Discussion
Some interesting and thoughtful posts on here. I think depression, although more recognised and understood these days, still has a huge stigma attached to it. When I have confided in people in the past (a friend and then my Mum) the outcome wasn't particularly positive. Negative in fact. Consequently I have kept it bottled up for years. The problem is there is only so much pressure my brain can take so I've bitten the bullet and am seeing a GP next week. I am absolutely dreading it. A couple of questions to those with some experience, if I may? Firstly, I don't make a habit of going to the doctor so have a few things other than depression to ask about. Should I leave the ailments for another visit? Secondly, by speaking to a GP about depression will this go on my medical record, and show up in any future medicals for, say, new jobs or life assurance applications? Thanks all.
It will depend on your GP - some like shopping lists as it means that they can avoid multiple appointments, some don't.
However, hopefully what it will do is make you more comfortable seeing your GP anyway. I used to avoid ever seeing the doctor and just hope things would sort themselves out, which of course they never did. If something's wrong that isn't just a minor ailment, I now get straight down the doctors and amazingly enough, they give me stuff to sort it out.
What you will probably find though is that simply talking about this to your doctor brings an amazing sense of relief - it's because in doing so you're starting to work on fixing the problem. When I was diagnosed with depression I was in a really really bad place, but I remember walking out the doctors with a spring in my step because I finally had an answer to why I was struggling so much with everything.
I agree that there is still an awful stigma attached to mental health problems, which is probably largely down to a lack of education and/or ignorance by the wider public. I'd imagine most people see anyone with a mental health problem as 'nuts' and so don't want to know. I'm definitely guilty of this to some extent, but my attitude has changed significantly over the past 5 or so years due to work running a lot of training sessions on mental health and resiliency.
Good luck with seeing the doctor!
However, hopefully what it will do is make you more comfortable seeing your GP anyway. I used to avoid ever seeing the doctor and just hope things would sort themselves out, which of course they never did. If something's wrong that isn't just a minor ailment, I now get straight down the doctors and amazingly enough, they give me stuff to sort it out.
What you will probably find though is that simply talking about this to your doctor brings an amazing sense of relief - it's because in doing so you're starting to work on fixing the problem. When I was diagnosed with depression I was in a really really bad place, but I remember walking out the doctors with a spring in my step because I finally had an answer to why I was struggling so much with everything.
I agree that there is still an awful stigma attached to mental health problems, which is probably largely down to a lack of education and/or ignorance by the wider public. I'd imagine most people see anyone with a mental health problem as 'nuts' and so don't want to know. I'm definitely guilty of this to some extent, but my attitude has changed significantly over the past 5 or so years due to work running a lot of training sessions on mental health and resiliency.
Good luck with seeing the doctor!
Life assurance shouldn't be impacted by mental health anymore. Sorry to put it so bluntly but most life assurance excludes suicide therefore it's not something that would attract a loading.
For employment it shouldn't impact either, although it might do. I wouldn't necessarily want to work for someone for who it would be an issue for though.
For employment it shouldn't impact either, although it might do. I wouldn't necessarily want to work for someone for who it would be an issue for though.
Noodle1982 said:
Good evening chaps. I've been a member on here for a while albeit not a prolific poster and now under a new username (hence the zero post count)
A bit of background regarding myself and my situation...
Early last year i finally realised and admitted to myself that i had an addiction to online pornography. Looking back it had pretty much taken over my life, i just didnt realise it at the time. The last year has been a battle to quit it completely but its proving far more difficult than i first thought but im getting there.
This addiction has brought with it a lot of negatives which combined make me feel pretty damn s
tty and low very often. The main one being a massive fear of intimacy.
My first serious relationship in about 9 years (you read that right, 9 years) has recently ended due to the intimacy issue i have. Some days are turning out to be a real struggle because of what ive brought on to myself.
I started private counselling a few weeks back to try and understand myself a bit better and so far its proving to be a big help but today unfortunately is one of those bad days. I say bad but i tend to hold things together pretty well but i know that im always very close to just thinking fk it all and slip back into my old habits and routine.
I don't want to type too much in this initial post and hopefully will be able to use this thread as and when i need to to share my thoughts, feelings and emotions which will im hoping will help my case greatly as apart from my counselor i havent got anyone else to talk to.
