'm struggling but nothing new there. It doesn't sound good. Some of the things you write are quite worrying.
Please check in to ensure you are OK. Feel free to rant.
For me, I have had over a year off the meds, but today I have booked an appointment with the doctor for later this afternoon, I need to go back, I am not doing very well at the moment.
Ruskie said:
I'm struggling but nothing new there.
Sorry to hear. Hopefully in the last week or two things have improved?
After being on Sertraline for a while I've decided it's not for me.
While before I would have my peaks and troughs say between negative 10 (deep depression) and positive 10 (very happy) my general baseline was in the middle, say between +0 and +2.
Now it feels like everything is a -4 constantly and I feel much more angry in general and just much more on-edge.
Went to my Mrs friends house for dinner on Friday. I say dinner, it was more of an excuse to have a girly wine evening and I suspect I was just there as a taxi lol.
I don't drink alcohol and feel very uncomfortable around people who do, doesn't happen that often but when it does I get massive anxiety but I can just about keep it in check.
However this time it was too much and I was having anxiety attacks and as a result, when we went, where they lived was a new estate and I made a wrong turn and got lost, my Mrs went to setup my sat nav and I totally flipped at her, "what the f
k are you doing" or whatever. Which isn't me and certainly never with her.
I'm due to have a follow up appointment this week at some point (need to call and check of the dates) and I will raise it, but for now I've stopped taking the sertraline.
Not for me.
I posted in here a while ago:
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
Brief updates since then:
4 weeks off sick (it got so bad I just couldn't face going in one day). Highlight of that time off was a day out on my uncle's sailing yacht.
Completed 12 CBT sessions but it hasn't 'fixed' me. Not sure I really engaged with the guy. I understood everything he was saying and most of it made a lot of sense, but I struggled to apply it.
Had a week of sun in Gran Canaria in December with my brother.
Down to working 2 days a week since January. Paid pro-rata. Not ideal but fortunately I'm still able to cover my bills. I felt that staying full time would just be a downward spiral.
Started counselling sessions - not sure these alone will 'fix' me but sometimes it's just good to have someone to talk to that you can be brutally honest with.
At the moment work is still a struggle. I split from my g/f of 3 years last week and it felt like a huge weight off my shoulders, though until she has moved out I'm not sure it'll really sink in.
The winter was really tough for me but I think there has been a slight improvement in my mood over the last week or two. Currently on 200mg of Sertraline a day (maximum dose) and while my mood seems fairly stable I don't think the meds have done anything to help lift me and I'm constantly wondering whether I should bother with them at all. I was previously on Citalopram but that didn't seem to do anything for me either.
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
Brief updates since then:
4 weeks off sick (it got so bad I just couldn't face going in one day). Highlight of that time off was a day out on my uncle's sailing yacht.
Completed 12 CBT sessions but it hasn't 'fixed' me. Not sure I really engaged with the guy. I understood everything he was saying and most of it made a lot of sense, but I struggled to apply it.
Had a week of sun in Gran Canaria in December with my brother.
Down to working 2 days a week since January. Paid pro-rata. Not ideal but fortunately I'm still able to cover my bills. I felt that staying full time would just be a downward spiral.
Started counselling sessions - not sure these alone will 'fix' me but sometimes it's just good to have someone to talk to that you can be brutally honest with.
At the moment work is still a struggle. I split from my g/f of 3 years last week and it felt like a huge weight off my shoulders, though until she has moved out I'm not sure it'll really sink in.
The winter was really tough for me but I think there has been a slight improvement in my mood over the last week or two. Currently on 200mg of Sertraline a day (maximum dose) and while my mood seems fairly stable I don't think the meds have done anything to help lift me and I'm constantly wondering whether I should bother with them at all. I was previously on Citalopram but that didn't seem to do anything for me either.
half_throttle said:
I posted in here a while ago:
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
Brief updates since then:
4 weeks off sick (it got so bad I just couldn't face going in one day). Highlight of that time off was a day out on my uncle's sailing yacht.
Completed 12 CBT sessions but it hasn't 'fixed' me. Not sure I really engaged with the guy. I understood everything he was saying and most of it made a lot of sense, but I struggled to apply it.
Had a week of sun in Gran Canaria in December with my brother.
Down to working 2 days a week since January. Paid pro-rata. Not ideal but fortunately I'm still able to cover my bills. I felt that staying full time would just be a downward spiral.
Started counselling sessions - not sure these alone will 'fix' me but sometimes it's just good to have someone to talk to that you can be brutally honest with.
