Depression

[twing]

I don't think you're a miserable git. I think we're a couple of very brave chaps, along with many others, who keep getting up in the morning, going to work and doing the best we can. Chin up chap, you're not the only one.

[longshot]

Most people with depression are hiding in plain site.
We hide behind a smile and a happy demeanour and when asked how we are answer 'I'm fine thank you' because it's what most people want to hear.

I've become so good at it that I'm not sure that my psychiatric doctor really believes there's anything wrong with me.

[crazy about cars]

longshot said:

Most people with depression are hiding in plain site.
We hide behind a smile and a happy demeanour and when asked how we are answer 'I'm fine thank you' because it's what most people want to hear.

I've become so good at it that I'm not sure that my psychiatric doctor really believes there's anything wrong with me.

I know that feeling all too well. I don't have many friends, in fact all I have close to me at the moment is my wife and kids. I do try to make friends but not much success - I think I have more online friends compared to real life ones!

It's good to share and I'm glad I have the chance to share online ...

[twing]

Thoroughly, thoroughly st today. Woke up with the dreaded ball of nerves and just can't shake it. It's days like these I'm glad I have a job to go to as I'd just be indoors rat arsed otherwise.

[Ruskie]

Had a bad weekend leads to my relationship being on the brink again. My fault. Had too much to drink and to hell with the consequences. More counselling and GP this week.

Anyone write their thoughts down? I'm going to try and see if an outlet helps.

[andy-xr]

Ruskie said:

Had a bad weekend leads to my relationship being on the brink again. My fault. Had too much to drink and to hell with the consequences. More counselling and GP this week.

Anyone write their thoughts down? I'm going to try and see if an outlet helps.

I ran an anonymous blog on TUmblr for a while, it's purpose was to set a benchmark in scores, also used a mood app on my phone

[richtea78]

I stopped drinking as I found I became a proper tt when drunk and I didn't like it.

[crazy about cars]

Ruskie said:

Had a bad weekend leads to my relationship being on the brink again. My fault. Had too much to drink and to hell with the consequences. More counselling and GP this week.

Anyone write their thoughts down? I'm going to try and see if an outlet helps.

I used to keep a written diary but now I have a digital one.

Sometimes I express thoughts randomly via social media like Twitter. It's good to release.

Take it easy on the drink - if you are depressed it affects you more...

[Fryup]

@jogger1976

Scarily similar. All I remember throughout childhood is my mother battling breast cancer but never really getting my head round it.

Her death in 99 when I was 24 inevitably brought total meltdown though didn't have a clue that depression was happening or how to deal with it. Walked out of an M&A job and disappeared into oblivion for 9 months. Life basically destroyed - it took everything, confidence, self esteem, personality, the lot.

Reintegrating into the workforce is still the hardest thing I've ever done but managed it and doing relatively ok now. Even found a wife along the way & have a couple of amazing kids. Desperately hope they're not afflicted.

Only had one relapse last year due to work and other personal stuff - saw it coming & avoided the worst of it with Cit. Hated being so level headed though (plus total removal of sex drive) & binned them after about 5 months.

Days are still often hard - I know my brain's rotten but have to put a brave face on and battle through. Thinking of yoga / meditation to try and relax the mind a little.

Make sure you find time to do the things you enjoy doing & get some sun. I find a straight six in the morning helps too

Oh, and read Rob Delaney's missives on depression

Take care all x

[digger_R]

A journal can be a really positive helpful outlet, allowing your thoughts, feelings, personal perspective to have a voice. Amazing how just writing things down can life you and make things feel lighter

[huntermoody]

Depression can be terrible. When I was at my lowest, minutes felt like hours, hours like days, days like weeks etc. It was a horrible experience. I suffered terribly with anxiety and depression since I was 13, I lost my best years. It was only last year I finally got a hold on my issues.....I was 49. I have blogged a little about what helped me get me life back http://inersche.com/2015/03/13/how-i-overcame-my-d...

[Petrolhead95]

What an awful two weeks I've had.

Had a £2,600 holiday to London booked for me and my 'friend', but now she's told me she's not going, says I'm a prick and has blocked me on everything. Can't get my money back on anything or sell any bits on as it's too expensive and I have to show my card and I.D at the hotel/activities as proof of purchase. Because of this, I'm now £2,600 out of pocket and have been in and out of the hospital/doctors with stress related issues. I have a massive horrible abscess from it, chest pains and heart burn constantly. I can't sleep or eat, or even get out of bed. Now my job at Sainsbury's - my only decent income - is now on the line as I'm too ill to work.

So in summary - no money, no health, no motivation, no nothing. She also owes me £160 which I lent to her so she can get her car on the road which she is no longer willing to give back. What have I done to deserve this? I work so hard and always get everything thrown back in my face. Seriously losing the will to live at the moment.

Sorry to write crap on here, but I just need to get it off my chest.

[andy-xr]

Petrolhead95 said:

What an awful two weeks I've had.

Had a £2,600 holiday to London booked for me and my 'friend', but now she's told me she's not going, says I'm a prick and has blocked me on everything. Can't get my money back on anything or sell any bits on as it's too expensive and I have to show my card and I.D at the hotel/activities as proof of purchase.

That's a shame. Related to the other bloke? Or something else?

Is there a way you can explain to the hotel? I'm sure they can take another person or have the booking transferred under special cases. It might just need explaining to them with a bit of embellishment together with a post on a Facebook selling group?

[twing]

If it were me I'd bite the bullet and go on my own. Spend some time doing what I want to do, wander round, couple of drinks here and there and spend a few quid on myself. I know it would do me the world of good to have some "me" time.