Good to hear you have now started the process of making changes and accessing support and making a choice to make changes. This process can take time and will involve having some bad days, just accept them without giving yourself a hard time. Good luck
A bit of background regarding myself and my situation...
Early last year i finally realised and admitted to myself that i had an addiction to online pornography. Looking back it had pretty much taken over my life, i just didnt realise it at the time. The last year has been a battle to quit it completely but its proving far more difficult than i first thought but im getting there.
This addiction has brought with it a lot of negatives which combined make me feel pretty damn s
tty and low very often. The main one being a massive fear of intimacy. My first serious relationship in about 9 years (you read that right, 9 years) has recently ended due to the intimacy issue i have. Some days are turning out to be a real struggle because of what ive brought on to myself.
I started private counselling a few weeks back to try and understand myself a bit better and so far its proving to be a big help but today unfortunately is one of those bad days. I say bad but i tend to hold things together pretty well but i know that im always very close to just thinking f
k it all and slip back into my old habits and routine. I don't want to type too much in this initial post and hopefully will be able to use this thread as and when i need to to share my thoughts, feelings and emotions which will im hoping will help my case greatly as apart from my counselor i havent got anyone else to talk to.
Good to hear you have now started the process of making changes and accessing support and making a choice to make changes. This process can take time and will involve having some bad days, just accept them without giving yourself a hard time. Good luck
"Not wanting to engage with anything doesn’t make me a nasty person. I think its easy for the lines to be blurred between an illness and someone not acting very nice."
This bit really struck a chord.
I'm really sorry about your relationship. When I think about it my last two have failed partly down to my inability to behave as I "should".
If it's any help at all I have met someone who, although I could never live with her, does understand my problems to a degree and she manages to help me a little bit.
Thank you for your blog, it helps me understand some of the oddities in my head.
Good luck!
This bit really struck a chord.
I'm really sorry about your relationship. When I think about it my last two have failed partly down to my inability to behave as I "should".
If it's any help at all I have met someone who, although I could never live with her, does understand my problems to a degree and she manages to help me a little bit.
Thank you for your blog, it helps me understand some of the oddities in my head.
Good luck!
twing said:
"Not wanting to engage with anything doesn’t make me a nasty person. I think its easy for the lines to be blurred between an illness and someone not acting very nice."
This bit really struck a chord.
I'm really sorry about your relationship. When I think about it my last two have failed partly down to my inability to behave as I "should".
If it's any help at all I have met someone who, although I could never live with her, does understand my problems to a degree and she manages to help me a little bit.
Thank you for your blog, it helps me understand some of the oddities in my head.
Good luck!
Glad its not just me feeling like this! This bit really struck a chord.
I'm really sorry about your relationship. When I think about it my last two have failed partly down to my inability to behave as I "should".
If it's any help at all I have met someone who, although I could never live with her, does understand my problems to a degree and she manages to help me a little bit.
Thank you for your blog, it helps me understand some of the oddities in my head.
Good luck!
Ruskie said:
Glad its not just me feeling like this!
Oddly, I've woken up quite "level" today. Normally one tiny bit of grief at work pulls me right down immediately but I've got through the first one today.It's not that I like other people struggling like I do but it does compound the fact that it is a state of mind and if I can just take one tiny step out of my dark-clouded bubble once in awhile then I can have normal day, albeit with a few smoggy moments.
Thanks for blogging, it helps
Well the house move was delayed as the previous tenant left it in a worse state than was believed so the landlord has been repainting and fixing things. It's almost finished with just the living room left to paint.
We've already started moving stuff in and started to add our own touch to the rooms that are ready.
Girlfriend is a lot more enthusiastic now, she's even left the baby with her mum for an hour or two on a couple of occasions whilst we go and take stuff / do some painting. Hopefully we should be moved in properly by next week.
Actually starting to feel like things are on the up.
We've already started moving stuff in and started to add our own touch to the rooms that are ready.
Girlfriend is a lot more enthusiastic now, she's even left the baby with her mum for an hour or two on a couple of occasions whilst we go and take stuff / do some painting. Hopefully we should be moved in properly by next week.
Actually starting to feel like things are on the up.