At the moment work is still a struggle. I split from my g/f of 3 years last week and it felt like a huge weight off my shoulders, though until she has moved out I'm not sure it'll really sink in.
The winter was really tough for me but I think there has been a slight improvement in my mood over the last week or two. Currently on 200mg of Sertraline a day (maximum dose) and while my mood seems fairly stable I don't think the meds have done anything to help lift me and I'm constantly wondering whether I should bother with them at all. I was previously on Citalopram but that didn't seem to do anything for me either.
Sounds like a nightmare https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
Brief updates since then:
4 weeks off sick (it got so bad I just couldn't face going in one day). Highlight of that time off was a day out on my uncle's sailing yacht.
Completed 12 CBT sessions but it hasn't 'fixed' me. Not sure I really engaged with the guy. I understood everything he was saying and most of it made a lot of sense, but I struggled to apply it.
Had a week of sun in Gran Canaria in December with my brother.
Down to working 2 days a week since January. Paid pro-rata. Not ideal but fortunately I'm still able to cover my bills. I felt that staying full time would just be a downward spiral.
Started counselling sessions - not sure these alone will 'fix' me but sometimes it's just good to have someone to talk to that you can be brutally honest with.
At the moment work is still a struggle. I split from my g/f of 3 years last week and it felt like a huge weight off my shoulders, though until she has moved out I'm not sure it'll really sink in.
The winter was really tough for me but I think there has been a slight improvement in my mood over the last week or two. Currently on 200mg of Sertraline a day (maximum dose) and while my mood seems fairly stable I don't think the meds have done anything to help lift me and I'm constantly wondering whether I should bother with them at all. I was previously on Citalopram but that didn't seem to do anything for me either.
But at least your mood is better now , even if it's slightly?
I'd be interested to hear how you find counselling compared to the CBT.
I signed up to the online CBT, as I think that would be better for me rather than face to face or phone - so starting that soon.
After my bad experiences with Sertraline, I had another appt yesterday and I'm now on Prozac, round the houses we go.
For anyone else thinking of it
Done a week or so of CBT - Online self referred (via GP) - You go through it at your own pace.
And then they will contact you every 2-3 weeks. I'm not sure what the process is as my first review is on the 2nd of May.
Find it pointless to be honest (so far) - I have a pretty good understanding of what most of my triggers are. But (so far) it appears that it's targeted more at people who perhaps do not understand depression or understand these feelings.
Nothing really been of benefit at the moment.
Prozac has been working well though. Feel my mood swings have stabilised. Don't have any of the horrible almost bi-polar like symptoms I would get on Sertraline, and no issues with my cock functionality so far.
Hope everyone else is doing good and enjoy the bank holiday
Done a week or so of CBT - Online self referred (via GP) - You go through it at your own pace.
And then they will contact you every 2-3 weeks. I'm not sure what the process is as my first review is on the 2nd of May.
Find it pointless to be honest (so far) - I have a pretty good understanding of what most of my triggers are. But (so far) it appears that it's targeted more at people who perhaps do not understand depression or understand these feelings.
Nothing really been of benefit at the moment.
Prozac has been working well though. Feel my mood swings have stabilised. Don't have any of the horrible almost bi-polar like symptoms I would get on Sertraline, and no issues with my cock functionality so far.
Hope everyone else is doing good and enjoy the bank holiday
It took 3 months of CBT before I felt any real benefit. Quite honestly, the short course they put me on was worse than useless, it only served to make me think CBT was useful and pretty condescending. Before the 3 months it just felt like bloody hard brain work, and not really getting anywhere.
Imagine it is an automotive engineering / mechanics course, and week 1 you are given a weedy little screwdriver. Its all a bit "um, yeah, got one of these, know how to use it, so what?". Eventually a good therapist will almost subconsciously guide you, and you build your own tools, so you gradually get to the point where you have enough "stuff" to do useful things. Its never going to be a silver bullet, but I did at least feel like it was me who was doing it, not some chemicals, which only ever made me feel a bited out.
Its a few years ago now, and I really should do some sort of refresher or something, but I've had a difficult time recently with mum's horrible illness and subsequent death, and money problems on top of that, and the CBT stuff really helped me cope. I guess it just "rounded off" the sharp spiky nasty thoughts in my head, which in hindsight made me able to feel like a human being that had at least some small amount of control, and not feel like a total passenger in an ongoing car crash.