[jogger1976]

Thanks for the comments Twing and Fryup.

Not feeling brilliant today. I'm on annual leave for a couple of weeks, but too paranoid, wired and spacey to relax. My landlord managed to schedule some major works (new bathroom), but kindly didn't let me know, resulting in some grumpy git of a workmen waking me up first thing to carry this out.

No water and banging, drilling all day was not an option, so I went out. So I decided to take a bus ride into town to have a look around. This did not start well, as I nearly had a "moment" on the bus when a kid (probably about five) had a MASSIVE tantrum and kept screaming. I actually got off the bus two stops early as I was worried I would say something I regretted, or punch somebody.

This did not really help as I felt like everybody was watching/judging me as I walked down the street.
I also had this weird sensation, like the feeling you get when you put your head underwater in a pool or a bath. Really strange and disorientating. I would talk to people, but unfortunately, I don't really have any family or friends I can talk to, and anyway, my paranoia just makes that pointless.

[Rusty1]

Hey Everyone,

seems everyone is having downers just now, but since i feel we are all supporting each other by being open.

I'll put my hand up and say, I'm actually feeling pretty good just now!!

If you followed my last post, i was having issues with my mood swings on my mirtazipam but i'm now onto half way through my 2nd month of it and feel that my temper isn't flying about.

I have just come back from a nice weeks snowboarding out in Italy which always seems to make me feel tranquil but alongside that at the airport i saw a book called "Little book of Clarity" and was half price so i thought "why not"

Started reading it and it was appearing quite good, but then by half way it was repeating itself so i stopped but i've noticed that some of what it had been saying seems to have stuck with me.

I've been just trying not to think about things too much,
if i'm in the st of something, i accept it and try to move on. Its hard to explain.

Off for my first counseling session in next half hour, so slightly nervous but at least no IBS & anxiety attacks.

Only thing niggling in my head is returning to work on thursday, I hate it and management changes have left me being run by a moron who has a bigger moron as manager and even trying to not think about it as i'm on holiday, Part of me feels i can't face going in to just get st from two plonkers! (i'm using nice words as i'm in a not bad mood!)

Right time to finish this ramble as need to drive to counseling!

So to sign off, We are all suffering and we hide it from almost everyone around us, Remember we are all in this thread for the same reason and we can all help lift each other up!
Adam

[nitrodave]

Petrolhead95 said:

What an awful two weeks I've had.

Had a £2,600 holiday to London booked for me and my 'friend', but now she's told me she's not going, says I'm a prick and has blocked me on everything. Can't get my money back on anything or sell any bits on as it's too expensive and I have to show my card and I.D at the hotel/activities as proof of purchase. Because of this, I'm now £2,600 out of pocket and have been in and out of the hospital/doctors with stress related issues. I have a massive horrible abscess from it, chest pains and heart burn constantly. I can't sleep or eat, or even get out of bed. Now my job at Sainsbury's - my only decent income - is now on the line as I'm too ill to work.

So in summary - no money, no health, no motivation, no nothing. She also owes me £160 which I lent to her so she can get her car on the road which she is no longer willing to give back. What have I done to deserve this? I work so hard and always get everything thrown back in my face. Seriously losing the will to live at the moment.

Sorry to write crap on here, but I just need to get it off my chest.

I know you are feeling down, but something doesn't add up here.

Your 18 year old female friend cancelled your holiday, most likely because her boyfriend doesn't want her to go. I hate to break it to you dude, but hell would have to freeze over before my partner went on some super lavish 'holiday' to London with her male 'best' friend.

Furthermore, what on earth did you have planned at a cost of £2600?! You could do a round the world trip on that.

This sounds to me, like you want her to be more than just a friend. You are craving more from her and she wants to just be friends. If that's the case dude, you need her out of you life!

I'm not surprised your feeling down.

[Petrolhead95]

nitrodave said:

I know you are feeling down, but something doesn't add up here.

Your 18 year old female friend cancelled your holiday, most likely because her boyfriend doesn't want her to go. I hate to break it to you dude, but hell would have to freeze over before my partner went on some super lavish 'holiday' to London with her male 'best' friend.

Furthermore, what on earth did you have planned at a cost of £2600?! You could do a round the world trip on that.

This sounds to me, like you want her to be more than just a friend. You are craving more from her and she wants to just be friends. If that's the case dude, you need her out of you life!

I'm not surprised your feeling down.

The trip was booked before her and her boyfriend even knew each other, but I was promised multiple times that it wouldn't be an issue anyway.

[grumbledoak]

Petrolhead95 said:

The trip was booked before her and her boyfriend even knew each other, but I was promised multiple times that it wouldn't be an issue anyway.

Warning, tough love moment. You can thank me later. Hopefully days or weeks later, not years later.


I think nitrodave has called this one right. You even write 'friend' in quotes. I think you want this girl to be more than a friend. She obviously does not share that desire, but she wasn't going to turn down an expensive holiday unless she had a better offer. Which she now has. Her decision is clear.

As fast as you can, wise up. Put this girl out of your thoughts. Forget the £160, you were happy to throw far more away. Move on. If you can cancel the holiday, spend the money on yourself. If you cannot cancel the holiday, go on your own.

[Rusty1]

went to counseling and god you feel strange at first and don't know what to say,
then somehow it all starts coming out.

did make me feel fragile afterwards so i've taken time off work.
lots of colleagues who i've spoken to about my depression saw how work affected me and told me
that i should put my health firsts and that was first time where i feel it was right.