In theory there should be plenty of reasons for being happy, missus pregnant and big holiday coming up in August but I find myself slowly sinking into a dark hole.
I seem to feel anxious and stressed out about everything and recent issues with neighbours doesn't help. All I want to do is to isolate myself and for the days to go by quickly. Really crushing feeling as I'm trying my best not to let the family down by being a miserable git all the time...
Deep breathes and hoping this will all pass soon.
I seem to feel anxious and stressed out about everything and recent issues with neighbours doesn't help. All I want to do is to isolate myself and for the days to go by quickly. Really crushing feeling as I'm trying my best not to let the family down by being a miserable git all the time...
Deep breathes and hoping this will all pass soon.
So I went to the doctor last week, something I've been building up the confidence to do for years. It wasn't easy and he didn't make me feel relaxed or able to speak openly. He asked me what caused me to book the appointment and various questions based around things I like to do and whether I 'enjoy' doing them. He then got me to complete a paper questionnaire. He surmised that I'm not clinically depressed because I am functional as a human being (e.g. I can get up every day and go to work) but suggested I might be overly reflexionary in my thought process. He wouldn't prescribe any pills but recommended counselling instead, something I'm not hugely keen on. Disappointingly I felt like he didn't believe me - maybe because I didn't feel comfortable opening up to him so he didn't get the whole picture.
He did agree with me that we can use up a huge amount of brain power burning through our internal demons every day which means we tend to lose focus on coping with the day to day stuff. I can't help thinking how much more energy I would have without all of these negative thoughts that go through my head all the time. If anyone has any tips for improving thought process in this respect I would be very grateful.
He did agree with me that we can use up a huge amount of brain power burning through our internal demons every day which means we tend to lose focus on coping with the day to day stuff. I can't help thinking how much more energy I would have without all of these negative thoughts that go through my head all the time. If anyone has any tips for improving thought process in this respect I would be very grateful.
I've found listening to a it of Alan Watts can be helpful at times:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g81_mRi1KEY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g81_mRi1KEY
Sidewindow said:
So I went to the doctor last week, something I've been building up the confidence to do for years. It wasn't easy and he didn't make me feel relaxed or able to speak openly. He asked me what caused me to book the appointment and various questions based around things I like to do and whether I 'enjoy' doing them. He then got me to complete a paper questionnaire. He surmised that I'm not clinically depressed because I am functional as a human being (e.g. I can get up every day and go to work) but suggested I might be overly reflexionary in my thought process. He wouldn't prescribe any pills but recommended counselling instead, something I'm not hugely keen on. Disappointingly I felt like he didn't believe me - maybe because I didn't feel comfortable opening up to him so he didn't get the whole picture.
He did agree with me that we can use up a huge amount of brain power burning through our internal demons every day which means we tend to lose focus on coping with the day to day stuff. I can't help thinking how much more energy I would have without all of these negative thoughts that go through my head all the time. If anyone has any tips for improving thought process in this respect I would be very grateful.
Sounds like you had a pretty similar experience to me when I went to the doctors a couple of weeks ago. I did the paper questionnaire as well and my doctor thinks I have got mild depression, but like you he thinks my issue is caused more by my thought process more than anything. Rather than putting me on medication I've been referred for cognitive behavioural therapy. I can't tell you if it's any good yet because the first available appointment wasn't until 31st July, but it might be worth mentioning to your doctor. From what I've read it's all about changing the way you think and your thought processes. Might not be what you need, particularly as you're not keen on counselling, but thought i'd suggest it. He did agree with me that we can use up a huge amount of brain power burning through our internal demons every day which means we tend to lose focus on coping with the day to day stuff. I can't help thinking how much more energy I would have without all of these negative thoughts that go through my head all the time. If anyone has any tips for improving thought process in this respect I would be very grateful.
Thanks eljordo. Sounds like we had a similar experience. I did actually ask the doc about CBT and he said I should have a counselling introduction first and it might then lead onto CBT. I think he described counselling as being used to identify the source of the problem and CBT is then used to change the thought process to overcome it. Or something...
Sidewindow said:
Thanks eljordo. Sounds like we had a similar experience. I did actually ask the doc about CBT and he said I should have a counselling introduction first and it might then lead onto CBT. I think he described counselling as being used to identify the source of the problem and CBT is then used to change the thought process to overcome it. Or something...