Imagine it is an automotive engineering / mechanics course, and week 1 you are given a weedy little screwdriver. Its all a bit "um, yeah, got one of these, know how to use it, so what?". Eventually a good therapist will almost subconsciously guide you, and you build your own tools, so you gradually get to the point where you have enough "stuff" to do useful things. Its never going to be a silver bullet, but I did at least feel like it was me who was doing it, not some chemicals, which only ever made me feel a bit
ed out. Its a few years ago now, and I really should do some sort of refresher or something, but I've had a difficult time recently with mum's horrible illness and subsequent death, and money problems on top of that, and the CBT stuff really helped me cope. I guess it just "rounded off" the sharp spiky nasty thoughts in my head, which in hindsight made me able to feel like a human being that had at least some small amount of control, and not feel like a total passenger in an ongoing car crash.
I found mindfulness much more effective in the long term. Some therapists are combining the two and calling it mindfulness based CBT.
The difference between mindfulness and CBT can sorta be explained as follows:
CBT teaches you to stand in the stream, bailing water like mad - identifying and rebutting your negative, unrealistic thoughts, which make you depressed, one by one, until it becomes second nature and they stop arising so easily
Mindfulness asks you to climb out on the side and note that, when you do so, the water is able to flow past rather than over you - understanding that thoughts are transient and that they are separate from your mind itself. You are supposed to accept and note negative thoughts, then let them go, not feed them and not fight them. After a while, if you keep at it, your negative thoughts stop making you depressed and stop taking over.
The difference between mindfulness and CBT can sorta be explained as follows:
CBT teaches you to stand in the stream, bailing water like mad - identifying and rebutting your negative, unrealistic thoughts, which make you depressed, one by one, until it becomes second nature and they stop arising so easily
Mindfulness asks you to climb out on the side and note that, when you do so, the water is able to flow past rather than over you - understanding that thoughts are transient and that they are separate from your mind itself. You are supposed to accept and note negative thoughts, then let them go, not feed them and not fight them. After a while, if you keep at it, your negative thoughts stop making you depressed and stop taking over.
As most here would know, unfortunately there's no cure for depression.
For me the normal days are days where I can still function.
Lately however I feel myself going down that hole again.
Can't sleep, anxious, don't want to be around people, and small things seems to affect me greatly.
Not a good place to me. Hope to crawl out of this hole soon.
Stay strong everyone.
For me the normal days are days where I can still function.
Lately however I feel myself going down that hole again.
Can't sleep, anxious, don't want to be around people, and small things seems to affect me greatly.
Not a good place to me. Hope to crawl out of this hole soon.
Stay strong everyone.
Hi all, thought I'd weigh in with my experiences too as talking about things is the best I can manage at the moment.
Some background, I was a happy, confident (albeit comparatively under-achieving?) smart young chap who took care of himself, read a lot, worked hard and saved plenty blah blah blah.
Either way, I'm not that person any more.
To be honest, I've never really known what I 'wanted to do', and now at 30, I (mostly) enjoy what I do, but I know I could do better.
The home side of things is where the issues are though. I had never really understood depression, I was raised on the "you can do anything you put your mind to, be positive, work hard" etc. mentality and I clearly took that to heart. I read plenty of psychology books and, as with all young'uns, thought I knew a thing or two about how the mind works.
I didn't think of depression as an illness. I thought of it as a symptom of a mental attitude or tendency, something formed out of repeated bad habits, and thus something that was within a person's control, something that one could will their way out of.
My partner has had depression for as long as she can remember. Looking back now, with all that I've read and experienced, I think it took me at least 5 years before I even began to 'understand' things. I still don't, but I know now that the things I was taught are wrong. And that I'm not the only person that was taught those things, wrongly. I instinctively think that being presented with a problem means I'm supposed to offer a solution. If she's thirsty, I offer a glass of water. That's not what she's asking for, she can get her own water. She just needs to know I understand what it's like to be thirsty, and that I'll be there to support her until she gets her own water.
It pains me with almost every interaction now how little people understand about mental health. In their mind, it's a logic thing, a choice, something they have control of. And guess what? In their brain, it is! But in a depressed person's brain, it isn't. It really isn't. In the same way someone in a wheelchair can't 'change their mindset' or 'be more positive' and walk.
It has taken its toll on me too. After a while, it became apparent that these things I was reading about recognising in a depressed person, I recognised in myself.
I don't care about my health any more. I don't go to the gym any more. I punish myself with alcohol. I couldn't care less if I ate. I get lunch at work because if I didn't people might notice. I'm really grateful that I can still sleep OK. Sleep is my safe place. I can't mess anything up when I'm asleep, I can't be blamed for anything. I have no interest in cars any more, no motivation to see friends or do anything, I don't care. It'd be so much easier if I could just go to sleep and not wake up.
