Depression

[TheAngryDog]

I'm 51 hours after an op that is doing it's best to ruin my life. I'm house bound and not sure I'll ever easily be able to venture outside again and it's making me utterly depressed. I am despairing at my potential future and really don't know what to do. I know people live with worst things than I have but it's all relative and I feel like I am just existing at the moment. If I am no better by Monday I will have to quit my job, sell my car and consider my financial situation. Life sucks right now

[Joey Ramone]

I don't suffer from a long term depressive condition, but over the past few months I was provided with a glimpse into hell courtesy of a sudden descent into bone fide clinical depression courtesy of a job move gone wrong and the spectre of losing my house/career/future. I can quite honestly say that I wouldn't wish such an experience on my worst enemy. The day that you acknowledge that your death may come at your own hands is a sobering one indeed.

The physiological effects were extreme. Horrific night sweats that would leave me and the bed drenched. Chronic sleep maintenance insomnia that resulted in about 1-2hrs of sleep a night, sometime none at all for a few nights in a row. And perhaps the worst of all was the chronic anxiety that gripped me throughout those sleepless hours, a feeling accompanied by an horrific caustic burning sensation that flooded through my brain whenever I thought of anything remotely 'stressful'. I spent Easter weekend motionless under a duvet, having lost a stone, pale and listless. The fluoxetine merely made things worse, initially. Good Friday saw me considering precisely how I would kill myself, and how to do it so that my wife wouldn't be absolutely destroyed when she found my body.

I'm 'better' now. A massive stroke of good luck with respect to my job lifted me immensely and enabled me to see the good in my life. I'm sure the meds helped as they finally began to wash into my system. People around me (neighbours, friends, colleagues) rallied to help me and gave me faith in those around me, and reminded me that isolation is a sure way to an early grave, for me at least.

So I'm out of the woods to some extent, but what I went through from early January until about 2 weeks ago will stay with me forever. Those of you who suffer from this disease not only have my sympathy, you also now have my complete understanding and empathy.

I will leave you with one thing though. I made sure I was completely open about my condition. It is nothing to be ashamed of, and the response from all I told (not too many, obviously, I'm not a completely open book) was universally positive from my point of view. And my doctor was bloody great too.

[richtea78]

crazy about cars said:

richtea78 said:

This is the book

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Things-Might-Terribly-Horr...

Wow, read a few sample pages I can feel the connection. Great book, I will get it Thanks for recommendation!

Thinking of getting a Kindle as there's just no more space in my house for more books...

I have it on kindle for that reason. I hope it will be helpful, it was for me

[crazy about cars]

richtea78 said:

I have it on kindle for that reason. I hope it will be helpful, it was for me

Went out and got the Paperwhite Kindle from Tesco and it's brilliant. Re-kindled my love of reading again! Screen feels very much like a book and there's no space penalty of having physical books.
I'm finding it very helpful - something I can really relate to thanks again for the recommendation

[drivin_me_nuts]

I have found at the hardest times in my life, it is the 'relating to people' 'thing' that has made me reconnect with both 'me' and the outside world again.

It's good to read that you are reconnecting with life. It's proactive steps, (sometimes very big, huge steps!) until one day you realise you've taken a thousand of them.

[Ruskie]

Opara said:

Hi , I was hoping for some advice regarding the above. Since Xmas time I have been feeling low and anxious. It all happened out of the blue , I was sat in a lecture theatre for uni and suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe , this all made it worse and I got panicky.This happened a few more times (I always sat at the back near the door afterwards) and then I seemed to go through a crisis. I was keeping my eyes closed trying to keep calm when all of a sudden I had an overwhelming feeling that when I opened my eyes again I wouldn't exist anymore.For a few weeks after I felt like I was living life in the third person.

I ended up withdrawing , staying away from uni and people. Suddenly my tolerance to stress was non existant. Doing work set me off , the thought of deadlines set me off.I managed to get through it without missing any deadlines and things have got slowly better.

I now have exams coming up and the thought of it all has set me off again , my thoughts are fuzzy , simple tasks seem to take alot of effort. I'm studying engineering and even simple tasks I could easily do previously are a struggle.


I'm just a bit lost on what to do , I've cut coffee down to one weak cup , tried meditating. Just feels like everthing I've worked for to get into uni is going to go down the pan.



Thanks for reading

I just wanted to let you (and others) know that I am reading posts such as yours with great interest. I don't feel in a position to give you advice seeing as I can't sort myself out let alone help someone else.

[oceanview]

Opara said:

Hi , I was hoping for some advice regarding the above. Since Xmas time I have been feeling low and anxious. It all happened out of the blue , I was sat in a lecture theatre for uni and suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe , this all made it worse and I got panicky.This happened a few more times (I always sat at the back near the door afterwards) and then I seemed to go through a crisis. I was keeping my eyes closed trying to keep calm when all of a sudden I had an overwhelming feeling that when I opened my eyes again I wouldn't exist anymore.For a few weeks after I felt like I was living life in the third person.