You know, that's a really good call from the doc.Rather than pick out a couple of words and write a prescription he's asked you something you might not have asked yourself and them come up with solid reasoning on his advice.
I think what he's shown you might net better long term results while it doesn't hit the short term one in the way you thought it might go, hitting the rot cause will help you more
Please try and ask your Doctors for DBT rather than CBT where possible guys and girls.
CBT is very in-personable in its approach I found it didn't help me understand why I was thinking what I was thinking but more as a "after the moment" prevention tool.
DBT helps you prevent before any event. If you are able to use the DBT skills learnt then you don't have to worry about the future as you start picking up skills to use in the present moment.
I've written a couple of things from my experience here:
http://remkingston.co.uk/topics/rem/dbt/
Always happy to have a chat at any of the breakfast meets in the Kent & Essex area or via email; rem [at ] dcer [dot] co [dot] uk
CBT is very in-personable in its approach I found it didn't help me understand why I was thinking what I was thinking but more as a "after the moment" prevention tool.
DBT helps you prevent before any event. If you are able to use the DBT skills learnt then you don't have to worry about the future as you start picking up skills to use in the present moment.
I've written a couple of things from my experience here:
http://remkingston.co.uk/topics/rem/dbt/
Always happy to have a chat at any of the breakfast meets in the Kent & Essex area or via email; rem [at ] dcer [dot] co [dot] uk
You can only really control, and that's only to an extent, how you respond to things. That doesnt make it any better, but part of acceptance of the situation is that you've done what you set out to do, which is to apologise. As long as you've apologised to the effect that you think was fair to the action, then the reaction is outside of your control.
It might be that someone thinks you're the best person in the world. It might be that someone thinks you're the worst person in the world. Evaluations and judgements, applied to people, can and do change. Your evaluation of yourself, and the other person can also change.
You might be in a period of grief and mourning over the loss of a relationship or friendship, and be so full of remorse that you cant function til you process it. It's OK for that to be there.
It gets better with time.
It might be that someone thinks you're the best person in the world. It might be that someone thinks you're the worst person in the world. Evaluations and judgements, applied to people, can and do change. Your evaluation of yourself, and the other person can also change.
You might be in a period of grief and mourning over the loss of a relationship or friendship, and be so full of remorse that you cant function til you process it. It's OK for that to be there.
It gets better with time.
Noodle1982 said:
Thanks for your reply Andy.
Woke up feeling slightly better today but no where near the right mind set for work. So today was my first sick day in about 6 years.
Got an emergency appointment in the docs this morning (only my second visit in 6 years).
Explained to him how im feeling and with the fact that im already having counselling, eating and drinking healthily (apart from the last few days), hardly ever drink alcohol and dont smoke he suggested i try 10mg of citalopram. He did offer counselling and group therapy but ive got a good relationship with my counsellor and want to stick with that. His diagnosis was anxiety.
Also booked in for a blood test tomorrow morning. I have never had a blood test in my life (i most probably have but not that i can remember) and awaiting an appointment with the urologist to test my testosterone levels.
Feeling slightly more positive this afternoon.
I guess in the counselling room the idea of contacting your ex to say sorry probably felt safe and at some level a good idea. You might want to consider writing her a letter with everything you wanted to say. You then have a choice about sending it to her or not, but the therapeutic part for you will be putting it down on pare. This affords you a degree of protection from the response you experienced. Good luckWoke up feeling slightly better today but no where near the right mind set for work. So today was my first sick day in about 6 years.
Got an emergency appointment in the docs this morning (only my second visit in 6 years).
Explained to him how im feeling and with the fact that im already having counselling, eating and drinking healthily (apart from the last few days), hardly ever drink alcohol and dont smoke he suggested i try 10mg of citalopram. He did offer counselling and group therapy but ive got a good relationship with my counsellor and want to stick with that. His diagnosis was anxiety.
Also booked in for a blood test tomorrow morning. I have never had a blood test in my life (i most probably have but not that i can remember) and awaiting an appointment with the urologist to test my testosterone levels.
Feeling slightly more positive this afternoon.
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