I'm confident would never kill myself, I don't have the stones to go through with it because when it comes down to it I'm fairly sure I'm a coward. Sometimes I just cry for a bit and carry on. I'm not for a second implying crying is cowardly.
I look at oncoming lorries and try to imagine whether it would be quick enough that I'd not feel it, wonder if I could guarantee I wouldn't survive. But I know it'd be traumatic for the lorry driver, for the people that found me, for my Mum. And what have I got to feel sorry about, right? Plus the fking Volvo would probably go through about 8 oncoming cars and I'd be fine. I've seen the memes.
Work is where I go to pretend I'm a real person. I'm lucky because I get to leave the house and go to work, to pretend everything is normal and to moan about trivial things like traffic, the weather, Jeremy Corbyn.
All the while I slowly dispise everyone more and more. Their pathetic 'problems' seem so insignificant to the self involved melodrama I guiltily feel like I'm wallowing in. Am I just a selfish tt who's feeling sorry for themselves? This just adds to the general feeling of misery. The guilt associated with feeling sorry for oneself.
To try and be better support for my partner I realised I needed to stop dismissing my problems as irrelevant. Saying whatever I felt was irrelevant but whatever she felt was real meant that she just felt that whatever she felt must be irrelevant too and I was just pretending to care. To take her depression seriously, I had to accept that I also had depression now.
I went to the GP with an open mind. I left my smart arse cynicism at the door, and I listened and engaged with the 6 sessions of CBT. I took it on board and I tried.
It helped to talk to someone. I think a lot of it boils down to some sort of arrogant belief that I'm somehow 'doing the right thing' or in some way a good person. Who knows, there's no judge either way really. There are so many angles to every decision. I overthink things. I measure my behaviour, my actions, my thoughts, what I say. It's all pre-filtered. I'm not entirely sure what I actually think any more. I know I'd like it to stop though.
This all feels glibly self gratifying, like a conceited cry for approval or ego bolstering. It probably is, isn't that what the internet is for?
Ultimately I just wanted to try and talk openly because that feels like the best thing I can contribute to help you guys too. It takes so much in this society to speak openly and I suppose the best thing I can really do is join in. Like I rambled on about earlier, you guys don't want me to suggest a glass of water, you want to know other people empathise with what it's like to feel thirsty.
I don't pretend to even begin to understand what some of you are going through, but I know that whatever I'm going through in my little corner really sucks, and so I bet whatever you're going through really sucks as well. Here's to making it another day
Some background, I was a happy, confident (albeit comparatively under-achieving?) smart young chap who took care of himself, read a lot, worked hard and saved plenty blah blah blah.
Either way, I'm not that person any more.
To be honest, I've never really known what I 'wanted to do', and now at 30, I (mostly) enjoy what I do, but I know I could do better.
The home side of things is where the issues are though. I had never really understood depression, I was raised on the "you can do anything you put your mind to, be positive, work hard" etc. mentality and I clearly took that to heart. I read plenty of psychology books and, as with all young'uns, thought I knew a thing or two about how the mind works.
I didn't think of depression as an illness. I thought of it as a symptom of a mental attitude or tendency, something formed out of repeated bad habits, and thus something that was within a person's control, something that one could will their way out of.
My partner has had depression for as long as she can remember. Looking back now, with all that I've read and experienced, I think it took me at least 5 years before I even began to 'understand' things. I still don't, but I know now that the things I was taught are wrong. And that I'm not the only person that was taught those things, wrongly. I instinctively think that being presented with a problem means I'm supposed to offer a solution. If she's thirsty, I offer a glass of water. That's not what she's asking for, she can get her own water. She just needs to know I understand what it's like to be thirsty, and that I'll be there to support her until she gets her own water.
It pains me with almost every interaction now how little people understand about mental health. In their mind, it's a logic thing, a choice, something they have control of. And guess what? In their brain, it is! But in a depressed person's brain, it isn't. It really isn't. In the same way someone in a wheelchair can't 'change their mindset' or 'be more positive' and walk.
It has taken its toll on me too. After a while, it became apparent that these things I was reading about recognising in a depressed person, I recognised in myself.