I ended up withdrawing , staying away from uni and people. Suddenly my tolerance to stress was non existant. Doing work set me off , the thought of deadlines set me off.I managed to get through it without missing any deadlines and things have got slowly better.

I now have exams coming up and the thought of it all has set me off again , my thoughts are fuzzy , simple tasks seem to take alot of effort. I'm studying engineering and even simple tasks I could easily do previously are a struggle.


I'm just a bit lost on what to do , I've cut coffee down to one weak cup , tried meditating. Just feels like everthing I've worked for to get into uni is going to go down the pan.



Thanks for reading

Opera, the things that have helped me massively with conquering severe anxiety, has been lots of exercise- even just going for a long walk to begin with, if you cant face much more.
Also, stay away from alcohol-altogether. I used to "self-medicate" with alcohol which is just adding more fuel to the fire.
I am also very lucky to have a really supportive family, who've helped and stuck by me in my worst hours.
I hope you can explain to your family just how bad things have got for you.

In the last few months, I've gone from not being able to leaving bed, shaking and heart beating furiously all day long, to feeling really great- fit, strong and healthy again.

I know to begin with, just even thinking about doing the above seemed impossible but, just begin with very small positive steps and you will see improvements

I don't know if you've consulted with your GP but, if they think you need medication, don't refuse it like many people do ( they think its "bad" or weak, etc). I know its helped me at times and ive not had any problems with it like you hear about.
People wouldn't think twice about meds for physical ailments but things to do with the mind seem to bring out a tablet fear in many!

I wish you well and you WILL get to feel better- even if that seems impossible at the moment.

[el romeral]

Not sure if lack of vitamin B12 has been mentioned on this thread yet? I have been found to have this and depression is one of several symptoms. As if this were not bad enough, my wife recently left me after 20 years and ran off with an old school friend she got chatting to on fb.

[Legacywr]

Bummer mate!

[grumbledoak]

el romeral said:

Not sure if lack of vitamin B12 has been mentioned on this thread yet? I have been found to have this and depression is one of several symptoms. As if this were not bad enough, my wife recently left me after 20 years and ran off with an old school friend she got chatting to on fb.

Given the last bit, I don't think you need to go looking for dietary reasons to be depressed. Don't let that stop you using lots of "exercise, meat, sleep, repeat" to help cope, of course, because they do help. And don't be too proud to take the drugs either - if that is what it takes, take them.

Life can kick you harder than you can cope with, and it doesn't stop just because you are down. Get help.

Edited by grumbledoak on Saturday 9th May 18:56

[DervVW]

Intresting topic.
Its sobering to realise I am not the only one who has dark days, thoughts and ideas.

I figured I could just put most of my problems down to money, or lack of. hobbies, book buying etc cost money, and frankly I don't have much of it, well actually I earn about average, but I have lots of outgoings which stress me not so much in that I think about them, just that they are there, like a weight.

I have spoken to the GP and was given a leaflet with a number but It was tough to go, then tough to ring, I feel like really there is nothing wrong I am making exuses, I am a wimp, less of a man. I got as far as ringing but got palmed off with need for registering and finding out my NHS number etc (i mean really I don't know that) so I suppose I should ring my GP to get that and try again. But this is where I have stopped.

Some days I feel fine.
Some days I wish I had not woken up, but I push on.
Some days I wish there were an off switch.

Other posters are right though, eating crap does not help. Doing exercise really helps, especially something like a run.

Anyway i have disjointadly rambled on enough.
Its encouraging to see that people think similar thoughts

[thatsprettyshady]

Reading with interest, stay safe everyone.

[crazy about cars]

Apologies in advance for the morbid thought but have anyone here ever thought about the end? The ultimate ending where every human has to face.

I'm just ever so cautious that with every second that passes would also mean one last second I have remaining on this planet. Have you ever wondered how it'd be on your last breath?

[eljordo]

Got a question for those of you who have sought professional help for depression. At what point did you decide that you needed to seek help, rather than just hoping your mood would get better by itself with time? The reason I ask is that since a breakup with my girlfriend in January I have been feeling as low as I have ever felt in my life. Initially I just put it down to the breakup and thought that after a month or 2 I would get over her and be back to my normal happy self, however almost 4 months down the line I am feeling worse than ever. My mood is beginning to affect all aspects of my life, as well as the people in it, and I'm beginning to think this is more than just post breakup blues. I'm completely fed up of feeling like this and I often go to bed hoping that I just don't wake up because I can't face another day of feeling like this. I've considered booking a doctors appointment on a number of occasions, but when I come to do it I just convince myself that I'll be wasting their time and they'll tell me I just need to cheer up. How bad did things get with you guys before you decided you needed to seek help? Thanks in advance for any advice.