I don't care about my health any more. I don't go to the gym any more. I punish myself with alcohol. I couldn't care less if I ate. I get lunch at work because if I didn't people might notice. I'm really grateful that I can still sleep OK. Sleep is my safe place. I can't mess anything up when I'm asleep, I can't be blamed for anything. I have no interest in cars any more, no motivation to see friends or do anything, I don't care. It'd be so much easier if I could just go to sleep and not wake up.
I'm confident would never kill myself, I don't have the stones to go through with it because when it comes down to it I'm fairly sure I'm a coward. Sometimes I just cry for a bit and carry on. I'm not for a second implying crying is cowardly.
I look at oncoming lorries and try to imagine whether it would be quick enough that I'd not feel it, wonder if I could guarantee I wouldn't survive. But I know it'd be traumatic for the lorry driver, for the people that found me, for my Mum. And what have I got to feel sorry about, right? Plus the f
king Volvo would probably go through about 8 oncoming cars and I'd be fine. I've seen the memes.Work is where I go to pretend I'm a real person. I'm lucky because I get to leave the house and go to work, to pretend everything is normal and to moan about trivial things like traffic, the weather, Jeremy Corbyn.
All the while I slowly dispise everyone more and more. Their pathetic 'problems' seem so insignificant to the self involved melodrama I guiltily feel like I'm wallowing in. Am I just a selfish t
t who's feeling sorry for themselves? This just adds to the general feeling of misery. The guilt associated with feeling sorry for oneself.To try and be better support for my partner I realised I needed to stop dismissing my problems as irrelevant. Saying whatever I felt was irrelevant but whatever she felt was real meant that she just felt that whatever she felt must be irrelevant too and I was just pretending to care. To take her depression seriously, I had to accept that I also had depression now.
I went to the GP with an open mind. I left my smart arse cynicism at the door, and I listened and engaged with the 6 sessions of CBT. I took it on board and I tried.
It helped to talk to someone. I think a lot of it boils down to some sort of arrogant belief that I'm somehow 'doing the right thing' or in some way a good person. Who knows, there's no judge either way really. There are so many angles to every decision. I overthink things. I measure my behaviour, my actions, my thoughts, what I say. It's all pre-filtered. I'm not entirely sure what I actually think any more. I know I'd like it to stop though.
This all feels glibly self gratifying, like a conceited cry for approval or ego bolstering. It probably is, isn't that what the internet is for?
Ultimately I just wanted to try and talk openly because that feels like the best thing I can contribute to help you guys too. It takes so much in this society to speak openly and I suppose the best thing I can really do is join in. Like I rambled on about earlier, you guys don't want me to suggest a glass of water, you want to know other people empathise with what it's like to feel thirsty.
I don't pretend to even begin to understand what some of you are going through, but I know that whatever I'm going through in my little corner really sucks, and so I bet whatever you're going through really sucks as well. Here's to making it another day
Wacky Racer said:
Excellent post.
Very sorry to hear what you are going through.
You WILL come through it eventually, I can promise you that.
Hang on in there.
Thank you Very sorry to hear what you are going through.
You WILL come through it eventually, I can promise you that.
Hang on in there
.. I'll try to remember to check back in here more often, this is the first time I've strayed into the Health Matters section
Haven't been on in a while so thought I'd post an update and check in with you guys/girls too.
I'm back in a bit of a lull from a work perspective, I accepted a new role back in December and they've only just hired my replacement, so it's been a long five months and the last couple have been quite tedious with the handover. There's been a load of talk about what I'm going to be doing but not even a sniff of anything happening and my patience is running a bit thin. They've been helpful with providing counselling and I'm sure they are just taking things slow, but I've said I'd rather not have the motherly treatment, I'd rather just crack on with it. So we'll see if things progress now that my replacement is here and trained up.
I'm keeping active, going to the gym 3/4 times a week and playing football at the weekends (which I've managed to force myself into the starting line up, so progress) but do find myself eating more rubbish and drinking more (never used to have a drink at home in the evenings, now find I have one or two most evenings). Friends seem to presume that I'm fine once again, until I had a bit of a snap and asked them when they last asked me how I was - their defense was that it was 'banter' which I shot down and it went quiet for a couple of days, then it was back to normal. They wonder why I tend to confide in my female friends...
Seem to reminisce about my ex a lot more these days - not in a "miss you loads" way but just the companionship and how I would like it these days. As a result, I find myself dropping into Tinder and having meaningless conversations which either die out early or lead to a one night stand - which is the complete opposite of the guy I used to be before all of this. I've been told that I'm completely withdrawn from my emotions which sounds about right and is quite funny when compared to the 'old' me - I suppose it's just a phase that'll soon die out if/when I find someone whose company I enjoy more than just on a physical element.
Definite progress when comparing to where I was back in January, but with a couple of hectic months coming up (also have to find somewhere else to live) it'll be an interesting time for me and I can already feel myself becoming a little exhausted with it.
I'm back in a bit of a lull from a work perspective, I accepted a new role back in December and they've only just hired my replacement, so it's been a long five months and the last couple have been quite tedious with the handover. There's been a load of talk about what I'm going to be doing but not even a sniff of anything happening and my patience is running a bit thin. They've been helpful with providing counselling and I'm sure they are just taking things slow, but I've said I'd rather not have the motherly treatment, I'd rather just crack on with it. So we'll see if things progress now that my replacement is here and trained up.
I'm keeping active, going to the gym 3/4 times a week and playing football at the weekends (which I've managed to force myself into the starting line up, so progress) but do find myself eating more rubbish and drinking more (never used to have a drink at home in the evenings, now find I have one or two most evenings). Friends seem to presume that I'm fine once again, until I had a bit of a snap and asked them when they last asked me how I was - their defense was that it was 'banter' which I shot down and it went quiet for a couple of days, then it was back to normal. They wonder why I tend to confide in my female friends...
Seem to reminisce about my ex a lot more these days - not in a "miss you loads" way but just the companionship and how I would like it these days. As a result, I find myself dropping into Tinder and having meaningless conversations which either die out early or lead to a one night stand - which is the complete opposite of the guy I used to be before all of this. I've been told that I'm completely withdrawn from my emotions which sounds about right and is quite funny when compared to the 'old' me - I suppose it's just a phase that'll soon die out if/when I find someone whose company I enjoy more than just on a physical element.
Definite progress when comparing to where I was back in January, but with a couple of hectic months coming up (also have to find somewhere else to live) it'll be an interesting time for me and I can already feel myself becoming a little exhausted with it.
Hi Mr Eagle -
At least you have recognised some of your emotions.
Try and cut down the drinking in the evenings if it's not something you used to do, all too easy to end up a functioning alcoholic.
Do you not have any really close friends who you can confide in without them taking the piss? I find that hard as most of my friends would rather take the piss than actually help out.
At least you have recognised some of your emotions.
Try and cut down the drinking in the evenings if it's not something you used to do, all too easy to end up a functioning alcoholic.
Do you not have any really close friends who you can confide in without them taking the piss? I find that hard as most of my friends would rather take the piss than actually help out.
Not checked in for a while, but feel I need to just off load as life has dealt me another kick in the nads.
After my three months off work last summer, I worked bloody hard to pick myself up and try and push on. Had a few months of really good counselling, got myself a rented house after being in digs for a year, and work was ticking over nicely.
In fact things were so good I decided to get off the sertraline. I didn't go to the docs or anything and just went cold turkey. It was 10 days of hell... but once I'd flushed it through I felt like me again! Laughing, smiling, and generally as close to 'normal' as I had for a very long time.
I was off the meds for a month and life was really, genuinely looking up!
Then 10 days ago my mum passed away. She was poorly but not life threatening poorly. She had emphysema, but was independent and doing well for a 67 year old. Looks like she coughed herself into a heart attack over night.
My dad died 30 odd years ago, so me and my brother are dealing with this.
I've never felt so numb, so lonely, and so desperately fragile.
I can't and won't go back on the meds, so am just ploughing through but keeping busy. The nights are long, sleepless and hard.
But there we go. I know there's nothing people can do, but typing it feels quite cathartic.
Thank you.
After my three months off work last summer, I worked bloody hard to pick myself up and try and push on. Had a few months of really good counselling, got myself a rented house after being in digs for a year, and work was ticking over nicely.
In fact things were so good I decided to get off the sertraline. I didn't go to the docs or anything and just went cold turkey. It was 10 days of hell... but once I'd flushed it through I felt like me again! Laughing, smiling, and generally as close to 'normal' as I had for a very long time.
I was off the meds for a month and life was really, genuinely looking up!
Then 10 days ago my mum passed away. She was poorly but not life threatening poorly. She had emphysema, but was independent and doing well for a 67 year old. Looks like she coughed herself into a heart attack over night.
My dad died 30 odd years ago, so me and my brother are dealing with this.
I've never felt so numb, so lonely, and so desperately fragile.
I can't and won't go back on the meds, so am just ploughing through but keeping busy. The nights are long, sleepless and hard.
But there we go. I know there's nothing people can do, but typing it feels quite cathartic.
Thank you.
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