[ShiningWit]

eljordo said:

Got a question for those of you who have sought professional help for depression. At what point did you decide that you needed to seek help, rather than just hoping your mood would get better by itself with time? The reason I ask is that since a breakup with my girlfriend in January I have been feeling as low as I have ever felt in my life. Initially I just put it down to the breakup and thought that after a month or 2 I would get over her and be back to my normal happy self, however almost 4 months down the line I am feeling worse than ever. My mood is beginning to affect all aspects of my life, as well as the people in it, and I'm beginning to think this is more than just post breakup blues. I'm completely fed up of feeling like this and I often go to bed hoping that I just don't wake up because I can't face another day of feeling like this. I've considered booking a doctors appointment on a number of occasions, but when I come to do it I just convince myself that I'll be wasting their time and they'll tell me I just need to cheer up. How bad did things get with you guys before you decided you needed to seek help? Thanks in advance for any advice.

Do this test here: http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/depression.aspx
Admitting it to yourself is your first step to getting better second step is to see your Doc
If positive and the fog isn't shifting then go to see your Doc, they won't simply tell you to cheer up, that is for non professionals and people who don't understand depression.
The treatments are like rungs of a ladder, you'll start on the first rung with medication and improving your life in other ways, if that doesn't work then 2nd rung is CBT and then on from there.

Sorry, but there is no correct answer to your question, some people take a while to realise, others much quicker. Certainly the first time takes a while for the realisation to take hold.
Good luck and post up on here for support, help and advice, often just writing it down helps a lot.

[eljordo]

ShiningWit said:

Do this test here: http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/depression.aspx
Admitting it to yourself is your first step to getting better second step is to see your Doc
If positive and the fog isn't shifting then go to see your Doc, they won't simply tell you to cheer up, that is for non professionals and people who don't understand depression.
The treatments are like rungs of a ladder, you'll start on the first rung with medication and improving your life in other ways, if that doesn't work then 2nd rung is CBT and then on from there.

Sorry, but there is no correct answer to your question, some people take a while to realise, others much quicker. Certainly the first time takes a while for the realisation to take hold.
Good luck and post up on here for support, help and advice, often just writing it down helps a lot.

Many thanks for your advice SW, I got a 12 on the test and it says it is very likely I have some form of depression. I guess a visit to the doc is in order then! It definitely helps writing it down and getting things off my chest. It's also comforting to know that there are people out there who understand what I'm going through and don't just think I'm a miserable sod!

[DervVW]

crazy about cars said:

Apologies in advance for the morbid thought but have anyone here ever thought about the end? The ultimate ending where every human has to face.

I'm just ever so cautious that with every second that passes would also mean one last second I have remaining on this planet. Have you ever wondered how it'd be on your last breath?

in a really horrible way some people who have felt so low probably have made peace with that idea.
You know instead of thinking, "no I dont want to die," you might think "ah at last sweet relief."

[Opara]

oceanview said:

Opera, the things that have helped me massively with conquering severe anxiety, has been lots of exercise- even just going for a long walk to begin with, if you cant face much more.
Also, stay away from alcohol-altogether. I used to "self-medicate" with alcohol which is just adding more fuel to the fire.
I am also very lucky to have a really supportive family, who've helped and stuck by me in my worst hours.
I hope you can explain to your family just how bad things have got for you.

In the last few months, I've gone from not being able to leaving bed, shaking and heart beating furiously all day long, to feeling really great- fit, strong and healthy again.

I know to begin with, just even thinking about doing the above seemed impossible but, just begin with very small positive steps and you will see improvements

I don't know if you've consulted with your GP but, if they think you need medication, don't refuse it like many people do ( they think its "bad" or weak, etc). I know its helped me at times and ive not had any problems with it like you hear about.
People wouldn't think twice about meds for physical ailments but things to do with the mind seem to bring out a tablet fear in many!

I wish you well and you WILL get to feel better- even if that seems impossible at the moment.

Thanks for the tips , I've not drank for a while now , not that I was ever a heavy drinker. I try to walk most places now and make an effort to eat better.The biggest problem for me is my brain just isn't functioning anymore , I've become forgetful , and it takes me numerous goes to take anything in.All my uni work these last few months have been a real struggle, even the stuff I could do easily not long ago.

Would a doctor be able to help with anything like that?


Thanks

[J4CKO]

Wwe are "at risk' of redundancy at work, I am getting indegestion, found I have been drinking more and getting fatter and I am finding doing some weight training is helping massively, I think we tend to focus ont he physical benefits but the mental ones are probably bigger.

[Wacky Racer]

Very helpful short cartoon video here from the World Health Organisation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc